"Aghhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed as I saw its big tentacles reach out to try and suffocate me. I was just about to reach for my laser gun and my triple whammy light saber to pelt the thing with a hail of gunfire when it spoke to me as it wrapped its slimy limbs around my petrified neck.
"Give me a hug for my birthday," it said in a squeaky voice. I stared at the creature that looked scarily like my sister. I focused my eyes on its big ugly face and searched for clues. I looked harder and harder as my eyes began to open wide.
"Aghhhhhhhh," I screamed again when I realised that the alien was in actual fact not an alien who looked like my sister, but in fact was my sister who looked like an alien. I fearfully looked around my surrounds, and to my horror realised we were both sitting squashed in the back seat of my parent's car with a picnic basket squeezed between the two of us travelling along some highway.
"Good morning darling," I heard my Mothers chirpy voice come from the front seat. "Wish your sister a happy birthday."
I looked at her. I looked at my sister and I looked at my Dad who was happily driving the car and whistling cheerily. I wondered if we were already on the way to school and whether I had slept through the getting ready process. I looked down and saw I was still in my pj's.
"No, no, no!" I started to panic uncontrollably. "What's going on? Where are we going? Why aren't we at home getting ready for school? I can't go to school in my pj's. MOM?"
"Ryan settle down. It's all ok. Lisa, why don't you tell him about the birthday surprise?"
"We're going to Movie World for my birthday and even though it's not your birthday, you still get to come and you get to miss out on school because it's my birthday. So you can thank me later with some lollies. Mom, why do we have to bring Ryan? Why should he miss out on school when it's my birthday? It's not his. I never got to miss out on school when it was his birthday."
"Because he's your brother Lisa and you love him and want him to be part of your birthday celebrations and we're going to have lots of fun as a whole family this weekend. Isn't that right Ryan?"
I WAS DUMFOUNDED! I was as flabbergasted and as panic-stricken as a guppy fish coming face-to-face with a great white shark. I couldn't believe my disastrous luck and I couldn't open my mouth. It was glued to my gums. I felt like my brain was moving in slow motion getting ready to erupt like a volcanic explosion spewing molten lava into the atmosphere.
"Ryan, Ryan, aren't you excited? Did you hear what I said? We're going to MOVIE WORLD," she shouted, "and you get to miss a whole day of school all because of me."
"NOOOOO!" I screamed. "I am not excited. Take me back. I want to go to school. It's a school day, take me back. I can't miss school today!" I was beginning to realise the whole truth of what was happening. It was the day of the playoffs grand final, and I was hurtling down the highway at 100 kilometres per hour in the opposite direction when I should have been standing in front of the TV, brushing my teeth and watching Prank Patrol on TV on the most important day of the whole year, if not the most important day of my whole life.
Instead, these unimaginable creatures who called themselves my loving family had ripped me from my cosy bed, kidnapped me while the cold night air still lingered before day break and whisked me off unknowingly while I slept. To make matters worse they left me exposed to the world with my Thomas the Tank engine pyjamas still on. If anyone saw me in those, I'd be history. I would be so embarrassed.
"Now I know he's really, really gone all weirdo on us. How can he want to go to school when we're going to Movie World?" My sister just had to throw her bit in. Right about then, I wished there was a massive earthquake and the road cracked in a lightning shaped form and swallowed her up whole like a dinosaur slurping down his breakfast. It was all her fault we were heading in the opposite direction to school.
'Mom I want to go back," I pleaded in my sweetest voice. "Please I want to go to school today. I CAN'T MISS SCHOOL!"
"What on earth's got into you today? I know you love school but its only one day. You're in fifth grade Ryan. It's not like you're missing out on your twelfth grade finals. And we're going to Movie World for goodness sake. Anyone would think we're forcing you to take the day off to go to the tip to search for dinosaur bones." Actually that would probably be just as fun as going to school but not on this day, not grand final day.
"Now say happy birthday to your sister and stop being bad-mannered and unappreciative." Sometimes Mom sounded like a cd stuck on a scratch saying the same thing over and over. She was always going on about being more appreciative.
"Happy birthday," I begrudgingly mumbled into my chest.
"I can't hear you," my smarty pants sister snarled.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I yelled into her ears. "Mom I need to go back now. Please I have to go to school today."
"Ryan just settle down and stop this ridiculous behaviour. We're half an hour from the Gold Coast. We're going to stop at Maccas and have breakfast and you and Lisa can get dressed. We should be at Movie World by 9.30 and you'll forget all your woes and troubles. So pull yourself together and get a grip. That's just the way things are and I don't want to hear another word unless it's a happy one."
She started talking in that low voice to Dad, the one she uses when she's trying to make out it's only for Dad's ears but she really wants us to hear. "I don't know what's got into that boy. Most kids would think its Christmas getting to go to Movie World on a school day. I don't know what's so exciting at school today but I'm sure it can wait."
"That's just it. It won't wait. It's today Mom. It's the grand final of the Play station playoffs, remember in the news letter. I'm in the final today. I could win a game." I said as I started to break down into a blubbering mess.
"Oh Ryan, why didn't you tell us?"
"I did."
"When?"
"Just then. Oh Mom I wanted it to be a surprise so I could just come home with the game and show you. Now do you understand?"
"Yes I do understand why you feel that way. I guess that would have been a little bit exciting." OMG! My Mother, did she live under a rock? A little bit exciting. A little bit exciting? Was she for real?
"So can you please turn the car around and go back now? " I asked with relief filtering through my veins.
"It's a great shame Ryan darling, but no dear of course we can't turn the car around and go back." She chuckled to herself and looked at Dad.
"It's not that you can't, you won't, because you like her more than me!" I was starting to get mad and beginning to blubber again. Nothing, nothing in the whole world could have felt worse than that moment.
Right about that time everyone would be going eagerly into class. Matthew and Josh would be looking for me and wondering where I was. Nigel the mean kid would be looking smugly at everyone with that cheesy smile knowing he was about to win the most prestigious competition to ever exist without even trying.
Then an even worse thought hit me. What if Mr Higginbottom replaced me with Josh and he got a chance to win. That would be worse. Then again, if I couldn't win, I would rather Josh beat Nigel. I started to sob quietly with my head buried in the car door, and then I was full on bawling like a big dumb girl. I couldn't help it and my sister had to add to my misery. "You sure are such a big baby. Baby, baby," she chanted, taunting me when I was at my lowest.
"Lisa just leave him. Ryan things aren't really that bad. Sometimes they seem worse than what they really are. In fact sometimes when things seem really bad, something really good happens out of the blue to make you forget the bad things, like the fact that we're going to Movie World."
What would my Mom know? How could anything good come out of missing the grand final? The only thing that was likely to happen is that I would become known as a loser, a big wimp who was too scared to turn up to beat the snotty nosed, nasty Nige.
I cried so hard, I drifted back into a world of grief-stricken slumber. It only seemed about five minutes had passed when I woke to find the car pulling into the McDonald's car
park. All I could think about was that I had a very big desire to pee. During my sleep I'd somehow stopped crying but my tears had dried into what felt like cracked snot all over my face. With my warm pyjamas on, I felt like a ridiculous swamp monster emerging from the deep covered in slime wearing baggie Thomas the tank flannelettes. Mom helped me get dressed. The autumn sun was starting to warm the morning and sitting in the sun drenched car felt like a sauna. I was sizzling like a sausage on a bbq so I was glad when Mom helped me into my boardies and Bart Simpson singlet.
I looked up and saw the big golden M's looming down, beckoning me to come in. I hadn't felt hungry when I was first rudely awoken but after the trauma I had endured I supposed I could force down a bacon and egg burger with some pancakes. It wouldn't make me any happier though but at least it would get rid of the squirmy, gnawing feeling in my tummy.
Mom and Dad are usually pretty stingy when it comes to take away food so I thought I may as well take up the opportunity while it was there. Mom says we don't buy much take away food because she's looking after our health and our bodies by not putting in too much junk. What would she know?
I reckon Macca's is pretty healthy anyway. Even the Big Macs contain food from most of the healthy food groups. The roll is from the bread group and the meat patty is meat. Cheese is from the dairy group and the fruit and veggie group is represented by the green pickle that no-one ever eats. Even the fries are made from potatoes. So how much healthier does she want it to be? So I thought while we were there, I may as well force myself in and enjoy some of the five food groups. Couldn't think which group the pancakes came under though.
Chapter 16: Movie World vs the Playoffs
By the time we got to the grand entrance of Movie World, the playoff's grand final had faded into the background of my brain and I was starting to get excited about going on the roller coaster and the Batman ride. The last time we had gone to Movie World I was only a toddler and had been too little to go on anything scary. They had little statues of movie characters next to each ride and if you weren't as tall as they were you couldn't go on the ride. To be honest back then I was too scared to go on anything anyway. Mom said when they tried to get me on the Scooby Doo ride, little China men would have heard me screaming in China. I think the only ride I went on all day was the merry go round. Even then I didn't dare go on top of a horse that bobbed up and down. I sat in the safety of a stationary boat.
But this time I was going to go on everything. Mom said because it was a school day there might not be many queues so we could have as many turns as we wanted on everything.
When we were finally at the ticket box I felt a stray smile sneaking up all over my face and taking over my grumpy frown. I tried to keep feeling sad about the playoffs, but the lure of Movie World was starting to take over me like a parasitic alien inhabiting his victim. No matter how I tried to fight the betrayal, the feelings of thrilling anticipation won over until in the end I let it possess me and I began to feel really excited. I couldn't wait to get to the new Superman ride first.
As I walked through the number three gate and paid the admission, Dad made a joke to the lady about having to rob a bank just to afford to come to Movie World. Dad's always cracking sick jokes to people he doesn't know. Just as Mom started to roll her eyes at Dad, a huge siren started sounding and flashing lights began illuminating over the gate we were entering.
At first I thought it was a fire alarm or something even more threatening like a bomb scare. Mom also looked worried so that made me even more scared until the lady at the ticket booth said with a big toothy grin, "Congratulations young man you've won. As part of our twenty year celebrations this week we are giving away a major prize each day to the 20th visitor through the gates and you young man are our lucky winner for today." It looked as though she was looking straight at me. I turned around to see if there was some other boy that she was talking to standing behind me, but apart from the other trillion people queuing up there wasn't anyone right behind.
I'd won. I'd won a prize for the first time in my life. I immediately hoped it was going to be something cool like a batman toy or a batman show bag and not just a hotdog or some other junk food voucher that Mom wouldn't approve of. I'd have to share it with Lisa and I was still full from Macca's breakfast anyway.
"Hello you lucky thing, what's your name?" She was still looking at me all sparkly eyed, so I answered.
"Ryan James." She answered me so it must have been for real.
"Well Ryan I am pleased to tell you that today's prize is a pretty special one." She looked at my Mom and Dad who were beaming excitedly at me. They definitely thought it was going to be more than hotdog and chips.
"Mr and Mrs James?" she queried. "You're Ryan's parents? I just need to get some details from you, and your super prize will be here for collection when you're ready to leave. Come with me this way." She put up a sign saying back in one minute. The man behind me got a bit grumpy and I heard his wife say, "Don't get your knickers in a knot," which is a really peculiar thing to say. As if you could get your knickers in a knot when you're wearing them, grumpy or not!
The very nice lady (well I thought she was very nice because she was going to give us something for free) ushered us into an office. Lisa didn't want to come in. She was starting to get all sulky because she was customer number nineteen and didn't win the prize. If you ask me it serves her right for pushing me out of the way just so she could hold Dad's hand in the line. Most of the stuff at Movie World is boy stuff anyway like Batman, Superman and Lethal weapon things so I don't know why she was so jealous. Even most of the Harry Potter stuff is for boys. I hoped the prize wasn't going to be some big, fluffy tweety bird because then I really would want to give it to Lisa.
Anyway, Mrs Very Nice Lady gave Mom and Dad some forms to fill out. They chatted for a moment. I think Dad made a few crazy jokes but I wasn't really listening. I was too busy trying to guess what the prize might be. I was really hoping for the Batman show bag because then you get lots of different things to play with including a mini bat mobile. I remember Matty bringing one for show and tell last year after his holiday. It was really awesome.
"Would you like to know what your prize is before you enjoy the day or keep it a surprise for the end of the day?"
"YES! I would love to know." I didn't hesitate in answering as My Mom and Dad both simultaneously said, "NO!" I wanted to know straight away. I couldn't bare the suspense all day but my Dad was very insistent we would wait the whoooooooole day.
"We'll definitely wait till the end of the day. It will give you something to look forward to," he said giving me one of those looks, "and it will help us to drag him away from the lethal weapon," he said with a wink to the very nice lady. "Come on lets go. Thankyou very much Amy. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."
"Have a great day," she replied, "and you will absolutely be mad about your prize," she said looking at me.
"Why does he have to get the prize? It's my birthday!" Lisa whinged as we left the office.
"Lisa I'm sure Ryan will share it with you, won't you Ryan?"
"Depends if she's nice to me or not. And it depends what it is. If it's some big fluffy toy from Looney Toons then she can have it all to herself."
Dad gave Mom a wink when he thought I wasn't looking. I had no idea what that meant but usually when Dad winks at Mom it's because they've got some secret going.
Chapter 17: Cool Riders
The rest of the day at Movie World was sick as. Lisa and I both forgot that we started our days in the poo. I had pretty much forgotten all about the play offs by the time I had my first ride on the Justice League ride. It was ancient history. During the day whenever the thought entered my brain space fleetingly, it was quickly pushed out through my earhole and out into the thin air by the temptation of another thrill seeking ride.
There were heaps of other cool rides and lots of free stuff because of their birthday celebrations. I got to go on the Batman ride three time
s and I didn't have to queue up once. Mom was right about the queues. The first time I was a bit scared and I nearly didn't go on it but Lisa just talked me into it. She was awesome; she went on absolutely everything with me. Lisa proved to be a real thrill seeker when it came to going on the rides. I thought being a girl she would chicken out of everything except the Looney tunes corner but she was braver than me sometimes, but I didn't tell her that. Her head already resembles a bratz doll it's so big.
She kept making me go on everything again and again and again. In the end my tummy felt like it had been taken over by a frenzy of wriggling worms doing cartwheels at a gymnastics carnival. Imagine a gymnastics carnival for worms. Don't know how they'd do a handstand though.
Lisa's pretty cool sometimes I guess. Dad went on some rides too but Mom didn't. She said someone had to do the hard job of staying with the bags. At lunch time I thought she might have pulled out the winning prize - free hotdog vouchers, but instead she pulled out smelly egg sandwiches made from bread that now resembled soggy toast. Normally I love egg sandwiches but not when they've been squished at the bottom of a hot back pack for three hours getting all mushy as they rub up and down Dad's back. At that point I would have been quite happy to accept hotdog vouchers as my winning prize but Mom assured me that the real prize was waiting back at the front office and would probably be a lot more exciting than hot dogs.
"No birthday cake Mom?" asked Lisa, returning to her whinging ways for a fleeting moment.
"Well it was a bit difficult to pack one in the back pack Lisa, but I'm sure we can come up with something at the apartment."
Judging by the condition of the sandwiches I was pretty glad Mom didn't pack a birthday cake. It would have been like one big fat pancake with pink icing.
By the end of the day we were all pretty stuffed, but Mom said we had to find some more energy to go out to tea for Lisa's birthday so we had to go home at 4 o'clock to rest even though the gates didn't close till five. Lisa and I started to complain that we hadn't had enough rides but then I remembered the prize waiting for me at the front gate, so I was happy to leave. Lisa had to be bribed with an ice-cream before we could finally find out what the mysterious prize was waiting for me.