Chapter Nine BIRTHDAY BOTHER
The next morning was my birthday! Usually I wake up early on my birthday and then I have to wait a long time for my presents, but that morning I woke up really late, as I wasn't a bit excited. Wanda was still asleep so I opened Uncle Drac's present. It was a knitted bat. At least I think that's what it was. It had a long piece of string on it so I hung it up above Wanda and waited for her to wake up.
Well, actually I didn't wait. I prodded her and hissed, "Wandaaaaaa!" in her ear. She sat up suddenly--like she always does when she wakes up--and the knitted bat dangled right in front of her eyes. She screamed really loudly. I felt a bit bad about that when she gave me a birthday card and a present. The card was fun--it had a lot of ghosts trying to blow out birthday candles and it said ghostly greet ings. The present was lovely. It was a ghost maze game and I have always wanted one of those. I couldn't wait to play it and I put it in our Thursday bedroom right away. Then I remembered Sir Horace's ring that I had been keeping as a birthday present and I put it on. It fit my biggest finger. The green stone sparkled and looked lovely.
It was strange not having Aunt Tabby or Uncle Drac there on my birthday. Wanda and I crept downstairs to get some breakfast and I noticed how empty Spookie House felt. Usually Brenda is either rattling the boiler or singing her favorite song, Aunt Tabby is scut tling about finding things for people to do, and Barry is thumping sacks of bat poo around. But that morning it felt really quiet and empty--and a little bit lonely. There was no sign of Mathilda either, and her bedroom door was still closed. We passed Ned and Jed lying feet to feet on the long bench on the landing. It is hard to tell with ghosts, but they looked like they were asleep. As we tiptoed by nothing got thrown at us so they must have been. We stepped over a smashed flowerpot and crept downstairs,through the shafts of dusty sunlight that shone between the gaps in the moth-eaten curtains, which were still drawn because Aunt Tabby was not there to open them.
As we passed the grandfather clock in the hall it struck thirteen and Wanda jumped in surprise. The clock always strikes thirteen, so it didn't mean that it was thirteen o'clock-- although it nearly was. Both hands were point ing at twelve--which, as even Wanda knows, is midday. Midday--and we had only just got up. What would Aunt Tabby have said? We tiptoed past Uncle Drac's cupboard-- I don't know why we were tiptoeing except that that is what you do when a house is very quiet--and I could not resist a peek inside, just in case Uncle Drac had come back for my birthday. Of course he hadn't. His old black cloak was hanging up like it always does, his green string scarf was slung over another hook, and his crutches from when he broke his legs were propped up in the corner. They reminded me so much of Uncle Drac that I felt really sad. And there was no sign of Sir Horace either--just the newspaper left on the chair. While Wanda was thumping around the kitchen fixing breakfast, I went to check on the boiler. The boiler does not like being left alone for long and I was afraid it might have gone out. It nearly had. I emptied the ash and got the fire going again with little pieces of wood and coal. Soon it was blazing away, mak ing the hot water pipes rattle and clang like they always do. There was a funny smell com ing from the kitchen so I thought breakfast was probably ready, but as I was about to go, a spooky green glow appeared in the corner of the boiler room by the ash can.
It was Edmund. Edmund was the first ghost I discovered in Spookie House and when I first saw him I was really excited--and even a little bit scared-- but nowadays when I see him I get the same feeling as I do when I am out shopping with Aunt Tabby and she stops to talk to one of her friends and they both go on and on about all kinds of stuff. Yawn. "Hello, Araminta, " said Edmund in his weedy voice. "Oh, hello, Edmund. Must rush. Stuff to do. Bye. " I was nearly out of the boiler room when I heard a booming ghostly voice shout, "Miss Spookie!" and Sir Horace lurched out of the cupboard where Brenda keeps all the boiler stuff.
He was followed by Fang, who stared at me with his tongue lolling out over his big white teeth. I do like Fang, but he can be a little scary close up. "Sir Horace! What are you doing in the cupboard?" Sir Horace did not sound happy. "Unfortunately, Miss Spookie, I have been forced to spend the night here after an incident involving a flowerpot. " "Oh dear, " I said. "The only reason I did not leave immedi ately, Miss Spookie, was that I wished to say good-bye. " I was shocked. "Good-bye?" "Indeed, Miss Spookie, I am leaving for Catheter Cottage.
Please give my regards to your aunt and uncle, and, of course, the delightful Miss Wizzard. Come, Edmund, Fang. Away!" Sir Horace swung his left leg forward, the rest of him followed, and he started clanking out of the boiler room. "No!" I said. "Please don't go, Sir Horace. Please. " What a horrible birthday this was turning out to be.
"Breakfast!" yelled Wanda from the kitchen-- and suddenly I had a Plan. Not a big one, it is true, but a small one with potential. "Come and have a farewell breakfast with us, Sir Horace, " I said. For a moment I thought he was going to say no. But he bowed and said, "A fine tradition, -134 Miss Spookie. At Hernia Hall we used to have many splendid farewell breakfasts. " When Sir Horace saw what Wanda had cooked for breakfast he must have been glad that he was a ghost and didn't have to eat any thing. As we came into the kitchen, Wanda was taking something out from under the grill. It looked like toast with green glue on it, although I could not be sure. "What's that?" I asked. "Gummy bears on toast, " said Wanda, sounding rather proud. "Oh. " "It's all we've got, " said Wanda grumpily. Sir Horace politely left his sword at the door and sat next to me. Edmund wafted around until Wanda noticed him and said, "Ooh, hello, Edmund. Come and sit next to me. "
Fang, who still does not realize that ghosts do not eat anything, sat beside my chair and stared up at me, hoping I would feed him. I was going to tell Wanda that Sir Horace was leaving and we had to do something fast, but I made the mistake of taking a bite of my gummy bears on toast first. It actually tasted quite nice, but when I went to open my mouth to speak I couldn't. My teeth were stuck fast. "Wharrrarr, " I said, trying to pry my teeth apart. "Whaaaa?" said Wanda, who was having the same trouble. "Srrr Hrrrss sleeving. " "Wheerr?" "Srrr Hrrrss sleeving!" "Whaaarrrr?"
Sir Horace came to the rescue. "Miss Wizzard, I believe that Miss Spookie is trying to tell you that I shall be leaving shortly and going to live in a quiet alcove in Catheter Cottage. " Wanda was frantically trying to pry her teeth apart with the end of her spoon. "Curthtr Crrrtge!" she spluttered. "Nerrrr!" Any other time I would have been rolling around on the floor laughing--but not now. Suddenly Wanda's spoon worked. "Catheter Cottage! No! Please don't go, Sir Horace, I will miss Edmund so much, " she said. "And I will miss you too, Sir Horace, " she added rather quickly. Suddenly I had a Plan.
It was only another small one and I wasn't even sure what poten tial it had, but what can you expect when you have used up all your energy unsticking grilled gummy bears from your teeth? "Sir Horace, " I said. "It's my birthday. " "Indeed? Many happy returns, Miss Spookie, " he boomed. "And it's an old Spookie House tradition that you must grant one wish to the daughter of the house on her birthday. " "What's a daughter of the house?" asked Wanda. "Not what--who, " I told her. "It's me. " "I thought it might be, " said Wanda. "So what wish has Miss Wizzard granted you, Miss Spookie?" Sir Horace asked with a smile in his voice. "She promised not to ask any silly ques tions on my birthday. Didn't you, Wanda?" "Did I?" "Wandaaaa. "
"So what wish can I grant for your birthday, Miss Spookie?" Aha. Sir Horace had walked right into my Plan. I was learning a thing or two from Mathilda. "Sir Horace, my wish is that you will stay in Spookie House and not go to that horrible old alcove--which I bet is where Nurse Watkins keeps her nurse's bag. And that is full of all kinds of yucky stuff--take my word for it. " I saw Wanda's jaw drop. She looked impressed, I thought. Sir Horace did not say anything for a few moments. Then he said, "I will stay in Spookie House but--" "Yaay!" We cheered and then we stopped as we realized there was a "but. " "On one condition. " "Oh, " I sa
id. I reckoned I knew what that might be. I was right. "If those two scoundrels throw anything else at me I shall leave at once. " "Don't worry, Sir Horace, " I said. "They won't throw anything else at you. "
But they did. As we helped Sir Horace up the basement stairs, one of Aunt Tabby's very best vases, complete with moldy flowers and smelly green water, landed on Sir Horace's head. The green gooey water dripped through his visor--which is the little bit that he looks out of--and ran into his armor. "Rust!" boomed Sir Horace in a panic. "Rust!" Sir Horace hates water getting in his armor. He clanked up the rest of the stairs at top speed and headed across the hall with Wanda, me, and Fang running after him. Sir Horace was not going on his own. "Good-bye, Sir Rust Bucket, " laughed Ned and Jed, who were sitting on the monster chair by the clock. "Good-bye, you horrible ghosts, " I said. "We are going too. " Then Wanda, Sir Horace, and I stomped and rattled out of Spookie House.