Chapter 33
Purpose
I turned around to confirm what my ears had heard. Sure enough, it was her, smiling as if the last two months hadn’t ever happened.
In an instant, I was across the room, and had wrapped my arms around her. “How is this possible? I thought you were dead. I-I couldn’t save you.”
“Nice to see you too,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around me too. “But I’m afraid this isn’t a social call. It’s time, Ana.”
“Time?” I said, confused. “Time for what?”
“For you to correct your mistakes.” She practically floated over to my bed and took a seat. She motioned for me to do the same. “It’s okay. No one’s going to bother us.”
I stared at her for a moment. “London this is really weird.”
“I know it is. Have a seat and let me explain.”
I approached the bed slowly before sitting down beside her. “Are you a ghost?” I asked.
She smiled again. “You don’t believe in ghosts.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“You believe in angels,” she told me.
“You’re… an angel?” I asked. “You aren’t exactly who I’d picture as a representative of heaven.”
She nodded, but her smile had weakened. “We’re given free will once we’re granted a human life, but that also means losing our connection to heaven. It’s understood that we’ll make human mistakes once that happens, and I’ll have to answer for those one day. But for now, I’m here to help.” She dropped her head before looking up to me again. “When I was human, before I remembered, I used to wonder what it was about you that created such a need in me to want to help you. It would keep me up at night.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that my reason for even existing is to help you with your purpose,” she said. A sly smile reached across her face. “‘We’re still the same, you and I.”
“Conjurers?” I asked, in a low confused voice.
She nodded. “Conjurers are merely angels born into a human life. It’s why our gifts have no natural limit, heaven has no limits.”
“You’re not seriously suggesting that I’m…”
“An angel?” she finished. “I’m doing more than just suggesting.”
“No,” I said, jumping to my feet. “No more. First I find out that I’m a witch, and I say that’s completely crazy, but I accept it. Then they tell me that I’m some kind of super witch, and people, they hate me for it. It almost gets me killed! But I accept that too. Now you’re telling me that on top of all that I’m some kind of angel too? I mean, come on. This is unreal!”
London looked uncertain of how to proceed. “I know this is a lot, but if you just let me explain, I promise it’ll all make sense.”
I wasn’t convinced.
“Please?” she asked, putting on the puppy dog look that reminded me of the London I’d known in life.
“It better be good.”
“You were an archangel once,” she began. “Second only to Michael and Gabriel. But you lost your way.” She waited for a reaction before she continued. Still awaiting the words that made this all make sense somehow, I gave none. “Mankind had regressed during the Middle Ages, having lost much of the progress brought about in the Golden Age. People were suffering on an unprecedented scale—plagues and famine were sweeping the land. You came here to gift them with magic, to give them greater control over the world around them. Many of us questioned whether man could handle such power, but you assured us that you would be their guiding light.”
“But like I said, losing our connection to heaven makes us prone to human mistakes. Like shortsightedness. You had a sick child, whose time on earth was meant to be short—but you didn’t let nature take its course. You utilized magic that you weren’t authorized to use to keep him alive. Once that child ended your life, mankind was left without direction. Those “gifted” with magic abused it for power and wealth, and came to be known as “witches.” Without your example, witches learned to become fearful and suspicious of the conjurers who tried to take your place. Your murderer was free to spread his sickness across the world. You made a mess that the world is still paying for.”
“You’re saying that I’m her? Merline?” I whispered. I remembered Dr. Roberts’s words to me in the clinic that day. He spoke about there being only one other conjurer to have multiple gifts, to have unnatural magic as her affinity—it was her. That couldn’t be a coincidence.
She took my hand and nodded. “There’s more. After so many of your successors failed, you were given the chance to straighten things out—you were granted another human life. But again, you lost sight of why you were here. You fell in love with a vampire. Tristan. You were struck down because you abandoned your purpose. We kept giving you chances, and you kept choosing Tristan. Only, times up now, Ana. The vampires have become too many, too strong. They’ve become a real threat to overrun the humans now. That cannot happen for obvious reasons. This is your last chance to make things right, or Michael will come to do the job himself, and you don’t want that. This is your last chance at redemption.”
I still didn’t want to believe it, but who would come back from the grave to lie? “I don’t understand. I mean, if they didn’t want me to be with Tristan, then why would they keep letting us find one another?”
“Because you have to make the choice to do what’s right rather than choosing what you want. Redemption is never easy. It isn’t meant to be. It has to be earned. You need redemption, Ana. You can’t come home with the way things stand right now. Not until you destroy Daemon.”
“That’s my purpose?” I asked. Tristan had lied about Daemon being involved. She nodded. “But if Daemon dies, then Tristan will too,” I breathed sadly. Their fates were intertwined, and the reality of what she was asking was setting in. It terrified me.
“How many people do you think have died at the hands of vampires, just in the time we’ve spoken? They must be eradicated, Ana. The suffering must stop. You don’t have to die young, you aren’t meant to. Destroying the vampires is just part of what you’re here to do. You’re meant to bridge the gap between humans and witches, to restore the witches’ faith in conjurers—to accomplish the goals of your original visit.” Her face softened. “I understand what you must be feeling. I do remember what it’s like—how I felt about Aiden. But in the end, my choosing to be with him kept me from remembering what I was here to do—until it was too late. I’m giving you the chance I never got—to say goodbye. They left Tristan to die. I brought him here—“
“Where?”
“In your closet—“
I leapt from the bed and sprinted to my closet, swinging open the door. My heart sank. There he was, stretched out across the floor, a piece of metal driven into the left side of his chest. The rest of his body was battered and badly bruised. He didn’t seem capable of the quick healing that I’d witnessed before. Something was different. It had to be the result of the two months of torture he’d endured, which he’d willingly taken on to protect me. How could ending his life be my purpose, when I alone had the power to save him?
I dropped to my knees and leaned over him. London was just behind me and she closed the closet door shut behind us, locking us inside.
“Surya,” he strained. “She came to see me. It was too much for her. She told Daemon the truth. He was furious. He made me watch as they killed her, and then he sentenced me to die too.”
Fear shot through me, but I tried not to let it show. “It’s okay, Tristan. Don’t worry about that.”
“He knows that you’re the one who’s responsible, Ana. You have to run. You’re not strong enough yet.” He stared into my face, seeing something there that upset him. “But you aren?
??t going to, are you?”
My eyes jumped up to London. “I think I have to face him.”
“Then just let me go, Ana. You won’t have to worry about causing my death anymore…”
“No! I can save you Tristan. I want us to have a future, but you have to fight. You have to stay alive…for me.” I hated to lie to him but I needed him to hang on. He couldn’t die on me.
He smiled and started to say something but the words never came. His eyes began to roll. Panic shook me and I could feel Lexy’s part of my soul begging me to do something.
“London, I can’t. I can’t watch him die. I have to save him.”
“Ana—“
“London, please…”
She shook her head. “You can’t make him human again. The venom in his veins is too pure. You aren’t as strong as you once were. ”
I took matters into my own hands. I put a hand on either side of his chest and willed his body to heal—hoping to tap into the same magic that healed my mother. Nothing was happening. “London, help me. Please!”
She looked conflicted. “Ana, this is a mistake. It’ll be so much easier if you just let him go—for both our sakes. My purpose is tied to yours. This is my last chance too.”
“Please,” I whispered. “You said that you were here to help. So help me.”
She shook her head. Tears streaked down her cheeks. “I can’t. I’ve made that mistake too many times already. I’ve been your sister, your best friend, your maid… Every time you come back, I’m the one you confide in and I always tell you wrong. Whether it’s because I don’t know any better, like this past life as London, or because I just want you to be happy—I tell you to go for it, to choose Tristan even when I know you shouldn’t. All those times I assured you that there would always be a next time. Only, there won’t be a next time Ana. I wanna go home.”
Something clicked. That night on the beach, when Tristan had promised not to fail me, he had told London that she shouldn’t either. I didn’t have all the facts then, but now I knew what he’d meant. London had been reincarnated too, apparently every time that I had. “I’m not really choosing him London. I’ll do what you ask. I won’t let you down this time. I just can’t let him die.”
London shook her head and closed her eyes. “And that’s exactly why you’ll fail in your purpose, because you love Tristan too much to let him die. We’ve tried to help you. Even when we take away the memories that made you love him… even when we guide you to another who will love you with his whole heart… even at the risk of the angel who has been your companion since the beginning of time—you’ll always, always, choose Tristan…” She sighed. “Tap into your emotions, Ana. They make us stronger. Love heals.”
I couldn’t worry about her words now because I really couldn’t watch him die. I focused on how much I cared for him, letting the memories I had of us flood my consciousness. I could feel a tingling on my back, but it still didn’t seem to be enough. I needed to dig deeper, to feel more… So I kissed him. I closed my eyes as Aleksandra rushed to the forefront of my mind and felt myself fade and disappear.
“So beautiful. Is it possible?” he asked. “Am I in heaven?”
I opened my eyes. He was staring upwards with those intoxicating green eyes of his. Except, he was looking past me. Tears ran down the sides of his face. I turned to see what it was he was staring at and saw wings of pure white light stretching out of my back. “I won’t let you die,” I told him. London was gone.
His body had almost completely healed when someone began pounding on the door. “Ana? Are you alright?” It was Darren’s worried voice that called to me. I moved to open the door, but as soon as my hands left Tristan, the bruises began to reappear. I put my hands back onto him to continue the magic, but the connection we had was gone. I leaned in to kiss him again, and the closet lit up once more.
It was at that same time that Darren decided to kick the door open. He didn’t seem to know what to make of the wings, but he had seen my lips pressed to Tristan’s lips. Hurt and anger shone out from his eyes and he stormed off. I called out to him, pleading with him to let me explain, but he didn’t return. I was stuck, but Tristan needed me more right now.
“Remember what I said Ana,” London’s voice spoke in my head. “You can’t have them both.” Images flashed in my head of Darren’s car swerving off the road, tumbling down a hill and into some trees.
Again, I was running. The moment Tristan was okay I was out the door, past Amelie and Corinne in the hall outside my room, down the stairs, and into the crowd. I ran straight through to the elevated portion of the room, where I could get a good view. I needed to find Taylor.
I didn’t see her anywhere, but I did see Aspen running up to me.
“I loved your speech—what’s wrong?”
“I need to find Taylor, it’s really important.”
“I just saw her, she’s outside—“
I started toward the door before Aspen could finish, feeling guilty that I’d been the one who’d gotten to see her sister. I tore through the crowd to the back entrance, and spotted Taylor just a few feet from where I was standing. “Taylor!” I called.
“She looked like she really liked it,” she said into her cell phone as I approached.
“Taylor,” I said again, this time putting a hand onto her shoulder.
She turned around and her face went pale. “I’m sorry Ana, I know I shouldn’t be talking to Christopher after what his dad did, but—“
“I don’t care about that,” I interrupted. “Darren’s in trouble. I need you to take me to him.”
“O-Okay. My truck is parked in the side parking lot.”