“Thanks.” Her hands wrap around the oversize white mug, and she stares at the cookie blankly.
I sit down across from her, not sure how things can be so awkward with someone I was so close to up until a few days ago.
I look outside to where a few snowflakes are starting to fall.
“It’s snowing!” I say happily.
“Great,” she grumbles. “Now we’re in for months of cold weather and dirty, slushy sidewalks.”
Wow. Way to be pessimistic.
“So what is Madison Baker saying about me?” I ask. Maybe sharing gossip about me will cheer Ellie up, since she’s apparently harboring some latent hostility.
But I’m wrong, because Ellie shifts on her chair. “What do you mean?”
“You said Madison was saying things about me.” I rip off a piece of warm, gooey cinnamon bun and pop it into my mouth. Yum. I’m going to have a huge sugar crash after this, but I don’t even care. It’s so worth it.
“Madison Baker loves to gossip,” Ellie says, waving her hand like whatever Madison is saying is totally inconsequential. “You shouldn’t even worry about it.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about it,” I lie. Let’s face it, no one wants one of the most popular girls in school gossiping about them. Gossiping on any level is not okay, but having Madison do it is the worst.
“Good,” Ellie says. “Because you have enough to worry about.”
I nod. I don’t know what she’s talking about, that I have enough to worry about. Does she think I’m crazy?
“So what is she saying, though?” I ask nonchalantly. “Just so we can, you know, laugh about it.”
Ellie reaches over and grabs a piece of my cinnamon bun, which makes me ridiculously happy. She wouldn’t be sharing food with me if she was that mad, would she?
“Just dumb stuff.” She takes a deep breath. “About how you came over to her house and started snooping around in her dead sister’s room.”
“I wasn’t snooping around!” I protest. “I was looking for the bathroom! I told her that.”
“Yeah.” Ellie shrugs like it doesn’t matter, then finishes chewing her cinnamon bun. “Kendall, what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just . . . I miss you. And I don’t know why you lied to me about Micah, or why you’re hanging out with Madison.” She frowns. “And it’s really frustrating, because you and I have never kept secrets from each other.”
“That’s not true,” I point out. “When you got me those Taylor Swift tickets for my birthday last year, it was a total surprise.” I smile, but Ellie doesn’t smile back.
She looks out the window and doesn’t say anything for a moment. “The thing is, if you’re having a hard time, I want to be there for you. But I’m also angry at you, Kendall. I really am.”
“I know,” I say. “But you have to believe me when I say I don’t like Micah. I really was just being a friend, talking to him about his sister.”
“Then why didn’t you just tell me that?”
Good question. “Because he asked me not to say anything. He didn’t want anyone to know he was hurting. You know, because he was new here. He didn’t want people to think he was a freak.” Lie, lie, lie.
She nods. “I guess that makes sense. But then why were you hanging out with Madison?”
I take a deep breath. “I just felt so alone,” I say. “No one was talking to me, and I guess I kind of freaked out. I mean, you and Kyle and Brandon had totally turned your backs on me. And so when Madison asked me over, I said yes. I guess I was in a vulnerable state.”
She wrinkles her nose. “But Madison Baker?”
“I know, she’s awful.” I wonder what Ellie’s going to think when I still have to try to become friends with Madison. Oh, well. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. “I can’t believe she’s telling people I was snooping around her house!”
“In her sister’s old room,” Ellie adds.
“Which isn’t even her sister’s room anymore,” I say. “It’s a gym now.”
“Oh,” Ellie says. “Then why is she freaking out so much?”
“I don’t know. Because she’s Madison Baker?”
Ellie laughs. “Yeah, probably. I wonder if her parents turned that room into a gym when Lily died, or when she went away to college.”
I almost choke on my cinnamon bun. “Madison’s sister was away at college?” How did I not know about this? I really need to start paying more attention to the details of people’s deaths. It’s my professional responsibility.
“Yeah,” Ellie says. “She was going to be a freshman at Sadler State, but she’d already started some summer program there when she died. I know because I ran into Madison at the mall last year, and she was bragging about how her sister was going to take her to parties where Madison was going to flirt with college boys. As if !”
Ellie starts going on and on about how much of a liar Madison is, but I’m kind of tuning out. All I can think about is that Lily was at college. And that means she might have gotten confused, and whatever it is that’s keeping her from moving on might be in the room she had there.
Lily probably wasn’t talking about her bedroom—she was talking about her dorm room. And if she is talking about her dorm room, obviously I’ll have to find a way to get into it. But on the bright side, I won’t have to put up with Madison Baker anymore. I’m free, free, free!
I’m so happy and giddy that when I hear the voice, I don’t register who it is.
“Is this chair taken?” it asks, all snotty-like.
I don’t look up at the rude talker, just push the empty chair that’s sitting at our table a few inches toward him. “Nope,” I say. “It’s all yours.”
“Good,” the person says.
And that’s when I realize why the voice sounds familiar.
I look up, and my heart slides up to my throat, then down through my stomach and out my shoes.
“Kendall Williams,” Mr. Jacobi says. “Fancy seeing you here. Do you want to explain to me why you’re not in first period?”
Chapter
8
Mr. Jacobi marches me and Ellie right back to school and to the main office, where we get written up not only for skipping class but for leaving campus to do it. Apparently, skipping school and staying on school grounds isn’t as bad as if you leave. I guess it’s some kind of liability issue or something.
The principal calls my dad, but luckily my dad doesn’t ask to talk to me. He just thanks them for letting him know and says he’ll deal with me when I get home. Hopefully, he’ll understand I’m in a weakened emotional state and cut me some slack.
Ellie’s parents are pretty chill about it too, at least at first, but still. I feel horrible for getting her in trouble. I mean, let’s face it, she wouldn’t even have been skipping if it weren’t for me.
When the principal is done calling our parents, he makes us go to class.
The day passes at a snail’s pace.
Madison has apparently decided I’m crazy, so every time I see her in the hall, she whispers about me to whoever is next to her and then giggles and turns her back.
At lunch things are super-awkward. Even though Ellie and I have made up, obviously I can’t sit at my normal lunch table. Brandon’s at that lunch table. So I pick a different table, and then Ellie moves over to sit with me, and then I start having tons of guilt, because if it wasn’t for me, Ellie would be sitting at her usual table with Kyle. But instead she’s having to give up what she wants, for a best friend who’s lying to her.
It’s so awful.
To make matters worse, after school is our first official tutoring session at Stoneridge Elementary School.
And since I have no one to talk to as we walk over, I end up at the back of the line, talking to Lily.
“So get this,” I say, making sure to keep my voice low so no one else can hear me. “Apparently, you were in college. At a summer program, and then you were going to be
a freshman.”
She frowns. “Really? That’s so cool. Leave it to me to end up dying while I’m in college. I mean, all I ever wanted to do was get out of high school, and just when I get my chance, I die.”
I roll my eyes. “Right, like you really wanted to get out of high school.”
“Of course I did,” she says. “High school was horrible.”
“Riiigght.” Lily’s gorgeous. I highly doubt she had to worry about the normal high school problems, like mean girls or boys not liking her back.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks as she flicks a perfectly curled glossy tendril of hair over her shoulder. I wonder how she gets her hair to stay so perfect. Maybe it’s a ghost thing. If you can’t be affected by things like wind and rain, it’s probably hard for your hair to get messed up.
“I don’t know,” I say slowly. “It’s just that you seem so . . . ah, put together.”
“Things aren’t always as they seem, Kendall.”
I nod. “Tell me about it.”
She takes in a deep breath and then blows it out. “So I’m in college?”
“Yeah, at Sadler State.”
“Oh, fun!” She brightens. “I always wanted to go there.”
“Good for you,” I say, halfway meaning it. “Anyway, that explains why you didn’t have a balcony in your room at home.” The snow that started while I was in the coffee shop with Ellie never really stopped, and little flakes are falling all around us, joining the dusting that’s already on the ground. I turn my face up toward the sky, letting a flake fall on my nose. My face is warm for some reason, and the cold flakes feel good.
“I don’t get it,” Lily says, frowning.
“Well, you said whatever it is you’re moving on from had to do with your room. And you also said you fell off a balcony. But your bedroom at home didn’t have a balcony, and since your parents turned it into an exercise room, I really doubt whatever it is you’re looking for is still there. So it must be in your room at school.”
She claps her hands excitedly. “So now all we have to do is go to my room at school!”
Wow. She makes it sound so simple. Poor, naïve little Lily. “Yup,” I say. “Except I’ll have to figure out a way to get into the room, so that could be a problem.”
She shrugs, like me getting into her room is a difficulty that’s totally inconsequential to her. Which I guess in a way it is. I mean, there’s nothing she can really do to help me. I’m going to have to figure it out on my own.
I sigh.
How can I get into Lily’s room? I wonder if she had a roommate. Probably. Maybe I can figure out a way to get close to her roommate, and then come up with some kind of excuse for why I have to get into the room.
Of course, first I’m going to have to figure out a way to actually get to Sadler State. I don’t think it’s too far from here, but I’m definitely going to need a ride. And I really doubt my dad is going to drive me, not after what—
“Hi,” a voice next to me says.
“Hi,” I answer back automatically, not really paying attention to who it is. But when I turn, I have to bite back a groan. Madison.
“How’s it going?” she asks, all happy, like we’re old friends and not at all like she spent all day telling the whole school that I’m crazy and went snooping around her house.
“Fine.” I shrug, not really wanting to get into some big discussion with her. I don’t want to antagonize her either, though, so I guess I have to at least be a little bit nice to her. “How are you?”
“Fine.” She sighs. “I just wanted to ask you if you’re okay with me and Brandon going on a date.”
I feel bile rise into my throat. Brandon asked Madison out on a date? I look toward the front of the group, where I can see Brandon’s head bobbing through the crowd. I know Madison’s pretty and everything, and I know she’s been after him pretty hard-core, but I guess a part of me always held out hope that Brandon would be smart enough to stay away from her.
I struggle to retain my composure. “Oh. Um, you don’t have to ask me that. You know that I like Micah now.”
“Who’s Micah?” Lily asks. “Is he the one you were talking to yesterday? He’s kind of weird. I saw him throw his empty water bottle onto the floor in the hallway when he thought no one was looking.”
“Great!” Madison says, beaming at me like I just gave her the best news in the whole world. “So then it’s all settled.”
“Yup!” I beam back at her. I expect her to start chattering away about her and Brandon, but she doesn’t. She starts to walk back toward the front of the group. Which I guess makes sense. She probably wants to walk with Brandon. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. I wish Ellie were here. If I have to see Brandon and Madison holding hands, I’m going to freak out.
“Oh!” Madison says, turning back around. “Just one more thing. I need my scarf back.” She holds her hand out expectantly.
“You need your scarf back?” My hands fly to my neck and finger the silky material. “But you gave it to me.”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “No, I didn’t. You asked if you could borrow it, and I said yes.”
My eyes are about to bug out of my head. That is so not what happened. What happened was that Madison gave me the scarf. I didn’t even ask her if I could borrow it, much less have it.
But she’s still holding out her hand.
And I’m not sure why, but it’s like something inside me snaps. I’m sick of Madison Baker. Sick of being scared of her, sick of always wondering and worrying about her talking to Brandon or talking about me. And when I think about it, I realize she has no power over me anymore.
If she’s really going to start dating Brandon, then I don’t have anything to freak out about. It’s over. They’re together. And if I need to go to Sadler State to help Lily, then there’s nothing Madison can do for me at this point anyway.
The thought is strangely freeing.
“No,” I say. It feels like I’m talking loudly, but it must come out in a whisper, because Madison shows no sign of hearing me.
“Give it back,” she repeats, sounding annoyed this time. She’s facing me, walking backward as she goes. I know it’s mean to think this, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if she fell. Not that I want her to get seriously hurt or anything. But a skinned knee and a few moments of embarrassment wouldn’t be the end of the world.
“No,” I say, louder this time.
Lily gasps.
Madison gasps.
Actually, they both gasp at the same time, which is kind of funny. Since they’re sisters, they have similar tones in their voices, and so it’s like a gasp in stereo.
I laugh.
Which just makes Madison angrier.
“What did you say?” she asks.
“I said no.” I shrug. “You gave me this scarf. So you can’t take it back now. It’s, like, illegal.” It’s totally true, too. I saw it on an episode of Judge Judy, where this woman gave her shady ex-boyfriend a bunch of money because he claimed he was broke and couldn’t pay his rent. And then she found out he’d spent the money on a new stereo system, so she was all, “Judge Judy, Judge Judy, that money wasn’t given to him. He just borrowed it, and now he better give it back.”
And Judge Judy totally laughed her out of the courtroom.
Not that me and Madison are going to end up on Judge Judy. We’re minors. And I don’t think Judge Judy likes kids in her courtroom unless it’s absolutely necessary.
“I didn’t give it to you,” Madison says. “I let you borrow it. Now give it back.”
“No, thanks,” I say.
She narrows her eyes at me, and for a second I think she’s going to go completely postal. But then she flips her hair over her shoulder and shakes her head. “Wow,” she says. “You really are crazy. I mean, all this time I was telling people you were crazy, but I was mostly doing it just to have something to gossip about. But you really are nuts.”
&n
bsp; “Oh, Madison,” I say, smiling. “You have no idea.”
Lily laughs at this, which makes me happy. I mean, if Lily’s laughing at a joke at her sister’s expense, then it has to be pretty funny. It’s also true. If Madison knew I could see ghosts, she would truly think I was off my rocker.
The whole thing is hilarious when you think about it.
It’s so hilarious that I start to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Madison demands.
“Private joke,” I say. Which makes me laugh even harder.
Madison doesn’t like this. She walks back toward me and tugs at the bottom of my scarf. “Give it back,” she says. “I’m serious.”
“No, I’m serious,” I say, turning away from her.
I quicken my pace because we’re at the bottom of the long circular driveway that leads up to the elementary school now. Wow. I never realized how much of a steep hill this driveway’s on. Leave it to me to end up having to get away from the most popular girl in school on an incline.
As I try to pass by her, Madison reaches out and grabs the scarf.
“Stop,” I say, trying to shake her off. But she pulls harder, and I turn my body around in an effort to keep from getting choked. It works—I don’t get choked, but the scarf comes off my neck, and Madison is somehow able to keep hold of it.
I grab the other end and hold tight.
She pulls hard.
I pull harder.
She yanks it with such force that I have to take a few big steps toward her to keep my footing.
Then I tug it back so she has to come toward me.
“Give it up, Baker,” I say. Wow. I’ve never called someone by their last name before. It sounds kind of gangster. I think I like it. “You gave me this scarf, Baker,” I say, trying it out again.
“Stop calling me ‘Baker,’ ” she says, pulling the silky fabric back toward her. “And let go of the scarf !”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“No!”
This whole time we’ve somehow been able to keep walking toward the elementary school. Who knew that fighting over a scarf could be so conducive to multitasking?