I nodded. “I’m ready.”
He came over to help me stand. “You’re gonna be all right, Lindsey.”
I gave him a thumbs-up of assurance. Physically, maybe, I’d be fine. But my heart was still engaged in a battle, and I didn’t know how it was going to end.
SIXTEEN
I kept opening and closing my eyes. And each time I opened them, there was a new scene before me.
Eyes open: The forest rushing past.
Eyes closed: Connor and me building a sandcastle.
Eyes open: Connor’s back.
Eyes closed: Connor and me going skiing for the first time.
Eyes open: Rafe’s worried face.
Eyes closed: Connor taking the blame when I broke my mother’s favorite crystal vase.
Eyes open: Kayla making me drink water.
Eyes closed: Connor holding my hand when my grandmother died.
Eyes open: Lucas ordering me to fight.
Eyes closed: Connor giving me my first kiss.
Eyes open: Dr. Rayburn shining a light in my eyes.
Eyes closed: Connor and I making out in the back row at the movie theater.
Eyes open: Bright lights, a hard table, people staring down at me.
Eyes closed: Connor dancing with me at the prom.
Eyes open: My mother crying and combing her fingers through my hair.
Eyes closed: Connor declaring me as his mate.
Eyes open: My father, my strong dad, with tears in his eyes.
Eyes closed: Connor and me beneath a full moon.
Eyes open: Connor lying on a bed beside mine.
This time my eyes stayed open. I squinted at him, vaguely remembering the bullet hitting me. “Are you real?”
He smiled at me. “Yeah.”
“Where are we?” My voice sounded as though it was coming from another room or another dimension, as though it wasn’t even here with me.
“Wolford. The medical hallway.”
I scrunched up my face. “This is no fun. You should just shift and heal.”
“I did.” He held up his arm and I could see a needle with some kind of tubing coming out of it. “This is for you. You lost too much blood.”
“You’re giving me blood?”
“Yeah, we’re the same type.”
I thought I said thank you before drifting off into the peaceful realm of oblivion. I heard Connor say, “You’re welcome.”
The next time I woke up, my mom was sitting beside the bed. She poked a straw into my mouth and ordered me to sip. It was the best water I’d ever tasted.
“I’m tired,” I mumbled, wondering how I could be tired when it seemed I’d been sleeping all the time.
“You’ve been through quite an ordeal. You should feel like getting out of bed in another day or so.” With her fingers, she combed my hair back. “Connor saved your life, you know.”
I furrowed my brow. “Really? I thought maybe it was the doctor.”
“Connor wouldn’t let the others stop on the journey back here. He gave you his blood. He checks on you several times a day.”
“Are you a lobbyist?” I asked.
She gave an impatient huff. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
Mom was right. My strength was returning. By late afternoon the following day, I was ready for adventure.
“I’m really feeling strong enough to get out of bed now,” I told my mom. I kept pushing the covers down. She kept lifting them back up to my chin. It was irritating to have her hovering around me.
“I think another day in bed is what you need.”
“Mom.” I rolled my eyes. “I really need to get out of here before I go crazy.”
“This close to your full moon, your body is probably more resilient. I suppose if you took it very easy, didn’t try anything too strenuous, it would be all right.”
“Fine. I’ll just sit around, but I need to do it out of this room.” I shoved the blanket down; she brought it back up.
“I want to talk with you first about your…transformation.”
We’d never had the transformation talk…or the sex one either.
“Mom, you’re a little late. I’ve already talked with Kayla. She told me everything. I’m not afraid.”
“You should be,” she said sternly, taking me by surprise. Her face softened and she brushed my hair back from my brow. “You know that your father and I think the world of Connor.”
“I know.”
“And I know you’ve been hanging around with this Rafe boy. Now is not the time to get rebellious, Lindsey. A bond develops during the transformation. Love deepens. A pact is sealed. A pact until death.”
“I know that, Mom. Why do you think I’m so scared that I might be making a mistake with Connor?”
“You’re not making a mistake with Connor. Rafe would be the mistake.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I know you. And I know both of these boys. Connor is right for you.”
In other words, they’d never accept Rafe. Brittany was so right. Our traditions bordered on the archaic.
“Thanks for the advice, Mom.” This time when I shoved the covers down, she didn’t pull them back up.
“I just want you to be happy,” she said.
I scrambled out of bed and started limping to the bathroom, my thigh still sore.
“I just want to be happy, too.”
Inside the bathroom, I removed the bandages and studied my wounds. They were healing nicely. The doctor had done a good job of closing them with tiny stitches, so I wouldn’t have a horrible scar after all. If they weren’t completely healed, the transformation should take care of them.
I washed up, combed out my hair, and put on a light layer of makeup. I slipped into shorts and a strapless top so nothing would rub against the wounds. I thought they needed fresh air as much as I did. Then I went in search of the others.
I found them all in the library, standing around a desk, studying a large map of the national forest. Even Brittany was there. But my attention was drawn to Connor and Rafe. Connor of the light hair, Rafe of the dark. Connor of the abundant grins, Rafe of the rare ones. Connor, the steady constant in my life. Rafe, the new and exciting element.
“Hey, you’re alive,” Brittany suddenly shouted, with genuine enthusiasm.
“Thanks to these guys,” I said self-consciously as I moved toward the desk.
“I can’t believe you all went after Bio-Chrome while I was dealing with campers.”
“We didn’t exactly go after them. We just followed them, trying to figure out where they had their lab. You probably had way more fun with Daniel.”
She shook her head. “He’s not a loser or anything, but I’m so not into being set up.”
“But Brittany—”
“I’m going to be fine.”
Okay, so she didn’t want to talk about it. I guessed there were more important items on the menu of topics.
“So are you guys talking about how to get rid of that lab?” I asked.
“That’s what we’re trying to decide,” Lucas said.
“Don’t suppose you’d wait until after the next full moon…,” I suggested.
Connor leaned against the desk. “Actually we were just saying that there’s no reason to rush. They’re not going to tell the world we exist, because they want to keep us secret as long as possible.”
“Want to keep their work secret,” Kayla added.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.
Lucas sighed. “Not sure yet. Although they’re not on actual national forest land, they are still surrounded by forest. Burning the place to the ground won’t work, because it might ignite the forest as well.”
“So we have to find a way to destroy it without destroying our home as well.”
“Exactly.”
“I’m going to talk with the elders. Whatever we decide, doing it during the next dark of the moon would probably be best.”
“Under the cov
er of darkness makes it all sound kinda Mission Impossible-ish,” Connor said.
“It will be,” Lucas confirmed. “We’ll want careful planning, not just to destroy the building, but to make a statement so Bio-Chrome will leave us in peace.”
“Do you think they realize all the sherpas are Shifters?” Rafe asked. “Do you think everyone is in danger?”
I shifted my attention over to him, and he held my gaze. I read a challenge there: Make your choice. The truth was, I already had.
“I don’t think they’ve figured that out,” Lucas said. “I don’t think they know how widespread we are. Besides, they still have no proof. They’ve never actually seen any of us shift. If they find our clothes, so what? Maybe they’re a little more convinced that whatever my brother told Mason about Shifters is true. But they’re scientists. They deal with facts.”
“How are you going to discourage them from coming after us again?” Kayla asked.
Lucas shook his head. “I haven’t a clue. But we’ll figure something out. We have time.”
He ended the meeting. He and Kayla left to go talk with the elders. Brittany left, too, as did Rafe, though reluctantly.
“Do you really think we can convince them to leave us alone?” I asked Connor.
“Probably not, but we can try.” He moved around the desk and took my hand. “You feeling okay?”
Physically or emotionally? I thought.
“Just a little tired.” I decided to go with the physical answer. It was so much easier to deal with.
“You feel up to a walk?”
I didn’t. My energy level was quickly declining, but I nodded. I had to explain some things to Connor. He was my best friend, besides Kayla. He was the friend I’d had the longest.
We made our way outside and walked to where trees grew in earnest. Although a wrought-iron fence surrounded Wolford, the property was large enough that we could go into the woods while still protected by the fence—or as protected as we could be when considering that bullets still could zip through. I’d always considered myself invincible, but now I knew that death could come quickly and unexpectedly.
“I’ve got a birthday present for you,” Connor said quietly, “but it’ll have to wait until after your transformation.”
My birthday had come while I was recovering. I didn’t even remember it. “You don’t have to give me anything,” I said.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”
He stopped walking, reached into his jeans pocket, and brought out a small velvet box. My heart galloped.
“Oh, Connor.”
“Open it.”
With shaking hands, I did. Inside was a gold chain with a small, perfectly round pearl dangling from it. “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s supposed to represent the full moon,” he said.
I looked up at him. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“I knew you’d like it.”
He knew so much about me. I couldn’t believe how his gift overwhelmed me. Maybe because I’d almost died, everything seemed so much more important. When he took my hand, my fingers closed around his.
We took several steps in silence. Once we could have spent hours together without talking, and it had seemed the most natural thing in the world. Now it just seemed as though a lot of unsaid thoughts hung heavily between us.
I shoved them to the back of my mind and concentrated on the healing properties of the forest. I was already beginning to feel my strength returning, which was good, because when the full moon arrived, I’d be facing an ordeal that would require all the energy I could muster. But before that, I needed a question answered.
“Do you ever wonder if you declared me too soon?” I asked.
Connor tilted his head as though looking at me from a different angle might help him decipher my strange mood. “No. I’ve always known you were the one. I love you, Lindsey. I always have.”
There it was. The words he could say so easily. Something Rafe had never said. Quite honestly, I couldn’t see Rafe uttering those words—but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel them. It just meant that he isn’t as free about revealing his emotions as Connor is.
Connor held my gaze, and I could see how much my doubts had hurt him. Yet he never gave up on me; he always put me first.
“Your moon is almost here, Lindsey. You have to make a choice.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t have to make it. I already made it.” I took a deep breath. “It’s you, Connor. I love you.”
He looked stunned. “What about Rafe? What about your doubts?”
I shook my head. “It’s you. And my doubts are gone. This is going to sound strange, but I think getting shot might have been the best thing that could have happened to me. It gave me a chance to just reflect. I saw the kaleidoscope of my life and no matter how I turned it, I saw you.”
A wide grin spread across his face. “You’re serious?”
I smiled. “I’m serious.”
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me with excitement and enthusiasm. When we finally came up for air, I was dizzy.
“I was thinking we’d go to the waterfall lair for your transformation,” he said.
The first transformation always occurred in the forest, away from other Shifters. A guy went through it alone. He just went off—and when he came back, he was changed. The girl always went off to a secluded place with her mate. The area around the waterfall was one of the most beautiful in the forest. Our lair was hidden behind the waterfall. It was a favorite place for many a couple. My father had taken my mother there. It provided a little extra romance for the occasion.
“Sounds amazing.”
“If we’re going to go to the waterfall, we should leave in the morning. If you feel strong enough,” he added.
I nodded. “I will.” Suddenly I felt so weary. “But right now, I need to lie down.”
He took my hand and we started walking back toward the mansion. Why did I feel as though I was being watched?
I glanced slyly off to the side. And there was the beautiful black wolf, watching.
When I woke up from my nap, Brittany was sitting on the window seat, gazing out as twilight fell. I’d gone to the room that I usually shared with her and Kayla. I was feeling strong enough that I didn’t need to be nursed anymore—and getting away from my mom for a while was a nice bonus.
With a yawn, I sat up and pushed the pillows behind my back. “So where are you going for your transformation?”
“Not the waterfall.” She didn’t turn toward me.
“Brittany, who’s going with you?”
She didn’t answer. She just sat there. I climbed out of bed, walked over to the window, and sat on the thick pillow. “You can’t go through this alone.”
“That’s just an old wives’ tale.”
“What if it’s not?”
She looked at me, something hard in her blue eyes. “Then it’s a seriously messed-up evolutionary tactic. I mean, really, it’s totally sexist. If guys can go through it alone, we can, too.”
“You could ask…Rafe.”
Her eyes softened with sadness. “So you chose Connor?”
“He’s always been there for me.”
“Is that a good enough reason, though? Do you love him?”
“Yes, I love him.”
“But do you love him enough?”
“God, Brittany. What is with you? Do you love him? Is that what this is all about?” I’d asked her before but she’d never given me a definite answer.
She looked out the window again. “Doesn’t matter. You’re the only one he’s interested in. I’ll just be the lone she-wolf. I’ll become legendary. Maybe I’ll start a new trend, and we’ll do away with all this destined mate nonsense.”
“Do you really think that it’s nonsense?”
“I think we’re locked in the old ways. I think we need to come into the twenty-first century.” She slid her gaze over to me. “You could always go through it alone, too. Ch
oose your mate later.”
I shook my head. “I’ve already chosen my mate.”
She got up. “We should probably go down for supper.”
I looked out the window and saw Rafe standing at the edge of the woods. “I’ll be down in a little bit.”
I waited until I knew she would be almost to the dining hall before I slipped out of the room and headed down the back stairs that led outside. I hurried across the grass to the woods, which were quickly becoming lost in shadows as the sun descended and the growing moon began to rise.
I slipped between the trees. “Rafe?”
In his usual quiet way, he was suddenly in front of me. I leaned back against a tree.
Rafe put his arm over my head, pressing his forearm against the tree. He trailed his finger along my cheek. “So you knew I was out here. That means you came to see me.”
Nodding, I gazed into his beautiful dark-brown eyes. I didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to hurt him, but he deserved to hear it from me. “Connor and I are going to leave for the waterfall tomorrow.” Oh, this is hard. “I just wanted you to know…I’m going with him.”
“So you’ve chosen him,” he said with deadly calm. The words were a statement, not a question.
“It was always supposed to be him,” I said.
“Why? Because that’s what your parents want?”
“No, because it’s what I want,” I stated clearly, irritated that everyone seemed to think my parents were responsible for my choices. “He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah.” He gave a harsh laugh. “Makes this hard.”
“I guess you’d challenge and kill him otherwise, right?”
“If he was a jerk—in a heartbeat.”
My own heart sped up. “Well, don’t,” I ordered sternly. “I don’t want him hurt. And if you’re looking for a mate, Brittany is available.”
“I don’t feel for Brittany what I feel for you. Don’t you get that?”
“Rafe, maybe if we’d noticed each other sooner—”
Another burst of harsh laughter came from him. “I’ve noticed you since middle school, but you were always hanging out with Connor. You never gave anyone else a chance.”
Until this summer I hadn’t even considered anyone else, hadn’t wanted anyone else. What was wrong with me? It had always been Connor.