“You did what you had to. You very likely saved this planet. I doubt if many people will ever know about what happened, but you and Jason prevented a nightmare of epic proportions. Jason volunteered his life for the cause. Don’t blame yourself. He knew what would happen.”
I didn’t want to hear it. I needed somebody to blame.
“Tyrell kept asking to go with me when I set off the explosions. Now, I realize he wanted to prevent me from getting there.”
Tam’s expression grew dark. “The man is lucky he’s dead. If he came back here alive, I’d have him flayed alive.” By his tone of voice, I knew he meant it.
“The question is…what next? I just shut down the realm of Chaos. Lyon’s trapped there. So where do we go from here? It feels like saving the world should be a happy thing—something to celebrate. Saving the world shouldn’t mean trapping a friend in another realm.”
“Shush, love. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”
I nodded, thinking. “I want to go back to Seattle—not to stay, but to see the city. To see what it’s like beyond the Sandspit. I need closure, Tam. I need to say good-bye in order to let it go.” I looked up at him, holding his gaze. “In order to let Jason go. I need to put the past to rest in order to face the future.”
“It will happen,” he said. “And we’ll mourn the city together. And then we’ll be free to build our kingdom in the forest.”
After that, he held me all night, just rocking me gently when I woke, screaming. My dreams were filled with ash and fire, with zombies and Jason’s desperate face as he yelled for me to run. My dreams were a cacophony of tidal waves, and the cries of a golden-haired maniac, out to raze the world. Finally, toward morning, I slipped into a deep sleep and didn’t wake till noon.
ELAN TOOK THE news with her typical reserve. There was no way to soften the blow, so Tam and I just told her outright. She excused herself and we didn’t follow, though I wanted to.
“No, let her go.” Tam refused to let me run after her. “She’s Woodland Fae. She needs time to process the information. Leave her be and when she’s ready, she’ll come to us. Meanwhile, you need to talk to Hecate.”
I took another step toward Elan’s retreating back, but Tam stopped me firmly.
“I said, leave her be. Trust me on this, Fury.”
I let out a bittersweet sigh. I didn’t want to believe him. I wanted to run up to her, to beg her forgiveness, but he was right. The Woodland Fae were reserved, and they mourned in private. Shevron was another matter.
I was on my way to tell her the news, but she found me first.
“First, you tear my son away and encourage him to join the military. Now, you trap my brother in a realm of horrors with a madman. What do you have planned for me? Why are you trying to hurt the family who took you in when you were in desperate need, gave you love and a home?” She lashed out, her anger biting through any reserves I had.
“I didn’t force him to stay. Jason saved me over saving himself,” I said, trying to get through to her, but apparently it wasn’t working.
She spat on the ground at my feet. “I’m moving back to Verdanya. I never want to talk to you again. Until you got mixed up in his life, Jason was on a focused path—”
“And how long would that have lasted? Whether I showed up on his doorstep or whether the Carver killed me too, Lyon would still have stolen the Thunderstrike and all of this would have happened. And you and Jason would have been stuck in the city with zombies. Leonard probably would have run away to join Kython. So how the hell has my existence hurt your family?”
I hadn’t planned on lashing back at her, but I was tired, and it felt like the fact that her brother had helped me stop a catastrophe ricocheted off her and all she could see was her loss.
Shevron’s cheeks flared bright red—brilliant against her pale skin. She held my gaze for another minute, then shook her head and turned. “My son’s gone and my brother might as well be dead, if he isn’t already. I’m not letting you finish us off.”
She walked away, shoulders slumped. I watched her go, realizing that no matter what I said, I was the messenger and she was blaming me.
My heart sinking even more, I made my way out to the gazebo to find Hecate sitting on a tree stump, staring at a fistful of flowers in her hand. She looked up as I entered the clearing and scattered the petals on the ground, then gave me a wide smile and patted the stump beside her.
“Come and sit, Fury.”
I sat.
“What a morning. The World Tree is safe now, at least from the realm of Chaos. The birds are singing, and I know where a honey log is. The bees are in full swing, but we can siphon off enough for UnderBarrow until autumn.” She paused, and after a moment where I said nothing, added, “Tell me.”
For what felt like the twentieth time, I told her what had happened, ending with, “I feel like we lost. I feel like we won the battle, but we lost so many things.”
“There’s no fanfare. No trumpets and not all of the heroes came marching home, is that right?”
I nodded, somewhat ashamed to realize that I had wanted a fanfare of some sort. But mostly, I was just missing Jason.
“How many wars have you been through, Fury?”
“None, I guess.”
“No, you’ve been through one now. The battle against the Order of the Black Mist—the struggle to keep them from wrenching open the gates to Chaos, correct?”
I shrugged, picking a long blade of grass and whistling on it. “I guess, yeah. I suppose that was a war.”
“It was a war, all right, and you won. There could have been a lot more little battles, each one ending a step closer to their goal. But you went straight for the heart and won. And all you have to show for it is a missing friend, a betrayal, and a dead guard.”
“That’s about the size of it,” I said.
“Something you need to realize, Fury, is that every day, in every corner of the world, battles are being played out. Most of them are small, most aren’t over anything huge, but when you look at all of them together, war takes on a massive scope. A fight against injustice here, against petty tyranny there. They add up. Now Lyon—that was a big one. He could have destroyed the world if he opened that gate. You managed to close it. And at the end, Jason gave himself to the cause when all seemed lost. He’s a hero, Fury. He stepped up when the world needed him to.”
“Shevron won’t speak to me.”
“That’s because she’s mourning her brother. You can’t expect her to take his death—”
I jumped in quickly, cutting her off. “We don’t know that he’s dead, do we?”
“No, I suppose we don’t. In any case, you can’t expect her to take his disappearance…his sacrifice…with good graces. She’ll come to appreciate his bravery in the future, but right now the only thing she knows is that she lost a brother. And Elan, even though she’ll come around, she lost the father to her child. You can’t expect her to swallow that easily.”
“No, I know that.” I paused. “So what’s next? What do I do? How do I move on from this?”
“We find out what we can about the Order of the Black Mist. You marry Tam. You learn to be a queen. You and I set up our school to train others to hunt down Abominations. Elan has her baby, and tells him—or her—stories about her oh-so-very-brave father and how he sacrificed his life for others.”
“I just feel at loose ends. We managed to stop the Order of the Black Mist, but nothing changed when we did that. Nothing went back to the way it should have been. It’s not like I feel like we should have saved Seattle by doing that.”
Something still didn’t add up. But I had been expecting more.
I felt stupid. I realized that I’d expected once we overthrew Lyon, it would be like a stack of dominoes and one change after another would topple, returning us to where we were a year ago, before the Thunderstrike had ever appeared.
“But you thought there would be some magical shift
.”
“I don’t even know if I understand what I’m feeling. We just accomplished a major feat. Now, the next day, we’re sitting here in the woods, chatting.”
“Yesterday the world was in danger from Lyon and his dogs loosing the Elder Gods of Chaos on the world. Today, that threat is gone. But there’s no big parade, and the world moves on, and everything seems the same, even though nothing is the same. Is that it?”
I nodded. “I don’t know what I expected. Nobody ever threw me a party for killing the Aboms and I never even thought of it that way. That’s my job. I hunt them down and kill them. And then, the Thunderstrike happened, and Lyon happened. And then came the zombies and tsunamis and…now…” I looked around and shrugged. “Woods.”
“What would you say if I told you that a few hundred years ago, another Theosian of mine also saved the world? In a different way, but he participated in a strike that took out a shadow corporation intent on taking over, and that prevented nationwide slavery.”
I blinked. “Really?”
“Yes, really. His name was Sargino, and he worked with the element of earth. He saved the world from a dictatorship that would have made the Conglomerate look like your best friend. And the day after he and his friends destroyed the upstart emperor, he sat beside me and said the same thing you are saying to me.”
“What did he do after that?”
“Returned to his other duties. Lived out his life until he accidentally fell into Pacific Sound and drowned. He thought he had also missed out on a grand party. But Fury, here’s the thing about being a hero: Only a few ever make it into the history books. Every day, people do heroic things. Every day, people save others and change the world. Maybe it’s a small change, or maybe a big one, but they all have ripple effects. What you did changes the future. Will others know it? Probably not, because right now there isn’t anybody writing history books about this time. But the important thing is that you did what you had to. You may not see it now, but you have transformed the future.”
I searched my heart, looking for some feeling of peace. But even with her reassurance, all I found was cold comfort. “I’m not sure if I’m even asking the right question. I’m not looking for parties and parades, but it feels like something’s missing.”
“I think what you mean is that it feels like someone is missing, and you’re correct. Jason’s gone. You saved the world, Fury, but you couldn’t save the man who saved your life. And you blame yourself.”
I broke down again. “How could I have let that happen?”
“You aren’t invincible—none of us are. Not even the gods. You can’t read minds. You had no idea that Tyrell was playing for Lyon’s team. Fury, you’re used to putting yourself in danger, but you never expected to leave Jason behind.” She paused. “Like you had to leave your mother behind when you fled the Carver.”
I paled, realizing the connection. “Jason and my mother loved each other. And I’m the common factor.”
“The Carver killed your mother. Not you. And Jason volunteered to stay in order to help defeat Lyon. You didn’t force him to stay.”
“I could have stayed with him.” I finally put my finger on it. “I feel like a fraud. I left him, just like I left my mother. I returned through the portal and left him behind. I feel like a coward.”
“In time, you’ll realize how absolutely wrong you are. But for now, Fury, you need to just accept my reassurances. You couldn’t save your mother. You couldn’t force Jason to let Lyon go free. If he had, neither one of you would have returned, that much I can foresee.”
I thought about it for a moment. She was right—I still felt like a coward, but I knew she was right. And in time, I’d be able to face Jason’s loss.
“Is there any way to save him? I told him I’d come back for him.” I was afraid she was going to say no, and in fact, expected it, so her answer surprised me.
“There might be a way, but I’m not sure how yet. And it may not be for some time. If we can find him and bring him back, he won’t ever be the same after being locked in that realm. But I will look for answers. That’s all I can promise you.” She leaned forward, picking a flower off a nearby wild rose bush. “Meanwhile, you have to move on. Don’t try to forget him, but accept that for now, he’s no longer a part of your path.”
The heaviness in my chest moved. “When Jason took me in, it took me years to stop having nightmares. The first year, it was a struggle to get through the day. Then it slowly got easier. After five years, I wasn’t panicking every time a car slowed down near me. I don’t want to live in sorrow and fear like that again, Hecate.”
“You won’t—not the same way. For one thing, we don’t know that he’s dead.”
“I hate myself for saying so, but it would almost be easier. But you’re right. And I’m no longer a teenager.” I licked my lips. “I should still marry Tam, right? I should go on with my life? I can’t go back to living in anger like I did for so long after Marlene died.”
“You don’t have to, Fury. Jason wouldn’t want you to. This isn’t the same sort of situation.” She glanced at the sky. “I think we’re due for a sprinkle later on. Why don’t you go take a walk down by the lake? I think it would do you some good.”
I nodded, silently taking my leave. Hecate watched me go, but I felt her with me every step of the way.
ELAN STOOD THERE, waiting for me as I approached the lakeshore. I wanted to ask her how she knew I’d be coming, but it didn’t matter. I joined her, and we silently circled the lake on the trail that led around it. It was a long walk, but I needed to work out my aching muscles, and she seemed to need the companionship.
After a while, she slid her arm through mine. “I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Anything I can do, and I mean that.” I studied her face. There were no signs of tears, and her eyes were cloudless and clear. Whatever demons she had wrestled with, she seemed resigned to Jason’s loss.
“Help me raise my child. Be his aunt. Jason and you were best friends.”
“We were like sister and brother. I know.” I swallowed hard. I hadn’t expected her to be so open. “Of course. Tam and I’ll do everything we can for your baby. And for you. I’m so—”
“Don’t say it.” She held up her other hand. “Don’t apologize. He went on a dangerous mission, and he didn’t return. He helped you stop Lyon. He helped you stop the Order of the Black Mist from achieving their plans. My love was a hero.” She held up her hand, looking at the ring on her left finger.
“Will you wait for him? To see if we can find him?”
“I will wait as long as it feels correct. I will love him always, and forever see him reflected in our child’s face.” She led me over to a bench. “Don’t blame yourself. Don’t let Shevron make you feel like this was your fault.”
“Hecate just told me the same thing.” I paused, then asked, “Will you stand with me when I get married? Shevron’s turned her back on me. I have no other family.”
“I will, and I’ll dance at your wedding if you can spare the bridegroom for one waltz.” She smiled, and as she smiled the sun broke through the clouds for just a moment, and then, it once again vanished.
Chapter 13
THROUGHOUT THE REST of the summer, we focused on harvesting crops and putting them up for the winter. Crews worked around the clock, building houses by daylight and lamplight. Autumn would be intense this year, with making sure the food stores were plentiful and that everyone had sturdy shelter. We found the residual components to Tripwater among Tyrell’s possessions, along with the Earthshaker.
“So Tyrell was against us longer than we thought.” I stared at the artifact and the herbs, feeling heartsick all over again.
“Yes, but we found him out before it was too late,” Hecate said. She took the artifact. “I’ll turn this over to Jerako.” And that was the last we spoke of the traitor. There was nothing more to say.
IN EARLY SEPTEMBER, six weeks after Jason
vanished, we needed to send out a raiding party again. Now that Lyon was gone, I felt comfortable going in as long as I had a strong contingent of guards with me. Hans and Greta came with me, and Kendall, and Vis and Mara, both of whom had asked to be part of my personal guard. Elan was too pregnant to make the journey comfortably.
Before we left, I stopped in to check with Hecate. We were half-done with our training center, and hoped to have the doors open come mid-October.
The gazebo that she, Athena, and Artemis had been using was now dismantled, and a sturdy structure built from old slabs of stone had been erected as the new Naós ton Theón. It wasn’t nearly as grand as the temple had been on the Peninsula of the Gods, but it felt true to heart. It was still a work in progress—they were adding on as they needed. Sure enough, the rest of the Elder Gods had returned and even Coralie was back as the receptionist, though now there was no air conditioning or soft electric lights.
I quietly entered the temple, smiling at the bustle and sense of activity that permeated the building. In Seattle, the hush had been almost voluminous, like a swell or a wave, but here, the Elder Gods were active and busy. And Theosians from all over the world were doing their best to converge on the temples and barracks for them were being built.
I waved at Coralie and she motioned for me to head back to Hecate’s office. As I followed the brilliant gold rug that ran along the hall—they had managed to scrounge it, along with furniture, from the temple in Seattle—I was grateful for the little touches that reminded me of what life had been like. They had also retrieved the tapestries that were still usable, and those hung along the walls. There was an odd, rustic majesty to Naós ton Theón now that it had never fully had before, now that I thought about it. It felt more temple and less office building.