It was around 6p.m. when Justin arrived at the Palladium Hotel. He didn’t go in though. He paced around outside in the front yard where public benches sat under square pools of light.
The truth was, Justin was still a bit nervous. He wasn’t even sure if they were in yet. Or maybe they’d been in and now they were out. Either way, he still didn’t know how to make a good justification of his coming here.
And Solene is still not picking up her Goddamn phone, he thought, with just enough anger in him to make him want to just up and walk away.
It wasn’t fair that men must go through all sorts of trials and tribulations to win over women’s hearts. Who made that nonsensical rule anyway? He could think about one or two things that were definitely wrong with this current state of affairs.
A sudden wind blew downward, bellowing its deep summer organ. Shuddering, Justin looked up: the sky was changing into something monotonous, but a lingering stripe of sunset was still keeping dusk at bay. Justin tried Solene’s phone for the tenth time. Naturally, he got her voicemail, and the hold of depression was ever tighter on his heart. A second later, a young couple emerged from the hotel: the guy had his hand all over the girl’s back. Justin peered at them to make the girl out.
No – it wasn’t Solene.
He breathed a little easier. Then he decided to call her up again. If he got her voicemail, this time he’d just walk into the hotel –– and whatever happens, happens, he told himself.
Solene answered this time, though.
“Hello?” he said. He made an effort not to rejoice loudly. “Hey, it’s me ––”
“Hello,” she said. There was some surprise in her voice. But he also detected an undercurrent of glee. “Justin ––”
“I’ve been trying to call you all day.”
“Oh ––” she said. “Sorry about that; my phone was off. I just turned it back on right now to call my mother and let her know I’ll probably be home a little late. But I can’t seem to reach her.”
“Listen, where are you at right now?” Hopeful, his eyes began looking over the hotel façade, lined with windows.
“The hotel”
“The Palladium?”
“That’s right”
Justin took in another easy breath. Now he knew she was here, at least.
“Where are you?” he repeated clumsily. “I mean –– are you alone?”
“Yeah ––” she said. He could hear her move about and slide a door open. “Jaime’s down in the bar. He went to fetch cigarettes or something.” There was more background noise now. Justin figured she was probably out on the balcony. “You said you tried to call me – What’s up?”
Justin closed his eyes, trying to let go of the tension his mind had accumulated earlier. He needed to create a new clear focus to appraise the situation. Nothing in Solene’s voice had changed since he had left her in the cafe. There was no hint of emotion in it to suggest that she had recently gone through a new experience, good or bad. Therefore, it was safe to assume she hadn’t given herself to Jaime yet.
“Listen,” he said, moving toward a public bench. “It’s about that stuff we talked about in the cafe. You know, your plans… to feel alive again and all.”
“Justin, I thought we went over this,” He could picture her pouty face as she was putting away the sensitive subject.
“Listen,” he sat down on a public bench, fist clenched. “There’re simpler ways to raise your spirits, you know.” He hoped he had something more profound to say, and felt somewhat not educated enough. “All I want to say is, you can’t sleep with someone just ‘cause you feel bummed out, you know? I mean –– seriously.”
“You make it sound so melodramatic”
“What about love?” He asked her, highly interested to hear what she’d say. “Shouldn’t love be part of the equation?”
“What makes you think I’m not in love with Jaime?”
His stomach muscles tightened as he realized he hadn’t thought of that.
He said to her, “Are you in love with him?” And wished he was facing her when asking the question.
“Doesn’t matter, Justin,” she said. “Grow up! Love is nothing but sex misspelled.”
It took a few seconds to let the words sink in… Love is nothing but sex misspelled. She really was a complicated girl. More complicated than most he supposed. He hardened his voice as he said, “No, you grow up! You –– sometimes, you say these things that don’t make any sense, you know that? And I don’t have the stomach to say it to your face. Well let me spell it out for you: if you go through with this thing, then you can forget about whatever it is that we have between us.”
“Between us…” She said. “Okay ––” She hesitated, then added, “I’m trying to understand what you’re saying.”
“I’m saying I don’t like the guts of that guy, what’s his face?”
“Jaime,” she reminded him.
“Whatever…”
“But why?” She said.
“Because he’s not good enough for you,” Justin said and she chuckled. That hurt a little. But he went on, “No, I’m serious. You deserve someone better, you know. Someone who cares about you; someone who really really loves you. Not that guy.”
She said, “You… You don’t even know Jaime.”
“But I know you ––” He repeated, “I know you… I get you, you know I do… Don’t do this.”
“And if I do ––”
“It’s going to break my heart.” Justin told her.
Then there was this awfully long pause. You could hear a pin drop quietly. What was she thinking right now? On the other end, her breathing was mounting and falling, all in thoughtful sequences it seemed.
“So, it’s what this is about –” She finally said. “You’re jealous…”
“Yeah – I am.” He felt more at ease after admitting it and added, “Guess I should’ve said something before.”
“That bracelet you gave me… you want me to be your girl?”
“Yeah –” he wanted to add very badly to show just how much, but refrained.
“I don’t know, Justin”
“What’s there to know?”
“You and me, that’s just crazy.”
“So what?” He said, standing up from the bench. “We’ve done crazier things. And you say that because you’re scared to finally be with someone who really sees you, and from whom you cannot hide. But you don’t have to hide with me. You know that. It’s going to be fun.” He took a long breath and went on. “Look, this life is crazy. And maybe it’s a good thing, or maybe it’s a bad thing, I don’t know. But it’s enjoyable when you find someone to be with. And I want to be with you, Solene… In fact I need you.” He added, “I want you...”
His own heartfelt elocution surprised him just as the words were coming out of him, one by one. Now he waited for her to say something, clenching his cell phone as if it was some oxygen device he needed to breathe.
“Look,” she said after a moment. “Jaime’s here. Gotta go!”
“Wait ––” She waited. He said slowly. “You must have figured it out, didn’t you? How I felt about you. I thought girls were good at picking up on things like that.”
“Well, I don’t know about that ––” she said. “But I may have picked up some isolated signals. But I didn’t think much of it.”
“Are you wearing that bracelet now?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Do you still intend to wear it, knowing what it represents?”
“Well, it’s a cool bracelet.”
Justin heaved a sigh and said, “I’m outside ––”
“Outside where?”
“Outside the hotel,” he said, almost laughing at himself. “I came here with this notion that I could somehow stop you… That I could take you back with me.”
She said, “No kidding?”
“Well that’s me all over, right?”
“I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“Look –– I’m coming for you anyway.” He started back towards the hotel’s entrance.
“Wait – Are you serious?” By the way she’d asked, Justin could tell she was right at the edge of disbelief. And it gave him confidence to make demands of her.
“You bet I am. I’m getting you out of there!” He said. “You can either tell me your room number, or I’ll get it from the front desk.”
“You won’t,” she said. She was moving about again. “They don’t give it out just like that. Plus Jaime asked not to be disturbed.”
“Then give it to me…”
Another long pause, tensed. Justin had already made it to the hotel entrance doors, and was now working his lip with his teeth, hoping she’d give…
“Alright… You win. I’ll meet you down in the hall in five,” she said. And she hung up.
Justin smiled, and stood there smiling for a minute more. Then, before he walked into the hall, he looked skyward again. A silver pepper of stars was beautifying the dark indigo of the twilight. He contemplated one star, wanting to thank someone for what would indeed be a beautiful night.
Yes, life was crazy; that’s why everything was possible…
Everything was possible… even something like the golden ball.
Six days later, it was still there, sitting upon the eave where Greco had found it. And that wouldn’t have been a bad thing if it stayed skulking upon that rooftop, way off from the world of men for all times to come.
But, as it turned out, on the morning of the seventh day, a pigeon wobbled in too close, and one of its wings beat the ball into rolling off the roof. For the second time, I had to witness the deadly (probably otherworldly, too) object make a heavenly entrance. And as the golden ball was dropping down, an old poem occurred to me. I could not remember if it was a nursery rhyme or not. And I doubted having ever actually read it myself. But the lines were running, one after the other, the way I was remembering them; and they were reminding me of something I once knew, maybe the life I had lived at one point in time. Or maybe it was just a divine message giving me my cue to finally move on and find out what else was out there:
Well be remembered our childhood
The freshness on our face
The chortling, the weeping
And the little games on the playground
Recall our early truths
Recall it all with the mistruths
And the holy grail of our lies
Forget not the joy,
The impassionate grief
And those wildest dreams of ours
Do well to call to mind
Those long horseback ridings, together through the Rye
Young loving hearts, side by side
Well be remembered those days past
When we believed in earnest,
Our whole life was ahead of us
Were we then immortals
Free to live on and on
Through years on end, and forever young
In effect you were my evermore
And I was the beat that worked your heart
Be reminded of those days past
For we believed then in earnest
Now on the others the belief is lost
Yet how little they remember matters not
For life has come and gone
And one day should they ever ask you
Tell them there was a time
When, indeed, we were immortals…
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