CHAPTER 29
It's My Life (And I'll Do What I Want)
It was getting harder and harder to act "normal" with everything I now knew was going on in the world around me. Sometimes I wanted to be like Ty and Mara so badly so I could feel as though I had some degree of control over my destiny; other times I wanted to slip away to some deserted island with Michael and retreat from this crazy world.
After earning all A's on my second quarter progress report, including Statistics, for which I was still receiving tutoring from Michael, although we had cut it back to one day per week, I had persuaded my mother to ease up on her straight-home-after-school rule. Instead, Ty and I would go to Black Creek to hone his telekinesis. While I knew that his full potential would be reached on his eighteenth birthday, that was more than eight months away. I was consumed with stretching the current limits of his abilities, convinced of his goodness, and no longer expecting him to give them up for me. He would need them in the final battle, where he would fight against evil.
Initially, he was only able to do things that took just a second to make happen in one burst of energy, like knocking over a glass. But each day, we worked at moving a rock. At first, he was only able to turn it over, but with daily practice, he was eventually able to levitate it for an indefinite amount of time and then throw it across the field.
Once we had that mastered, it was time to move on to him levitating. I was determined to get him to fly, something he had never considered. I wanted to fly so badly, to know that freedom and total abandon that my car could never provide. Being a passenger would be the next best thing to being able to fly on my own. We worked diligently, but he could only manage to lift himself just a foot or so above the ground and only for a few seconds at a time.
We now used his abilities so often that I started to feel as though I had abilities, too. Once in a while I would catch myself waving my arm as if to cause something to happen, kind of like with TiVo where you get so used to being able to pause the action that you momentarily think you can do that with things other than the tv. Ty and Mara thought it was hysterical.
Between school, Ty, and the nursery, I was barely home. Not that my mother really noticed. She was super busy at the hospital implementing changes that she hoped would increase efficiency. When she was home, she did her best to spend quality time with the kids, and invited DB over whenever he was free.
One thing I hadn't really noticed was that my absence had caused my relationship with Jennie to suffer. While we were never best friends, in the past, we were kind of forced to talk when we were both home, or sometimes we'd run errands together. Now, we were becoming strangers. She'd assimilated easily with a popular clique in the junior class. I had Ty and Mara and Karen, so it hadn't seemed like that big of a deal to me.
One day, as she was going up the stairs and I was going down, I stopped her. "Hey, Jen. What are you doing?"
"Why do you care?" she quipped.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You haven't talked to me in, like, forever. I'm sure you're leaving again to go hang out with Ty. So just go."
"I was just going to go to the store. Do you want to come with?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"You've changed, Essie. I don't really like you anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ever since you've been hanging out with Ty and Mara constantly, you're different. You're impatient and bossy and you never make time for Laurie, Hollie and Danny like you used to. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but something has changed in you."
"Wow. You know what? I think you're jealous."
"I'm not jealous. And if you were still the old Essie, you'd be able to see that."
"Whatever," I barked as I left her standing on the stairs.
That was so rude of her, I thought as I slammed the front door and slumped into one of the rocking chairs on the porch. Jennie had the distinct ability to bring out the two-year-old in me, probably because we were so close in age and had always, until a few months ago, been forced to cohabit. Growing up, before the little ones came along, I always heard, "Keep your eye on your little sister," or "Include your little sister," even though I preferred to play alone, using my vivid imagination to create scenarios where I was always an only child. As toddlers, my mother insisted on dressing us alike, albeit in different colors, me in pinks and purples, she in blues and greens, unintentionally exacerbating our embittered relationship. I stuffed my earbuds into my ears and cranked "Bad Reputation". "A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation."
I didn't care what Jennie thought. She didn't know anything. She had no clue what was really going on in the world and that I had been chosen for an instrumental role in a final battle. I may even have to save her one day. Then I'll show her how different I am, I thought angrily.
When the song ended, I called Mara. "Are you busy?" I asked.
"Not really. What's up?"
"We need to talk."
"Sounds serious. I'll pick you up in fifteen minutes."
"Thanks, Mara. See you."
Mara wanted to go to Savannah to some Mexican restaurant that she hadn't been to yet. Food was the last thing on my mind, but I said that was fine with me. On the way, we chatted about school and about some boy that liked her. I wasn't sure what was different about this boy. All the boys liked Mara. I could sense that she was holding off asking me what I wanted to talk about, waiting for me to bring it up. She was just as intuitive as her brother.
After we ordered, and our chips and salsa had arrived, I began. "I'm sure you know by now that Ty told me everything. And, by the way, thanks for acting normal. I've had a lot to think about and I've needed some time to figure out exactly how I felt about all this. You know, when I'm with Ty, everything he says makes perfect sense. But, then, I can say the same about Michael." I deliberately left out my conversations with Mr. Joshua. "I just needed to talk to someone else, to a girl, to you."
"First of all, let me say that I am soooo glad that this is finally out in the open. I've been dying to talk to you, but Ty made me wait until you brought it up to me. So, yay! Here's to open and honest dialogue," she said, raising her glass of water in a toast.
As our glasses clinked, I felt more at ease. I realized how much I desperately wanted someone to take Ty's side. Mr. Joshua, Michael and Miss Ginny were definitely against him; Jane always tried to play devil's advocate (no pun intended) in order for me to make up my own mind; and Karen didn't have all the facts needed to develop an informed opinion. I wanted to be "Team Ty" and I needed an ally who wanted the same thing.
Mara shared that this was the first time that she was able to talk with a human about all things angel. It was as cathartic for her as it was for me.
"I know you like working at the nursery, and I'm not saying you should quit, but you might want to consider avoiding the topic of angels when you're with Michael. He's only going to persist in trying to persuade you that he and his family are good and that we're evil. That will only serve to confuse you and put a strain on your relationship with Ty."
She was right, of course. I had become so caught up in learning all there was to know about the subject that, without doing it intentionally, I was inviting discord into our relationship. That wasn't fair to Ty.
"I think that's a great idea, Mara. You are wise beyond your years," I said sincerely, acknowledging her with a nod.
We stopped for an ice cream on the way home, where she "dazzled" the boy behind the counter into giving us extra large portions even though we ordered small cones. I had to admit that I had come to enjoy this and found it amusing.
Ty, Mara, and I were inseparable after that evening. I had even convinced them to let me invite Karen along on many of our outings, although she was not yet privy to their secret identities. But she was cool and fun and nice, so different from all the other kids at school who would do just about anything to be a part of Ty and Mar
a's inner circle. Sometimes I would ask Ty to cause them to trip or something equally embarrassing just because they made me sick, the way they continued to fawn no matter how badly we treated them.
After one particularly funny incident, I called Jane to share the hilarity.
"You won't believe what we did today, Jane. I wish you could have seen it."
"What happened?"
"So, we were walking through the parking lot after school and Savannah was on the football field with the rest of the cheerleaders, practicing for the game. When they were doing their pyramid, I asked Mara to topple them. They all started blaming each other for the fall and a big chick fight broke out. You would've loved it."
"No, I wouldn't have. It's not funny anymore."
"You're right, it wasn't funny, it was hilarious. We couldn't stop laughing."
"What's wrong with you? The Essie I knew would never have been a part of something like that. How many times have you calmed me down over the years because you didn't want me to hurt anyone? You've always been a peacemaker. But every time I talk to you lately, you're telling me that you've been a part of something mean. That's not you, Ess. You're not mean. Or least you didn't used to be."
"Don't be melodramatic, Jane. They were fine."
"That's not the point and you know it. Where are you going to draw the line?"
"Ty already told me that if I'm ever uncomfortable with anything, he won't do it."
"That's makes it even worse," she snapped.
"How does that make it worse? Anything I'm not okay with, he won't do."
"Are you listening to yourself?"
"You know what? I really don't want to listen to you anymore today. I called you because I miss you and I wish you were here and all I wanted was to share a laugh with you because I have no one else to talk to about all this. I wish I hadn't called."
"Ess, I want you to be able to confide in me. I'm just worried about you. I feel like you're spiraling out of control."
"That's the thing, Janie. I've never felt more in control. When I'm with Ty and Mara, I feel alive and powerful. It's exhilarating. And I'm going to need this confidence for whatever's ahead. You keep forgetting about that."
"I didn't forget. I know you're dealing with a lot. Listen, I'm sorry, but I've gotta go. My mother's called me three times for dinner. You know I love you. Don't be mad at me. We'll talk more about this later, okay?"
"Okay. Love you, too. See you."