CHAPTER XXIII
THE WAY BACK
It was three days later that Dinah began at last the long and wearypilgrimage back again. Almost against her will she turned her falteringsteps up the steep ascent; for she was too tired for any sustainedeffort. Only that something seemed to be perpetually drawing her shewould not have been moved to make the effort at all. For she was sopiteously weak that the bare exertion of opening her eyes was almost morethan she could accomplish. But ever the unknown influence urged her, verygently but very persistently, never passive, never dormant, but alwaysdrawing her as by an invisible cord back to the world of sunshine andtears that seemed so very far away from the land of shadows in which shewandered.
All active suffering had left her, and she would fain have been at peace;but the hand that clasped hers would not be denied. The motherly voicethat had calmed the wildest fantasies of her fevered brain spoke now toher with tenderest encouragement; the love that surrounded her drew her,uplifted her, sustained her. And gradually, as she crept back from theshadows, she came to lean upon this love as upon a sure support, to countupon it as her own exclusive possession--a wonderful new gift that hadcome to her out of the darkness.
She still welcomed her friend Scott at her bedside, but very curiouslyshe had grown a little shy in his presence. She could not forget thatdream of hers, and for a long time she was haunted by the dread that hehad in some way come to know of it. Though the steady eyes never heldanything but the utmost kindness and sympathy, she was half afraid tomeet them lest they should look into her heart and see the vision she hadseen. She never called him Mr. Greatheart now.
With Isabel, beloved nurse and companion, she was completely at her ease.A great change had come over Isabel--such a change as turns the bareearth into a garden of spring when the bitter winter is past at last. Allthe ice-bound bitterness had been swept utterly away, and in its placethere blossomed such a wealth of mother-love as transformed hercompletely.
She spent herself with the most lavish devotion in Dinah's service. Therewas not a wish that she expressed that was not swiftly and abundantlysatisfied. Night and day she was near her, ignoring all Biddy'sinjunctions to rest, till the old woman, seeing the light that had dawnedin the shadowed eyes, left her to take her own way in peace. She hoveredin the background, always ready in case her mistress's new-found strengthshould fail. But Isabel did not need her care. All her being wasconcentrated upon the task of bringing Dinah back to life, and shethought of nothing else, meeting the strain with that strength whichcomes in great emergencies to all.
And as she gradually succeeded in her task, a great peace descended uponher, such as she had never known before. Biddy sometimes gazed inamazement at the smooth brow and placid countenance at Dinah's bedside.
"Sure, the young lady's been a blessing straight from the Almighty," shesaid to Scott.
"I think so too, Biddy," he made quiet answer.
He was much less in the sick-room now that Dinah's need of him hadpassed. He sometimes wondered if she even knew how many hours he hadformerly spent there. He visited her every day, and it was to him thatthe task fell of telling her that the de Vignes had arranged to leaveher in their charge.
"We have your father's permission," he said, when her brows drew togetherwith a troubled expression. "You see, it is quite impossible to move youat present, and they must be getting home. Billy is to go with them ifyou think you can be happy alone with us."
She put out her little wasted hand. "I could be happy with you anywhere,"she said simply. "But it doesn't seem right."
"Of course it is right," he made quiet reply. "In fact, if you ask me, Ithink it is our business rather than anyone else's to get you wellagain."
She flushed in quick embarrassment. "Oh, please, you mustn't put it likethat. And I have been such a trouble to everyone ever since."
He smiled at her very kindly. "Biddy says you are a blessing from theAlmighty, and I quite agree with her. It is settled then? You are contentto stay with us until we take you home?"
Her hand was clasped in his, but she did not meet his look. "Oh, muchmore than content," she said, her voice very low. "Only--"
"Only?" he said gently.
She made an effort to lift her eyes, but dropped them again instantly."It will make it much harder to go home," she said.
She thought he sounded somewhat grim as he said, "There is no need tomeet troubles half-way, you know. You won't be strong enough for thejourney for some time to come."
"I wish I could stay just as I am now," she told him tremulously, "forever and ever and ever."
"Ah!" he said, with a faint sigh. "It is not given to any of us to baskin the sun for long."
And so, two days after, the de Vignes paid a state visit of farewell toDinah, now pronounced out of danger but still pitiably weak,--so weakthat she cried when the Colonel bade her be a good girl and get wellenough to come home as soon as possible, so as not to be a burden tothese kind friends of hers longer than she need.
Lady Grace's kiss was chilly and perfunctory. "I also hope you will getwell quickly, Dinah," she said, "as I believe Mr. Studley and his sisterare staying on mainly on your account. Sir Eustace, I understand, isreturning very shortly, and I have asked him to join our house-party."
"Good-bye, dear!" murmured Rose, bending her smiling lips to kiss Dinah'sforehead. "I am sorry your good time has had such a tragic end. I washoping that you might be allowed to come to the Hunt Ball, but I amafraid that is out of the question now. Sir Eustace will be sorry too.He says you are such an excellent little dancer."
"Good-bye!" said Dinah, swallowing her tears.
She wept unrestrainedly when Billy bade her a bluff and friendlyfarewell, and he was practically driven from the room by Isabel; who thenreturned to her charge, gathered her close in her arms, and sat with herso, rocking her gently till gradually her agitation subsided.
"Do forgive me!" Dinah murmured at last, clinging round her neck.
To which Isabel made answer in that low voice of hers that so throbbedwith tenderness whenever she spoke to her. "Dear child, there is nothingto forgive. You are tired and worn out. I know just how you feel. Butnever mind--never mind! Forget it all!"
"I know I am a burden," whispered Dinah, clinging closer.
Isabel's lips pressed her forehead. "My darling," she said, "you are sucha burden as I could not bear to be without."
That satisfied Dinah for the time; but it was not the whole of hertrouble, and presently, still clasped close to Isabel's heart, she gavehesitating utterance to the rest.
"It would have been--so lovely--to have gone to the Hunt Ball. I shouldlike to dance with--with Sir Eustace again. Is he--is he really going tostay with the de Vignes?"
"I don't know, dear. Very possibly not." Isabel's voice held a hint ofconstraint though her arms pressed Dinah comfortingly close. "He willplease himself when the time comes no doubt."
Dinah did not pursue the subject, but her mind was no longer at rest. Shewondered how she could have forgotten Sir Eustace for so long, and nowthat she remembered him she was all on fire with the longing to see himagain. Rose had spoken so possessively, so confidently, of him, asthough--almost as though--he had become her own peculiar property duringthe long dark days in which Dinah had been wandering in another world.
Something in Dinah hotly and fiercely resented this attitude. She yearnedto know if it were by any means justified. She could not, would not,believe that he had suffered himself to fall like other men a victim toRose's wiles. He was so different from all others, so superbly far aboveall those other captives. And had she not heard him laugh and call Rosemachine-made?
A great restlessness began to possess her. She felt she must know whathad been happening during her absence from the field. She must know ifRose had succeeded in adding yet another to her long list of devotedadmirers. She felt that if this were so, she could never, never forgiveher. But it was not possible. She was sure--she was sure it was notpossible.
Si
r Eustace was not the man to grovel at any woman's feet. She recalledthe arrogance of his demeanour even in his moments of greatesttenderness. She recalled the magnetic force of his personality, hisoverwhelming mastery. She recalled the strong holding of his arms,thrilled yet again to the burning intensity of his kisses.
No, no! He had never stooped to become one of Rose's adorers. Ifhe had ever flirted with her, he had done it out of boredom. She wasbeautiful--ah yes, Rose was beautiful; but Dinah was quite convincedshe had no brains. And Eustace would never seriously consider a womanwithout brains.
Seriously! But then had he ever taken her into his serious considerationeither? Had he not rather been at pains to make her understand that whathad passed between them was no more than a game to which no seriousconsequences were attached? She had caught his fancy, his passing fancy,and now was not her turn over? Had he not laughed and gone his way?
She chafed terribly at the thought, and ever the longing to see him againgrew within her till she did not know how to hide it from those abouther.
In the evening her temperature rose, and the doctor was dissatisfied withher. She passed a restless night, and was considerably weaker in themorning.
"There is something on her mind," the doctor said to Isabel. "See if youcan find out what it is!"
But it was Scott who succeeded with the utmost gentleness in discoveringthe trouble. He came in late in the morning and sat down beside her for afew minutes.
"I have been writing letters for my brother," he said in his quiet way,"or I should have called for news of you sooner. Isabel tells me you havehad a bad night."
Dinah's face was flushed and her eyes very bright. "I heard thedance-music in the distance," she said nervously. "It--it made me want togo and dance."
"I am sorry it disturbed you," he said gently. "It was only that then?You weren't really troubled about anything?"
She hesitated, then, meeting the kindness of his look, her eyes suddenlyfilled with tears. She turned her head away in silence.
He leaned towards her. "Is there anything you want?" he said. "Tell mewhat it is! I will get it for you if it is humanly possible."
"I know--I know!" faltered Dinah, and hid her face in the pillow.
He waited a moment or two, then laid a very gentle hand upon her darkhead. "Don't cry, little one!" he said softly. "Tell me what it is!"
"I can't," murmured Dinah.
"You wanted to go and dance," said Scott sympathetically. "Was it justthat?"
"Not--just--that!" she whispered forlornly.
"I thought not. You were wanting something more than that. What was it?"
She tried not to tell him. She would have given almost all she had tokeep silence on the subject; but somehow she had to speak. Under thepressure of that kind hand, she could not maintain her silence anylonger.
"I was thinking of--of your brother," she told him with tears. "I waswondering if--if he were dancing, and--and I not there!"
It was out at last, and she hid her face in overwhelming shame becauseshe had given him a glimpse of her secret heart which none had ever seenbefore. She wondered with anguish what he thought of her, if she hadforfeited his good opinion of her for ever, if indeed he would ever speakto her with kindness again.
And then very quietly he did speak, and in a moment all her anxiety wasgone. "He may have been dancing," he said. "But I believe he has beenvery bored ever since the weather broke. I wonder if he might come andsee you. Would it be too much for you? Should you mind?"
"Mind!" Dinah's tears were gone in a flash. She turned shining eyes uponhim. "But would he come?" she said, with sudden misgiving. "Wouldn't thatbore him too?"
Scott smiled at her in a way that set her mind wholly at rest. "No, Ithink not," he said. "When shall he come? This evening?"
Dinah slipped a confiding hand into his. She felt that now Scott knew andwas not scandalized, there was no further need for embarrassment. "Oh,just any time," she said. "But hadn't I better get up? It would lookbetter, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know about that," said Scott. "You had better ask the doctor."
Dinah's face flushed red. "Need the doctor know?" she asked him shyly. "Iam--so afraid of his saying I am well enough to go home. And that--thatwill end everything."
"He shan't say that," Scott promised, still smiling in the fashion thatso warmed her heart. "I will drop him a hint."
"Oh, you are good!" Dinah said very earnestly. "I think you are thekindest man I have ever met."
He laughed at that. "My dear, it is easy to be kind to you," he said.
"I'm sure I don't know why," she protested. "I'm getting very spoilt andselfish."
He patted her hand gently and laid it down. "You are--just you," he said,and rising with the words rather abruptly he left her.