CHAPTER 19
Saturday Night's (All Right for Fighting)
I could feel the tension as I approached the porch steps, as thick and heavy as the air on this steamy Georgia afternoon. I said hello nicely enough, but Ty just stared at me and gave me the guy nod.
"What?" I asked innocently.
"How was work?" he asked sardonically.
"It doesn't seem like you really want to know."
"Oh, I already know."
"What do you mean?"
"I saw you with Mike!" he said angrily.
"What are you talking about?"
"I was going to surprise you by picking you up at work and taking you out to celebrate your first day. When I pulled in, you were lying in his arms! Neither of you even saw me because you were too busy staring at each other!" he said in a raised voice.
"That wasn't what it looked like," I tried to explain. But he stopped me.
"I saw you, Essie! I'm not stupid!"
"Let's go for a walk in the woods before my mother comes out here."
I started to walk down the stairs and he followed after a moment, silent. When we were safely hidden behind the large live oak that stood as a lone sentinel at the head of the path, his ugly side showed itself.
"I told you that I didn't want you working there," he yelled, gripping my bicep too tightly and spinning me toward him. "You have no idea what I wanted to do when I saw you with him."
"Let...go...of...my...arm," I warned. "I know you don't want to hurt me."
He ripped his hand away. "Sorry. What the heck, Essie?" he sighed.
"Ty, if you would give me a chance to explain..."
He was silent.
"Michael walked me to my car and we both reached for the door handle at the same time and it startled me and when I went to turn, I tripped and he caught me before I hit the ground, and that's it," I said all in one breath.
He looked pensively at the ground.
"Nothing happened," I reiterated.
"It didn't look like nothing," he muttered, still not looking at me.
The sun was still fairly high in the early evening sky and it was hot. Sensing we might be there for a while, I sat down under the oak's shade in a pile of fallen leaves and pine needles, hoping they would provide a buffer between my favorite jeans and the Georgia red clay that had already claimed several items of clothing from my siblings. I leaned back against the trunk, legs out straight in front of me, arms folded obstinately across my chest.
It felt good to sit and relax after running around the nursery all day. Ty hadn't said anything else, but he was now glaring at me. Instead of glaring back, I closed my eyes and imagined myself back in the field at Black Creek, lying on my blanket, listening to "Meditation from Tha?s". After about half of the song had played in my head, I felt Ty sit down next to me, his shoulder touching mine. I kept my eyes closed and my arms crossed, giving him the opportunity to speak first. After all, it was he who was being absurd.
Instead of offering the apology I was sure I deserved, he laid his head on my shoulder. Wait! That's not fair! I remained stationary. He wriggled in a little closer, turning his head just enough to be able to tenderly kiss my neck. Uh, oh. My pulse quickened and my resolve softened. How was I supposed to stay angry when he was being so... so... beguiling?
I could feel his breath in my ear now, as he had slowly moved his mouth to my lobe. I was very still, concentrating on my breathing. I hated him for making me feel this way, ignoring, at least momentarily, the fact that he had behaved so badly.
"I love you," he whispered.
I let out an audible sigh.
"I love you," he whispered again.
I turned my head toward his, forgetting my anger, letting him kiss me. My body felt like a deflating balloon as I melted into his arms. This kiss felt more passionate, more urgent than his previous kisses. But as much as I was enjoying it, I was afraid to let it go on too long, hearing Mara's voice now in my head, keenly aware that one thing can all too easily lead to another. I didn't want a repeat of the night by the river in Savannah. I moved my hands from his shoulders and gently pressed them against his chest, wriggling a bit to free myself from his embrace.
"What's wrong?" he asked, still trying to hold me close.
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
"Nothing," I insisted.
"Do you not like kissing me?"
"Oh, my gosh!" I exclaimed, finally breaking free. "That's not it at all. As a matter of fact, I was just thinking how much I like kissing you."
"Then what is it?"
"I just don't want things to get out of hand."
"Essie, you feel the same way I do. I know you do," he bemoaned.
"Let's head back," I said in an attempt to change the subject and alleviate the growing tension.
He stood up quickly and, even though I knew he was angry, he extended his hand to help me up. He didn't let go as we rounded the oak tree and walked back to the front porch.
"Let's go back to the beach house for a couple of days," he said as we reached the door.
"I can't go, Ty. I have to work tomorrow at 1:00. Plus, we have school on Monday."
"That's another reason why you shouldn't have taken that job. If you work every weekend, we'll never be able to do anything."
"Well, I like working. And maybe we shouldn't be spending every waking moment together anyway. You know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"I don't know who 'they' are, but they're wrong. I think it's more likely 'out of sight, out of mind'."
I sighed, feeling exasperated. "We still have Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night. I don't see what the big deal is."
"Well, I don't see what the big deal is with you working."
"I'm sorry that you don't understand. And I really don't want to argue about this any more. Why don't we just call it a night."
"I don't want to leave like this," he pleaded.
"Ty, I'm starting to feel like you're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute you're loving and thoughtful and the next you're angry and controlling. I don't like it. I need to go now."
"Essie, please. Let's just go to Savannah for dinner. You have to eat."
At that, I remembered Michael's dinner invitation and wondered if it was too late to drop by his house. I looked at my phone. 6:18. Spending time with Michael and his family and friends would certainly take my mind off of Ty's disconcerting behavior.
"I'm not hungry," I lied.
"Do you have some place to be?"
"No. Why would you ask that?"
"You just checked the time," he replied, sounding irritated.
"Only because you brought up food and I was wondering how late it was," I lied again easily.
He stared at me suspiciously.
"I've had enough, Ty. I'm done. I want to go in the house."
"Don't do this. Don't just walk away and leave it like this."
"Ty, I don't know how to resolve this. Here's the thing - you don't own me. I'm not one of your possessions. You can't tell me what I can or can't do. You obviously don't get that. And as much as I love being with you, I still need to be my own person. If you can't let me do that and be okay with it, then we can't stay together. Think about it over the weekend and pick me up Monday for school, if you want. We can talk more then. If you want."
"I don't want to go the rest of the weekend without seeing you, but if that's what you want, fine." He took my face in his hands. When our eyes met, he continued, "Essie, I can't lose you." Then he closed his eyes and leaned over and pressed his forehead against mine. After a few seconds of listening to him breathe deeply, I felt his hands glide from my face to my neck to my shoulders and around to my back, hugging me tightly. A long moment later, he released me and walked away in silence, not looking back.