The lunch bell rang. "Ok, before you go I'd better let you know who the winning eight boys are this week. Whoops, I mean boys or girls who can get their lunch and quickly come back to meet me in the computer room." He rattled off the names and naturally I was right in there with exactly the same boys as the week before.
Of course there were no girls but he had to say it to be polite. "If you would like to hear the rules and conditions of the big competition please stay; if not, you may be dismissed for lunch." All the girls got up. Some were mumbling how it wasn't fair that they didn't get any competitions. Others were saying they didn't care about dumb old video games anyway. They left and about ten or eleven boys remained behind. Only a few of them were a serious challenge to me. Most of the boys were pretty good players but Josh, Nigel, James and I were super good. Matty even posed a little bit of a threat sometimes.
"So," he continued, "there will be four heats, starting at the end of next week with heat number one. So you all have a chance to get back in the draw by doing your work well and behaving perfectly next week. Do you hear that Matthew Robinson. If you win the first heat you must still make the criterion the following week and so on to play the other winners. If you win your heat but you fail to complete all criterion the following week you forfeit your place and someone else will take your place."
Matthew put up his hand to ask what I thought might be an interesting question. "What does forfeit mean Mr H?" God he could be so dumb sometimes. Didn't he remember when the crazy cats used to forfeit us all the time in soccer? They said they couldn't get enough players but we knew it was because they were scared of getting hammered by us. They weren't the crazy cats they were the scaredy cats.
"It means you give it up, you give away the right to have that place in the final. Now in the third heat which is the last Friday of term two, the two top players will play off in the grand final and, as a special treat anyone wishing to attend will be able to come and watch. We might even sell popcorn." There was a quiet buzz of excitement as all the boys dreamt about watching the grand final. I didn't want to think about going in to watch. I wanted to be the one in the hot seat playing it.
"Ok boys go and have your lunch and those of you that made it to the club this week need to be back here in ten minutes." We all rushed out. Everyone was trying to talk at the same time over the top of each other about the 'Play Station Playoffs.' There'd never been anything so exciting at school as this.
I loved winning blue ribbons and red ribbons and even a green ribbon was something to be proud of in the swimming and athletics carnival. Once I even got a bronze medal for being third in the cross country but I'd never had the chance to win a video game at school before. Gee Mr Higginbottom was a fantastic teacher even if he did have a crappy name.
"Matty," I called out as I raced out into the corridor. "You have to be really good next week so we can get in and verse each other."
"Yeah, but you'll beat me and then I'll be out." He pulled out his sandwich from the container. It was all squashed and something gooey was oozing out the sides. He looked disappointed. I looked at my own fresh meat sandwich and crunchy choc chip cookie next to the ice tray and immediately felt bad that I whinged to Mom that morning about having the same again. At least it was fresh.
"Yeah, but at least we can still play together first, and then you'll be able to come and watch me in the final." Mom always tells me to stop bragging; that I shouldn't tell everybody how good I was all the time because it would appear as though I was full of myself. How can you be full of yourself?
Does that mean you have to eat yourself up until you're full? Sometimes my Mom says the weirdest things.
I hoped Mom was going to be excited for me when she heard about the competition. The thought crossed my mind that she might think it was a bad idea. She'd probably say something bizarre about it not being educational or something just as ridiculous and might not let me compete. What if she went to the principal and created a stir. The playoffs might get cancelled and maybe even the whole club could get abolished. I would so hate her if she did all that. My mind was racing a million miles an hour with crazy thoughts about my Mother flinging her arms around like a hysterical butterfly in the principal's office and it didn't look pretty.
I made an executive decision as I munched on my cookie not to tell her. I was pretty sure she'd be thrilled about the whole thing but I wasn't going to take any chances. Anyway, it would be more of a surprise to bring home the prize without anyone knowing what was going on. Although, my sister would probably hear all about it at school and tattle tale to Mom and Dad anyway. So there wouldn't be a surprise after all.
But it didn't matter. All that mattered to me was that I made it into the playoffs and win. My Mom's boring tones came back to me again, "Its not about winning Ryan, it's about playing fairly and having lots of fun. Blah blah blah blah." That might be all very well in sport but when Need for Speed was up for grabs, winning was everything. This was war. Game on
boys!
Chapter 9: And heat one is?
The following week dragged on as excitement built amongst the boys in the class. It was amazing how many boys stayed out of trouble and worked just that bit harder to get all their work completed and do well. Some even tried to do extra jobs and suck up to Mr H so they could get a bonus raffle ticket. I started to worry that there was too much competition, that I may not even make it into the first heat. What would happen if more than eight people had the same number of tickets in the barrel? Worse still what happened if all the girls got the most. Some of them were even trying harder just to get up our noses. Sophie Delaney said she was going to win so she could sell it on eBay. She probably thought she would spend the eighty dollars she got on chocolate bars. As if she even stood a chance!
Mr Higginbottom said he would make sure that if more than eight kids got the same number of raffle tickets then he would make more heats on the first day. It's really hard to get any more than five though unless you get a bonus. He did give out a couple of extras. Cheryl Burbie (we call her 'furbie burbie' for short even though she doesn't like it) got any extra one for spelling the word 'rhinoceros'. Of course that didn't have anything to do with the fact that she looks a little bit like one. No-one else in the class got it right so the teacher thought she deserved a bonus. But Cheryl was no threat. Even if she got one hundred bonuses she wouldn't want to go in the club. She would just pick a hundred chocolate bars and stuff them all in her gob until a gigantic pimple full of caramel goo popped up on her nose.
Josh got an extra one for doing a violin recital at the Grandparent's day. He was the only one that volunteered. No-one else wanted to get up and play on their own. But then he can be such a goody goody. Unfortunately sometimes goody goodies can be excellent players too so I could see he was going to be a bit of peril. Steve asked Mr H if he could polish his shoes one morning knowing he would definitely get a bonus ticket for such a good deed.
Mr H keeps a tube of shoe polish in his draw in case someone's shoes look a bit scruffy. At the end of it his shoes were gleaming and Mr Higginbottom said, "Thankyou Steve. That was so nice of you to do that out of the kindness of your heart. Tell your Mom she's brought up a very kind and thoughtful young man," and he grabbed his coffee cup and left the room to go out and do his yard duty. I think the teachers are not allowed to do their yard duty unless they have a coffee cup in their hands.
Steve was still kneeling on the ground and looking stunned. His chin had dropped and was almost touching the floor he was so flabbergasted. When I put that look on my face my Mom always says, "Close your mouth, are you trying to catch flies?" She's so weird at times. When I catch flies I use a piece of hair or fishing line. Not my mouth!! Yuk!
By the time Friday had arrived we were all pretty nervous waiting to see who made the criteria for Friday and then who had the most raffle tickets to get through to the first heat. The teacher did his usual funny speech. "Ok grade fivie wivies, sitting up straight in
your chairs, hands in front of you on the desk and all eyes at me. Ok you may now go to PE."
There was hardly any movement, a few stunned heads turning but no-one moving from their chairs. Any other day there would have been a barrage of kids running towards the door like the running of the bulls in Spain. But because it was Friday and a very special Friday everyone was waiting to hear the news. Most kids had very confused looks on their faces, mine included.
"Only kidding, only kidding, now let's get down to busy business. Ok the criteria for today is? and may I say I have made the conditions quite tough for this final day of this very exciting week, and may I also say what a great effort the whole grade has made in improving their behaviour, and also the standard of work has been a credit to you all. You can all give yourselves a pat on the back." Of course everyone pretended to pat themselves on the shoulder while they giggled at each other. "And may I also say that?." He paused and looked around the classroom at the frustrated faces and heard the irate humming noise like angry bees coming in for an attack. "Ok, ok! I get the picture. Do you want me to tell you the criteria for today to see who will get something out of the green bucket?"
A few of the class answered yes impatiently.
"I didn't hear you!" he sung.
"YES!" we all screamed.
"Righteo then, you should have told me you wanted to know in the first place." He laughed again at his own bizarre humor. "The all important criteria is;
Number 1. As always you must not have got yourself into any trouble, big or small during the week. Well done Matthew Robinson," he chuckled.
Number 2. All homework must have been handed in this morning.
Number 3. Your science experiment about worms should have been completed, written up and handed in this morning.
Number 4. The maths page on shapes all finished, and my final criteria for the day is?, you should have bought me a box of chocolates this morning because you know what they say 'a box of chocolates a day gives you straight A's'. Ha ha ha ha," he bellowed to himself. "I'm so hilarious. And so, the winners are?." He paused as we all tried to make sense of what he had just said?? "Nobody, because nobody bought me in a box of chocolates". He screwed up his face like a squashed snail and pretended he was going to cry as the rest of us sat there bewildered. There were disappointed mutterings around the classroom as he came to our rescue.
"Alright we'll change the last one I suppose, but let it be a hint for you for next week. The final criteria is, yesterday's story on aliens must have been finished with a coloured drawing included and I hope none of the alien drawings look like me. And so??? the final green bucket winners are ...."
Chapter 10: And the Winners are?..
I held my breath really tight as he paused before he started rattling off the names. There were so many on the list and probably only two names to go when I finally heard "and Ryan James and Jacob Anderson." I breathed out realising I was starting to go blue in the face because I was holding my breath for so long in anticipation. "Thankyou ladies and germs. Those of you who have a raffle ticket please place it in the red bucket, those of you who took a chocolate bar, don't forget to share it with me, and those of you who missed out, SMARTEN UP! When you get back from PE, I will hopefully have counted the raffle tickets to see who has scored the most. Remember there has been a lot of extra competition this week, so if you normally get in the club, don't take it for granted that you will be in this time. Ok please form a line at the door then head off to your PE lesson."
No-one was really bothering to talk as we left which was pretty unusual as we were one of the most talkative classes apparently. Everyone was too distracted watching him start to count the tickets. Even the girls who really couldn't care less about the PS club were intrigued.
When we got back from PE I thought my guts were about to explode, not to mention my heart that was protruding through my ribcage beating unbelievably fast.
Mr H made a huge coughing sound and began to clear his throat as if he was making a speech to the president of the United States."OK Dokey," he said, "This time took me quite a bit longer as there were lots of contenders lured to the competition because of the prize. The verdict is out and the winners of this week are??. and the winners are????do you really want to know?" He said teasingly as the whole class screamed at him "YES!" Harry Burgess said, "Come on out with it mate."
"Ok first is ?.Matthew Robinson, Josh Cameron, Jacob Anderson, Ryan James, Patrick Smithers and Tom Carter." I was in. I made it. After I heard my name the rest was a blur. I didn't even hear him mention Nigel and James's name as well. I was in too much of an excited daze thinking about the first heat.
"Right," he said, "go and have ten minutes to eat your lunch and make sure you eat plenty of healthy stuff because you are going to need heaps of energy and loads of concentration. No junkie lollies, ice-creams or bags of greasy chips for you guys. Ok!" As if our tuckshop would sell hot chips anyway.
"Yep," we all said as we ran out, grabbed our lunch bags and bolted down to the tuckshop. Competition or not, this was the one and only day of the whole week that my Mom allowed me to have an ice cream at school and I was not going to miss out. I really didn't believe that one measly paddle pop would ruin my concentration anyway.
When we got into the computer room Mr Higginbottom and Miss Egbutt were in there chatting with their cups of coffee. Sometimes she comes in to watch us play. She says it's because she loves gaming but I think it's probably because she loves Mr H. When we see them outside in the playground doing yard duty together we always sing the song. "Egbutt and Higginbottom up a tree, k - i - s - s -i- n- g," but not when they can hear us of course. No-one really knows for sure, but the way they make googly eyes at each other is so insane, they must love each other.
It would be so weird if they got married because Miss Egbutts name would change from being a butt to a bottom. My Mom got really mad at me when I told her that and she said I was being rude making fun of people's names. "People can't help what name's they are given," she said, but I think I saw the corners of her eyes twinkling and wrinkling up into a little smile and her mouth was sort of twitching like she was trying not to laugh.
"Hey guys," Miss Egbutt greeted us. "That was really cool getting into the first heat. You must have worked pretty hard all week to deserve this."
"Yes they definitely have," interjected Mr H. "We don't want to waste any time though so let's make haste". I didn't really know what he meant by making haste. I didn't really want to make anything but he was moving towards his big, black case with the games inside so I just agreed. Mom told me later that it meant let's hurry.
"Now boys, there are eight of you here today so that means that four of you won't make it through to the heats next week. I need to know that if you are one of the ones that don't get through that you will act appropriately and maturely and take the loss like a true sportsman and not a baby in nappies". I think what he meant was that we couldn't crack it if we lost. So we all agreed. I didn't intend to lose anyway so it didn't matter.
"Ok. I have your names in a hat. Nigel, please draw a name out to see who you will battle today."
"What if I draw my own name out?" asked Nigel.
"Trust you to think of that. Well of course you draw again. It would be too easy to win if you had to play yourself now wouldn't it? Right! Go ahead, draw your combatant." Nigel slowly put his hand in like he was reaching in to a tank of piranhas in a feeding frenzy. When he pulled out the ticket without a piranha latching onto the end he quickly read it. "Yeah easy peasy, I get to play Matthew."
"Oh" I mumbled disappointedly. I had wanted to play Matty but then on the other hand I didn't want to play him because when I beat him he would be out.
"Ok Jacob take a number." Jacob looked at Mr Higginbottom blankly.
"Where do I get a number from," he said vaguely. For a smart kid he sure could be dumb sometimes.
"Pick a name stupid," said Nigel impatiently.
"Doh!" he said like Bart Simpson and laughed at his own stupidity. "Oh Ryan," he said after drawing my name out." I'm going to blitz you" he joked knowing full well he wouldn't.
"Now Josh dig in."
"How come he gets to go next?" Tom asked.
"Because he's prettier than you," and all the boys laughed at Mr. H as Josh drew out Tom's name.
"Ok now we'll see who the pretty one is," said Tom. "You're not gonna look so pretty when I've finished with you."
"Oooo I'm scared," teased Josh egging Tom on.
"That means there are only two boys left. Patrick and James you will verse each other. Now boys here are the games you can choose from." He began to open his brief case. "I don't suppose you got any Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty in there?" asked Nigel hopefully.
"Don't be cheeky Nigel. You know M rated games are not allowed at school." He had a stern look on his face as he laid all the games out on the desk. I wanted to kick Nigel in the shins for putting Mr H in a bad mood. He knows we're not allowed anything too violent but he can't help himself opening up his big gob.
"If you can't agree on one then I'll have to choose for you.
GAME ON BOYS! Choose your weapon."
It didn't take long for Jacob and me to agree on Star Wars Battlefront. I don't own that one at home but I've borrowed it from the DVD shop heaps of times and I've also discovered lots of unreal cheats on the internet when Mom thinks I'm looking up stuff for homework. Usually I'm allowed to have free "screen time" as Mom calls it once a week on Wednesday after soccer training. But that means I use up all my time looking for cheats so I like to make my own arrangements. Mom doesn't have to know everything.
We sat down in the bean bags in front of the TV. I was sitting on the one with a Homer Simpson cover on it. It had a little hole in it right where Homer's zip was in his jeans. It looked really funny because when I sat in it all the beans came flying out and it looked like he was peeing little white balls.