Alexa: Reflect, observe and react!
Alice: But of course, we got to smash the evil state.
Samantha: The answer to that inquiry is simple. We got to militantly overthrow the ruling class.
May: Once again, I decline to partake in imbecile social intercourse.
Angela: Educated all about the glories of art. Provide plentiful opportunities for all to create, create, create and create. In all the spheres of existence, we got to exuberantly encourage production of art. Art, as I said before is the answer. It is salvation.
Sandy: A drastically increased interaction between the sexes. Unadulterated love making. Pleasures of that type lead to a better world and is an end to themselves
Angela: We got to examine society and isolate the biggest oppressors, then we got to never give them an inch. They won't go a mile with an inch, they will go a marathon.
Maxine: One would be at total awe when one realizes how much influence clothes have on a person. You all notice all the oppressors, but do you realize that clothing is one of the greatest oppressors of them all? Clothing is rarely noticed as an oppressor, yet it is a horrific one. Let's abolish it now!
Amanda: I made a synthesis! Oppressing lurks at every nook. It is a barrier, an enormous one, to the success of harmonious living.
May: Good grief! How can a quintessential radical call that enlightenment? Your stupidity mystifies me.
Alice (interrupting): How can you rip on such a well intentioned, good natured person?
May: Idealism is stupid, plus she's even stupider than most radicals.
Andrea: Hey -- how dare you talk bad about our comrade. Your way of life is vile.
Alice: Agreed! One big common denominator of us all is our dislike of May.
Angela: Poem time!
May: Don't bore me with that grime!
Angela: Since I know only one objection exists, I will proceed with the unveiling of my art.
The opening
Self Displayed
We knew the tube was right
All was welcome
No need to hide the beauty
Naked soul lay uncovered
Enjoy the radiation
Many are affected by cowardice
Extremely sad
A naked soul benefits the soul
Alice: Once again, I am amazed! You are an incredible poet!
May (jumping and screeching): You are terrible! Every fiber of my body detest you and your poetry!
Andrea (interrupting): NO! Another babbling tirade!
May (still screaming and jumping): You idiotic radicals drive me mad! Terrible rubbish! I want you all erased! You stain the wonderful quilt of loyal patriotism. Shut your foul mouths for eternity. From now one, I am the only one who talks around here. You all will absorb my programming without question. Now shut up and listen! Shut up and listen!
(reducing herself to a normal voice and a normal stance) The system is your friend! The system nourishes you like a mother. The system is royal and supreme! Alright, I shall begin my lecture. Humanity by itself is nothing. With the establishment, humanity is worthy of something. The answer to all the prayers is the state. It is not in the individual's best interest to think; do not think, that is the system's job. The establishment is the source of everything good. A person's choice in life is not whether to follow the system or not, but how they can best promote the system's vital interests. The system is valiant. Radicals, you got to follow the system's words verbatim. Never disobey! Never! I hate those who hate the system! I detest your efforts of destroying the system. I am compulsively determined to uproot your aversion to the system. The establishment is 100% satisfactory! Heed me now! The ways of the establishment are your daily bread. Obey now! Every act, every belief, every thought of disobedience is an irrevocable scar on one's soul.
Angela (passionately protesting): Enough already. All your grime rakes my peace. Now more than ever I need to compose some rad poems.
May: "Rad"? Why do you speak in such lowly crude terms?
Angela: Slang is wonderful. Don't dis it!
May: I will never talk that way. You imbeciles talk that way.
Angela: So much the better! Slang shows how lively and exuberant we are! Slang is passion! I got high inspiration!
May: You are the anti-me!
Angela: I know exactly why! I can't imagine existence without art; you can't imagine existence with art.
Alice: Very elegantly put, my dear sister!
Andrea: Something this elegant just has to be put down in permanent form!
Angela: Yes! That's is an essential purpose of our beautiful art. We must preserve the wonderful words and occurrences of our lives. We can't just let these joyous morsels dissipate. They have to be preserved for an infinite eternity.
Alice: Furthermore, creating a record allows us as a people to reflect and ponder both the great and the wretched of our days. This enables us to improve or keep going whatever the case may be.
May: Our lives are getting too long
Andrea: No comment to that
Alice: A second no comment
Angela: A third no comment
Samantha: A fourth no comment
Sandy: This is fun. A fifth no comment.
Maxine: A sixth no comment.
Amanda: Also a seventh no comment.
Alexa: Plus a eighth no comment
May: You rotten folks and your no comments!
Alice: Exactly! That's exactly what the authoritarian system wants!
May: If the authoritarian system wants it, then it is right.
Sandy: Only if we could issue a binding decree to banish this rigid stooge from our land.
Alice: It may be convenient and it may seem comfortable to issues decrees of that nature. However, it would not promote society's self actualization. It would not be very anarchistic. In our individual deeds, we got to strive towards the optimal condition of humanity, anarchism.
Sandy: I don't think anarchism concerns me. I just want to remove a thorn in our side. I don't care how, just that we do it. Besides, she scares away all the attractive males.
Alice: I dissent from your view greatly. The means do not justify the ends. The process purifies us. We got to follow the right way.
Sandy: Come on! She's a pain. We can't worry about methods. Progress is impossible without her.
Andrea: The problem with today's society is that it advances without care to the essentials. We cannot be ruthless. Achieving a wonderful society is not easy. It will require us to muster the highest self initiative. It will ultimately make us better people. In the end, we will benefit much from the struggle.
Sandy: Struggle for the pursuit of romance! Invigorating romance is the only struggle I participate in.
Andrea: The struggle for sexual liberation is a part of the struggle granted. However, regular romance is more oppressive by far than liberating.
Alice: Sister, you said it well.
Sandy: I ache for the opposite sex.
Andrea: A lover is indeed nice, but one has to find inner strength for the battle.
Sandy: I disagree strongly. Revolution is superfluous.
Alexa: I cannot believe my ears! The glory of revolution is being trivialized.
May: Revolution itself is trivial.
Andrea: Don't defame the revolution! You are not a comrade.
May: So what? Your concepts of 'comrade' is foolish and it makes me sick. Camaraderie assumes a deviant identity. I dislike deviant identities.
Andrea: Question for you, Miss System! Is deviance in itself an ill or deviance an ill because it oppose your social order?
May: Resoundingly, I answer that deviance itself is an ill.
Andrea: So naturally, I have another question. What if your social order wasn't ruling, then wouldn't you be deviant?
May: I....I.
..
Andrea: So you would be a hypocrite and embrace a social order you detest?
May: I....I...
Andrea: Answer Ma'am. Answer my sisters and me.
May: I will not answer you revolutionary freaks. From now on, I shall only answer questions from proper and sophisticated persons.
Andrea: Quite proper!
May: Take back those words!
Alexa: What is the point our relations with a super reactionary?
Alice: I imagine relating with HER will sicken us towards reactionary theory
Andrea: Right on sister -- It would be so much fun and liberating if SHE wasn't around
May: That's why I'm here, to ruin the fun of rebels
Alice: Let's rebel and oust HER!
Andrea: That would be rad! That would be emancipation! Want to organize?
Alexa: It's not necessary. We way outnumber HER. By sheer will, we could defeat HER! This is our land. Let's revolt.
May: I'm going to subdue all your attempts at rebellion, single handed if need be.
Andrea: We have way too much support. Why are we allowing this to happen?
Alice: The power of us far exceeds the power of HER. In fact, one of us far exceeds the power of HER
Alexa: Our ancestry dreamed so romantically of achieving revolution. They wanted to actualize their deepest dreams.
Andrea: Right on, sister!
Samantha: The Dictatorship of the Proletariat shall rule!
Alice: No! Dictatorships are what we are fighting against. We can't have any dictatorships by anyone. Period.
Samantha: Dictatorship of the Proletariat is totally natural.
Alice: Nothing is more unnatural than tyranny.
Samantha: How are we to best assure the promotion of the working class's interests
Alice: By destroying the very concept of class. By destroying the very existence of concepts themselves.
Samantha: You should way too abstract. We got to be more concrete.
Alice: I'll have to burst your bubble. Dictatorship of the Proletariat is oppressive.
May: Dictatorship of me is best!
Alice: You got it all wrong. Dictatorship is no shape or form is good for anybody.
May: You folks have a major problem. You are way too optimistic and idealistic.
Andrea: Thanks for the compliment.
Samantha: The wealthy ruling class's advancement is sad! There is no room for crying. Look inside humanity and you will find the ability to change the world. Someday, the proletariat will rule!
May: The current state is way too powerful. Nothing will quash it.
Alice: Sister Samantha, I agree. We are the answer. We folks who are here are the answer. I, however, dissent, from your fixation with the proletariat ruling. Ruling is not what we need. It's not best for the proletariat to rule. Of political systems, it's only a matter of different masters, but the ruling is the same.
May: Masters are absolutely necessary.
Andrea: Emma Goldman said "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution.
Green Jean Humor
Volume 34
Andrew Bushard
Pro-lifer: Abortion is a major ill. We need to save the unborn
Pro-choicer: Why don’t you help those who are already born?
Pro-lifer: To save the unborn is of utmost importance
Pro-choicer: How dare you deny me my choice!
Pro-lifer: The unborn deserve our love too!
Pro-choicer: Do something for the born.
Pro-lifer: God loves born and unborn alike.
Pro-choicer: I want to know how come you don’t ever help the born
(Pause)
Pro-choicer: What’s your name, anyways, you anti-choicer! How come you don’t help the born?
Anti-choice fanatic: My name is Teresa of Calcutta
Fundamentalist: My son will burn in hell for eternity. He refuses to accept Christ as the savior. The evangelical way is all that takes you to heaven. When souls are on the line, you can never have enough fire and brimstone. My horrible son is going to horrible hell.
(What is the son doing now?)
The son is in his room, meditation on “loving-kindness” as preparation to enter a Mahayana Buddhist monastery. The son loves all. The son has inner peace. The son is going to hell.
Freaky Fundamentalist: The Catholic Cult is evil.
Person: I wouldn’t say that. The Catholic Church has done a whole lot of wonderful missionary work.
Freaky Fundamentalist: The Catholic Church is evil. No good has come from it.
Person: I beg to differ
Freaky Fundamentalist: You are a fool for defending this evil cult.
Person: All I’m doing is trying to do is to be fair.
Freaky Fundamentalist: Catholicism is evil.
Person: If a faith has produced Mother Teresa, one of the most benevolent souls in all of history, it is clearly doing something right and good. The fact that the Catholic Church has created Mother Teresa says a lot about the faith.
Freaky Fundamentalist: Mother Teresa was not a Catholic. She was an evangelical Christian.
Person: What?
Freaky Fundamentalist: You heard me.
Person: I’m incredulous. Mother Teresa was surely Catholic. Her name alone proves she was Catholic, since evangelicals typically do not use names like “Mother”
Freaky Fundamentalist: Mother was just an affectionate term given to an evangelical, because she was the epitome of an evangelicals’ nobility.
Person: Mother Teresa was a Catholic.
Freaky Fundamentalist: No, she was an evangelical Christian. You are brainwashed by the evil Catholic Church.
Person: I guess I’ve heard it all now.
Freaky Fundamentalist: Mother Teresa was an evangelical.
Yup, folks, Mother Teresa was an evangelical.
Are you sick of dealing with employees who are crazed political activists? Would you rather hire someone who does not partake in the filthy practice of activism?
Studies show that business which employ activists are many times less profitable than those who don’t.
You have surely used criminal background checks and credit checks, but you need to protect yourself from something even worse than criminals and debtors: activists. Thus Activist Check TM enables you to determine if a prospective employee is an activist. If the employee has participated in any form of activism, you can deny the “person” employment. Protect yourself and your profits by using Activist Check TM. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Do you have a criminal record? If you do, you have absolutely no worth as a person even if the offense was petty, even if the offense happened many years ago. If you have a criminal record, hang your head in shame.
If you don’t have a criminal record, now is the time to gloat. You have every right to be cocky! High-five fellow non-criminal record folks. Go around and ask everyone if they have criminal records.
If someone does have a criminal record, holler “in your face!” and “you bite!”, or “You have no redeeming qualities” or “Everyone who lacks a criminal record is better than everyone with a criminal record”
If someone does not have a criminal record, shout “Cool!”, “You rock!”, “You have value.”
Never ever say anything positive about anyone with a criminal record, no matter what the circumstances or who the person is.
As I was listening to Weird Al, I got some good ideas on how to stop abortion.
From the song "Fat", I was thinking that we should have a really obese woman enter Planned Parenthood then get stuck in the doorway. I estimate it could prevent a half day's worth of abortions. We could do it over and over. Pretty soon, Planned Parenthood, will have to put up signs which say "No fat women allowed”. Then the Fat Acceptance League would start a major campaign against Planned Parentho
od. Then, Planned Parenthood would be shut down.
While listening to the song "Living with a Hernia", I was thinking we could have some extremely heavy box filled with the heaviest substance on earth. On the outside, we could mark it "Light". Then the abortion doctors would lift it with all their might causing them to get a hernia. The doctor would be out for weeks, saving many lives.
How come so many pro-lifers are also homophobic? Why would these pro-life fundies have a problem with gay people? My logical guess would be that lesbian women have far fewer abortions than heterosexual women. If one was truly pro-life wouldn't one also have to engage in an extremely vigilant crusade to PROMOTE homosexuality. If one is pro-life, shouldn't one's goal be to convert the world over to homosexuality. That way, we would never have an abortion again.
So fundies, instead of gay bashing, why don't you open up gay brothels?
Just remember: more heterosexuals have abortion than homosexuals!
Repulsive Republican: It’s a good deal that Republicans never have scandals like that awful Clinton and his Monica Lewinsky scandal.
Person: But Nixon was a Republican and he had the ever infamous Watergate scandal.
Repulsive Republican: Nixon was not a Republican; he was a Democrat.
Person: What?!
Repulsive Republican: Nixon was a Democrat! Lousy Democrat scum.
Person: Nixon was a Republican from day one.
Repulsive Republican: Quit lying. Quit defaming the impeccable character of the Republican Party. Nixon was a Democrat.