“I’m trying to liberate you from a mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Open your eyes, my sweet. You weren’t made for him.”
“I don’t care what you think.”
“It’s not what I think, it’s what I know.” Eros lifted the Star Crest from my chest. “He marked you like livestock. What kind of man brands a woman? A rancher… or a pimp.”
My mouth dropped open. I pushed him away—though, not very far.
“You’re a jerk,” I said.
“Am I?” Eros stare was fixed on me. Then, without warning, one of his hands was on the back of my head and the other on my jaw. His lips pushed against mine, forcing my mouth open. I stilled, feeling the tingling sensations that his touch provoked in me. His lips tasted like his breath, like cherries.
After a moment, Eros pulled away and took two steps back. I breathed again, and straightened my back.
“Stop trying so hard to hate me,” he said, and then he spun around and left.
The heavy copper pot hanging on the wall would’ve worked well to bash Eros’ succulent mouth into a bloody mess. But how convincing would my act be when I hadn’t even fought him off? Why didn’t I?
***
Camilla watered the flowering bushes with a hose that was too short for the immense green garden. I set the apple I had picked up from the kitchen counter on the bench next to my phone. I thought about Paulina and the knife. What was the purpose of the knife? Did she really hate me?
Though I had the urge to scribble in all the things that were wrong with my life in my journal, I had left it in the house where Eros was—probably fluttering his wings, dancing around in his heart-print diaper. I wanted to avoid being cornered, insulted, angered, and then doubting my emotions afterwards. There was no way I was going in there.
Glancing at the time on my phone, I wondered when David would be back. Hiding in the garden wasn’t the best plan. I was getting muggy and restless, and Camilla kept trying to feed me leaves from the rows of herb plants that grew along the side edge of the garden.
The bench vibrated as my phone rang. David was at the other end of the line when I answered.
“How’s your day been?”
“Okay.” I was paranoid that somehow he already knew about Eros and was about to raise questions.
“Have you been feeling sick?”
“Not at all,” I said. “Will you be coming home soon?”
“I’m driving there now, but there’s a lot of traffic.” There was a brief pause. “I’m anxious to see you. I feel like I’m neglecting you, and I’m worried.”
“You don’t have to worry. I’m sure I’m fine. It’s probably just a bug. But once your mom arrives, she’ll be able to feel what’s wrong to me,” I said, watching Camilla return to the house.
“I hope so,” he said. I heard cars honking on the other end of the line. “Traffic’s moving, again. I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay,” I sighed, wondering how long “soon” would be. I couldn’t stand being out in the toasty sun any longer. The dizzy spells from not having eaten were starting to annoy me.
Biting into the crispiness of the ripened apple, I made up my mind to step inside the house and go to my room to freshen up.
The bed was already made, and the wilted tuberose flowers had been replaced with new stems, their aroma permeating the room. Because the stench of sweat was sharp on my skin, I decided to take a speedy shower.
Someone knocked on the door as I was slipping into my sandals. I froze, wondering if it could be Eros. I was hesitant to open the door.
“Yes?” I said in a loud voice.
“I have fresh towels, Miss Isis.”
Relieved it was Paulina, yet uneasy at the same time, I opened the door for her. She looked past me as she walked into the room, nestling the towels against her bosom. From the side of the doorway, Eros appeared with a wide grin.
I rolled my eyes.
“Knock, knock,” Eros said.
I crossed my arms and stared at him.
“I said, ‘knock, knock’. Come now, play along.”
“Who’s there?”
“Aardvark,” he responded, and I stayed quiet. “Keep going.”
“Aardvark, who?”
“Aardvark a million miles for a smile from you.”
Feeling a smile coming on, I bit my lips and turned away from his view. That was the cheesiest joke I had ever heard.
“I’m a good joker, oui?” He chuckled. “By the way, that was an apology.”
“Excuse me.” Paulina was asking to be let through the door. She glanced at me from under her lashes as she left.
“And you think that’s apology enough?” I narrowed my eyes.
Eros raised his shoulders. “Oui.”
“You called me a prostitute.”
“No.” He arched his brow. “I called David a pimp. That’s different.”
“I’m not doing this again. This—this game of yours, it’s getting old.”
“What a shame. I thought we were just getting started, being as you kissed me.” He reached for my face, and I stepped away from him.
“No, I didn’t,” I said. “And keep your voice down.”
“But you did kiss me. I’ve never let an unattractive girl kiss me, you know? You should be flattered that you’re the first.”
“Stop it. Just, stop it, okay? David is going to be here any minute, and I don’t want him to find you standing by my door. I don’t want you to come near me at all.”
“Because you’re falling in love with me?”
I breathed in a sharp breath. “I don’t even like you.”
“Really?” He cocked a brow. “Then why didn’t you pull away from that kiss?”
I turned my face and reached for the door. “Go, Eros, please. Just leave me alone.”
“I know you mean that.” He looked at his shoes. “I know you’ve meant it every time.”
“Then do it. David doesn’t deserve this.”
“Do you know how many times I’ve wished to have Dahveed’s life? A caring mother that tends to him. A strict father that’s made him a good man. Brothers that protect him.” Eros looked to the ceiling and raised his arms over his head. “How much longer do I carry on this punishment?” He cupped his hand on his ear, then shrugged. “He never answers. He’s upset and ashamed of me. I don’t blame him.”
I stared at him, both brows high on my forehead.
“I’m not a lunatic.” He rested the back of his head on the doorframe. “There was a time when Deus would speak to me, when I was younger. He stopped after the conviction.”
“You were on trial?”
Eros pressed his lips together and nodded. “It was a discrete hearing. Not even David knows about it, and I tell him plenty.”
“So why are you telling me?”
“Well,” he said, “you seem to know how to keep a secret.”
Was he talking about not telling David about his advances? And what had he been punished for? Could it have been for what he did to Veronica?
“How long ago was that?” I asked, giving into curiosity.
“Too long.” We both turned when we heard footsteps in the hallway. Paulina was carrying sheets to David’s room.
“Sounds to me like you must’ve really outdone yourself.”
“I bet you’re itching to know what I did, aren’t you?”
“Not really. Sometimes staying in the dark is better.” I swung the door in, attempting to close it, but Eros blocked it with his foot and pushed it back open.
“You see,” he continued, “there was a similar circumstance to the one with Veronica. I’m sure David told you the story.”
“You did the same thing to another girl?” How dumb are you?
“No, my sweet. Not to another girl—to four others.” He shook his head and let out a laugh, but he looked like he was about to be sick. “Veronica was an obsession. I understand that now. The second, third, and fourth loved me, and I felt fond of them. I
thought there wouldn’t be repercussions if I made them love me—more than anything or anyone. I was wrong. They didn’t die, but they went insane. The fifth I didn’t love, but she loved me in the way I ached for—sincerely and wholly. So, I asked her to be my wife. I told her I couldn’t be with her as a man is with a woman, and even after this, she accepted my proposal. She was beautiful. Her name was Iliana.
“It had been only eight days after the wedding when she told me that men made advances on her when I wasn’t home. I was enraged, jealous. I thought she would leave me for one of them. I couldn’t have that. I wouldn’t let her love anyone else. That same day I began to infuse her with my gift.
“Iliana showed none of the signs of lunacy the others had experienced; however, her lust was intensified. One night, after a walk along the edge of the village, she seduced me. I told her she must never do that again, or I would leave her. She agreed and kept her word. But she became ill for almost two months, on the verge of death. I should have known, but I was so ignorant. Iliana was pregnant. She kept it a secret from me until her stomach was the shape of a half moon. Five months. She thought she was giving me the greatest joy. I acted like she was, and I waited for the birth of the spawn, knowing what I had to do.
“One more month passed when the complications began. She lay in bed covered with boils, her blood poisoned by the blood of the Creatura inside of her. Iliana’s body didn’t resist the poison. I doubt anyone’s body would. On a cold night, she died. But that thing, it was still alive inside of her, eating away at her remains. I watched as the Creatura writhed around inside her, her lifeless body convulsing with its movement. I knew that at any moment it would burst from beneath her skin and attack me.
“I took an iron rod from the fire pit where Iliana cooked and returned to the bed. I stood over Iliana’s body and stabbed the mound under her skin until the deafening screams of that abomination stopped. When I stepped back, Iliana’s body was laying in two pieces. The Creatura slipped out from inside of her and rolled to the floor. I can’t even begin to describe the hideousness of the two-faced creature covered in blood.” He looked at me. “I had fathered a monster, and I had killed my wife.”
“I couldn’t believe what I had done. I fell to my knees on the dirt floor of our home. I asked Deus for forgiveness and begged for death. He said that I would learn nothing by dying, and then at the door there appeared the silhouette of a man. He touched my forehead, and I collapsed. When I awoke, I called to Deus. He said a single word to me: ‘Sterilis.’ At once I knew what that man had taken from me when he touched me. Only, he was no man. He was a deity carrying out the decree.”
Eros’ eyes were glossy. “He made me barren, because what woman would want a man like this? Any hope that I would find a wife of my own kind—to have the family I never had—was gone. I’m alone. Forever. That is my punishment.”
My eyes were burning and mouth agape when he finished the account. I don’t think I blinked once while he spoke. “Why? Why did you do that to so many? That’s what you’re doing to me, isn’t it?”
“No, I haven’t done anything to you. I swear.” He raised his hand. “It took years to understand why I did those things, but I finally found my answer.” He swallowed before he said in almost a whisper, “I wanted to belong to someone.”
That wasn’t what I expected to hear from Eros. How horrible it must feel to be alone in the world.
“So, now,” Eros took a brief pause, as he cocked his head, “this is the part where you call me a bastard and spit on me.”
I wanted to call him all sorts of things—a womanizer, a degenerate—but I couldn’t. How could I when he had just told me what an awful life he was damned to live? That was punishment enough, I thought. The regret in his voice as he told the story confirmed it.
The thought of his child being a bloodthirsty freak of nature made a cold chill run down my spine. And to think that I could have killed my mother had I also been born a full-fury Creatura. Was I going to become something similar to that repulsive being that Eros had skewered to death—and David along with me? I could wake up tomorrow disfigured and a… a fiend.
Eros became a blur, and for a few seconds, I relived the nightmare I had on the plane. I felt sick from the visions of carnage in my head. Buried inside me was a monster—perhaps, the spawn of Lucifer, himself.
“I’m just like…” The words trailed off, as I heard myself voicing the thought.
“You’re what?”
“Nothing.” I turned away from him. “I should finish getting ready before David arrives.”
“We’ll speak later, then.”
“I think it would be better if we don’t speak at all.”
“You realize that the more unavailable you make yourself to me, the more of a challenge you become? It’s common for a person to want what they can’t have. And I want you.”
My body tensed. Hearing his words unleashed a mixture of feelings—anger being one of them. And what was that other thing I felt? Was it thrill? It couldn’t be. It made my stomach constrict and my lip slightly curl. I silently reprimanded myself for having that second emotion stir inside me.
I watched Eros walk down the hallway and turn the corner. A breath of relief escaped me. I was rid of him, if only for that moment. But I had another problem. How would I hide my guilt and face David after his best friend kissed me? Was this thing I felt for Eros real, or was he manipulating me?
Desperate to vent, I took the journal from the nightstand drawer where I had decided it should stay for the duration of my visit. Before I started writing, I turned to the last entry I wrote prior to leaving home and read.
***
June 2, 5:41 A.M.
The dream was the same tonight, except for the flowing white dress I wore. It was covered in crimson smears—the blood of the woman I kill again and again in my nightmares. Her face is a blur, but the screams are clear and piercing.
Like a wild animal, I gnaw at the pulse in her neck, the warm blood gurgling in her throat. When at last there’s no life left in her, I feel free, alive and satisfied. I fear the pleasure carnage gives me, if only while I’m unconscious.
***
It was so stupid of me to be preoccupied with Eros when I knew what I had to do. If my father couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me what I was becoming and we couldn’t stop it, then the decision I had just made would settle it all. I didn’t know how I would achieve it, but I would stop at nothing.
Biting at one end of the pen, I decided it was unnecessary to rant over Eros in my journal. He wasn’t worthy of being documented, especially not when I would hand this journal over to either my mother or David in the end.
***
June 6, 1:32 P.M.
I’m certain that my dreams are visions of what I am. I’ll find a way to deliver myself to the Council, and they’ll put this wretched thing inside me to rest. Because if I don’t exist, then David will never become what I could one day be—a killer.
***
I returned the notebook to its resting place and sat on my bed, staring off into nothing, wondering why I was born this way. I wanted an answer.
Claire would be devastated if and when I didn’t return to her. Here I was, pitying myself, when she would be left alone. But I would rather that she lives than she dies at my hand.
I rested my head on the bed and clenched a pillow as I felt a burst of nervousness. I hoped that both David and my mother would forgive me.
Minutes later, David arrived. Paulina called us to lunch on Camilla’s order. In David’s presence, Paulina avoided looking me in the eye and having any contact with Eros. I didn’t blame her.
I took a seat next to David, across the table from Eros at the kitchen table. David wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head.
“I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see you so in love, brother.” Eros smiled so genuinely that I would have eaten a poisoned apple had he offered it to me. “You two are perfect together.?
??
The hypocrite!
“Thank you,” David said.
“Here’s to finding your perfect love.” Eros raised his glass of wine to us.
I rolled my eyes at him, and hoped David hadn’t noticed.
Camilla smelled of olive oil, cooking herbs, and dishwashing soap, as she served our meal. I thought it was interesting how the scent of a person told so much about their lives.
When I was little and Claire used to work as a waitress, she smelled like a mixture of cooking oil and shampoo. Now, she smells lightly of caramel from the coffee at her office and like the notes of myrrh in her perfume.
The last time he hugged me, my dad, Hector, smelled like cigarette smoke and aftershave. His shirts always smelled like that, washed or unwashed.
I wondered what I smelled like, being that we’re supposed to be immune to our own scents. I also wondered what S. Leumas, my biological father, smelled like. And with that thought I was reminded that I needed to set my plan in motion.
“Do you think we can make the trip to Kyparissia tomorrow?” I asked David.
“No,” David said, twirling a fork into his homemade Italian noodles. “Not until I know you’re well enough to travel.” He looked at my untouched portions of food. “Aren’t you hungry?”
“I am.” I wasn’t, but I ate a little anyway to please him. The thought of what I had decided to do was suppressing my hunger.
***
An hour past sundown, Balthazar arrived with Nyx, Galen, and Eryx. They were able to catch an earlier flight. The twins would have been in Athens in a couple of hours had Nyx not been the one that was most needed. She didn’t have wings like they did, so they had to fly the human way, via a commercial airline. David also told me that on a long flight like that, using their wings was exhausting. Not to mention, Nyx didn’t believe in traveling light. She had brought three large suitcases, two of which Balthazar was struggling with in the driveway. Eryx carried a third, along with a smaller one.
“My dear.” Nyx hugged me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” I said. “Your trip might’ve been unnecessary. “