He peeked out the door before blending into the crowded hall. Entering his second year as Crissana’s source of news and gossip would have been something to celebrate if it weren’t for that dumbass “Careless Citizen.” He knew everyone wanted to know who was behind the letter, but anyone capable of hacking the administrator’s mailing list could just as easily find him. Dax couldn’t risk his identity as the Sun Vlogger getting out, especially now that his cameras were up and running. Fortunately, he had the shape and high-pitched voice that could easily pass for a girl, with the right accessories. Only two people knew his secret and sometimes that felt like two too many, especially since he was admittedly in love with one of them. His phone rang and he dug it out of his pocket.
“Hey Emmitt, what’s up?” Dax asked with a grin so wide his cheeks burned.
***
Kristen pulled into the student body president’s parking space and grinned at Brian, who was leaning against the sign. Neither of them noticed Tristin, watching from her car; waiting for her moment to strike.
“Madam President,” Brian said as he bowed for Kristen, but her eyes were fixated on the Ellie’s name plate still occupying the parking sign. Kristen wasn’t comfortable with her new title. Running for vice president seemed cool at the time; she liked working in the background. But actually being president felt like there was a permanent spotlight shining on every move she made.
Brian looked up at the nameplate and reached up to remove it.
“No, leave it. It’s her space. I’m just filling in.”
“You have to stop thinking like that,” Brian said as wrapped his arms around her. She felt safe and warm there. “Crissana needs you. You’re a smart, caring, and more than competent leader. All you’ve got to do is own it.”
Kristen wished she believed in herself the way he did. Luckily, she was pretty good at faking confidence. “You’re right,” she lied as she straightened her posture and lifted her chin. She didn’t want to let him go, but she settled for his hand as they headed for the entrance.
“I see you wore my favorite skirt,” Brian whispered as they stepped into the buzzing hall.
Kristen didn’t have to hear the students to know they were whispering about Ellie. What was it about death that fascinated people? Ellie was the one who had died, but people felt the need to treat Kristen like the victim. She just wanted to make it to her locker without anyone asking ‘How are you doing? How are you holding up?’ Why even bother, they never wanted the real answer.
“I’ll see you third period,” Brian said, kissing her on the cheek.
She spotted her friends standing near her locker and nodded as she slowly let go of his hand.
Brian headed toward Connor, while Kristen took a deep breath and fashioned a grin for her friends.
“Code word,” Dee Dee, asked.
“Sapphire,” Kristen whispered.
“Good, it’s really you,” Dee Dee said. “You look cute.”
“Thanks. You too.”
Kristen’s eyes drifted to the locker beside hers, still decorated with bows and ribbons in memory of Ellie, but it was her friends’ gasps that caused her to look back.
Tristin approached her wearing the exact same outfit, but with her hair pin on the opposite side. Kristen fought the urge to slam her locker and tried to keep calm as she approached her sister.
“I guess that explains why you left the house before me,” Kristen whispered calmly, but sternness in her jaw gave away her real feelings. The low whispers of the students grew to grumbles.
“I don’t think they planned this,” a student said.
“If you weren’t so busy throwing things you would have noticed,” Tristin said to Kristen.
“You think I didn’t prepare for this?” Kristen asked, holding up her backpack.
Dax walked by snapping a photo of them with his phone.
“That makes two,” he murmured with a grin.
“That’s not all you should be prepared for. If you thought last year was crazy, you better transfer out now,” Tristin said before bumping Kristen’s shoulder as she walked away. That got the hallway chattering again.
“I can’t believe it’s going down before the first bell,” another student said.
Kristen’s chest tightened as she tried to suck in a breath. It had been weeks since her last panic attack, but she could still tell when one was coming on. She headed for the bathroom, pausing briefly at the front entrance as Sean entered, gripping Hannah’s hand. Kristen could make out Hannah’s familiar red, swollen eyes, but she didn’t want to feel sorry for her. They’d all tried to reach out to her. It was Hannah who wouldn’t return anyone’s calls.
***
Hannah lowered her head to avoid all the wide-eyed glares and murderous scowls. Dax nestled safely behind a group of girls, snapping pics.
Sean squeezed her hand so tight her rings rubbed her bones. He bent down toward her ear, his hot air brushing her cheek made her shudder. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered rubbing her neck, which only made her more tense. “Please don’t be mad at me. I need you to be in my corner today.”
He squeezed her arm and Hannah sucked in a nervous breath. It was impossible to tell when or what he’d do anymore. She was shocked when he bent down and kissed her.
“You look nice,” he said, as he rubbed her back.
Hannah looked out into the sea of students, and felt lost when she couldn’t recognize any familiar face. She tried pulling away, but Sean wouldn’t release her hand. “I—I need to go to the bathroom,” she whispered.
“Sean, over here,” a voice called from down the hall.
She slipped her hand free the moment he looked away. It was horrible to feel so relieved to get away from him for a minute. Hannah tried to put herself in his shoes, but the sting of her new bald spot blocked her sympathy.
“I’m gonna go say hi to the team. I’ll meet you outside the bathroom in a minute,” he said with relief in his eyes.
Hannah nodded, happy to see he still had some friends, and also because it meant she’d get a moment to herself. She had to be the only student actually waiting for the semester to start. The three classes she had without Sean were just the break she needed. Maybe she could finally figure out how she was going to face her friends, if she had any left.
***
Dax tailed Sean, wanting to get a real feel for the student’s reactions. He looked as cocky as ever, but Dax wasn’t buying it. There was just no way he could appear so unaffected after everything that went down.
The students cleared a path, not even wanting to touch him, except for Noelle, who turned right into his chest.
“I’m sorry, sexy,” Sean whispered, eyeing her skirt. Noelle blushed, and looked around, probably for Connor. But Dax had already passed him and Brian on their way to the stairwell.
***
Hannah used her compact to get a look at the bald spot in the girl’s bathroom, which immediately emptied the moment she walked in. The red patch stung and her head was pounding. She dabbed it with a wet paper towel before turning to face a reflection she hardly recognized. Her cheekbones protruded, there were dark circles under her worn and swollen eyes, and her fingers felt jittery. But more than anything she felt pathetic.
What Sean was doing wasn’t right, but she was the one who let it happen. Emmitt used to say she was tough as nails. She had to be with two boys for best friends. They didn’t care if she cracked her skull on a skateboard ramp and didn’t think twice about farting in her face while she slept. Hannah missed who she was with them. That version of her would never let a guy dictate what she wore or how she spoke.
But it was also the version of her who decided to break up with Sean at the bonfire. If she would’ve waited a day or even on the drive home, Ellie would still be alive. She never would’ve thought ending her relationship could literally destroy lives.
***
The late bell rang and Kristen exited the h
andicap stall, adjusting a navy striped tee. She nearly tripped over her own feet when she saw Hannah standing at one of the sinks. Hannah hadn’t even bothered to turn around; she was too busy smoothing the back of her hair down. So this was how it was going to be? They may not have been best friends, but Hannah spent as much time with her and Ellie as she did with the boys.
Emmitt was going have to get someone else to do his bidding. Kristen wasn’t about to waste a second of her time on someone who wouldn’t even acknowledge she was in the room.
Kristen turned toward the exit, but paused. On second thought, she was going to make Hannah see her. She stepped up to the sink beside her and Hannah’s nervous wide-eyed glance startled even her. Hannah really had not seen her?
Kristen turned to the mirror to keep from staring.
“How are you?” she murmured a bit nervous. She wanted to know how Hannah could skip Ellie’s funeral. How she could choose Sean over her friends and why did she look so sick? But ‘how are you’ was the best she could do at the moment. Seeing Hannah so messed up brought on such strong memories of the three of them hanging out in Ellie’s room that saying anything else might have brought Kristen to tears.
***
It was the first words Kristen had spoken to Hannah since before the funeral and the most loaded of questions. Hannah knew how everyone felt about Sean and she didn’t think it was right.
“All right I guess. How about you?” Hannah replied.
“About the same.”
Hannah dried her hands and hurried for the door. Sean was waiting and she didn’t want to make him later for class.
“Hannah, wait. I don’t want us to be like this,” Kristen said with a more genuine tone.
The feedback from the P.A. system drew their attention up to the speakers, “Attention students. There will be a memorial assembly immediately following third period. Please proceed directly to the auditorium instead of your fourth period class.”
Hannah sighed, thinking about how the assembly was going to affect Sean and her friends.
Kristen turned back to the mirror, noticeably upset, and Hannah figured she must’ve changed her mind which made her even sadder.
“Neither do I,” Hannah whispered as she exited.
Sean was waiting for her across from the restroom when Hannah came out. For a second he looked like the old Sean. The one she’d loved since ninth grade. He’d changed so much over the past year. Even before the accident he was moody and agitated, but he had never hit her until the day of Ellie’s funeral. She got up the nerve to dump him once, but now she was all he had left. She rushed to him, placing her hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He held her hand to his lips.
“They all blame me,” he said.
“They’re wrong,” Hannah said.
Hannah lifted herself onto her toes to hug him and he held her tight. She could feel tension, but she wasn’t afraid of him when he was the old Sean.
“I could never do this without you,” he whispered.
She kissed him, but winced when he gripped her neck.
“I’m so sorry. I am. You know that I love you,” he pleaded.
He used to also add that he’d never hurt her again, but hearing that would always provoke Hannah’s tears. She kept thinking back to freshman year, when he walked her home from school and slipped notes in her locker. Things started changing once he once he was kicked off the baseball team. She thought it was just anger at first, but as time progressed, so did his aggression.
“You believe me, don’t you?” he asked.
She cautiously removed his hand from her neck, hoping it wouldn’t upset him. He really did look remorseful. She couldn’t refuse the boy she loved, even if he also came with the guy she now feared, so she nodded and kissed him again. Meanwhile, Dax peeked around the corner and snapped another photo of the two of them.
Chapter Five
Connor/Tristin/Dax/Hannah
Students exited the auditorium carrying programs with Ellie’s photo on it.
“I heard he ran her over,” one student said.
“No, he pushed her,” another claimed.
“You’re both wrong. It was a car accident,” a third student said.
“Regardless, she’s dead and it’s his fault. It’s so sad. I really liked her.”
“Everyone liked her,” a girl said as they all entered the cafeteria.
***
Connor sat staring at the tabletop. The seats, once filled by his friends, were now empty. It was just him and Noelle, and she wouldn’t stop kissing his neck.
“Noelle, please. Now is not the time.”
“It’s not a funeral,” she whispered, crawling into his lap.
“Would you stop?” Connor said, breaking her grip on his neck. “That’s my best friend’s sister and if you don’t care about that, you don’t care about me.”
“So that’s going to be the excuse this semester? I wonder what you’ll come up with in the spring,” Noelle said as she stood.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Yeah, and it’s obvious none of it has to do with me,” she said and walked away.
***
Tristin studied the door as her friends gossiped.
“Tristin, you were there that night. What happened?” Emily asked.
Kristen and Brian entered holding hands. Tristin rolled her eyes as he pulled out a chair for her sister. Kristen was everyone’s favorite, including their parents, and Tristin hated her for it.
She was constantly being mistaken for her. It didn’t help that they even sounded alike. How did other twins stand it? Everyday Tristin had to watch someone live the life she wanted. She’d tried everything to force Kristen out of Crissana High, leaving Tristin an opening to get closer to Brian. Tristin thought he was cute when they first met, which was weird since she’d never been into guys before. Something changed when Kristen started dating him and not just the type of envy she felt when Kristen got something better than her. It was like being possessed or something.
“Tristin did you hear me?” Emily asked again.
Tristin turned to her friends, ignoring their curious faces, “I need your help grabbing my sister’s phone,” she said peeking over her shoulder to Kristen’s backpack sitting under her table. “Quinn, you’re going to grab her phone from her bag when I tell you to.”
“Why me?” Quinn asked.
“Because you’re practically invisible,” Tristin said, eyeing her Wal-Mart inspired outfit.
“Don’t you think it’s too soon to start messing with your sister, wasn’t Ellie like her best friend?” Emily asked.
“Look, I get that this is scandalous news to you all, but it’s time for us all to move on, and that starts with getting my sister the hell out of here.”
“I don’t get it. Why do you hate your sister so much?” Quinn asked.
Tristin turned and looked at Kristen, “Because the bitch has my face.”
***
Dax covered his car windows with sun protectors as the AC kicked on. He hated vlogging from his car, but he hadn’t found a safe place on campus to broadcast from.
“Shit. I can’t be late for my first show of the semester,” he said, checking his teeth in the mirror. He opened his laptop in his passenger seat and adjusted the web cam hanging from his rearview mirror. When his blog came up, he threw on a purple wig and a pair of oversized sunglasses before covering his head with a rhinestone hoodie.
Inside, the students crowded around their iPads and smart phones, eagerly waiting for the day’s gossip.
“Hello, my little sun gods and welcome newbies. For those of you who haven’t met me, I am the Sun Vlogger, bringing you real drama in real time. We have tons to talk about and not a lot of time so let’s jump right in,” he said, checking out his window for campus security.
“Okay, so yes we’re all sad and blue about the death of the fabulous Ellie Lawson, but after that ho
rrible excuse for a memorial assembly, I needed to start with a little pep and what better way than our own Crissana version of ‘Bitch stole my look’,” Dax said as the photo of Tristin and Kristen in the hall popped up.
“Yes, no one does this better than the KT twins. Kristen doesn’t look too happy with her sister, but even I have to admit that together they make one hot vanilla sandwich. I think that at least deserves a ‘who’d you rather’ poll.” The photo split in half. “Click your pick,” he said.
***
In the cafeteria, students laughed and chattered as they clicked on their favorites.
“You better be voting for me,” Tristin whispered to her friends.
“I know the choice is tough, Kristen has class, but Tristin’s lesbian status makes her instantly thirty percent hotter and thus the winner is simple,” Dax said.
Kristen’s picture dissolved, leaving Tristin with sixty eight percent of the votes.
Tristin smirked as she tried to act like she didn’t care. Honestly, she’d take any victory she could get.
***
“And in couples news, sweethearts Noelle and Connor can’t seem to keep their hands off each other,” Dax said as the photos from the crosswalk came up.
Connor hid his face as the boys whistled at their steamy slideshow.
“We’ve all heard about preacher’s kids, but in front of the minors Connor? I’m both ashamed and proud, my friend. You’ve come a long way from the chess club.”
The guys applauded. Connor looked annoyed and stepped outside.
“But what I’d really like to turn your attention to is today’s Dunce award, which despite objections, I’ve decided to give to Ms. Hannah Marcourt,” Dax said as the photos he’d taken of Hannah and Sean streamed.
***
Sean gripped Hannah’s hand as she noticed people glaring at her.
“This girl really stands by her man, even after he killed her best friend, allegedly. Now before Sean’s dad sic’s his lawyers on me, let me say that according to the police investigation, Sean accidentally backed into Emmitt’s car, sending it over the edge of the ever popular Cliffs. He didn’t have any alcohol or drugs in his system and no charges have been made. However, close to seventy-five percent of the student population still blames him.”