“You should wear red more often,” he said. He held his hand out. “I’m Clark. You’re Vanessa, right? Ruby’s sister?”
Vanessa nodded. She wondered if he was just being nice to her because he liked her sister.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Clark said. He poured a few different things into a martini shaker and shook it up.
Oh, fuck, Vanessa thought. Here’s when he pours out his heart and tells me all about how he’s been in love with Ruby forever, but she doesn’t seem to notice him. And he wants me to play Cupid and blah, blah, blah.
“What?” she said.
“Well,” Clark said. “I see you and Ruby come in here all the time.”
Here he goes, thought Vanessa.
“And you never come up to the bar and talk to me. But I’ve kind of had a crush on you since I first saw you.”
Vanessa stared at him. Was he joking?
Clark poured the drink out of the martini shaker into a short little glass and squeezed a few limes into it. He pushed it toward her. “Try that,” he said. “It’s on the house.”
Vanessa picked up the glass and tasted it. It tasted sweet and sour at the same time, and she couldn’t taste any alcohol in it at all. It was good.
“What’s it called?” she said.
“Kiss me,” Clark said, with an absolutely straight face.
Vanessa put the drink down and leaned over the bar. Serena and Dan could dance their pretty asses off for all she cared. She was about to be kissed.
The Kiss on the Lips DJ had just broken up with her boyfriend of four years and was playing sad, slow, love songs back to back. Gorgeously dressed couples held onto each other and swayed to the lonesome riffs, barely moving beneath the soft lights. The air smelled of orchids and candle wax and raw fish and cigarette smoke, and there was a peaceful sophistication to the evening that was both unexpected and familiar. It wasn’t the rocking slam-fest that some had hoped for, but it wasn’t a bad party, either. There was still plenty of booze left, nothing had caught fire, and the cops hadn’t shown up to card people. Besides, the year was just getting started—there were tons more parties to look forward to.
Nate and Blair were dancing together, her cheek against his chest, both of their eyes closed, his lips brushing the top of her head. Blair had put her brain on pause, and her head was full of static. She was tired of dreaming up movies. Right now, real life suited her just fine.
A few couples away, Chuck had his hands full of Jenny Humphrey. Jenny wished the DJ would bring up the tempo. She was trying to dance as fast as she could, to keep Chuck from groping her, but it was having the opposite effect. Every time she moved her shoulders, her boobs bounced out of her dress and practically hit him in the face.
Chuck was absolutely delighted. He put his arms around Jenny’s waist and pulled her close, dancing off the dance floor and into the ladies’ room.
“What are we doing?” Jenny said, confused. She gazed up into his eyes. She knew Chuck was friends with Serena and Blair, and she wanted to trust him. But Chuck still hadn’t asked her what her name was. He’d barely spoken to her at all.
“I just want to kiss you,” Chuck said. He bent his head down and enveloped her mouth in his, pressing his tongue against her teeth with such force that she let out a little gasp. Jenny opened her mouth and let him thrust his tongue deep into her throat. She had kissed boys before, playing games at parties. But she’d never tongue kissed like this. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? she wondered, suddenly feeling a little frightened. She reached up and pushed against Chuck’s chest, pulling her head away from him, desperate for air.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” she mumbled, stumbling backwards into a stall and locking the door.
She could see Chuck’s feet, standing outside the stall.
“All right,” he said. “But I’m not finished with you yet.”
Jenny sat down on the toilet seat without pulling up her dress and pretended to pee. Then she stood up and flushed.
“All done?” Chuck called.
Jenny didn’t answer. Her mind was racing. What should she do? Anxiously, she reached inside her little black handbag for her cell phone.
Chuck crouched down to look under the stall door. What was she doing in there, the little tease? He crawled forward on his hands and knees. “All right,” he said. “That’s it, I’m coming in.”
Jenny closed her eyes and backed against the stall wall. Quickly, she pressed the buttons for Dan’s number into her cell phone, praying that he’d answer.
Ruby’s band was playing their last song, and Serena and Dan were slick with sweat. Dan had some new moves down, and he was in the middle of an experimental slide to the side with a pelvic thrust when his cell phone went off.
“Damn,” he said, pulling it out of his pocket. He flipped it open.
“Dan,” he heard his sister’s voice. “I—”
“Hey Jen. Hold on, all right? I can’t hear you.” He tapped Serena on the arm and pointed to his phone. “Sorry,” he shouted over the music. He walked back to the table and put his hand over his free ear. “Jenny?”
“Dan?” Jenny said. Her voice sounded very small and scared and far away. “I need your help. Please come get me?”
“Now?” Dan said. He looked up. Serena was walking toward him, a worried frown on her perfect face.
“Is everything okay?” she mouthed.
“Please, Dan?” Jenny pleaded. She sounded really upset.
“What’s wrong?” Dan asked his sister. “Can’t you take a cab?”
“No, I—” Jenny said, her voice trailing off. “Just please come, okay, Dan?” she finished hurriedly. And then she hung up.
“Who was that?” Serena said.
“My little sister,” Dan told her. “She’s at that party. She wants me to come get her.”
“Are you going?”
“Yeah, I think I’d better. She sounded kind of weird,” he said.
“I’ll come with you,” Serena offered.
“All right,” Dan said, smiling shyly. This night was getting better and better. “That would be cool.”
“We’d better tell Vanessa,” Serena said, heading for the bar.
Dan followed her. He’d forgotten all about Vanessa. But she looked like she was having a good time talking to the bartender.
“Hey Vanessa,” Serena said, touching Vanessa’s arm. “Dan just got a call from his sister at the party. He has to go get her.”
Vanessa turned around slowly. She was waiting for Clark’s eyes to settle on Serena. For his eyeballs to suddenly register “beautiful girl” in bold black letters like the cherries in a slot machine. But Clark only glanced at Serena like she was just another customer.
“What can I get you?” he said, slapping a cocktail napkin down on the bar in front of her.
“Oh, nothing, thanks,” Serena said. She turned to Vanessa. “I think I’m going to go with Dan.”
“Hey Serena, we better take off,” Dan called urgently from behind them.
Vanessa turned around to look at him, waiting so eagerly for Serena. His tongue was practically hanging out of his mouth.
“Okay, have a good rest of the night,” Serena said. She leaned over and gave Vanessa a kiss on her cheek. “Tell Ruby I thought she was awesome.” Then she slipped away to join Dan.
“See you, Vanessa,” Dan called, turning to go.
Vanessa turned back to Clark without a word. She couldn’t wait to kiss him again, and forget all about Serena and Dan, heading off into the night together.
“Who were they?” Clark said, resting his elbows on the bar. He picked an olive out of a dish and held it just in front of Vanessa’s lips.
Vanessa bit into the olive and shrugged. “Just some people I don’t really know.”
s finds hope
Dan hailed a cab and opened the door for Serena. The October air was crisp and smelled of burnt sugar, and Dan suddenly felt very elegant and mature—a man in a tuxedo out on t
he town with a beautiful girl. He slid into the seat beside her and looked down at his hands as the cab pulled away from the curb. They weren’t shaking anymore.
Unbelievable as it seemed, he had touched Serena with those very hands while they were dancing. And now he was alone with her in a taxi. If he wanted to, he could take her hand, stroke her cheek, maybe even kiss her. He studied her profile, her skin shining in the yellow glow of the streetlights, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“God I love to dance,” Serena said, letting her head fall back on the seat. She felt completely relaxed. “I could seriously dance every single night.”
Dan nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he said. But only with you, he meant to add.
It takes a girl like Serena to make a guy with two left feet say he loves to dance.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, enjoying the tired feeling in their legs and the cool air from the open window on their sweat-dampened foreheads. There was nothing awkward about the fact that they weren’t talking. It was nice.
When the cab pulled up in front of the old Barneys building on Seventeenth Street, Dan was expecting to see Jenny waiting for them outside, but the sidewalk was empty.
“I guess I’m going to have to go in there and get her,” Dan said. He turned to Serena. “You can go ahead home. Or you can wait. . . .”
“I’ll come with you,” Serena said. “I may as well see what I missed out on.”
Dan paid for the cab, and they got out and headed for the door.
“I hope they let us in,” Serena whispered. “I threw my invitation out.”
Dan pulled the crumpled invitation Jenny had made for him out of his pocket and flashed it at the bouncer at the door. “She’s with me,” he said, putting his arm around Serena.
“Go ahead,” the bouncer said, waving them on.
She’s with me? Dan couldn’t believe his balls. He’d had no idea they were that big.
“I’d better look around for my sister,” he told Serena when they got inside.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll meet you back here in ten minutes.”
The room was full of old familiar faces. So familiar that no one there was quite sure whether Serena van der Woodsen had just arrived or if she’d been there all night. She certainly looked like she’d been having a good time. Her hair was windblown, her dress was slipping off her shoulders, there was a run in her tights, and her cheeks were all pink, as if she’d been running. She looked wild, like the kind of girl who’d done everything everyone said she’d done, and probably a whole lot more.
Blair noticed Serena right away, standing on the edge of the dance floor in that funny old dress they’d bought together at Alice Underground.
Blair pulled away from Nate. “Look who’s here,” she said.
Nate turned around, gripping Blair’s hand when he saw Serena, as if to demonstrate his devotion.
Blair squeezed his hand back. “Why don’t you go tell her?” she asked him. “Tell her you can’t be friends with her anymore.” Her stomach rumbled nervously. After all the throwing up she’d done, she really needed another tuna roll.
Nate stared at Serena with grim, slightly stoned determination. If Blair thought it was crucial that he tell Serena to get lost, then he’d do it. He couldn’t wait to get this all behind them so he could relax. In fact, after he talked to Serena he was going to head upstairs and find somewhere private to light up.
Waspoid rule #1: When things get intense, smoke a joint.
“All right,” Nate said, letting go of Blair’s hand. “Here I go.”
“Hey,” Serena said. She reached up and kissed Nate on the cheek. He blushed. He hadn’t expected her to touch him. “You look mah-velous, darling,” she said in a silly, hoity-toity accent.
“Thanks,” Nate said. He tried to put his hands in his pockets, but his tuxedo didn’t have any. Stupid thing. “So, what have you been up to?” he asked.
“Well, I kind of blew off the party,” Serena explained. “I’ve been out dancing at this crazy place in Brooklyn.”
Nate raised his eyebrows in surprise. But then again, nothing Serena said should have surprised him anymore.
“So, you want to dance?” Serena asked. She put her arms around Nate’s neck before he answered, and began to swing her hips from side to side.
Nate glanced at Blair, who was watching them carefully, and collected himself. “Look, Serena,” he said, taking a step back and removing her arms. “I really can’t . . . you know . . . be friends . . . not like the way we were before,” he began.
Serena gazed into his eyes searchingly, trying to read his true thoughts. “What did I do?” she said. “Did I do something?”
“Blair is my girlfriend,” Nate continued. “I have to . . . I have to be loyal to her. I can’t . . . I can’t really be . . .” He swallowed.
Serena crossed her arms over her chest. If only she could hate Nate for being so cruel and so lame. If only he weren’t so good-looking. And if only she didn’t love him.
“Well, I guess we should stop talking then,” she said. “Blair might get mad.” She let her arms fall to her sides and turned abruptly away.
As she crossed the room, Serena’s eyes met Blair’s. She stopped in her tracks and reached into her bag, searching for the twenty-dollar bill Blair had left on the table at the Tribeca Star. She wanted to give it back. As if, somehow, it would prove she hadn’t done anything wrong. That night, or ever. Her fingers found her cigarettes instead. She pulled one out and stuck it between her lips. The music was getting louder and around her, people were dancing. Serena could feel Blair watching her, and her hands trembled as she fumbled around in her bag for a light. As usual, she didn’t have one. She shook her head in annoyance, and glanced up at Blair. And then, instead of glaring at each other, the two girls smiled.
It was strange smile, and neither girl knew what the other meant by it.
Was Blair smiling because she had won the boy in the end and stamped all over Serena’s party shoes? Because—as usual—she had gotten her way?
Was Serena smiling because she felt uncomfortable and nervous? Or was she smiling because she hadn’t stooped to Blair’s petty level of spreading nasty rumors and playing with Nate’s mind?
Or was it a sad smile because their friendship was over?
Maybe they were smiling because they both knew deep down that no matter what happened next—no matter what boy they fell in or out of love with, or what clothes they wore, or what their SAT scores were, or which college they got into—they both would be all right.
After all, the world they lived in took care of its own.
Serena pulled the cigarette out of her mouth, dropped it on the floor and began walking toward Blair. When they were face to face, she stopped and fished the twenty-dollar bill out of her bag. “Here,” she said, handing it to Blair. “This is yours.” And then, without another word, she kept on walking, heading for the ladies’ room to splash some cold water on her face.
Blair looked down at the bill in her hand and stopped smiling.
Over by the door, Rebecca Agnelli from the Central Park Save the Peregrine Falcon Foundation was just putting on her mink coat and kissing Kati and Isabel goodnight. Blair walked over and pressed the twenty-dollar bill into her hand.
“That’s for the birds,” Blair said with her fakest smile. “Don’t forget your gift bag!”
Serena turned on the tap and splashed her face over and over with cool clean water. It felt so good she wanted to peel off all her clothes and jump in.
She leaned against the row of sinks, patting her face dry. Her gaze slipped to the floor, where she saw a pair of black wing-tipped shoes, the fringed end of a blue scarf, and a girl’s black handbag.
Serena rolled her eyes and walked over. “Chuck, is that you?” she said into the crack in the door. “Who’ve you got in there with you?”
A girl gasped.
“Shit,” Serena heard Chuck say.
Chuck had stood
Jenny up on the toilet-seat lid in the end stall and pulled her dress down so he could get at those massive jugs. Serena had come at the worst possible time.
Chuck pushed open the stall door a few inches. “Fuck off,” he growled.
Behind him Serena could see little Jenny Humphrey, her dress pulled down around her waist, her arms hugging herself, looking terrified.
Someone pushed open the bathroom door. “Jenny? Are you in here?” Dan called.
Serena suddenly registered: Jenny was Dan’s sister. No wonder she’d sounded weird on the phone. She was about to be mauled by Chuck.
“I’m here,” Jenny whimpered.
“Get out of here,” Serena snapped at Chuck, pulling the door open just wide enough for him to get past her.
Chuck pushed by her, knocking her against the stall door. “Well, excuse me, bitch,” he hissed. “Next time I’ll be sure to ask your permission.”
“Wait a minute, asshole,” Dan said, sizing Chuck up. “What were you doing to my sister?”
Serena pushed the stall door closed and stood outside it, waiting for Jenny to step down from the toilet and fix herself before her brother saw her. Inside, she could hear Jenny sniffling.
“Fuck off,” Chuck said, pushing Dan out of the way.
“No, you fuck off, Scarf Boy,” Dan said. He’d never been in a fight before. His hands began to shake again.
Serena hated it when boys fought. It was so pointless, and it made them look like assholes.
“Hey Chuck,” Serena said, poking Chuck in the back. Chuck turned around. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself? You know no one else will,” she hissed.
“You bitch,” Chuck hissed back. “You think you can come back here and act all high and mighty after everything you’ve done? You think you can act like such a princess and tell me to fuck off?”
“What have I done, Chuck?” Serena demanded. “What is it that you think I’ve done?”
Chuck licked his lips and laughed quietly. “What have you done?” he asked. “You got kicked out of boarding school because you are a perverted slut who made marks on the wall above the bed in your dorm room for every boy you did. You have STDs. You were addicted to all kinds of drugs and busted out of rehab and now you’re dealing your own stuff. You were a member of some cult that killed chickens. You have a fucking baby in France.” Chuck took a deep breath and licked his lips.