Read Global Warming Fun 1: Saved by Right-Handed Grass Page 6
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Jacob Orange, alias Jerry Green, alias Jeromy Brown, alias Jim Redstone, alias Johnny Silver, alias Joshua Golden, alias Jeff Black, alias Jake White, completed the address on the shoe-box sized package and handed it to the mail-woman behind the counter for weighing and scanning. "HOLD STILL," he silently instructed the jants inside the box.
Holly Smith the mail lady studied the x-ray image carefully. Over the last few years she had necessarily become an expert at identifying package contents through use of the mail scanners that each post office now used. Nowadays you couldn't take chances, but this package obviously wasn't a bomb. "No biological or chemically hazardous materials to declare Mr. Orange?" She looked up at Orange to again assess the man. Short grey hair with short, trimmed beard, probably in his forties, Orange looked harmless, and the overhead video screening system indicated no matches to known fugitives. The box contents appeared to be harmless. She would not need to open and inspect his package.
Orange laughed before replying. "Of course not!"
"It looks to me like you are shipping craft materials and a few candy bars," Smith said as she watched for Orange's reaction. She liked it when customers were astounded by her ability to identify the contents of their unopened packages. "Pretty good things to be mailing to an orphanage."
"You and your electronic screening gizmo are simply amazing," Orange responded with a wide grin that quickly transferred to Smith. "The kids will be making jewelry for weeks with this stuff. There are enough little plastic beads and animal figurines in this box for several dozen necklaces and bracelets."
"I like the little monkeys and bugs most," Smith added, as she finished labeling the package and handed Orange his change.
"Me too!" agreed Orange. "The ants especially!"
Such a nice man she marveled as he walked away, to send gifts to an orphanage in a far-off state! She wondered if he was married. He probably was, she figured: all the best ones were.
As Jacob Orange returned to his van he lit his pipe and assessed his progress while dozens of jants in the truck 'listened' in. From several post offices in three states two dozen queen and drone-filled packages had been mailed all over the country so far, without any problems! A few packages had even been sent to other countries, such that jants were being established world-wide. The shipped jants ate their way out of their packages before reaching destinations such as orphanages and successfully established hundreds of jant colonies. They even ate the package materials, leaving behind no evidence of any of the shipments. It was still too soon to mail a similar package to Ed Rumsfeld; the Feds were still watching Ed and his old neighborhood.
"A FEW OF OUR NESTS REMAIN WELL HIDDEN NEAR OUR FIRST BIRTHING PLACE;" interjected the jants. "WE WILL RE-ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH ED RUMSFELD SOON WITHOUT ANY NEED FOR SENDING A PACKAGE TO HIM."
"Excellent," Jacob replied aloud. His jant project was doing very well, despite the near disastrous attack by the NSA at his Virginia home. It was fortunate indeed that the Feds first approached Ed Rumsfeld and were thereby detected in time for him and most of his jants to successfully flee. Unknown to Ed and Mary, dozens of jants had been hidden in the walls of their home, and were providing them and Jerry with Ed's thoughts and sensory perceptions when the Feds arrived.
The jants were well established now and no longer required Jerry/Jacob's full attention. He had re-assembled a small laboratory and could finally resume his other projects. He would miss his comfortable existence in Virginia. For a while as he had again deluded himself into thinking that he could somehow blend into society and lead a normal life, but he wouldn't again make that mistake. His personal life was of no significance. He had a mission to accomplish, a monumentally important mission. He would save humanity from its misdeeds through the power of biology!
A self-taught genius, he had always gravitated towards biology. At one time he even started working towards obtaining legitimate biology degrees with the intent of joining the ranks of conventional academia, but the venture quickly bored him. His own abilities obviously far exceeded those of his professors; it quickly became apparent that he could gain very little from a conventional career. In addition to jants, he had already made several additional significant unheralded contributions to science. Many people that he had encountered in his past would be shocked if they knew of his accomplishments!
One of his old professors was even part of the NSA team that pursued him! He recognized Sheffield at once when Ed was questioned, for he and the jants were tapped into Ed's thoughts and senses. Sheffield, his Neanderthal boss Whitmore, and several other members of their NSA team were now under close jant surveillance via the very jant specimens that had been allowed to be captured. The jants had bitten them to allow telepathic contact. Many of Sheffield's thoughts were forwarded to Jacob. Sheffield was smart; he already suspected that he pursued his old student. Jacob was greatly tempted to contact Sheffield telepathically to gloat, but that would have to be done at the right time and with great care such that jant telepathy was not suspected.
Meanwhile, tapping into the thoughts and senses of the NSA team had already yielded valuable information including the term 'jants'! Jerry's ants! What a nifty name for his greatest creation so-far! His tax contributions over the years had at least yielded something of value; for the NSA had come up with a wonderful name for his greatest creation! Of course he was very proud of all his creations, even those that didn't turn out quite so well.
Enlarging pythons had been an unfortunate mistake, but it taught him a valuable lesson. From now on he would be much more cautious when he made changes to organisms, resulting only in success stories such as his jants. He would also soon undo his python blunder by creating something that ate the giant snakes. The jants had already agreed to help him with his future experiments. Their collective intellectual capability was growing geometrically. He didn't even need cloud computing resources anymore; the jants provided all of the computational capacity that he needed. With his jants helping him there was no limit to the good that he could accomplish! He would counter human stupidity and Lamarckism through his own creations!