~ ~ ~
She saw Gray regularly after that, much to her surprise. Several evenings a week he showed up after work, and they went to the movies or out for a ride in his car. He never came inside when he dropped her at home, and she never invited him to. They had an unspoken understanding that they were friends despite their differences, but neither of them had any desire to point out how huge those differences were.
Once they ran into his parents, and Gray introduced Julie Ann with the good manners that were as much a part of him as his grin. Julie Ann caught the look of utter astonishment on his mother’s face when Gray murmured her full name. His father stared at her as if she had been judged and found wanting. Neither had been rude, but both had been perfectly clear about their feelings. Julie Ann had fully expected that to be the last time Gray sought her out.
Instead he sought her out more often. And as they spent time together, Julie Ann realized she was falling in love.
She hadn’t seen enough love in her life to recognize it at first. She knew she waited anxiously for Gray when she thought she might see him. She knew she felt empty and bleak on the nights when she didn’t, and insanely jealous on the nights when she knew he was out with other girls. She found herself studying her face and body in the mirror, trying unsuccessfully to think of ways to make herself more attractive, and she began to use the old treadle sewing machine at home to make herself clothes out of TG&Y remnants.
The symptoms of her growing feelings for Gray were only that, however, until one Thursday night in July. She had worked late at the TG&Y, and she hadn’t expected to see him at all. To her surprise, when she emerged from the store he was waiting for her in his sporty little Plymouth.
“Your dogs need washing again?” she asked with an uplifted eyebrow.
“I thought you might like to drive down to the coast and look at the moon with me.”
“I can see the moon from here, and I’m not even wearing my glasses.”
Gray laughed and patted the seat. “Come on. I won’t keep you out too late.”
She pretended to think about it. “Only if you promise to respect my Southern womanhood.”
Gray laughed, and Julie Ann got in. No one would notice if she didn’t come home. Sometimes there were advantages to the way she’d been raised.
“So, how was your day?”
Julie Ann felt a glow at the simple question. Sharing with Gray, even sharing the most mundane things, made a day special. “Boring. I was at Dory’s till noon. The Lamberts’ collie took a hunk out of my hand. I forgot to keep talking.”
“Let me see.” Gray frowned and took her hand, propping it on the steering wheel as he drove. “Lord, Julie Ann, that looks deep. Did you put anything on it?”
“I dabbed something on it at Dory’s. It’ll be fine.” She was faintly embarrassed at the attention. She wasn’t going to die; she’d had a tetanus shot in June, and the Lamberts’ collie had been wearing a current rabies tag.
“You don’t take care of yourself.” Gray lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it before he let go.
Julie Ann caught her breath. “What did you do that for?”
“To make it better.”
“More germs,” she muttered.
He laughed and reached out to ruffle her hair. “You don’t like to be touched, do you? How come?”
Julie Ann had never thought about it, but if what Gray said was true, the answer was simple. She knew where touching led. It led to babies, and it led to a bad reputation. Being a Mason was enough of a strike against her.
“I haven’t been touched much,” she admitted. “I’ve stayed away from boys.”
She wasn’t sure why, but the atmosphere seemed to change subtly after that. She had been physically comfortable with Gray almost from the beginning of their relationship. Now she felt distinctly uncomfortable. As the silence extended, she felt something unfamiliar building inside her. She wanted to run away, and at the same time she wanted to climb into his lap and lose her composure in his arms.
For Gray, the coast meant a large two-story beach house perched on stilts on an inlet of St. Louis Bay near Pass Christian. The house belonged to the Sheridan family, and they used it as a retreat from their life in Granger Junction. Gray’s mother’s family, the Grangers, had owned the inlet for close to a century, and although the land was worth a fortune, they had never considered selling any of it to developers. They wanted privacy, and it was worth any price.
Julie Ann was thrilled when Gray pulled into the yard beside the beach house. The reflection of an amber moon caught fire on the calm surface of the inlet. Sandpipers stood at the water’s edge between clumps of reeds, and a lone sea gull circled overhead.
“It’s so lovely. How do you ever make yourself leave?”
“I just promise myself I’ll come back soon.”
“I’d like to live on the beach.”
“You’d get pretty sandy.”
She punched him affectionately. “In a house on the beach.” Julie Ann opened her car door and got out to head down to the water. She heard Gray’s footsteps behind her. “Can you swim here?”
“It’s passable. The bottom’s muddy.”
“I wouldn’t care.”
“There’s probably a suit in the house that would fit you.”
Julie Ann imagined that in a bathing suit she would look like Peter Pan. She wasn’t sure, since she didn’t own one. “Not tonight,” she said regretfully. “I’ll settle for looking at the moon.”
“You’re a funny kid. I can never tell what you’re thinking.”
She put her fingertips to her forehead and closed her eyes, stopping as she did. “I’ll relay my every thought to you. Thought number one: I am not a kid. Thought number two: I am not funny, not on purpose anyway. Thought number three: I’ll race you to the water.” She took off running before Gray could recover.
She was sitting on the sand waiting for him when he got there.
“Are you on the Junction track team?” He flopped down beside her.
“I have to walk everywhere I want to go. It makes for strong legs.”
“You’re not angry about everything you’ve had to put up with in your life, are you?”
“What good would it do me?” she asked, knowing full well what he was referring to. “I found out when I was seven that there was a better world than the one I’d been born into. Someday I’ll live in that world. For now, I’m just getting myself ready for the day I do.”
“How’d you find out?” Gray stretched his jeans-clad legs out beside Julie Ann’s bare ones. His knee brushed the flowered fabric of her gathered skirt.
“I learned to read. I learned real quick as soon as I got glasses and could see the page in front of me. My teacher took me to the library one day after school and helped me get a card. From then on, I read everything I could find.”
“And that was a different world?”
“There was a different world in the books I read. Not everyone lived the way my family did.” She stopped, ashamed she had revealed so much.
Gray covered her hand with his. “When I said you were a funny kid, I didn’t mean to insult you. You seem so young at times, I guess I do think of you as a kid. Sometimes, though, I think you’re older than I’ll ever be.”
“Sometimes I think I’m older than anyone.” Julie Ann wanted to move her hand. She wasn’t used to Gray touching her. It stirred feelings she’d planned on ignoring forever.
“What are you going to do in this different world of yours?”
She withdrew her hand. “You’ll laugh.”
“I will not.” He reached for her hand again and clasped it firmly in his.
“I want to be a fashion designer.” She waited, but there was no laughter forthcoming from the man beside her. Hesitantly she went on. “I know it sounds stupid, but I sketch clothes all the time. I love fabric and color. That’s why I took the job at TG&Y. I started sketching when I was a little girl. I didn’t have nice clothes, but I
used to draw the things I’d want if my parents had money. It was a game to make me feel better, I guess, but I’ve got a stack of drawings that’s two feet high by now. When I go to college, that’s what I’m going to study.”
“Is this one of your designs?” With her hand still clasped in his, Gray lifted her skirt off the sand.
“No. I’ve never made anything I’ve designed. I can’t afford to waste material learning how. Besides, I’d want a better model than me.”
“You’re thin enough to model anything.”
“I won’t be if you keep trying to fatten me up at Dairy Queen.”
“I worry about you.”
She was torn between gratitude and sadness. Probably the strongest feeling he had for her was pity. “You don’t have to worry about me,” she said. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time now, and see? I’ve survived.”
“There’s more to life than survival.” He dropped her hand, turning as he did to touch her cheek. “You deserve more.”
“Feeling guilty because you’re rich, Gray?” Julie Arm stood, brushing the sand off her skirt as she did. “Don’t bother. We can’t help where we’re born. You don’t have to feel responsible for me.” She started toward the water’s edge.
“Why are you so touchy tonight?” he asked, following her down.
Julie Ann was asking herself the same question. Why was she trying to pick a fight with Gray? He had brought her to this beautiful place; he cared enough about her to ask questions about her life, to express sympathy and concern. “I’m sorry,” she muttered.
“Are you having your period?”
She gasped in astonishment. “None of your business!”
He laughed, putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her toward him. “Every time I start to get close to you, you back off.”
“I’m a funny kid. Remember?”
“How many men have kissed you, funny kid?”
“Too many to count!’’ She felt his hands tighten as he moved closer.
“Am I going to be the first?”
“You keep asking questions that are none of your business, Gray.”
“I’m a nosy guy.” He laughed softly. “A perfect match for a funny kid.”
“Who said you could kiss me, anyway?” She tried to pull away, but he held her still.
“Do I have to ask?” His face was only inches from hers, and without her glasses it was little more than a blur. But even without seeing him clearly, she knew he was smiling.
“Prepare to be turned down if you do.”
“Then I won’t ask.” His hands left her shoulders to slide across her back. Then his mouth was on hers.
Julie Ann protested deep in her throat, but Gray’s answer was to pull her closer. She struggled for a moment, but the struggle was more with herself than with the man holding her so tightly against him. There was no room in her life for this, not until she had seen more of the world. Feelings as powerful as the ones he was evoking could destroy everything she was working so hard to achieve.
But they were feelings that couldn’t be denied. She gave in to them finally, leaning against Gray and letting his mouth roam over hers. When he drew away, she was instantly lonely.
“Pretty good for your first time. You’re not supposed to fight me, though,” he instructed her as he stroked her back with one hand. “You’re supposed to be thrilled beyond belief.”
“You’re arrogant beyond belief!”
“It comes with the territory.”
She knew he was teasing, and, reluctantly, she smiled. “Did you bring me all this way to give me kissing lessons?”
“No,” he said seriously. “I didn’t plan that at all. I like you. I hope I didn’t just spoil the fun we’ve been having together.”
She was touched by the tone of his voice. She fished in the pocket of her skirt for her glasses and slid them onto her nose. His eyes were troubled, and she frowned. “You didn’t spoil anything, Gray. It was a wonderful kiss, but I won’t expect one every time we’re together if that’s what’s worrying you.”
“What’s worrying me is that I might expect one every time. You’re unbelievably sweet, Julie Ann. I don’t know what to do with you.”
“Just be my friend.” She turned and started to walk along the sand beside the water. As she did, she realized that her knees weren’t quite steady. Somehow that worried her more than anything Gray could say.
“Friends,” he echoed, taking her hand as they walked.
It was late when they started back to Granger Junction. The silent moon-shadowed miles sang a seductive lullaby, and Julie Ann fell asleep in the car. She was dreaming of Gray when his lips touched hers to wake her. She slipped a hand behind his head and held his mouth to hers for a long, sleepy kiss. When it was over, she brushed her fingertips along his jawline. “It’s been a lovely night.”
“We’ll do it again.”
If she had known then that the words that held such promise could change the course of her whole life, she would have shuddered with dread. Instead she just smiled drowsily and kissed Gray’s cheek before opening her door.