I slide the camera out of her grip and drop it just beside the pillows, never willing to let it get too far from reach.
Holland is still looking up at me. Still unsure, but more relaxed now. “Unzip me,” I instruct, unmoving from my position. It’s nice here, her trapped between my thighs, her tits and mouth in front of me, her pussy behind me. Everything readily available for my wandering hands.
Her mossy eyes lower from my face to my buckle, then back up again. Fresh yearning flickers in Holland’s gaze. She understands where I’m going now and she wants to play. She makes quick work of my belt, unbuttons my pants, and drags my zipper past my erection.
“Good girl,” I murmur. “Now take me out.”
Her nails scrape pleasingly across my hip bone as she tugs at my boxers, sliding them down, freeing my cock. Though I want to put my thick thumb on her tiny chin and push down, opening her mouth so I can plunge inside, I hold perfectly still, allowing her to see me. Her gaze trails over my length, her tongue, wet and pink, sliding over her bottom lip.
My head falls back and I close my eyes for a moment. That’s exactly what I want, her tongue tracing my dick just as it did her lip. Her hand wraps around me, forcing a moan to rip from my chest. She slips her other hand around my sack, rubbing and kneading gently.
I look down at her, watching her touch me, and out of everything I’ve witnessed tonight, this is the most erotic, the most sensual, the most perfect. I pluck my camera from beside her head and start shooting.
Her small hand starts pumping me, the same hand that she got herself off with. Knowing that makes my nuts twitch in her grip.
“Put your tongue on me,” I demand.
The instruction has barely left my mouth when her hot tongue swirls over the head of my cock. She keeps going, trailing her wet heat up the underside of my shaft. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. There is nothing more beautiful than Holland licking me like a popsicle. Without my prompting, she takes me into her mouth. My hands shoot outward, dropping the camera, and clutching the headboard in an attempt to keep myself from thrusting into her throat. But then she moans around my cock and I lose control.
I tangle my hands into her mass of red curls and buck my hips, thrusting further into her mouth. Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t pull away, doesn’t try to stop me. The hand she has grasping onto my balls squeezes tightly and I almost fucking come right then. Somehow I hold back. But now I’m pissed. Furious that I lost my grip on my control. I’m the one on top of her, but she’s the one in power. I can’t have that. I plunge a little deeper, forcing her to take me farther. If her other hand wasn’t closed around my cock, stopping me, I’d be deep in her throat right now.
“Fuck. Yes, just like that,” I hiss. I pull one hand free of her hair and wrap it over her hand, helping her jerk me off, showing her how I like it, while she continues to suck me. My toes curl, my thrusts become a little more violent. I feel the tip of my dick hit the back of her throat and I’m done for.
“I’m going to come in your mouth.” It’s not a question—it’s a fucking fact—but she jerks her head in a nod, eyes alight with excitement, just as I blow my load. My cock pulses, spilling onto her tongue for several blissful seconds. And like the fucking goddess she’s proving herself to be, she swallows it all down.
8
Holland
It’s not like this was my first time going down on a man, but I’ve never done it like this. It never felt like this. I liked the way Jensen was pinning me to the bed and thrusting into my mouth. I liked the way I was being dominated.
Somehow, it also felt as if I was in charge. I was the one responsible for his orgasm.
I know he could have overpowered me if he chose to, taken what he wanted, but I think that only added to the experience. Not knowing. Being forced to trust him. But always unsure of what he would do.
His taste is hot on my tongue. My body overly warm, primed and ready for more.
Jensen slides his legs down, holding himself above me. He lowers his head, his mouth meeting mine for the first time. I realize I had his cock in my mouth before his tongue, he saw me masturbate before he ever kissed me or even touched me. Unconventional to say the least.
The first sweep of his tongue has me writhing beneath him. I lock my fingers into his thick dark hair, pulling him closer, my hips coming up to meet his. Knowing he’s tasting himself on me is one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.
With a low growl, he pulls away slowly, his eyes meeting mine and holding for several seconds. “I’ve never been in this position before,” he says, his eyebrows drawing together as if he’s in pain.
“Missionary?” I ask, confused.
He chuckles quietly and shakes his head in exaggerated slowness. “No. I’ve been in just about every sexual position you can name, including missionary, and a lot more that you can’t. I meant, I’ve never been in this situation before, unable to decide whether I want to fuck you with my cock or my mouth first.”
Oh.
“I want to feast on your pussy and make you scream my name until you lose your voice. But I’m already getting hard again, thinking about being inside of you, and wondering if it will be anything like it was to be inside your mouth.”
He has me at a loss for words. Again. I’ve never had anyone speak to me this way before. So much honesty, vulgarity, sensuality, and desire all rolled into one foul-mouthed man.
It’s not like we discussed it, but it is pretty much a given this night is just that—this night. Nothing more. And I really don’t want to walk away from it not knowing what it feels like to have him buried to the hilt inside of me. As much as I want to experience Jensen Payne devouring me, I kind of hope he decides to take me in one of the positions I can’t name. I had my hands on his manhood, had my lips wrapped around it. I know exactly how thick and long it is and feel confident he knows very well what to do with it.
“You’re doing it again,” he husks. “Looking thoughtful and indecisive, and making me want to ravish you.”
Without another word, Jensen pushes himself up so he’s kneeling in-between my legs. His eyes rake over my body as he unbuttons his shirt and shrugs it off. He shoves his pants the rest of the way off, leaving him naked in front of me. I sit up, reach for the camera that was discarded onto the bed at some point, and take his picture. He’s too close to fit in all of his magnificence, but I focus on all the good parts, one at a time. His face, features sharp and devastatingly handsome. His thick neck and strong shoulders. His hard pecks, sculpted six-pack, and narrow hips. All leading down to his impressive member.
He smirks, shaking his head with amusement. I’m looking right at him through the lens, but I don’t see him coming. One second, I’m snapping a picture, and the next, he’s got the camera in his hands, and I’m on my back.
“That’s better,” he says roughly. He tosses it to the side and spreads my legs, dragging my ankle over his shoulder as he lowers his chest to the bed. I only have a second to register all of this, and then his tongue is delving into me. His hands circle around my hips, tugging me closer to his face. He draws one labia into his mouth, sucking and licking, then moves his head slightly, doing the same to the other, back and forth several times. It feels incredible. It’s agonizing. I want more. I want him to stop. I want him to make this last forever.
When I think I can’t take another second, he shifts, dragging his tongue over my clit. He circles it, then moves lower, shoving his tongue inside of me. I cry out, grasping his hair in both of my hands. I can’t decide if I want to shove him away or wrap my legs securely around his neck. He’s so good at this. Giving pleasure in such an unbearable way. I hate it. I love it.
Jensen slides his tongue up and closes his lips around my clit, nibbling softly, then biting down hard. I scream half in pain, half in ecstasy. I try to wiggle away, but he grips me tightly, securely, his fingernails biting into my skin. I love the way he hurts me. I love the way he makes me feel good. It’s the best combina
tion I’ve ever experienced.
His finger joins his tongue, pressing, flicking, tapping softly, then hard. He slides it down, driving it inside of me in the same way he did his tongue earlier as he sucks on my clit again. This time is all about gratification. His movements are soft but steady, creating the perfect pace. It’s intoxicating. I’m high on him. I push myself down into his touch, my head shoved back into the pillow, my lip caught between my teeth, my fingers hurting from grasping his hair so hard. I cry out, long and loud, as ripple after ripple of euphoria pulsates through me.
I’m trying to catch my breath as he crawls on top of me, slamming his glistening mouth down on mine. He kisses me deeply as if he’s trying to possess me, claim me. And then he does.
9
Jensen
I thrust into her raw, needing to feel her flesh to flesh. This isn’t something I do often, and we won’t stay like this. I just need to feel her. She’s so wet, so warm, so inviting. I fit inside her perfectly, sheltered snugly.
Holland is everything I hoped she would be. She sighs and I chase it, closing my mouth over hers, kissing her hard. We’re on each other’s tongues, the mix of us is a flavor I will crave for the rest of my fucking life.
I begin to move, circling my hips slow, but penetrating deep. She moans, ripping her mouth away from mine. Her fingers slide down my back, clutching my ass, urging me to move faster. The sharp bite of her nails feels so damn good, I almost give in. Almost.
This is my show. I’m the ringmaster.
I pull out and push myself off the bed. I’m going to have to do something with those roaming hands of hers. She watches me, her lips parted in surprise, confusion clear on her beautiful face, as I open the top drawer of my nightstand. I retrieve a condom and shut that drawer, opening the one below it. Where I keep my favorite items. The ones I only utilize with women experienced in bondage. Until now. Until Holland.
My fingers skim the different ropes, varying in thickness, color, length, and material. I do love the impressions left behind from a braided rope… I also love the texture of synthetic… And the coarseness of natural… I glance at her, waiting on my bed, her gaze sliding over the contents in the drawer. There is all that fiery hair to play with, too.
With my decision made, I remove a thin, hemp rope, testing it’s strength between my hands. This is good. The rough grip will knot nicely and pull tightly.
“Sit up,” I rasp as I climb back onto the bed. Holland doesn’t question me. She sits up, offering me her wrists. So fucking willing. My cock throbs, imploring me to slide inside her again. I push her arms down to her lap, fold the length of rope in half, and set it in front of her. My fingers work into her hair, scooping it up into a ponytail. The cool, soft strands feel like satin in my hold. The way the bright shade differs so obviously from her milky skin tone is hypnotic. This is her second best attribute. Her hair. Soon to be her bind.
“Give me the rope.”
Her hands are shaking, not knowing what I’m going to do to her, but she picks up the line and hands it to me. The end grazes across the head of my erection and I nearly lose my shit like a fucking teenage boy getting his first hand job.
I pinch my eyes closed and inhale deeply, trying to calm myself. This is why she needs to be bound. She has too much power over me right now, and that is unacceptable.
I loop the rope around her hair twice, and tie it off. It’s high on her head, keeping her neck and shoulders fully exposed.
Stunning.
But I’m not done. I fold the hair hanging from the band in half, circle that hair again, and weave the rope back through the middle. I finish the knot off by passing the end through the center fold and wrenching it firmly. Holland yelps in surprise as her hair pulls tightly, bringing her head back with it.
Usually, I would wind the remainder of the rope around my arm and control all movement, rewarding my playmate with either pleasure or pain as I please. Instead, I place my hand on her chest, backing her into the headboard and tie the end to the railing. In this position, as long as she stays still, the line will not pull. But if she tries to change her posture, even slightly, the knot will tighten, yanking her hair.
I sit back on my feet, admiring my work before bending forward and capturing her lips, sucking and licking my way into her mouth. Holland makes a noise, humming in her throat with anticipation. I lean back, and never ceasing to disappoint me, she tries to come with me. The knot does what it is meant to do, pulling taut, and halting her progression. Her delicate auburn brows furrow in pain and she sucks air through her teeth.
Time to play.
I lean back in, this time covering her nipple with my lips. Suck softly, then hard, then soft again. Switch to the other rigid peak and repeat the process. When I have her moaning, I back away, watching her crave more, need more, and knowing there is nothing she can do about it. She reaches behind her, attempting to free herself and I grin. Unless she knows exactly what she is doing, she’ll only make it worse.
She is right where I want her. At my mercy.
“Please,” she utters, her voice hoarse and cracking.
God, I love it when they beg.
I roll the condom on, feeling Holland’s hot gaze burn into my skin the entire time. As soon as it’s in place, I tug her legs, sliding her forward just enough so I can push inside of her. The knot is surely tugging harshly on her hair, but she doesn’t protest. She whimpers, then moans, and finally makes a sound like a kitten purring. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And the look on her face—a combination of discomfort, lust, and satisfaction—as I drive into her fast and hard, will be forever etched into my brain.
I roll my hips and push in closer. Draw her nipple into my mouth and bite down lightly as my thumb circles her clit gently, offsetting the way I pound into her and her hair pulls. Pleasure and pain. Two opposing ends of the spectrum that go together fluently.
Holland grabs my head, yanking me hard by my hair. I guess this is an eye for an eye. And I can’t say I don’t enjoy it. She doesn’t stop, dragging me up until my gaze is even with hers. She leans in further, the edge of her scalp whitening with the effort. I meet her the rest of the way before she rips her lovely locks out. I give her what she wants, my mouth on hers, kissing her like I’m fucking her. Hard and deep and ferocious. Her teeth clamp down on my tongue, biting me as she comes. I don’t even try to hold on. I relinquish all the power, letting her take me over the edge with her.
10
Holland
I slump back against the headboard, fighting for breath. Jensen’s weight is on me comfortably, and I feel like I could fall asleep just like this, naked, tied to his bed by my hair. And to think, Darren wanted me to cut it. I’m glad I never got around to it. He always complained about finding it on his clothes or clogging the drain, and he thought it got in the way during sex. He never would have thought to use it the way Jensen did.
That was the sweetest torture. Like punishment and reward. I’m sore all over, especially my head, and my breasts, and pretty much my entire vagina. I even feel a sting in my abdomen, and I worship every last bit of it.
Jensen lifts his head, trailing his tongue up my neck and nibbling on my earlobe. “Thank you, Holland,” he whispers gently, just as he did before when he had blindfolded me. And just like before, I don’t reply, unsure what the correct response is. He straddles me, untying my hair from the railing. I rub my fingertips into my scalp, massaging the pain away as I watch him hop off the bed and dress himself. I should probably do the same. Now that I’m no longer intoxicated with lust, I feel very naked, exposed, vulnerable.
“I’m going to go look at your photographs now,” he replies, reminding me he still has plenty to see of me. “Come find me in the studio when you’re ready.”
He leaves, the door clicking closed behind him, and I sit in dazed silence for several long seconds. I experienced more firsts with a stranger tonight than I ever did with my husband. I’ve heard of sexual awakenings, but I n
ever understood what it meant until just now.
Jensen awakened a side of me I never knew existed. It’s terrifying and empowering. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel completely miserable.
And just like that, it all comes rushing back. Worse than usual, because I’m appalled with myself for doing what Darren did. Losing myself in sex to escape the horror of my child’s death.
I stumble from the bed and dress myself as quickly as possible, sans panties, since they still remain inside Jensen’s pocket, and I get the hell out of there.
11
Jensen
I believe the dictionary defines the word, obsessed, as a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. Being who I am, I can see both an unhealthy and a soothing aspect to the dirty little word. Obsession isn’t always a negative thing. It doesn’t always have to be harmful or damaging. Sometimes it can be healing and constructive. As long as you know what you’re asking for.
It doesn’t have to destroy you. But more often than not, it does.
I scan image after image of Holland, trying to weed out the bad and decide which need editing. I’ve gone through this block of photos countless times, unwilling to part with a single one. I find something fascinating in each and every photo.
The way her long hair hides part of her face in this one. The way the part is revealed in the next. Then the expression on her face, lips shining and parted in anticipation. The look in her eyes, eager, but emotionless. The way her back is arched, jutting her breasts forward. Her lips. Her pussy. All so flawless. So delectable.
I want to keep them all.
She never came to find me. She left last night without a word and I allowed her to go.
I thought I would be fine now. Sated once I had her—owned her—mine to look at for as long as I can.