“Let’s hope.” Because after everything was said and done, finding a quiet corner of the world might be the only way for us to live.
“Max?”
He slid his arm around me. “Yes?”
“I want you to set up that doctor’s appointment for Friday.”
“Liiily?” he warned, not needing an explanation. He knew I meant the surgeon.
“Max, for the first time in my life, I’m really afraid.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“Well, I am, and I just need to know I’ve given myself every opportunity to get through this.”
He looked at me and cupped my cheek. “I’ll do it, but you need to know that it’s not what I want. I want you exactly as you are.”
I placed my hand over his. “You’ve let go of your ugly. I need to let go of mine. There’s no reason to hold on to it.”
I could see him trying to digest what I was saying, that strong jaw tensing.
“Max, you can’t pretend or lie to me. I’ll never forget the moment you saw me for the first time. My face was the only thing you saw.”
“And if not for that, I would have tossed you aside—just another beautiful woman who could never understand me.”
“I’m tired, Max. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of struggling. I just want to move on.” He of all people had to understand that.
He smiled softly. “If it’s really what you want, but I’ll still want you either way.”
There were no words, so I kissed him. “I’ll still want you either way, too.”
He laughed. “Fine. Just promise me you won’t change who you are.”
“Why would it change me?” Except for the better.
He didn’t answer at first. “I’ll make the appointment, but all I ask is that you take some time before doing anything. Really think about this.”
I had. And I was done thinking. “Sure. If you want.”
He kissed me and pulled back. “If anything happened to you, it would kill me, Lily.”
He was worried. Genuinely worried. Yes, it made me feel all gooey inside. “I’ll be fine, I promise. What could possibly go wrong?”
Max and I returned to the office Thursday afternoon, and it was comical and absurd, but I genuinely think no one suspected I wasn’t in Houston or that Max hadn’t gone on one of his usual business trips to wherever, despite our matching tans. Because, of course, why would a man like that be interested in me?
Whether they suspected or not, however, everyone would likely know we had a special relationship in a few weeks. What would they say? That he’d been using me? Yes. That’s exactly what they’d say. The book would come out, Nancy Little would probably out me, and if she didn’t, people would still suspect. I really needed to stop pretending this wasn’t going to happen.
My only question was: What did Max really intend to do about it? It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him or his abilities to handle the situation, but I didn’t see a way through this. And my IQ wasn’t exactly in the “bucket of rocks” category.
I had to pin him down, which I’d planned to do tonight after work. But, just as I was packing up, my cell rang. It was Max.
“Hello?”
“Hi there,” he said, his voice totally charming.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“A dispute came up with the contractor in New Jersey. I’m getting on the plane to go hammer it out. I should be back tomorrow night. Callahan can take you back to my house if you’d like to stay there.”
“Oh.” I really wanted to talk to him tonight. Face to face, though. “No, I think I’ll just grab my car from your house and head over to my place. It’s not the same being there without you.”
“Just as long as you’re waiting in my bed when I get back—oh, by the way, I wanted to let you know I called Dr. Bloomfield. He can see you tomorrow morning first thing if you can make it.”
I really appreciated Max supporting my wishes like this. “Thank you. I really mean that.”
“Just remember, you promised to think this over.”
“I already have.”
“Think it over again,” he said. “Because you don’t really need to do this.”
I already knew what I wanted to do, but to be honest, Max’s repeated insistence that I rethink this was beginning to make me wonder. Why was he really so against this? It didn’t make sense.
“I promise to think it over again,” I said.
“Good,” he said. “Now, I know you’ll be missing my giant cock, and I want you to know that it will be thinking of you, too, tonight.”
I laughed. “Yeah. Well, tell your friend there not to worry. My vibrator’s been really neglected lately. We’re due for some good snuggle time.”
“Uh-uh. You throw that thing away. Nothing goes down there that isn’t attached to my body.”
“My, my. Aren’t we territorial?”
“You better fucking believe it,” he replied. “And I’ve already made out detailed plans in my head regarding how I intend to show you the many ways I take care of my territory.”
I heard a loud roar in the background.
“Plane’s taking off,” he yelled.
“Bye. See you soon,” I said into my phone.
“Bye, you fucking delicious piece of dirty woman.”
The call ended, and I tried not to smile.
Honestly, I’d been looking forward to seeing him and having our talk, but we’d been in this whirlwind, and I needed to catch my breath. Everything was happening so fast.
Yeah, I can wait one day to have that conversation. Besides, I should trust him. He had this situation handled. Right?
“Hey, Lily. There you are.”
I looked up at Mike, who had his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, looking ready to head out.
I cleared my throat. “Hi, Mike.” I hoped to dear God he hadn’t overheard what I’d just said about my vibrator. My door had been open.
“How was Houston?” he asked.
I shrugged casually, hoping I wouldn’t blush. “You know Texas in September: hot.” Okay, another lie. But my trip had been hot, especially the man between my thighs.
“Yeah, you look like you got some sun,” he said.
You should see my ass from naked sunbathing while Mr. Cole tried to read the morning paper. “I burn pretty easily. It’s very annoying.” I looked down at my sleeveless white blouse and white skirt. I really did look like strawberry ice cream with vanilla swirls.
We stared at each other for an awkward moment, and then I realized what he was likely thinking: I forgot about him. “Hey, Mike. I know that you asked me to—”
He held up his hand. “It’s okay. I know when I’m being blown off. I never should’ve asked you to begin with, us being coworkers and all.”
“No. It’s not that, it’s just…I’m seeing someone, and it’s getting serious.” God, this felt so awkward. And I hoped he didn’t put the pieces together, but the cat would be out of the bag soon anyway.
“Oh. I didn’t know that. You never mentioned him.” Mike bobbed his head.
“We haven’t known each other long—just sort of happened.”
“Completely understandable,” he said.
“Great. Thanks for understanding.”
“Yeah, of course. I actually came by to invite you to grab a beer. A couple of us are going around the corner to the pub to talk about the news. No one can get any work done like this.”
“What news?” I asked.
“I guess you were really busy in Houston.”
“Yeah. I was.”
“The rumor mill says B&H is going to do a hostile takeover the minute C.C. goes public.”
“How could anyone know that?” I asked.
“They’re raising cash. A lot of cash. That means they’re getting ready to buy someone.”
It didn’t make any sense. C.C. was four or five times larger than B&H. Little companies didn’t go around buying up larger ones. It was the other w
ay around.
It had to be a rumor, but hey, if people wanted to use it as an excuse to go drink some beer, who was I to get in their way?
“Thanks for the invite, but I’ve got some work to finish up and have a doctor’s appointment early in the morning.”
“Sure. Next time, then?” Mike said with a friendly tone.
I didn’t want him to think I was completely blowing him off. “Absolutely.”
He left, and I felt relieved that was over. Honestly, I liked Mike, but I was falling hard for Maxwell Cole, leaning strongly toward the “L” word, and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. Not now. Not ever.
~~~
Friday morning.
Dr. Bloomfield was the best of the best plastic surgeons in the country, according to my research (aka web surfing), and after meeting with him, I had only one question: When could I have the surgery?
The consultation took all of thirty minutes, but with his computer graphics program he was able to show me exactly what I would look like after six hours of surgery—rhinoplasty, chin reshaping, and an eye lift. Three simple procedures. Three.
Staring at the screen, I could hardly believe that was all it would take to make me look normal and, dare I say, beautiful. It felt like I’d been living in a prison, deprived of sunlight, food, and water my entire life, when right there, all along the key sat on the floor inches from my face. No, I hadn’t had the money to do surgery before, but had I known how easy it was to fix this, I would’ve found a way.
But you wouldn’t be the same person, now would you?
True.
However, like I’d told Mr. Cole, I was ready to move on. More importantly, I really needed to start confronting the deeper issues in my head—those years of buried insecurities I’d hidden away.
“How long would I be out from work, and when can we do it?” I asked, sitting on the exam table.
Dr. Bloomfield, a fit-looking man in his fifties with glasses and a sprinkle of silver hair, stood up from his little rolling stool. “Normally, people need about a week to be functional—depending on the pain—but you should expect a full recovery from the bruising in about a month. As for when, I’m booked six months to a year in advance; however, the Coles are good customers and personal friends. I’ll see when I can fit you in.”
Good customers? Had Max had surgery? No. Way.
“Oh. Is that your work?” I said, taking a stab in the dark. “Max’s nose is perfect.”
Dr. Bloomfield smiled proudly. “Yes, he and his sister were two of my first rhinoplasties.”
Uh. But…Dr. Bloomfield had been a plastic surgeon for over twenty years. Maybe he only started doing nose jobs a few years ago?
“Well, it’s gorgeous,” I said, shocked that I’d gotten that out of him.
He gave me a pat on the back. “And you will be, too, after I’m done.”
I stood and stuck out my hand but really wanted to hug him. “I’m looking forward to it. Really, really looking forward to it.”
“Excellent. I’ll see you back here in a few months.” He reached for my hand and when he took it, he stopped smiling. “Lily, I just want to caution you, though—as I do with all my patients—this isn’t minor surgery. There are risks.”
“I know,” I said, wondering if Max had told him to hammer the message home. “Infections, scarring, and—”
“And people do die,” he added, dropping his hand away.
“Aren’t you supposed to be encouraging me to do this?” I asked.
“It’s a normal part of the screening process. I need to make sure my patients are fully informed and are here for the right reasons. I take this seriously, and they should, too.”
“Okay.” I understood that I wasn’t getting my hair colored. “How many people die?”
“Approximately one out of every two hundred and fifty thousand.”
“Oh.” I smiled. “Those odds are good.”
“I lost a patient last week, Lily. She was forty-five. Cardiac arrest during lipo. It’s nothing to smile about.”
Okay, I got the point. And I had to admit his little dose of reality was effective. I had to be sure I really wanted to do this. “I’ll give it some thought.” And this time I really meant it. Was this worth dying for, even if the risks were low?
“Now that is the answer I wanted to hear,” he said.
Why? Because of Max? Or because he really wanted to shoo people away who thought this was like getting their nails done?
He continued, “We’ll start the ball rolling while you think it over.” He shook my hand again and instructed me to the nurse, who took blood samples for the lab work and made me sign a bunch of release forms. Now I felt unsure again. Part of me really wanted to do this, and it felt exciting, but the other kept telling me this wasn’t necessary.
I laughed at myself, walking to my car.
At first I didn’t want to have surgery, because I was too proud to admit that maybe I wasn’t comfortable with my looks. Then I wanted to have it because I realized I wasn’t. And now, I wasn’t sure. Things in my life felt like they were in a good place—scary, but good. Maybe I would wait.
And wow. Max had his nose done, I thought, getting into my car to head to the office. I’d have to ask him about that later. Not that it was a big deal, but it just struck me as odd he hadn’t said anything.
~~~
The rest of Friday was a rush of emergency meetings and calls with customers who were upset that their orders hadn’t shipped. Someone had leaked the alleged takeover to the press, driving up B&H’s stock and turning the rumor mill into a full-blown media frenzy.
Add to that, Max had not answered anyone’s calls, including mine, and I felt like the world was about to collapse. Something was definitely going down.
And we have no captain.
I spent two hours in a supply-chain triage meeting, arguing with Production and the other sales managers about allocation to customers with the sudden influx of orders. Not one person said a word about the elephant in the room: customers were stocking up, getting ready for something major.
Around three p.m. my desk phone rang, and I braced for yet another irate customer demanding more product, but it was not a customer.
“Miss Snow, it’s Nancy Little.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and then decided to hang up. I had nothing to say to her.
She spoke before I had the chance. “Miss Snow, I’m calling to give you one last opportunity to come out publically and tell your story after the book releases.”
“And I’d like to give you one last chance to do the right thing. You’re going to hurt a lot of people. Good people.”
“You’re fooling yourself,” she said bitterly, “if you think for one minute that Mr. Cole is a good person. He’s a selfish, sadistic bastard. All he cares about is his money.”
I could see how she might think that. Once upon a time, so did I. “You’ve misjudged him. But I’m talking about the people who work at C.C. and will lose their jobs. I’m talking about myself and the humiliation you’ll put me and my family through. I don’t deserve to have my life ruined for your vindictive bullcrap.”
“Mr. Cole is responsible for this. Not me. So I suggest you talk to him.”
I shook my head. There was no getting through to this crazy woman. “He’s not a bad man, Nancy. And as much as I feel for you and the loss you’ve been through, I can’t believe for one moment that this will make you feel any better.” This book, hurting me, none of it would bring her sister back. “Why can’t you just let it go and move on?”
“You lose your sister like I did, then tell me all about moving on.”
I sighed. What she really wanted was the rest of the world to suffer with her. That’s what she wanted. “Then good luck to you, Nancy. I hope the damage you’ll do to thousands of people is worth it.”
“Fifty thousand dollars, Lily. That’s what it’s worth to you.”
“You’re trying to bribe me?” I seriousl
y couldn’t believe it. And I had to wonder if she’d made the same offer to those other women. After all, Max had said he couldn’t understand why those women had turned on him.
“I’m giving you a chance to do what’s right and some money to start over,” she said. “Because he’s using you, Lily. He’s going to toss you aside when he’s done. That man is sick. A fucking evil bastard.”
Whatever. “Goodbye, Nancy.” I hung up the phone and dialed Max again. I couldn’t lie; my conversation with this woman had shaken me hard, and I needed to hear his reassuring voice.
My call went into voice mail again for the fifth or sixth time, which only deepened my worry. Where was he? Why wasn’t he answering my calls?
Regardless, I had a phone call of my own to return from my brother, John, who I’d now seen had left two messages on my phone and a text. I scrubbed my hands over my face, probably smearing my mascara all to hell.
“Okay,” I picked up my phone, “let’s do this.”
I dialed and John answered right away. “What the hell is going on over at C.C.?”
He’d probably seen the news. “I honestly don’t know, but I need you to help me tell Mom and Dad about the book.” It was coming out soon and they needed to be prepared. “You have to keep them out of my hair, John. I can’t deal with everything else and them.”
“Fuck. You’re not coming out against him, are you?”
“No.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Lily. The guy is using you.”
Why is everyone saying that? “You don’t know him like I do.”
“You’re right. I don’t know him at all. But what sort of fucked-up asshole would ask my sister to hang out with him when he finds her—and excuse me for saying this—but revolting? Does this make any sense to you?”
No, it didn’t. It didn’t make any sense that Max wanted to be with me. But he did.
“He’s your boss, Lily. He has no business fucking around with you in the first place.”
Oh, my God. “I know. I know it looks bad. I know you think he’s a monster, but you’ll just have to trust me. He’s not. And I know what I’m doing.” Didn’t I? “And right now, I’ve got to go and deal with hordes of angry customers. So will you help me or not?”