A car drove by, puttering as it went. Josh stared through the windows, wondering about the people he saw and where they were going. It’s still dark out, are they coming home from working a third shift? Were they out for a late snack? Were they lost? Drunk? Then Josh thought of more pressing questions. Were they saved? Have they ever heard of Jesus and what He did? Had they rejected Him? What if they had? Those poor souls. No, Josh had to stop thinking negatively about people before he got to know them. Maybe they were saved and faithfully followed Jesus’ teachings. They would pass away someday without going through the torture so many others would. “Billions,” Josh remembered Driton saying. Billions were going to hell because they refuse to accept Jesus as their Savior and be faithful to His teachings. The number was too large to conceive.
He rubbed his head with his hand. The hair on his head was already well on its way to its original length. The top of his head felt softer and a little more manageable than it had previously. He missed the full head of red hair he’d had before he died. It would shimmer almost fiery gold when the sun hit it just right. Even as he aged it still kept its luster. He was thankful it hadn’t thinned out like his father’s. Seems like such a small thing to have worried about now. He’d never thought of himself as vain. Actually, he believed there was nothing about himself that anyone would think him attractive. But for him to worry about a full head of hair? There were so much more important things he should have been thankful for, most importantly his wife and daughter, two people who had loved him for who he was, or at least who he used to be before going downhill.
Josh shook his head to clear the thoughts and get his mind back on track again. He didn’t want to think about his family. Every time he did he could feel his depression coming back. He didn’t want to keep reliving his past mistakes that took himself away from them, but again those things kept popping in his head. He had to think about something else. He switched his attention to the buildings and the people now on the sidewalks again—had it been that long? He didn’t feel any better but at least it kept his emotions in check without going any further. He knew the pain would be too unbearable.
Josh looked up at Driton who stood patiently by his side like a devoted sentry Josh could have confidence in. Josh allowed a smile to sneak out of the left side of his mouth, finding comfort in his friend. Then he turned his attention to the crisp blue sky. Again Josh rubbed his hand over his head, thinking about his hair gleaming and sparkling in the sunlight. Finally, Josh spoke up.
“I’m sorry, Driton. I just got…a little overwhelmed. I would’ve never imagined all this went on without anyone knowing it.”
“Why not?” Driton asked, more wanting Josh to figure it out on his own.
Josh quirked his mouth then shrugged, “I dunno… I guess I just figured someone had to know. I mean, something this big shouldn’t have gone unnoticed.”
Driton didn’t respond, not that he didn’t want to but he knew this conversation would end up like all the others. Unfortunately for Josh he took Driton’s silence to mean he somehow should have known. Maybe from reading his Bible, which had already been established numerous times. Or the countless other things he should have done. All the things he should have done before he lost everything.
Josh thought his time with Driton was to find out what the spirit world was like. But the more he was shown, the more he was seeing why he was sent to hell in the first place. Josh more than deserved to go to there. He certainly didn't feel like he belonged in heaven. After all the wicked and evil things he’d done? He'd be in heaven with people like the Apostles Paul and Peter. Two men who Jesus personally chose to follow Him. Josh couldn’t understand being in the same place with such God-fearing men like them, men who followed Him for far longer than he had. How is it that he’s worthy enough? It didn’t make sense. The only logical explanation Josh had was there could be levels in heaven. Maybe those who lived holier lives lived higher up in the clouds, closer to God, than the others who led…a less than acceptable life. Jesus did talk about doing things so you will have your reward in heaven. In another place He also said something like giving so you'll have treasure built up in heaven. Josh didn't know the actual verses but knew he'd heard something like that somewhere. He was just happy he remembered anything at all from the Bible. Maybe because Josh partied most his life he hadn’t built up as many treasures in heaven as others did. That would explain what kind of reward they’d have in heaven. With the kind of life Josh lived, he wouldn’t be surprised if God furnished him with a cardboard box to settle in. Still, God would at least provide a golden cardboard box. God was just that kind of God. Josh smiled at the thought. But heaven was also about being in a place with no more worries, no more pain, and no more thinking about all the mistakes you’ve made. He could find some relief in that.
“You ready to go?” Driton interrupted Josh's concentration.
Josh gave it a lot of thought. Not whether he was ready to go to heaven, but whether he was really ready to finally leave this place behind. “Can I ever come back?”
“I'm sorry, Josh.” Driton could see Josh was hopeful, “That’s why God calls it eternity. Once you’re there, there’s no coming back.”
“Josh thought for a second, “Will I be able to find out what’s going on with my family? Kinda’ like getting updates from time to time?”
“I’m sorry.” Driton repeated
Josh was a little disappointed, but there wasn’t much he could do. There wasn’t much for him here either, at least not much more he could do.