She took a deep breath and plunged in. “Travis?”
He stopped.
Once started, her words came out in a rush. “Travis, when I report to work Monday morning, I’m turning in my resignation from the Guardians.”
“What?” The stunned look on his face was almost comical. He had played his best hand, and she had just trumped it.
“Yes. Effective immediately. Then I’m moving to Mount Pleasant to stay with my aunt for a while.”
“But why?”
“I’ve talked with a computer manufacturer there. They have an excellent opportunity in their testing department.” She reached down and slipped off the engagement ring. “I think it’s better if you take this back for now. Maybe later, if we can get the whole thing sorted out, then…” She trailed off, not sure how to finish.
“But why, Nicole? Why?”
“I can’t be a Monitor anymore. I think you’re right. I don’t think Eric has run away. I don’t think the battle is over. If I stay, there will be more commands to push the red buttons, more Dr. Camerons in the hot summer sunshine. And—and I don’t have any more of those battles in me. I can’t face those options. Maybe they have to be done, but not by me.”
She moved over in front of him and held out the ring. “So I think it’s best if you take this back now.”
He just stared at her, so she dropped the ring in his hand and moved back to the couch.
“It has something to do with what happened at the dam, doesn’t it.”
Nicole considered for a moment, then finally nodded. “Yes, in a way it does. Not as much as you think, but some.”
“Nicole, I didn’t have any choice. The Major wouldn’t let Eric’s family go.”
“I know. And I guess I understand, but have you ever considered what the game of soccer must be like from the ball’s point of view?”
He didn’t answer.
“Well, I was the ball that day—to you, to the Major, to Eric—and that isn’t a very uplifting feeling. But it’s much more than that, Travis. Much more.”
“What?”
Showing the Major which buttons to push, holding microphones to a seventy-two-year-old man’s lips as he screams in agony. But she merely shook her head. “Maybe after it all dies down, things will return to normal, and we can start building something again.”
Travis stood up quickly and came over to sit next to her. He took her hand. “Nicole, do you still love me?”
“I—” Her head dropped, and she stared at their hands. “I don’t know. I need time to sort this all out in my mind.”
He sighed deeply, then finally nodded. “Okay. I guess I can understand how you feel.” He stood up abruptly. “Well, then, I guess I’d better go.”
The hurt in his voice was obvious, and for a moment she almost relented. Then something inside her stiffened, and she stood up too. Suddenly he put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him. His kiss was gentle, longing, imploring. One part of her ached to return it, but she couldn’t.
“Good-bye, Nicole.”
“Good-bye, Travis.”
At the door he abruptly stopped. “Have you considered what leaving the Guardians means for you?”
A thousand questions from friends, loss of one of the bestpaying jobs in the city, giving up this home, which was furnished by the Guardians—her mind flicked quickly over the things she had already considered. “Yes, I think I have.”
“Implantation?”
Nicole faltered, the color draining from her face.
“I didn’t think so,” he said. “But you know that’s true.”
“I—”
“With your uncle dead, you’re not immediate family anymore. The Major won’t make an exception, especially not now.”
Nicole’s mouth was a pale, tight line across the chalky hue of her face. How stupid. That above all should have occurred to her, and it had never crossed her mind.
“Look,” Travis said, moving to her and taking her by the shoulders, “you’ve still got until Monday to think about your decision. That gives you another thirty-six hours. If being in Central Monitoring is what concerns you, just ask for a transfer. You could go in—”
They both spun around at the sound of scratching at the door. “What’s that?” Nicole said. Then, as she opened the door, she cried out in surprise and delight. “Cricket!”
The German shepherd was sitting down, her nose pressed to the screen, her tail beating furiously against the porch.
Nicole threw open the screen and dropped to her knees. “Cricket, where did you come from?” She laughed with delight as the dog tried to lick her face.
Travis stepped out onto the porch and peered into the night. “That’s what I want to know too. Where did she come from? You said Eric had her when you escaped from him. Do you have a flashlight?”
“Do you think Eric is here?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. Do you have a light?”
“No. Surely, Travis, he wouldn’t be here. He had no reason to try and keep Cricket with him. She probably just came down on her own. I’ve been gone—she could have been back for days.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But he did come here for you once, so let’s be sure he hasn’t come again.” He stepped off the porch and began a methodical search of the yard.
For a moment or two Nicole watched, a little angry at the sudden clutch of anxiety for Eric’s safety. She had spent the last week telling herself she was through with Eric Lloyd and his futile little rebellion. Then she shook it off as Travis moved around the back. “Come on, Cricket, let’s get you something to eat.”
She had just opened a can of dog food when Travis knocked at the back door. “It’s open, come in.”
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “But I’d better get back to Central Control and alert them just in case. Lock your doors and shut all the windows. If you see or hear anything, call me.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and was gone.
Nicole moved out onto the front porch and watched him drive away, amused, half sad. “Well, so much for all those regrets over broken engagements,” she murmured. “Half time is over, the ball game resumes. Only this time, they’ll have to find another ball to play with.”
She sighed and went back inside, shutting the door. As she turned back into the living room, she gave a startled cry. Eric was kneeling behind the couch, elbows on the back of it, his head resting in cupped hands.
“Hi,” he said with a smile.
“Eric! What are you doing here?”
“If I promise to stay across the room, would you mind if we talked with the lights out?”
Nicole’s eyes flicked to the front window, but Travis had gone. Curiously, she was glad. “I—why are you here?”
He held up his hands quickly. “No abductions, no shattered doors this time. I promise.”
“Good. I couldn’t help but wonder.” She walked over and clicked off the lights, leaving only the light from the kitchen doorway.
Limping noticeably, Eric stepped over to Cricket and reached down to rub her neck. “You rascal. How did you get out of the garage? I locked you in there.”
“That was your first mistake,” Nicole said. “I used to lock her in the garage when I wanted to go for a walk without her. Then she learned to climb up on the workbench and push the little sliding window open with her nose.”
“Well, she about did me in. That was a little too close.”
“How did you get in here?” And then her face colored slightly. “And how long have you been behind the couch?”
“About two minutes is all,” he answered quickly. “I had just started up the front porch when I saw the headlights coming.” He grinned. “Believe it or not, I was going to call on you in a normal fashion for once. When I saw it was Travis, I dove into the bushes around the side of the house. I was going to wait until he left. Then Cricket started scratching on the front door. When you two came out the front, I scurried a
round the back and came in here.”
When she nodded, obviously relieved, he grew serious. “However, I must tell you, I was hiding directly under these windows.” His thumb jerked over his shoulder.
“So you did hear?”
“Yes. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but I was afraid to move for fear Travis would hear me. I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “I appreciate your telling me.”
“I felt I owed you that.”
“How’s your leg?”
“Coming. How about your foot?”
“Fine. The doctors in Central Control opened it up again the morning I got back and cleaned it all out. I had the stitches out yesterday. If I’m careful, I hardly know it’s there.”
“Good. I saw you on crutches at the stadium.”
“Were you there?”
“No, we didn’t get down until almost dusk. But I watched the news broadcast that night.”
“I see.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Where is he, Nicky?”
“What?” she blurted. “No ‘didn’t I tell you so, Nicky’? You told me that if I returned, I’d be forced to face unpleasant alternatives. It took less than eight hours to prove your seeric gift. Why don’t you call that to my attention before you ask me to betray my employer?”
“Nicky, I—”
“Don’t call me Nicky!” she cried. “Please, don’t call me Nicky.”
He was watching her steadily. “It was Nicky who dragged me away from the claws of the bear. You’ll always be Nicky to me.”
“And Nicole works for the Major, right?”
“Nicole,” he corrected slowly, “is a woman of remarkable grace, courage, and integrity. She has more of my respect and admiration than any woman I’ve ever known. And to call her Nicky in no way lessens what I think of Nicole.”
For a long moment she stared at him. Then finally she murmured, “Please don’t.”
Eric looked surprised. “Please don’t what?”
“Don’t be nice. Not now. I don’t want to like you. I want to get away from you and Travis and the Major and Shalev and Cliff Cameron and—” She had a sudden thought. “Were you going to ask me to join you?”
“I have no right to ask that. If you remember, I was one of those who played soccer, using you as the ball. I have no right to toss you back into the game now. Except for Cliff. If you’ll tell me where Cliff is, I’ll leave you alone.”
“So you can get him out?”
“Yes. Your people abandoned you on the dam. We can’t do that.”
Her voice was barely a whisper. “Even if he won’t know that you’ve gotten him out?”
Eric’s eyes were stricken. “I heard what Travis said.” She saw him swallow hard. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll get him out.”
“He’s heavily guarded.”
“It doesn’t matter!” he shot back angrily. “Will you tell me where he is?”
Nicole stood up, walked to the fireplace, and leaned on the mantel, looking away from him. “If I did that, it would mean treason,” she said. “I don’t have to go with you into the mountains, or operate on somebody. Even the simple act of telling you where they’re holding Cliff Cameron becomes treason against the Guardians, against my people, and against everything I’ve always believed in. With one word I become as guilty as if I held the knife.”
“I understand.”
She whirled to face him. “Do you?” she cried. “You’re asking me to risk everything—my career, my freedom, Travis—”
“You’ve already—” He bit back the angry retort.
“I’ve already what?” she demanded.
“Nothing. I have no right to say that either. I’m sorry I bothered you, Nicole. You’re correct, I have no right to ask such a thing of you.”
“I’ve already lost Travis. That’s what you were going to say, isn’t it?”
Eric knelt down by Cricket. “Good-bye, old girl. Take good care of her, will you?”
“Say it!” Nicole cried, taking a step toward him. “You’re thinking it. Why won’t you say it?”
He straightened slowly, his eyes gentle. “If I ever ask a woman if she loves me and her answer is, ‘I don’t know’…” He shrugged.
Surprisingly enough, she did not flash back at him.
“Up in the hills you accused me of being the village’s resident psychiatrist,” he went on. “At the risk of supporting that accusation, let me say something. My father used to tell us that love and goodness are interwoven and interdependent. The more goodness a person exhibits in his life, the easier it is to love that person. Selfishness, cruelty, exploitation—any evil act makes it harder and harder to feel love for a person. And you and Travis—” He stopped and then shrugged. “I think your head is still struggling with what your heart has already decided.”
“I know,” she said, almost in a whisper. “Every time I think about him, I can’t blot out the image of him showing the Major the terminal voltage buttons on the computer.”
“Or last week in the stadium?” Eric asked softly.
“Yes, that too.” Her shoulders straightened, as if the saying of it had relieved her of pain.
“I’m sorry. Travis is a good man in many ways.”
“I know.” She took a deep breath. “So what now?”
He smiled, the slightest touch of teasing in his eyes. “I could always drag you back to the mountains again.”
“Against my will, of course.”
“Of course.” He laughed gently, then instantly sobered. “What about implantation, Nicky? Travis is right—the Major won’t make an exception.”
“I know.”
“Nicole, I—” Then he stopped and his shoulders dropped.
“What?”
He took a breath, hesitated as though ready to speak, then finally shook his head.
“Ask me, Eric,” she said.
“I lost my right to ask you anything.”
“I know. But you earned it back when you brought me my shoes. So ask me.”
His hands came up, as though he was about to take her by the shoulders, then they dropped again. But his eyes were steady and his face determined. “Nicole, come with us. Help us free this people.”
He used almost exactly the same words Clifford Cameron had screamed out as his final answer to the Major, and they hit Nicole hard. When she looked up at him, tears were streaming down her cheeks. “Why did you come back? I don’t want to be part of this. I want to get away and not think about it anymore.”
“Yes,” he said, thinking of the valley and irrigating in the warm summer sunshine. “That does have its attractions.”
Suddenly Nicole walked into the bedroom. When she returned, she held the carved redwood figure of a tortured eagle straining upwards. “Why did you give me this?”
“He sighed. “I carved that because it was me, then. It represented everything I was feeling.”
“And why did you choose to give it to me?”
Eric took the statue, turning it over in his hands as he looked at it carefully. Finally his eyes lifted to meet hers. “I told myself it was to throw you off, to confuse you, but I really think it was because I wanted you to understand me. I wanted you to know why I had to do what I did.”
Once again her eyes were glistening. “Is freedom so precious?” Before he could answer, she went on quickly, talking to herself as much as to him. “I guess having always had it, I’ve never thought about it much. Implantation never appeared that horrible in others. They seemed happy. I kept telling myself it was really for their good. But as I’ve watched you and the others—” Her voice caught for a moment. “Cliff saluting the crowd—I…How can I go on supporting the very thing that denies that freedom to tens of thousands of people? How could I ever have been part of that?”
“Nicole,” Eric said, his own voice husky with emotion. “Come with us.”
“And if I say yes, then what happens?”
“I’ll take you with me right now. We’ll cut your wrist computer, and as soon as we get Cliff free, we’ll go back to base camp. You can meet Mother and my sisters.”
“I’d like that very much.”
“And—”
“But that’s not the answer, is it?”
He looked startled.
“You don’t need me in the mountains. Not really. What you need is someone in Central Control.”
“No. That would be too dangerous.”
“Eric,” she pleaded, “for the past week I’ve been agonizing with myself, wondering what to do, not wanting to face what I feel has to be done. Now you’ve given me another option. I don’t like it. I don’t want it. But if I’m going to join with you, then put me where you need me.”
“After what you’ve told Travis, it’d be very dangerous.”
“I know, and I’m frightened to death. I’ll have to tell him the threat of implantation changed my mind. But Eric, do you really need me?”
He stared at her for several moments, then slowly handed her the eagle, putting his hand over hers as she took it from him. “Yes, Nicole, we really need you. Will you join us?”
She smiled, a strange mixture of relief and sadness. “I joined you up there in the mountains. I just needed you to come and let me know that I had.”
Chapter 28
Nicole was in the cafeteria on her afternoon break when it began. She had forced herself to go with Shirley Ferguson, though her stomach was tied in knots. With tremendous effort she managed to smile and respond at the proper places and tried to avoid looking at the clock a dozen times a minute.
“Nicole?” Shirley’s voice penetrated her thoughts. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, yes. Yes, I’m fine.”
“You look pale. Are you sure you should have come back to work this soon? You haven’t been yourself all day.”
A wave of panic went flooding through Nicole. Shirley was a whiz on the computers and a steady and reliable Monitor, but definitely not one of Central Control’s more perceptive lights when it came to interpersonal relations and interactions. If Shirley had noticed her distracted state, she was flirting with disaster with the Major and Travis. The Major had interviewed her relentlessly when she came on shift. “Why did you come to the stadium out of uniform?” “Why were you going to resign?” “Why did you break off your engagement with Travis?” “What changed your mind about resigning?” “What if you falter in the Monitoring Room in the next crisis?” She had answered him honestly wherever possible, telling him everything except the decision to join Eric. She had satisfied him, and he agreed to allow her to continue as a monitor, but she knew she was on probation and would be watched closely.