CHAPTER 17
Born to be Wild
As we drove the route to South Effingham High, I told him all about the information I had found on the internet last night. He said nothing.
"Ty, if you can't trust me enough to tell me what's going on, then I can't be in this relationship anymore."
"It's not a matter of trust, Essie. I do trust you. I'm just not sure you'd understand."
"Well, I guess you won't know until you try me."
"Not now."
"Then when?"
"I need more time."
"Fine. Take all the time you need."
"Please don't be like that."
"Like what, Ty? You just said we needed to talk."
"Okay. After school then."
We arrived at the high school, parked in Ty's usual spot, and walked into the building without resuming any conversation. He walked me to my locker and, without saying a word, took my face in his hands, waited until my eyes met his, then kissed my forehead. I had closed my eyes momentarily and when I opened them, he was gone.
I arrived at Mr. Joshua's class early, as usual, and tried to slip into my seat quietly in an attempt to avoid conversation.
"Good morning, Essie," he called out from a corner of the room.
"Good morning, Mr. Joshua," I managed with a feeble smile.
"Want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
"Whatever's bothering you."
"It's just more boyfriend drama," I volunteered reluctantly, squirming in the hard plastic chair.
"Maybe I can help," he offered.
"I do have some specific questions this time. But I'm afraid you'll consider committing me just for asking them."
"Essie," he said sincerely, "I've lived in Eden my whole life and I've seen a lot of things. I promise that I won't consider having you committed for asking strange questions. You can trust me."
Karen came through the door just then, heading for the seat next to mine. "Thank you, Mr. Joshua," I whispered, pulling out the book we were currently reading.
"Hi, Essie," she greeted me pleasantly, as she had every day.
"Hi, Kah-ren," I responded in kind, trying my best to imitate her pronunciation. Our friendship had yet to develop beyond simple pleasantries; I was only peripherally aware of students other than Ty and Mara. Maybe today was the day to make an effort to change that.
"How are you today?" I asked with every bit of interest I could muster. It's not that I wasn't interested, but my mind was still reeling from the unnerving information I had learned from my late night internet searches.
"I'm good, thanks. You look tired, though. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind and I couldn't sleep last night."
"That sucks."
I nodded.
The bell rang for class to begin. "Let's talk more later," I whispered.
She nodded and wrote her phone number on a small piece of paper she ripped off the corner of a page in her notebook. "Text me," she whispered back.
After class, Ty was waiting for me, acting as though nothing had happened. The rest of the day passed in the same manner, both of us keeping up appearances, pretending that everything was just fine. He was much better at it than I, no doubt due to many years of practice, if, indeed, he was secretly an angel living among humans. When the final bell rang, I was anxious. I had spent much of the day imagining what Ty might share with me. I went by my locker to get my books and, to my surprise, Michael was waiting for me. My heart leapt inside my chest when I saw him. He was every bit as beautiful as I remembered, although I had tried my best not to think of him. Strange, I thought to myself. I could swear that the corridor appeared brighter around him.
"Hey," he said with a big smile. After a moment, he asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, thanks," I lied, and returned the smile.
"Can I walk you to your car?"
"She's with me, Powers," I heard Ty say from somewhere behind me. I spun around and glared at him, although he was staring at Michael.
"You can leave now," he continued, not averting his eyes.
Michael looked at me. "I'll see you soon."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, embarrassed.
He just smiled and walked away.
"What are you sorry for?" Ty demanded after Michael was out of sight.
"That was uncalled for."
"He's trying to come between us, Essie. Can't you see that?"
"All I saw was my new boss being polite."
"You're being naive."
"You're being ridiculous," I retorted. "Are we going to talk? Or, rather, are you going to answer my questions?"
He sighed. "Let's go."
Instead of taking me home, he drove to Black Creek. We walked to the pit and sat across from each other on the logs.
"Okay. What do you want to know?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.
"I want to know what you are - if you're descended from the Grigori, if you're an angel," I blurted out.
"Yes," he replied softly, looking down. Normally, he never avoided eye contact. This was unexpected. And I had been certain he was going to deny my allegations. Now I felt bad and wasn't sure how to proceed.
"Will you explain everything to me?" I asked gently, getting up and moving to sit closer to him.
"You don't want to run away?" he asked, looking up at me. A single ray of sunshine had found its way through an opening in the thick foliage, lighting up Ty's face, and transforming his golden brown eyes into deep amber bowls teeming with glistening gold flakes.
"Why would I want to do that?" I asked, still fixated on his sparkling eyes.
He shook his head. "I just admitted to you that I'm descended from an ancient line of angels. Why wouldn't you want to run away?"
"I don't scare that easily," I answered too quickly. "And besides, I at least owe you a chance to explain."
"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."
"Neither do you."
He looked at me and I saw a vulnerability in him that I had never seen before. In my head, I knew that what he was saying was dangerous, but in my heart, I didn't care. I had heard him say yes, confirming what I had researched, yet I was choosing to ignore it. Logic and reason were just words at the moment.
"Do you remember when we were at Sea Island and I told you that I had some big decisions to make before I turned eighteen?" he asked, his face, the picture of innocence.
"I do."
"Well, I have until my eighteenth birthday to decide whether or not I want to remain an angel or give it up and live out the rest of my human life as an ordinary man. That's the way it works for everyone born into the Grigori line. See, we're born with certain abilities which allow us to lead privileged lives. If I decide that I no longer wish to be an angel, I will be disowned by my family and I will lose everything that goes along with that."
"That doesn't sound like angelic behavior to me. And hardly fair. Why would your family disown you?" I asked, slightly irritated. I suddenly felt like his champion.
"That's just the way it's always been done."
I was confused. "Why wouldn't you want to be an angel?"
"I had never considered it before I met you. I love having special abilities. The downside is that in this age, we're considered fallen angels, even demons. But it's not like that. We're 'watchers' - that's what Grigori means. It comes from the Greek word egregoroi and, before that, from the Hebrew word irin. You can see those words mentioned in the Bible, in the Book of Daniel, chapter four, right alongside of 'the holy ones'."
"I did see that. But it was in the Book of Enoch," I interjected.
"Anyway, I assumed that if you associated me with the words fallen or demon, you'd want to get as far away from me as possible. But we're not the demons we've been made out to be. Everything we do is with God's permission," he explained. "You can find a perfect example in the book of Job. Lucifer was hanging out with a bunch of angels and they went to see God. He
asked Lucifer where he'd been and he answered that he had been roaming the earth. God brought up Job's name and asked if he had checked him out. Lucifer said that he had, but that the only reason Job was so good was because God had given him everything and had protected him, but should that protection be lifted, Job would curse God. So, God allowed Lucifer to do whatever he wanted to Job. In the end, Job never did curse God because he had free will and chose not to. But the point is that we're allowed to tempt or provoke people and then God judges their behavior. It's all under His direction."
"I think I understand," I interrupted. "It's kind of like being a police officer. It's not the officer's fault if you commit a crime and land in jail. He's just doing what he was hired to do. And you're just doing what God told you to do. It's not your fault if someone sins."
"Exactly. But over the centuries, man has turned us into the personification of evil, blaming us for their bad choices. And our abilities..."
"But you're not bad," I interrupted again.
"I'm not bad," he repeated flatly, his eyes now looking emptily beyond me.
After a moment, I admitted, "Since we're being honest here, I should tell you that I've had an uneasy feeling about you since we first met, but I attributed it mostly to the fact that you're so pretty. And rich. Plus, strange things seem to happen when you're around."
He laughed. "I'm pretty! Gee, thanks."
I smiled a half smile, raised my eyebrows, tilted my head a bit, and shrugged.
He laughed again for a moment, but then was quiet. I watched him closely as he sat staring pensively into space.
I was the one to break the silence this time, afraid that he might have changed his mind about confiding in me. "You started to say something about your abilities," I pressed.
"You're not going to like it," he warned.
"Tell me anyway."
He took a deep breath. "I'm able to..." he paused for a second, appearing to be searching for the right words, then resumed "...to persuade people to do what I want." He paused again, waiting for a response from me, but I said nothing. He continued, hesitantly, "All I have to do is touch someone or look into their eyes and I can make them think that whatever I want them to do is their own idea. I don't even need to speak, but I usually do. Mara calls it 'dazzling'. I prefer 'pushing'."
"I knew it! You know, I feel something draw me to you whenever our eyes meet. It's like I have no willpower, even though my research indicated that you can influence people but you can't take away their free will. Still, that makes me so angry, Ty, that you would... that you would try to... to dazzle me."
"Essie, it doesn't work on you. Whatever you feel is not from my ability. I swear. I don't want to make you even more angry but I did try to push you a couple of times and... nothing. And that's never happened before. At least not with humans."
"When?"
"It didn't work so let's just leave it at that."
"Whatever. I can't believe that you tried to do that to me," I said indignantly.
"Please forgive me. Honestly, though, I like that I can't push you. It's quite boring getting your way all the time. I have to actually try hard to make you like me."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Puh-lease," was all I could utter as I rolled my eyes.
"I do try hard, Essie," he said softly, sounding earnest. When our eyes met, I couldn't look away. My heart was racing. I knew I should ask him to take me home but, instead, I just sat perfectly still, letting his gaze pierce my defenses.
"I love you, Essie," he said after a long moment.
My heart went from racing to stopping. I couldn't breathe. He loves me? I had pondered this notion many times, certainly more than I would ever admit to. But we'd only been together for about a month. Shouldn't these words be left unsaid for some customary period of time? And, if so, what was this unwritten customary period? I had no clue, but surely it was longer than a month. What I did know right now was that my heart wanted to repeat the words back to this lovely creature sitting so close to me. My brain, on the other hand, was reviewing its memory of the information I had found on the internet less than twenty-four hours ago.
Too much time was passing without me saying anything. As usual, Ty seemed to know what I was thinking. He tactfully interrupted my thoughts and said, "It's okay, Essie. I just wanted you to know."
I felt flush. I tried to conceal my embarrassment at my non-response with another question. "Is mind reading one of your abilities?"
"No," he chuckled. "Why would you ask that?"
"Because you always seem to know what I'm thinking. Like you can read my thoughts."
"I wish I could read your thoughts. You're so different. I've really had to study you to even begin to understand how you think."
I let that comment pass and continued the Q&A. "So is it only dazzling or pushing or whatever you want to call it or do you have other abilities as well?"
"I think we've covered enough for today. Let's go get an ice cream."
"We can get an ice cream, but I want to know everything," I demanded.
"I don't think you do," he said warily. "I think it's best if you let what we discussed sink in. Take some time to think about it. I need you to be okay with all of this."
"I'm fine. And if you've really been studying me like you said, then you know that I'm not going to let this go. Frankly, I think it's pretty cool that you can 'push'. Especially since it doesn't work on me," I added with a wink. "And what did you mean by 'not with humans'? What else is there?"
"Maybe Mike Powers will tell you about that some day," he answered cryptically.
"What does he have to do with any of this?"
"I'm not going to get into that with you right now. Maybe you don't need any time to let all this sink in, but I do. I've never even considered telling anyone about this and you need to let me do it my way. So let's get out of here. Please," he said, sounding annoyed.
I begrudgingly accepted the fact that I wasn't going to get any more out of him at the moment, so I just glared at him briefly, got up and started for the car. It was getting late anyway and I had a long night of homework ahead. I was suddenly anxious to see Michael again. Maybe he would be more forthcoming than he was yesterday.
We drove home in silence, foregoing the ice cream, and I pondered our time at Black Creek. The "I love you" was definitely in the forefront of my mind. Was everything he told me true and was I actually willing to overlook the fact that he was a fallen angel just because he said "I love you?" I didn't even know what that entailed, but I was determined to find out.
Pulling into my driveway, I noticed that my mother was already home. I was sure to get a lecture about responsibility and trust since I'd disobeyed her rule about coming home right after school. I'd have no defense, of course, as there was no way that I could tell her what I'd just learned. I would have to listen patiently and agree with everything she said. That would be the quickest way to get it over with so I could call Jane and tell her this unbelievable turn of events. I was still deep in thought when I realized that Ty had opened my door. He reached for my hand and helped me out of the car, not letting go. He deftly closed the car door behind me with his free hand, then took my other hand in his, all the while moving in close to me. With our fingers tightly entwined, he brought our hands down by our sides and looked into my eyes for what seemed an eternity. Then he kissed me softy, briefly, stepping back before my mother could make her way to the front door.
"I love you," he mouthed as he walked around to the driver's side, got in, and drove away. I stood there, watching him drive away, unsure of myself for the first time in as long as I could remember.
After the expected lecture from my mother, I went to my room. Before I could hope to get any homework done, I had to talk to Jane. As soon as she answered her phone, I blurted out, "He said 'I love you'."
"Did you say it back?"
"No. He really caught me off guard and I just kind of froze."
"Wait a minute. Rewind. Start from t
he beginning."
An hour later, she was caught up. "I still can't believe you led with the 'I love you' thing as opposed to the angel thing. Call me tomorrow, okay?"
"I will, Jane. By the way, please keep this just between us. I don't even want Peggie and Annie to know. At least not yet."
"Of course."
"See you, Janie."
"See you, Ess."
Despite the ton of homework I had yet to even look at, I had to do more research on what Ty had said. Were demons real and were they getting a bad rap? Certainly, Ty and Mara and their parents didn't fit the stereotype of what I had imagined demons to be. Speaking of, I was sure that I wasn't comfortable referring to my boyfriend as a demon. Henceforth, I would refer to him as an angel, until proven otherwise. I turned on my laptop and began the quest to understand who and what angels and demons really were.
I figured a logical place to start was with definitions. I found that in the original Greek, "demon" (daimon) simply denoted a "spiritual being". The Hebrew word, satan, means "to obstruct" and was the one given authority by God to tempt humans and to report back to God, just like Ty said. Next, I googled "the devil" and found that Judaism doesn't even contain the concept of the devil that is accepted by modern day Christianity; however, the Hebrew Bible does describe Ha-Satan as an angel who tests mankind, while the name Lucifer means "light bringer". That all seemed innocuous enough. And it all corroborated Ty's story. In addition, these facts allowed me to interpret the lore I had found on the Grigori in a new light, realizing it never actually said that the Watchers were evil, only that they imparted knowledge to man and that man was consumed by it. Did this prove that angels and demons exist? Time would tell. A quote by Eliza Cook came to mind, "Who would not rather trust and be deceived?" I certainly didn't want to be deceived but I decided that I would trust Ty and consider him innocent until proven guilty.
Satisfied with my findings for the moment, I realized I was smiling, remembering Ty's kiss when he dropped me off and how adorable he looked as he mouthed, "I love you". His saying it again alleviated the pressure I would have put on myself to find the perfect time to say it back. He was obviously okay with it being out there.
I started in on my homework and didn't stop until it was finished, two and a half long hours later. Mum had taken pity on me and had brought some food to my room since I had skipped the dinner break in order to finish sooner.
Once finished, and despite my total lack of sleep the night before, I was still too excited to go to bed. I took my blanket and pillow out on to the roof and Axl followed.
"My boyfriend's an angel," I whispered to my furry friend. He rested his lovable face on my stomach and exhaled loudly.