His hand must have connected with her foot at the last moment, while she swam the carbon tide. Now, whether conscious or dying, the man maintained this thin thread of human contact through their common tomb.
How ironic. Yet it seemed no more bizarre than anything else right now. It was company.
Maia felt sorry for Leie, when the news came. She’ll imagine the end was more horrible than it is. It could be worse. I can’t think how right now, but I’m sure it could be worse.
As she pondered that, the pulsing grip around her ankle tightened abruptly, spasmodically, clenching so hard that Maia moaned in fierce new pain. She felt the sailor’s terrible convulsions, and his reflexive strength yanked her downward, stabbing her in a hundred places, making her gasp in anguish. Then the fierce grip began subsiding in a chain of diminishing tremors.
The throbbing constrictions stopped. Maia imagined she heard a distant rattle.
See? she told herself, as hot tears swept her eyes in total darkness. I told you. I told you it could be worse.
Quietly, she prepared for her own turn. The scientiodeist liturgy of her upbringing rose in her mind—catechistic lines Lamatia Hold dutifully taught its summer children in weekly chapel services, about the formless, maternal spirit of the world, at once loving, accepting, and strict.
For what hope hath a single, living “me,”
A mind, brief, yet self-important? Clinging
After life like a possession? Some thing she can keep?
She knew prayers for comfort, prayers for humility. But then, Maia wondered, if the soul field really does continue after organic life has ceased, what difference would a few words, mumbled in the dark mean to Stratos Mother? Or even the strange, all-seeing thunder god said to be worshiped privately by men? Surely neither of them would hold it against her if she saved her breath to live a few seconds longer?
Perceptory overload gradually shut down part of her agony. The claustrophobic pressure surrounding Maia, at first a horrid mass of biting claws, now had a numbing effect, as if satisfied to slowly crush all remaining sensation. The only impression increasing with time was of sound. Thumps and distant, dragging clatters.
Heartbeats passed, one by one. She counted them, at first to pass the time. Then incredulously, because they showed no imminent sign of stopping. Experimenting, Maia opened her mouth slightly, exposing her tongue and inner lips to sense what her battered, dust-covered face could not—a faint thread of cool air that seemed to stream down the shovel blade from somewhere near her hairline!
Yet, there had to be at least a meter of coal overhead. Probably much more!
There was no easy answer to this puzzle, and she tried not to think too hard. Even when Maia made out footsteps crunching overhead, and the hurried scrape of tools, she paid scant heed, clinging to the blanket of numb acceptance. Hope, if it raised her metabolism, was the last thing she needed right now.
Maybe it would be better if I slept awhile.
So Maia drifted in and out of anoxic slumber, vibrations along the shovel blade telling her how slow the progress of the rescuers remained. As if it matters.
Without warning, the tool shifted, and the blade that had succored her suddenly threatened to gouge her neck, causing Maia to squirm in terror. All at once, the black swaddling of coal became more tight, constricting, suffocating, than ever. Hysteria, so long held at bay by resigned numbness, sent tremors of resurgent fury coursing through her pinned arms and legs. Maia desperately fought a rising in her gorge.
Then, unexpected and unbidden, light struck her eyes with abrupt, painful brilliance, outbalancing even clawing panic, driving out all thoughts with its sheer, blinding beauty. Uncovered, her ears filled with noise—rattles, rasps, and hoarse shouts. Maia took long, shuddering gasps as blurry shapes congealed into silhouettes and finally soot-streaked faces, starkly outlined by swaying bulbs. On their knees, sailors and passengers used bare hands to clear more coal away from her head. Someone with a rag and bucket cleaned her eyes, nose, and mouth, then gave her water.
Finally, Maia was able to choke out words. “Don’t … b-bother … w-w-me.” She shook her head, cutting fresh scrapes along her neck. “Ma … man … down … right.”
It came out barely a gargle, but they acted as if they understood, commencing to dig furiously where Maia indicated with her chin. Meanwhile, others more gradually liberated the rest of her. When she was almost free, an overturned yellow bucket came into view below, and the work went even faster.
At that point, Maia could have saved them effort. The hand still clutching her ankle was growing cold. Yet she could not bring herself to say it. There was always a chance.…
She had never known his name. He was not even a member of her race. Still, tears flowed when she saw his purple face and bulging eyes. Hands pried his fingers off her leg, and with that break of contact she knew with tragic certainty and unwonted loss that they would never again share communication, this side of death.
Seabirds cried possessive calls of territoriality, warning others of their kind to keep away from private nesting niches, chiseled in the steep bluffs overlooking Grange Head harbor. Jealous of their neighbors, the birds virtually ignored a small group of bipeds who swung along the cliffs, hanging from slender ropes, taking turns harvesting molted feathers in great bags and alternately chipping still more roosts for this year’s crop of mating pairs. From a distance, or even from the birds’ close vantage point, no one could distinguish among the sunburned, narrow-boned, black-haired women performing these strange tasks. They all looked identical.
Idly, without much interest, Maia watched the harvester family labor along those vertiginous heights, working their feather farm. It was a niche, all right. Not one she’d ever be tempted to fill. Yet, something equally at the fringe was probably her destiny now. All the fond hopes and ambitious schemes of childhood lay broken, and her heart was numb.
With a heavy sigh she looked at the figures she had scratched on her slate. The calculations needed no further massaging. Gingerly, because each movement still caused her pain, she flipped the tablet over and slid it across the chart table.
“I’m done, Captain Pegyul.”
The tall sallow-faced sailor looked up from his own figures and stared at her a moment. He scratched behind his battered green cap. “Well, give me another minute, then, will yer?”
Sitting on a railing nearby, Naroin the bosun puffed her pipe and gave Maia a headshake. Don’t show up officers. That would be her advice.
What do I care? Maia responded with a shrug. With the navigator and second mate lost in the storm, and the first mate in bed with a concussion, there had been only one person aboard able to help Wotan’s master pilot this tub. Struggling to turn a hobby into a useful skill, Maia had quickly learned why tradition demanded more than one eye at a sextant, to cross-check each measurement. The custom proved valid during the last two dreadful weeks, retracing their way back on course. Each of them had made mistakes often enough to cause disaster, if the other hadn’t been there to notice.
But here we are. That’s what matters, I guess.
She was willing to humor the captain’s wish for this final exercise, comparing notes on technique here in a safe harbor, one whose official position was known down to the centimeter. It helped pass the time while her wounds healed, and while going through the motions of looking out to sea, hoping to spot a sail she knew would never come.
The captain threw down his stylus and uncovered a chart, peering at the coordinates of Grange Head harbor. “Gak. Yer right. M’dawn sighting was off ’cause of the red satellite in th’ Plough. It’s the five-pulser, not the three. Thet’s why m’longitude was wrong.”
Maia tried to be gallant, for Naroin’s sake. “It’s an easy mistake in twilight, Captain. The Outsiders put up the new strobe this summer, as a favor to the Caria Navigation Authority, after the old five-second light burned out.”
“Mmph. So you said. A new strobe-sat. Fancy thet. Musta been publishe
d. Our sanctuary tele’s been fritzin’, but thet’s no excuse. Oughta stay up t’ date, dammit.
“We’d hed it easy for so long, though,” he sighed. “Queer for a summer storm t’come so late, this yer.”
You can say that again, Maia thought. Aftereffects of the gale had lain strewn across still-choppy waters the following day, when the winds finally calmed enough for searching. Planks and other floating debris fished out of the sea showed that theirs hadn’t been the only drama during the night. The capping moment came as they cruised back and forth, desperately seeking, when a broken clinker board was hauled in and turned over, showing parts of the letters Z-E-U-
The passengers and crew had stared in numb silence. Nor had the next few days encouraged hope. Lingering silence on the radio turned worry to despair. Assisting the crew to get their wounded ship to port had offered blessed distraction from Maia’s pain and gnawing anxiety.
I’ve got to get ashore. Maybe the feel of solid ground will help.
“Thanks for everything you taught me, Captain,” Maia said woodenly. “But now I see they’ve finished loading the barge. I shouldn’t keep them waiting.”
She bent gingerly to take the strap of her duffel, but Pegyul seized it and swung it over his shoulder. “Yer sure I can’t get ye t’stay?”
She shook her head. “As you said, there’s a chance my sister’s still alive out there. Maybe they’ll limp into port, or she might’ve been rescued by some other ship. Anyway, this was our destination when the storm hit. Here’s where she’ll come, if she can.”
The man looked dubious. He, too, had taken losses when the Zeus vanished. “Yer welcome with us. Ye’d have a home till spring, an’ each three-quarter year efter.”
In its way it was a generous offer. Other women, such as Naroin, had taken that path, living and working in the periphery of the strange world of men. But Maia shook her head. “I’ve got to be here, in case Leie shows.”
She saw him accept her choice with a sigh, and Maia wondered how this could be the same person she had dismissed so two-dimensionally, back in Port Sanger. Flaws were still apparent, but now they comprised part of a surprisingly complex blend for so simple a creature as a man. After handing her bag down to the pilot of the waiting barge, topped off with a consignment of dark coal, Captain Pegyul drew from one of his pockets a compact brass tool.
“It’s m’second-best sextant,” he explained, showing her how the three sighting arms unfolded. There were two leather straps for attaching it to the owner’s arm. “Portable job. Been meanin’ t’fix the main reflector, ret here. See? Sort o’ hair loom, it is. Even had a redout for the Old Net, see here?”
Maia marveled at the miniaturized workmanship. The old readout dials would never light again, of course. They marked it as a relic of another age, battered and no match for the finely hand-wrought devices produced in modern sanctuary workshops. Still, the sextant was an object of both reverence and utility.
“It is very beautiful,” she said. When he refolded it, Maia saw that the watchcase cover bore an engraving of an airship—a flamboyant, fanciful design that obviously could never fly.
“It’s yers.”
Maia looked up in surprise. “I … couldn’t.”
He shrugged, trying to make matter-of-fact what she could tell was an emotion-laden gesture. “I heard how ye tried to save Micah with the bucket. Fast thinkin’. Mighta worked … if luck was diff’rent.”
“I didn’t really—”
“He was me own boy, Micah. Great, hulkin’, cheerful lad. Too much Ortyn in him, though, if y’know what I mean. Never would of learned to use a sextant right, anyway.”
Pegyul took Maia’s smaller hand in his huge callused one and put the brass instrument firmly in her palm, closing her fingers around the cool, smooth disk. “God keep ye,” he finished with a quaver in his voice.
Maia answered numbly. “And Lysos guide you. Eia.”
He nodded with a faint jerk, and turned away.
Fully loaded, the coal barge slowly crossed the glassy bay. Grange Head didn’t look like much, Maia thought glumly. There was little industry besides transhipping produce for countless farming holds strewn across the inland plains, accessing the sea here by narrow-gauge solar railway. Sunlight wasn’t enough to lift fully laden trains over the steep coastal hills, so a small generating plant offered a steady market for Port Sanger coal. The solitary pier lacked draft to let old Wotan dock, so its cargo came ashore boatload by boatload.
Naroin smoked her pipe, quietly regarding Maia. “Been meanin’ to tell you,” she said at last. “That was some trick you pulled durin’ the avalanche.”
Maia sighed, wishing it had occurred to her to lie about the damned bucket, instead of semiconsciously babbling the whole story to her rescuers. Her impulsive act hadn’t been thought-out enough to be called generous, let alone heroic. Sheer instinct, that was all. Anyway, the futile gesture hadn’t saved the poor fellow.
However, Naroin wasn’t referring to that part of the episode, it turned out. “Usin’ the shovel the way you did,” she said. “That was quick thinking. The blade gave you a little cave to breathe in. And raisin’ the handle signaled us where to dig. But tell me this, did you know we make those hafts out o’ hollow bamboo? Did you figure air might pass through?”
Maia wondered where Naroin kept herself summers, so she could avoid ever being trapped in the same town. “Luck, bosun. You’re out of season if you see more in it. Just dumb luck.”
The master-at-arms shrugged. “Expected you’d say that.” To Maia’s relief, the older woman let it drop there, allowing Maia to ride the rest of the way in silence. When the barge bumped along the town dock, with its row of hand-built wooden cranes, the bosun stood up and shouted. “All right, scum, let’s get at it. Maybe we can clear this hole in the coast before the tide!”
Maia waited till the barge was tied securely, and the others had scrambled ashore, before stepping carefully across the gangplank with her duffel. The rock-steady pier made her feel momentarily queasy, as if the roll of a ship were more natural than a surface anchored to rock. Pressing her lips in order to not show her pain, Maia set off for town without a backward glance. Counting her bonus, she could afford to rest and heal for a while before looking for work. Still, the coming weeks would be a time of trial, staring out to sea, clutching the magnifier on her little sextant in forlorn hope each time a sail rounded those jagged bluffs, fighting to keep depression from enveloping her like a shroud.
“So long, Lamai brat!” someone shouted at her back—presumably the sharp-faced var who had been so hostile, that first day at sea. This time the insult was without bite, and probably meant with offhand respect. Maia lacked the will to reply, even with the obligatory, amiably obscene gesture. She just didn’t have the heart.
“In ancient days, in olden tribes, men obliged their wives and daughters to worship a stern-browed male god. A vengeful deity of lightning and well-ordered rules, whose way it was to shout and thunder at great length, then lapse into fits of maudlin, all-forgiving sentimentality. It was a god like men themselves—a lord of extremes. Wrangling priests interpreted their Creator’s endless, complex ordinances. Abstract disputes led to persecution and war.
“Women could have told them,” Lysos supposedly continued. “If men had only stopped their bickering and asked our opinion. Creation itself might have been a bold stroke of genius, a laying down of laws. But the regular, day to day tending of the world is a messy business, more like the inspired chaos of a kitchen than the sterile precision of a chartroom, or study.”
Intermittent breezes ruffled the page she was reading. Leaning on the crumbling stone wall of a temple orchard, looking past the sloping tile roofs of Grange Head, Maia lifted her gaze to watch low clouds briefly occult a brightly speckled, placid sea, its green shoals aflicker with silver schools of fish and the flapping shadows of hovering swoop-birds. The variegated colors were lush, voluptuous. Mixing with scents carried by the moist, heavy wind,
they made a stew for the senses, spiced with fecund exudates of life.
The beauty was heavy-handed, adamantly consoling. She got the point—that life goes on.
With a sigh, Maia picked up the slim volume again.
“A living planet is a much more complex metaphor for deity than just a bigger Father, with a bigger fist,” the passage went on. “If an omniscient, all-powerful Dad ignores your prayers, it’s taken personally. Hear only silence long enough, and you start wondering about His power. His fairness. His very existence.
“But if a World-Mother doesn’t reply, Her excuse is simple. She never claimed conceited omnipotence. She has countless others clinging to Her apron strings, including myriad species unable to speak for themselves. To Her elder offspring She says—go raid the fridge. Go play outside. Go get a job.
“Or better yet, lend me a hand! I have no time for idle whining.”
Maia closed the slim volume with a sigh. She had spent a good part of the afternoon pondering this excerpt, purported to have been written by the Great Founder herself. The passage was not part of formal scripture. Yet, even while working in the temple garden, Maia kept thinking about it. Priestess-Mother Kalor had lent her the book when more traditional readings failed to help ease her heart-pain. Against all expectation it had helped. The tone, more open and casual than liturgy, was poignantly humorous in parts. For the first time, Maia found she could picture Lysos as a person she might have liked to know. After weeks of depression, Maia managed her first, tentative smile.
Her injuries had been worse than anyone thought, on stepping from the Wotan’s barge some weeks ago. Or perhaps the will to heal was lacking. When the manager of the small, dingy hotel found her in bed one morning, sweating and feverish, the clone had sent for sisters from the local temple, to come fetch Maia for tending.
“So sorry, younger sister,” the acolytes replied each morning. “There is no sign of the Zeus. No woman resembling you has made landfall.” The temple mother even paid out of her own pocket to make Net calls to Lanargh and other ports. The ship Leie had been aboard was listed missing. Its guild had filed for insurance and was in official mourning.