The Naughty List by Tina Traverse
For centuries, I’ve watched my husband Kris stress himself out, working with the elves to get all the presents ready for all the boys and girls around the world who weren’t on his naughty list.
Kris will pop Tums like candy to treat the persistent heart burn, drinks ginger ale by the gallon to ease the gas bubble sitting in his stomach, and drives his elves to near rebellion. I’ve begged him to retire before he drops dead with a heart attack from the stress and the endless sweets the children left for him, but he’s stubborn. Kris is so dedicated to those little ones that it borders on obsessive.
I’m patient with Kris. I stay out of his way and put up with the endless lonely nights. After all, it’s temporary. By January, all the madness settles down, and I usually have my partner back with me again. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work.
During the first few centuries of our marriage, the routine would be the same. He would run around like a madman to prepare for Christmas, and then in January, we resume our normal lives. I would put Kris on a diet and get him back into shape, and we would take a month to relax on vacation somewhere.
With each passing decade, the world became more complicated and technology more advanced. With the advent of high tech came kids demanding more elaborate and expensive gifts. Greed had consumed these young minds, taking the joy out of Christmas. This new era has given my normally healthy husband an ulcer, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.
I was pulling my hair out with frustration and drinking myself into oblivion when my best friend, Trudy Frost, gave me some fabulous advice.
“I hear ya, Frigg, I hate this time of year. Jack works all winter long and is never home. I got tired of being a neglected housewife, so I decided to do something about it.”
“What did you do?”
“I became involved with the Passions Club. I’ve never been so happy and fulfilled.”
“What is the Passions Club?”
“It’s a secret club started by Scarlet Valentine five years ago. She divorced Q after she caught him cheating on her with the Tooth Fairy. She got together all the neglected wives and girlfriends and trained them to keep the out of town men some company.”
“You’re not referring to…” I leaned in closer, because I didn’t want to say the word out loud. “Prostitutes?”
I see Trudy barely suppressing a giggle. “Not exactly. We're escorts. We accompany men to their social functions and get paid. Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it doesn’t. If it does, it’s extra.”
I stared at Trudy in awe. Yes, she has a wild side, but not that wild. “Have you had sex with these men?”
“A few. But only if there was a mutual attraction and desire. I’m mostly just an escort. So, how about it? Would you like to join?”
“Trudy, I can’t cheat on Kris. We’ve been together for thousands of years. I love him too much to even think about doing something so absurd.”
“Seriously, think about it. You said yourself how sick you are of feeling lonely and neglected. It’s not cheating because you can state from the very start in your contract with Passions that you aren’t available for sex, leaving you just an escort.”
“I don’t know. It’s risque. What about if the man does want to have sex and forces me?”
“All escorts have a bodyguard that shadows the girls, and you have a necklace with a tracer and panic button on it to press if you get into trouble. So, will you think about it? You need this, Frigg.”
It was all I could think about over the next few days. I turned the pros and cons over in my mind all day. I would reach for the phone to call Trudy and accept, then think better of it and push it out of my mind. One part of me rejected the idea, saying that I had too much to lose, while another part said I had nothing to lose. That side reasoned that I wouldn’t be putting any harm to my marriage, only bringing benefit to myself. I would be getting out of the house, meeting new people, and earning my own money.
It was not like Kris would notice I was gone. He has been spending day and night in his workshop. I only saw him when he mumbled goodnight to me, gave me a chaste kiss, and passed out. I needed more. Once upon a time, Kris was an amazing lover, fulfilling my every need. Now that need was no longer being met, the burning ache between my thighs gnawed at me, driving me to near madness.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a test. I would try to seduce my husband and if he could make me scream his name in ecstasy, I would not join Passions.
I set the scene. Flowers, candles and soft music filled the room. I wore a red and white silk bustier, lacy panties, and red stiletto heels. When he opened the door, I was ready. “Hello, gorgeous. How was your day?” I said breathlessly.
Kris didn’t seem to notice me laid across the bed with a chocolate-covered strawberry suggestively placed between my breasts.
He grunted “Awful,” before heading for the shower. I waited patiently, giving Kris a second chance, but when he flopped on the bed and went to sleep without a second glance, I decided it was time for a change.
My first date was at the Enchanted ballroom, where I was to have dinner and go dancing with the CEO of an international financial intuition. Laurence Grinch greeted me with a dazzling smile and a rose.
“You look enchanting, Frigg! A lovely vision.”
“Thank you, Laurence. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Putting his hand on the small of my back, he guided me to our table. “I took the liberty of ordering our dinner and drinks. I don’t like wasting time. Besides, the quicker I get you on that dance floor, the better.”
I felt a little annoyed that he would assume what I wanted before even meeting me, but when I saw my favourite food on the table, I was a little impressed. “How did you know that this is my favourite dish?”
“Scarlet told me that her new girl was a fan of wild boar. I couldn’t resist. She tells me that it has been a long time since you tasted your native delicacies.”
I inhaled the rich scent of the boar and smiled. “Yes, it has been ages. It’s divine.”
I’m glad you like it. The chef is originally from your homeland.”
“Sweden? I didn’t know that.”
“Chef Swansson is one of the reasons I come to Snowden North. I’ve travelled the world, and she is the best chef I’ve tasted. “
“May I ask what the other reason is?”
“No, not at all. Passions is also the best escort service I’ve experienced.”
I grinned at my handsome dinner companion. “So you like escort services, then? I figure a handsome and charming man like you would have women falling at your feet.”
“You’re right. I do have many women I can rely on to be on my arm, but I find that a reputable escort company offers better benefits. Professional and efficient. It’s the only place that I can find girls that suit my tastes and are worthy of my time, because I can pick and choose.”
“May I ask why you chose me? I’m new, and I figured you would prefer a girl you had experience with.”
“I chose you because you were by far the most beautiful. I saw a warmth in your eyes that spoke of compassion, with a little spark of wildness underneath, itching to get out. You intrigued me, and I wanted to know more about you.”
I blushed deeply at his compliment. It had been a long time since I’d heard someone flatter me. Laurence reached over and caressed my cheek. “You look more radiant when you’re modest. Though I don’t understand why you’re blushing. Don’t you hear that on a daily basis?”
“No, I don’t. I don’t get out very often, and haven’t heard a man flatter me in a long time.”
“That is a crime. Shall we dance?”
I took his outstretched hand, my heart skipping a beat. Laurence glided me across the dance floor. He was an elegant dancer, guiding my two left feet in time to the music with the grace of a professional. Laurence’s hazel eyes never left mine, and I turned crimson.
“You wil
l have to give me notes on the things I did to make you blush so furiously.”
“Why?”
“I need to know for the next time we meet. I will take it as a challenge to see how many times I can get you to glow.”
Laurence held my hand a little tighter as his limo pulled up to the Passion offices. Reaching into his pocket, he hands me a white envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Payment for giving me such a wonderful evening. You exceeded my expectations.”
“I thought you already prepaid Scarlet for this evening.”
“I did. That is a bonus. Just don’t tell Scarlet. She frowns on bonuses.”
I discreetly put the envelope in my purse and reach for the door handle. “Thank you for a magical evening, Laurence. I look forward to the next time.”
“As do I. Good night, Frigg.”
“Good night, Laurence.”
Before I could open the door, Laurence pulled me into a passionate kiss. I didn’t struggle against it; instead, I found myself melting into him. He ran his fingers through my hair, gliding them over the waves, tickling my spine. I shivered involuntarily.
“Cold or excited?” Laurence whispered against my lips.
“Excited,” I breathed, unable to murmur another word. It was all too much. Too much time had passed since a man had made me feel the thrill of a kiss, a touch. Regretfully, Laurence released me.
“Now, I must go. In three months I’m scheduled to return to Snowden North. Until then, Goddess of Love.”
As I stepped out into the crisp winter air and walked to Scarlet’s home on shaky legs, a once familiar feeling washed over me. Laurence had unearthed a powerful lust. I couldn’t wait for our next meeting.
Scarlet was pleased with how well I adjusted to the escort lifestyle, and soon I had my own list of regular clients. The list was small right now, but it ranged from the owner of a major U.S. pharmaceutical company to an Egyptian prince. Each date was exciting, ending with me going home with some serious coin. I have gotten so busy that I was out three to four times a week, and still Kris didn’t notice I was gone. He had moved out of our bedroom and slept in the room next to the workshop. As much as I enjoyed being on the arm of some of the wealthiest, influential, and handsome men in the world, I still felt lonely, and the lust that Laurence had sparked still burned inside of me. None of my clientele wanted sex as part of the evening. The most that I ever got from any of them was a kiss and some heavy petting, but nothing more. Many nights I had to go home and relieve that burning ache myself.
Christmas was drawing closer, and Kris disappeared from daily life completely with last minute preparations. I was doing my usual best to help out, mailing out all Kris’s replies to the children, baking and taking care of the reindeer. I was polishing Rudolph’s red nose when Trudy came bounding up the walk.
“Do I have the Christmas present for you!”
I took the note that Trudy thrust at me and grinned like a silly school girl. “It’s Laurence. Why would he want to see me on Christmas Eve? I thought he wasn’t due in Snowden until New Year’s.”
“According to Scarlet, Laurence is back in town early because he had some business that had to be done before the New Year. So, where are you going to meet him?”
The elation of meeting Laurence dissipated. “I can’t meet him on Christmas Eve. Kris needs me. I gotta call Laurence and see if he can reschedule.”
“That’s the thing, Frigg. Laurence is only going to be in town one night before flying back to Washington for Christmas with his family. If you don’t meet with him on Christmas Eve, Lord knows when you see him again. But there are other dates.”
“Those other men are terrific, but no one compares to Laurence.”
“Wow, he really got under your skin, didn’t he? Geez, how did he manage to do that? You only had one date.”
“Well, he was my first one. Wasn’t it you that said you never forget your first one?”
“That’s true, but I’ve never seen you excited over one client before. I know he was your first, but it wasn’t like you slept with him. Did you?”
I cringed. “Oh Gods, no! You know that I didn’t. Why would I lie?”
Trudy snickered. “Relax. I believe you. Laurence never requested sex anyway. I’m just curious. I never seen you get this way since the day you met Kris.”
My heart felt heavy at the memory of the first time I met my husband. It was so long ago, but I vividly remembered the details. I remember seeing a striking young man with flowing ebony hair sitting next to my father at our dining table when I returned from the market. My father had introduced us and declared that Kris Odin was to be my husband. Despite being the best-looking man I had ever seen, with piercing blue eyes, gladiator build and dazzling smile, I didn’t want to marry a man I just met.
I couldn’t go against my father, and I obeyed his wishes. I married Kris under a full moon. Marrying Kris meant that I had to move to his homeland, a cold and desolate land. It took me years to adjust to the cold. I missed the warmth and lush surroundings of my home. I missed my family and resented the fact that Kris forbade me from using my magic. After seeing the lust I brought out in other men, Kris kept me inside our home, taking me out periodically until the men became immune to my beauty. The one thing I did enjoy was watching my husband’s rarely seen whimsical passion come about during the Solstice, when he would spend night and day fashioning the gifts he would bring to the children of the world in one magical night. It was the one night I could use my magic, and I was happy to help him.
I grew to love Kris and we raised some beautiful children, and I guess I had a lot to be grateful for, despite our problems. I just wished to could see past them.
“Hey, sleepy head, snap out of it!”
The snapping of Trudy’s fingers brought me out my revere. “What is it?”
“I said, are you going to call Laurence?”
“I don’t know.”
Trudy sighed before turning away. “If I were you, I would. Kris is caught up in his duty. You were a legend in your own right. Don’t let Kris take that away from you anymore.”
I placed the last gift into Kris’s velvet sack and tied it tight. I inspect the reindeer one last time, stroking their soft fur and kissing them on the head, wishing them a safe journey. Kris burst through the door and climbed aboard his shining sleigh. “Everything ready?”
“Yes, all ready.”
“One last inspection, and we’ve got to go.”
“Have a safe journey, Kris.” I leaned in to kiss him but met air. He was gone into the night, leaving behind the faint sound of jingle bells.
I pushed my rejection aside and rushed to get ready for my date with Laurence. He was meeting me here at home, and I was making him a home-cooked meal.
“You look very festive this evening. Red is your colour.”
A wolf whistle escaped Laurence’s lips as I twirled around and give him a 360 view of my A-line dress. He whisked me into his arms and waltzed me around the room. I giggled, feeling giddy, the stresses of the past evening’s events forgotten.
“I like the sound of your laughter. You sound so carefree, like a school girl.”
“I’m happy, thanks to you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too. You are all I’ve been thinking about since we met.”
“Does it make me sound crazy that we missed each other? After all, this is our only second date in three months.”
“That may be, Frigg, but I sensed a great attraction from the start. It’s not out of the question when two people share chemistry. It happens naturally.”
Laurence drew me to him, pressing his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. His hands roamed by body, awakening every fibre of my being with desire. A desire to feel like a woman again. My hands slid under his shirt, caressing the smooth muscles of his stomach and chest. Laurence grasped my hands and pushed me gently away.
“Why did you do that? I thought you were enjoyin
g it.”
Laurence ran his hands through his lush brown hair. “I was enjoying it. A little too much, I’m afraid. I didn’t mean to go that far.”
“You didn’t go too far. I want you to go farther. I want…”
“Say it, Frigg.”
I hesitated. Laurence’s gaze burned me as he waited patiently for me to say the words. Did I truly want to make love with a man who wasn’t my husband? Laurence hadn’t requested sex when he made arrangements with Scarlet for my company. I’d been very lucky to not have a client that requested sex so far, but I knew I wouldn’t avoid it as long as I stayed an escort.
Unless, he got it somewhere else. A twinge of jealousy crept into my heart at the thought of Laurence making love with another. I knew it was crazy. Laurence and I had no attachments. We barely knew each other, and our relationship was strictly business. He could fuck any girl he wanted, when he wanted.
Then why did my mind want to block out the possibility? I had to face the truth. I wanted him badly, and to get him, I knew all I had to do was ask.
“I want you to make love to me.”
Laurence swept me into his arms and held me close. “There is nothing I want more, but I haven’t made a formal request with Scarlet. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Does this have to be a business arrangement, Laurence? Last time I checked, making love was not something one scheduled.”
“It is with the business you’re in. I’m a client, and you need notice when I request sex, so you are prepared and know what is expected. We are unaware of each other’s needs.”
“That is something we can find out together. Don’t make this a business deal. Make this as it supposed to be.”
Dread of another rejection churned inside of me as the long moments of silence hung between us. I started to pull away. Then Laurence scooped me up and carried me to my bedroom.
The chiming of the church bells roused me from sleep. My eyes fluttered open to a surprise lying on the pillow next to me: a gold-wrapped box and a card.
Merry Christmas, Frigg. Thank you for a magical evening. I’ll keep the memory with me until our next meeting. I’ll call you. In the meantime, here is a token of my affection.
L.
I carefully unwrapped the box and gasped at the stunning diamond bracelet. “Do you need help putting that on?”
Kris’s voice startled me. My husband stood in the doorway, coffee cup in hand, grimacing. I pulled the sheets around me. “Kris, I didn’t see you there! How was your night?”
“Don’t try to cover your infidelity with small talk, Frigg. I may be stupid, but I’m not blind. Tell me, how was he? Did this gigolo fulfil all of your needs?”
I wanted to pull the covers over my head to hide my shame, but hiding wasn’t going to solve my problem. My husband knew that I cheated on him.
“I could be tactful and say that is was a one-night-stand and will never happen again, but that would be a lie. Yes, Laurence did fulfil every need. Something you haven’t been able to do in a long time.”
“That’s still no reason to go running off like some whore! You know that Christmas preparations consume me. I can’t find time to breathe, let alone tend to your insecurities and selfish needs.”
That comment was like a dagger through my heart. I no longer felt shame, only anger. “Selfish needs? Is wanting to make love with my husband a selfish thing?” I didn’t give Kris a chance to answer as I continued with my tirade. “I had been devoted to you for centuries. Stood by your side, and done whatever you needed me to do, without complaint. I raised our family alone, while you devoted yourself to the children of the world.”
“You never raised our children alone. I was there for them every moment. The only time I couldn’t was during the Christmas preparations.”
This argument was starting to go around in tired circles. We could go around all day tossing excuses and insults, but the result would still be the same. “We need to stop, Kris, and find a solution to a problem that has been going on for too long.”
“The only solution is to correct a wrong I made centuries ago when I saved your father’s life and he gave me you to thank me. I’m going to let you go.”
“What? How could you let me go after all this time? I thought you loved me.”
“Frigg, I thought I did love you. I have spent years trying to convince myself that I could see past your beauty and sexual allure and fall in love with the person, but I don’t. If I truly loved you, I wouldn’t have let it go this far. I would fight for you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “If you don’t love me, then what did you feel for me all this time?”
“What every man feels for you: lust. The ability to rouse lust in every man who sees you is your power and your curse. You will always have a man at your side, but he will never truly love you.”
That statement was like a punch in the gut. Did Kris think so little of me that he believed that no one could love me?
“Where do we go from here?”
“I have made arrangements with Trudy for you to stay with her until you can find your own place. I will give you until the end of the day to pack your things and leave.”
I couldn’t respond, I was numb. My husband had told me that for over two thousand years, he never loved me. I was nothing to him but a token of appreciation and a lust object.
“Good-bye, Frigg, and thank you for your sacrifice and devotion. Your magic is responsible for millions of children believing in miracles. Take that with you when you go.”
I numbed the pain of my failed marriage with endless meaningless dates and sex with the men on my list. Soon my list grew as word spread about the magical, mind-blowing experience I provided for my clients. I was earning money hand over fist, and Scarlet reaped the benefits of my popularity. I alienated some of the girls, including Trudy, for stealing their clients from underneath their noses.
I had pissed off Trudy so much that she kicked me out of her house, forcing me to move in with Scarlet.
I didn’t care. I was carefree and reckless, and enjoyed the attention. Soon, I decided that working for someone else wasn’t enough. I wanted my own company. That is why I didn’t hesitate when Scarlet approached me one evening after coming home after a date.
“Frigg, before you go to bed, could you come into my office please?”
“Of course. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to discuss a proposition with you. As you know, I’m retiring in a couple of months and moving to St. Lucia to help my son with his new business. I need someone to take over Passions.”
“You want me to take over? Why?”
“You have proven to me this past year what a good head you have for business. You have tripled the clientele and increased profit margins considerably. The girls may be jealous of your client list, but thanks to you, they receive much higher salaries.”
“There has to be more of a reason than bringing in more profit.”
“Yes, there is. You embody the important skills to maintain this business. Gracious under pressure, and you use tact when dealing with the jealous of the other girls. Because you can anticipate and exceed all your client’s needs, you have attracted higher-class clientele. I saw your business sense in action when I went away and had you take over. I could go on, but I think I demonstrated my point.”
Trudy quit being an escort to work on her marriage with Jack, but we managed to repair our friendship. It was tough learning how to run an escort service full-time, but with Scarlet’s initial help, I learned the ropes quick enough.
I missed Laurence and contacted him. I wanted to see if he would be returning to Snowden soon. I phoned him on his cell phone, but was surprised when the voice of a giggling woman answered.
“Hello?”
“Ah, yes, may I speak to Laurence please?”
“Larry, stop that! Pardon?”
“May I speak to Laurence please?”
There was
a beat of silence before she responded. “Who's this?”
“I'm Frigg, a friend of Laurence’s. Who are you?”
“I'm Linda, his wife.”
The world began to spin and I felt nauseous. I abruptly hung up the phone. The man whom I thought I had a connection with, who promised me that he felt the same, was a married man. I reached for the bottle of Chardonnay that Scarlet left in her fridge and poured a glass and settled in to finish some paperwork.
I tossed and turned all night, unable to drift off to sleep until the crack of dawn. I didn't know what time it was when I awoke, but I nearly fell out of my bed when I saw Laurence's steel-grey eyes staring back at me.
“Jesus, Laurence, you frightened the shit out of me! Why are you here, shouldn't you be home with Linda?”
“I'm sorry you had to find out this way about her. I didn't mean to keep this from you.”
“Keep what? The fact that you’re a low-down, dirty liar? That you’re a man-whore who thinks nothing about paying women to fuck him, while his wife is at home, clueless?”
“Linda is not clueless. She knows I pay women to keep me company and is fine with it.”
“What? How can she be fine with her husband screwing around on her?”
“I don't screw around on Linda. I never slept with an escort before you. I only hire escorts for the purpose to keep me company while I'm away from Linda.”
“Why can't your wife go with you?”
“Linda suffers from MS and is confined to our bed. I try to spend as much time with her, but I have to frequently travel for my job. I love Linda, and that's why I never requested sex with the escort.”
“If that was the case, then why did you fuck me?”
Laurence reached for my hands, but I jerked them away. “It was not something that I planned. You were only supposed to be a date like the others, nothing more. When I saw you enter the restaurant, my heart stopped. I couldn't catch my breath. Your picture didn't compare.”
“That reaction wasn't real, it was just my curse. I'm a goddess, remember?”
“I know of your legend, Frigg, but it was not your magic. I felt it was more than that. I felt it in my gut that I was meant to be with you.”
“You’re a liar. There’s no way you can feel that we’re meant to be when you’re not available! Laurence, you just said you love your wife.”
“I do love Linda, and I'm in love with you. Nothing has to change, only our status. It will go from professional to personal. I want us to be together like any couple.”
“Laurence, that's crazy. We can never be a couple, and as of right now, I'm terminating our professional relationship.”
“Why can't be a couple?”
“You’re a married man who is very sick!”
“That doesn't mean that I can't love you and want us to make love over and over again.”
“That's appalling. How could you do that Linda?”
“Linda is the one that has been pushing me to find a surrogate lover for some time now.”
“Surrogate lover? Why would your wife want you to seek out another woman to fuck?”
“Linda is a kind and compassionate woman who understands that I have needs that she can no longer fulfil. She was the one who picked you out of Scarlet's book. Linda knew you were the one. “
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was being used as a sexual surrogate. Laurence was claiming that he loved me, but this was just a twisted version of a love triangle, used to relieve Laurence’s pent-up lust. Made me wonder if he do the same if the tables were turned.
“I don't want to be a part of this twisted relationship. Please leave.” I pressed the diamond bracelet into his hand and turned to go to the bathroom. Laurence pulled me to him instead, pressed his mouth to mine. His kiss was desperate. He gripped my arms and threw me onto the bed, tore my nightshirt off me, leaving exposed to his hungry stare.
“Goddamn it, Frigg, you are so fucking beautiful. I want to be buried deep inside of you.”
I let his hands roam my body, his mouth kiss and nip every inch of my flesh without protest. I allowed him to thrust into me before I used my magic to reverse the spell, turning his lust into disgust. Laurence pulled away from me with a jerk and ran into the bathroom to vomit.
“What in fuck did you do to me?”
“You were taking something from me that I didn't want you to have. So, I took away all the desire you had for me. When you now look at me, all you’ll see is a hag, and the very thought of fucking me makes you sick.”
“That's impossible. Nothing could ever make me look at you with disgust. You are too stunning.”
“Turn around, look at me, and tell me that again.”
Laurence slowly rose from the floor and turned around. “You are beau...oh god! Fucking horrendous.” He threw up all over my floor before running naked out the door.
Passions is booming and I'm enjoying my new life. My children were hurt when Kris and I divorced and did not speak to me a time for cheating on their father. Once the dust settled and they realized that their father didn't really love me, they forgave me. My daughter even gave me an idea to make Passions even better.
She pointed out that Passions only catered to straight men and I was missing out on huge other markets. I disbanded Passions, renovated the mansion, and included two new divisions catering to all tastes. I renamed the business The Naughty List.