*****
Giggle Book One
You Know What I Mean—Jelly Bean (A Spoof Depicting the Life of a Jelly Bean)
It was a crazy and wild three-day weekend in the little community of Cloverleaf. The children were out of school because of a teacher’s meeting. Excitement was in the air, especially at the little house that sat on Blackiepatch Road.
“Whoopee!” cried Billy as he threw his hands up in the air. “No school today, plus it makes it a three day weekend.”
About that time, Gene, Billy’s best friend, walked up.
“What’s up, dude?” asked Billy.
“You got it, man,” replied Gene as he held up his hand for a high five.
Slap went their hands. Then they slid their hands down their arms, grabbed each other’s hand with a firm handshake and then bumped their two fists together.
“Alright!” exclaimed Billy.
“Hey, man, what’s going on?” asked Gene.
“Nothing much, dude, just hanging out,” replied Billy.
“You want to shoot some hoops?” asked Gene.
“Yeah, man, that’s cool,” replied Billy. “Let me get the ball.”
The two boys went into the house and headed straight to Billy’s bedroom. Billy shoved the door open; his room was a mess. There was stuff thrown everywhere. The bed was not made up and the sheets hung halfway off the bed. His clothes, socks and shoes were everywhere. But, there was no sign of the basketball.
“Wow, man, you keep one heck of a messy room. Give me five!” laughed Gene.
They slapped their hands together, stepped back a couple of steps, turned and butted their hips together. Slowly, the two looked about the room for the basketball.
“There it is!” yelled Billy. “It’s over by the bed; see it under the sheet.”
“Alright,” replied Gene. “Let’s get out of here and shoot some hoops,” he said before he spotted a jar of jelly beans on Billy’s dresser.
“Hey, man,” said Gene, “can I have some of your candy?”
“Yeah, dude,” replied Billy, “eat all you want. As a matter of fact, I’ll take some myself.”
As the boys made their way over to the dresser, the jelly beans inside the jar watched in fear as bad Billy and mean Gene moved closer and closer.
“Now, we all need to stick together,” said Big Red, the jelly bean. “We need to stay loose and free so we can fall through their fingers when they try to grab us.”
“But, I’m scared,” replied another jelly bean. “I don’t want to be chewed and swallowed.”
“Shhh,” hushed Big Red. “They’re getting ready to reach in. Iddddd,” he screamed, “every bean for themselves!”
As the big fat hand rammed its way into the mouth of the jar, it plunged deep into the pile of jelly beans.
“Roll, roll, roll,” cried Big Red.
Slowly, the big fat hand eased out of the jar and held tightly onto a few jelly beans.
“You’ll never take us all,” cried Big Red. “Look out, here comes another hand. Roll between their fingers. Roll, roll, roll,” he cried out.
Unfortunately, it was too late. His hand had already closed tightly.
“Hey, these are pretty good,” said Gene.
“Yeah, they’re not bad, dude. Not bad at all,” replied Billy. “You ready to shoot some hoops?”
“Sure, man, that’s cool. Let’s get out of here,” said Gene.
The boys left the room and all the jelly beans in the jar let out a huge sigh of relief.
“How many did we lose?” asked Big Red. “One is too many. That was too close for comfort,” he said before he asked the jelly beans to count off.
“Do you think they’ll be back?” asked a jelly bean.
“Sure, they’ll be back. They’re boys, aren’t they. Now we are going to have to work together,” instructed Big Red. “I know it’s every jelly bean for itself, but we are going to have to watch each other’s backs.”
The jelly beans had finally relaxed when, all of a sudden, the bedroom door flew open. There they stood, bad Billy and mean Gene, tired and worn out from playing basketball. And by the looks of them, they were hungry too.
“I’ve had it, dude,” said Billy as he fell back on the bed.
“Me, too,” replied Gene as he sunk down in the chair.
“Good game, dude,” said Billy.
“You bet,” replied Gene.
Billy reached over and turned on his CD player. Boom, boom, boom it roared as the hip hop music danced about the room.
“It ain’t good,” said Big Red. “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
“What do you mean?” asked one of the jelly beans.
“I just don’t like it,” replied Big Red. “Something is going down and it may be us.”
Boom, boom, boom sounded the music.
“Can you dig it?” asked Billy.
“You’ve got it, my man,” replied Gene. “What about me getting some more of those jelly beans?”
“Sure, dude, go ahead,” said Billy. “Eat all you want.”
“I knew it! I knew it!” screamed Big Red. “The big fat hand is on the prowl again.”
Gene slowly eased over to the jar, pressed his face up against it and looked in. He looked at all the different colored jelly beans.
Big Red looked up at him and said, “You disgust me, you big ugly thing.”
“Don’t make him mad,” said one jelly bean as they moved closer together.
As mean Gene eased his hand from his side, he rammed it down into the jar.
“Spread out, scatter!” screamed Big Red.
Quickly, the jelly beans began to roll this way and that. Gene dug deeper into the jar and rolled the jelly beans between his fingers.
“He’s got me, Big Red!” yelled one jelly bean.
“Roll, son, roll!” screamed Big Red.
“I can’t,” cried the jelly bean.
“But, you have to try as hard as you can,” replied Big Red.
Suddenly, the jelly bean broke loose, rolled through Gene’s fingers and fell back into the jar. Gene removed his hand full of jelly beans and went back over and sat down in the chair. The jelly beans in the jar watched as Gene pitched the jelly beans up into the air and caught them in his mouth. Gulp, they were gone. They disappeared behind his lips, went through his teeth and down his throat.
“Is there no mercy?” cried out Big Red.
“Hey, man, you ought to try some of these jelly beans,” said Gene. “They’re pretty good.”
“Say what?” asked Billy.
“The jelly beans, man, the jelly beans. You ought to try them!” shouted Gene.
“Yeah, dude, I know where you’re coming from,” replied Billy. “I like the red ones myself.”
Billy bounced up off the bed and hit the floor running. He bent down, put his face right up against the jar and peeped in.
“Iddddd!” screamed Big Red.
Billy moved his eyes from side to side, eyeing each jelly bean in the jar. He knew exactly which ones he wanted. He carefully stuck his hand into the jar and stirred the jelly beans with his fingers.
“Watch out,” cried Big Red. “Those roaming fingers are back on the prowl.”
Big Red rolled around in the jar and yelled up at bad Billy, “What do you mean sticking your big fat, nasty hand in here? You fingers are sticky and nasty,” preached Big Red. “And clean out from under those nails, ugh!”
Billy picked up a jelly bean between his fingers and popped it into his mouth. Gulp, it was gone just like that.
“Ugh! Yuck!” he cried as the wet jelly bean dropped out of his mouth and down on top of the dresser beside the jar.
“Ooh-wee,” cried the jelly beans.
“Yuck!” shouted Big Red.
“I’m melting,” cried the wet jelly bean.
Billy looked back in the jar and smiled from ear to ear as his eyes slowly moved about. As he lo
oked in, the jelly beans looked out at him in fear and cried out.
“Don’t take me,” they cried.
The jelly beans were in constant fear of being eaten.
“Now, let’s see,” said Billy. “What do I want? I definitely don’t want what I had the last time. That was awful.”
Quietly, the jelly beans waited patiently as Billy stirred his fingers about them and picked up this one and that one.
“Oh, well,” said Billy as he reached quickly down to the bottom of the jar and pulled out a few mixed colored jelly beans. “What it is, jelly beans,” said Billy as he tossed the jelly beans into his mouth.
Boom, boom, boom sounded the hip hop music as it stirred about the bedroom.
“You know what I mean—jelly bean,” laughed Billy.
“I know, I know,” replied Gene. “What it is. They sure are good.”
“I’ll show them,” said Big Red.
As the two boys listened to the music, Big Red put his little trick into motion.
“Hey, dude, let’s see what’s happening in the kitchen,” said Billy.
“You got it,” replied Gene. “I just want to get me a few more of those jelly beans on the way out.”
As Gene went by the dresser, he crammed his hand down into the jar of jelly beans, wiggled his fingers, pulled out some beans and popped them into his mouth.
“Uh oh,” Gene suddenly cried out.
“What’s wrong?” asked Billy.
“I don’t know,” replied Gene as he pulled a marble out of his mouth.
“Ha, ha, ha,” Big Red and the other jelly beans laughed.
“You know what I mean—jelly bean!” shouted Big Red.
“How did that get in there?” asked Gene.
“I don’t know,” replied Billy. “Come on, man, let’s get some real food.”
Days passed and Billy was in and out of his room; each time he grabbed a few jelly beans. Finally, there was only one jelly bean left, Big Red. All the others were gone. Big Red’s most dreaded fear had become reality. He was the last jelly bean in the jar.
“What am I going to do?” he mumbled as his body shook and trembled. “Where will I turn? I’ll be next,” he said. “There is no doubt, because I’m the only one left. I don’t want to go!” he screamed.
For days, Big Red sat in solitude. He watched the clock, counted every minute and jumped at every noise.
“I wish he would go on and take me,” he cried. “The suspense is beginning to get next to me.”
Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, he heard some noise. Ping, ping it sounded. He quickly looked around and noticed other jelly beans falling into the jar. He looked out the jar and saw Billy filling up the jar with some more jelly beans.
“I’m saved!” he yelled. “I’m saved; oh, thank you. Thank you a lot. Oh, I love you all.”
As the beans slowly filled the jar, they covered Big Red. Big Red hid down under the other beans. He snickered and laughed to himself.
“Ha, ha, ha, I guess I showed him!”
He was still laughing when Billy crammed his hand down into the jar and stirred the jelly beans slowly with his fingers. He quickly grabbed hold of one and slowly pulled it out. Guess what? Yeah, you’re right, it was Big Red! At the blink of an eye, gulp he was gone. He disappeared in Billy’s mouth.
You know what I mean—jelly bean, said Billy to himself as he walked out of his room and closed the door.