CHAPTER VI.
_Tricks upon Travellers._
The descent from the sublime to the ridiculous is a very easy transitionin this mortal life. Even in the moments of utmost seriousness, we haveseen something flit across the vision of the brain, or eye, or thespirit, that for a moment diverts the current of thought from thesimplicity of the most devout and earnest Christian. Every moment welearn a new lesson of life and thought, from nature or from grace.
Thoughts are continually arising as to the probability of doing anyoneany good, in these narratives. They form a diversion of thought, andmuch must depend upon the disposition of the mind of the reader. A goodman will make some good out of every thing, and a bad man will findnothing good in anything.
To look simply at the picture, and to laugh at it, is easy; but to say,that they who played tricks upon others deserved to be whipped out ofthem, might be easier said than done.
Among the Doctor's patients was a singular mean old gentleman, SirAbraham Crusty, who was recommended by the Doctor to ride out hunting,or to give the hounds a look, by way of diversion to his usualnothingness in his country-box. Sir Abraham had retired from cityfriends, city business, city thoughts,--to enjoy, as he hoped, thebreezes and the green fields, and rural occupation at his country seatin Surrey; but being very hypochondriacal and very mean as well, he wasdesirous of being as economical as possible, and not desirous of beingconsidered a regular fox-hunter.
He could look on, enjoy the variety, and not be expected to pay anythingtowards the support of the hounds. Hence he would drop in upon them,look at them, ride a little way with them, and then return quietly tohis own mansion. He would not keep a hunting stud, nor any man-servantto ride out with him. He was old enough to take care of himself, wise todo his own will, and mean enough to think about nobody else but himself.
When he consulted the Doctor, and was told what to do, he asked him ifhe could tell him the best way to do it. "Go to John Tattsall's, buy asteady hunter with good strong limbs, and one that will make nomistake."
He did so: but John mistook him for an old farmer, and, consequently,gave him a good old hunter for a very little money. Any body might takeSir Abraham Crusty for what they pleased, so long as they did not taketoo much of his money; and that he took care not to throw away upon evensaddle, bridle, or riding whip, for he rode on an old saddle coveredwith a thick cloth, and had a drover's cart whip for his hunting whip;and few would imagine Sir Abraham was going out to follow the hounds. Heused to go himself overnight to the King Charles in the Oak, sleepthere, and, as if he were merely a travelling man of business, who camefor lodging for man and beast, he paid packman's fare for supper atnight, and breakfasted upon eggs and bacon in the morning; and startedoff quietly for the covert's side, without any intention of beingconsidered a hunter.
He went, however, one day with a very bitter complaint to DoctorGambado, saying, he thought his horse would be the death of him, forthat he never started from the Royal Oak without such a violent fit ofkicking, that he was afraid of a fall; and that made him so nervous, hethought the Doctor ought to return him his fee, and Mr. Tattsall takethe horse back and allow him something handsome for his keep of it.
"And so I will," replied the Doctor, "if John Tattsall do not cure him,or at least account for his kicking."
"Where do you say he exhibits these tricks?" said John.
"At the Royal Oak, Norwood."
John was there the next Easter hunt day. So was Sir Abraham.
John saw him start, and saw that two urchins, viz. the post boy and theboots, stuck a stick under his tail, which seldom fell off until the oldgentleman had had quite enough of the kicking. But once the stickdropped, the old horse went quiet enough.
When Sir Abraham was gone, John came from his dormitory, and soon putthis question to the lads:
"Why do you treat that old gentleman in this shabby way?"
"Vy, sar, because he is a shabby, crusty old fellow, and treats all thesarvents of the hestablishment in the shabbiest vay. He pays for hisbed, and for his 'orse's bed,--for his board, and his 'orse'sboard,--but he never gives Sal anything, vat beds him up at night, norBill anything, vat beds his 'orse up,--nor me anything, vat cleans hisold boots for him; so ve just shows him vun of our tricks upontravellers: that's all, and sarves him right."
This was told to the Doctor, who, the next time he saw Sir Abraham, saidto him:
"Sir Abraham, you will forgive my honesty; but, if you wish to cure yourhorse of kicking at the Royal Oak, you must know how to be penny wise,and pay the chambermaid, the hostler, and the boots. I am sure you willnever be pound foolish."
Sir Abraham took the hint, and the horse never kicked again at the KingCharles in the Oak.
To all their dues, let no man flinch to pay, If he would prosper in an honest way; Customs are good, if carried not too far, And a good custom, oft prevents a jar; Sir Abraham's horse no more gave out his kicks, Nor John nor Bill on travellers played tricks.