“Did saving my life make it all worthwhile?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Absolutely.”
He studies my face.
“Who is going to save you, kitten?” he rasps.
My heart starts pounding.
“I don’t need saving.”
He reaches over and I freeze as his thumb gently glides over my bottom lip. God he’s drunk, I can smell the beer on his breath. “But you do. You just don’t see it.”
“Jax,” I whisper, knowing I should pull back, knowing I should protest or at least try and put up a fight.
“You hide it behind your sass, but you’re as broken as the rest of us. Saving other people is something you choose because you’ve given up trying to save yourself.”
“Jax.”
“You should stop, stop trying to save men like me.”
“Men like you?” I ask, my voice low.
“Failures, Delaney.”
I hold his eyes. “You’re not a failure, Jaxson Shields. You’re the most talented, incredible, beautiful man I’ve ever met.”
“I use women,” he says gruffly.
“You and a million other men.”
“They don’t deserve that.”
I scoff. “They want that, Jax, or they wouldn’t take it. Ever think they might just be using you as much as you’re using them?”
His eyes flash.
“You look at the world so differently than the rest of us.”
I nod slowly. “That’s because I choose to see it differently. Being bitter isn’t in my nature.”
Our eyes lock and the tension is back, thick and strong, right there like it was earlier. Jax reaches up again, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. I gasp and all my logic is screaming at me to get up and run, but all my senses are aimed at him. They all want a piece of Jaxson Shields.
“I should…” I whisper.
He doesn’t let me finish. He moves his hand quickly, curling it around the back of my head and before I can protest, his lips are covering mine. My entire body jerks and I gasp with delight as he parts my lips with his tongue and suddenly I’m kissing Jax.
I didn’t plan for it. Hell, I didn’t even think I wanted it until today, but now I can’t imagine ever wanting anything else. He tastes like beer and masculine male, and everything wonderful. His lips are soft, but his cheeks are scratchy and the combination is incredible. My sex clenches and my hands move all on their own, grasping his waist.
He reaches down, taking my stool and sliding it closer to him, until his arms can go around my waist and his feet can hook around my stool, effectively trapping me in place. He kisses me hungrily, devouring my mouth, and I let him. I can feel his rigid ab muscles and god, he feels out of this world.
Our kiss becomes more frantic and his fingers dig into my hips, clenching and unclenching with clear need. His other hand slides between my legs and his fingers press gently against the soaked cotton covering my sex. He groans, I whimper, and he cups my sex, his big hand covering me and sparking everything to life. I fight with everything, knowing I shouldn’t be doing this, but not caring one bit as he moves his hands up and then slides them into my sweats.
His fingers dip into my pussy and graze over my clit. I gasp and whimper his name, our mouths moving apart for only a split second, before coming back together again in a kiss that’s hungrier than before. My fingers are still curled around his waist and he’s gently rubbing my clit in small, firm circles, making my body spark to life.
My orgasm is building higher and higher when the buzzer by the door sounds, like a screaming alarm. I jerk back, Jax flinches and we both look over to the door. Someone from downstairs is calling up. The sound repeats and it’s like cold water being splashed over my body. What the hell am I doing?
I pull back frantically, releasing Jax, and his hand slides from my pants as I stumble off the stool. Oh God, what the hell was I thinking? Letting him finger me? Where the hell has my brain gone? I rush over to the door, ignoring his muffled curses, and press the little button beside it.
“Yes?”
“Hello, Delaney,” the security man at the door calls out. “I have Tori here to see Mr. Shields.”
Dammit.
God dammit.
I want to scream in frustration, but instead I glance to Jax, who is staring at me, his face an expressionless mask. He nods and I want to die from the jealously that rips through my chest. “Send her up,” I say, my voice weak.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I want to turn and run, but I can’t. I have to make sure it really is Tori and not someone pretending to be her. When the apartment door rings, I glance through the peephole and see it is Tori. With a sigh, I open the door. Her eyes widen as she takes me in, and then she demands, “Is Jax here?”
“Of course he’s here,” I say, my voice empty. “Why the hell would I be here if he wasn’t?”
“Right,” she says. “Let me in?”
“You need to show me what’s in your purse,” I say, deadpan.
“Seriously?”
“I’m sure you’re aware of what went down today, so I ask that you cooperate.”
She grunts and thrusts her purse at me. I check it over and then hand it back to her, flinging the door open. She sees Jax and I don’t miss the narrowing of her eyes when she sees he’s only in a pair of sweatpants. Still, she charges forward and throws herself into his arms. “Oh Jax, I was so worried,” she says, burying her face into his neck.
“I’m fine, Tor,” he says, holding onto her.
Dammit.
I swallow and flinch, slamming the door loudly and setting the alarm. Then I turn and see Jax is watching me from over Tori’s shoulder. I stiffen and turn, muttering, “’Night,” before disappearing into the library and shutting the door. Then I lock it.
And I keep it that way until morning.
* * *
I’m awake before Jax in the morning, and I get right to work making coffee and preparing for the day. We’re going to a business meeting, then he’s got a dinner and a night out at the casino. I’m hoping in all this we won’t get a chance to talk. I need to gather myself, recover from yesterday, push any pathetic feelings lingering for Jax aside and focus on the job at hand.
Keeping him safe.
I try so hard not to think about what happened last night, but it’s nearly impossible. Jaxson Shields had his hands in my pants, and it felt fucking incredible. I can’t let that happen again. I need to be as professional as I can, and refuse any alone time with him unless it’s to protect him. Nothing else.
I hear footsteps as I’m preparing coffee. I look over to see Jax coming down the stairs followed by Tori. My heart clenches, so badly I have to look away. I have no right to be jealous—he isn’t with me. He’s been sleeping with her. It’s none of my business. I don’t care. I tell myself these things over and over as I try to keep cool, calm and collected.
“Delaney,” Jax says, but I don’t look at him.
“We have a meeting this morning. Could you get ready so I can ensure you make it on time?”
He’s silent, but I keep my eyes on the coffee, grabbing mine before turning towards my room to get changed. “Your coffee is there. I didn’t get one for your girlfriend, I didn’t realize she was here. I’ll be out in twenty minutes.”
“Delaney,” he tries again, but I ignore him and walk into the library, shutting the door.
I press my back against it, taking a deep steadying breath. I can do this, I have to do this. I’ve come this far, one little moment isn’t going to change that. I push off and get dressed. I’m just buttoning my top when the door cracks open and Jax steps in.
“Too bad if I was naked,” I mutter.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
“No, Jaxson, we can’t. Are you ready to go?”
I turn and glance at him for the first time, and my heart aches. He’s dressed, but his eyes look so tired. I try not to feel sympathy, and instead hold a steady, blank expression.
“Delaney, stop it. I have to talk to you and you fucking know it.”
“No, sir, you don’t. We made a mistake. I forgot what I was because of the events of the day. It won’t happen again.”
“Jesus, Delaney, what the fuck is wrong with you? Snap out of it.”
I keep my face blank. “Are you ready for work?”
“Delaney,” he barks. “I didn’t fuck her.”
I flinch and his eyes go to the movement. “I knew you were in there somewhere.”
I look away. He steps closer.
“I didn’t fuck her, kitten. She just stayed the night. She wanted to talk and I felt I owed it to her to listen.”
I don’t need his excuses.
“That’s great. Can we go?”
“Stop,” he growls, stepping even closer and causing me to take a step back. “Stop pretending you’re not affected by everything. You saved my life yesterday, then I had my fingers in your damned pussy, and now you’re acting like ice. Don’t do that.”
“It was a mistake,” I say, meeting his gaze.
“For you maybe.”
“No, Jax, for both of us. I’m your protector, I don’t have time to be your … whatever the hell I was last night.”
“Delaney.”
“No, Jax,” I snap, cutting him off and my face goes hard. “My job is far more important than anything, even you. Now let me do it.”
I step past him, hating how his face has blanked out. I think my words hurt, no scratch that, they did hurt. But I had to do it. I can’t let this go on with Jax, I need to go back to focusing on protecting him and not letting anything else get in the way. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll push the thoughts of how amazing he was into the very back of my mind and leave them there.
I have no time to care about Jaxson Shields.
None.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jax remains moody the entire day, and it makes my job so much easier. We don’t speak. I just do what I have to do and make sure he gets to and from work without incident. I keep an extra eye out, making sure he’s safe. The day is long, and it drags, but nothing eventful happens until we get back to his apartment to get ready for the evening out.
I’m passing reception behind Jax when the receptionist calls out my name. I stop, confused, and look over to her. She waves at me and I motion for Jax to stop as I rush over and see what she wants. I have no idea why she’d feel the need to call to me, I don’t live here and I’ve never spoken to her. Unless Nak has left a message—though he didn’t try to ring my phone.
“What can I do for you?” I ask.
“This was delivered for you today,” she says, smiling and waving at a big bundle of flowers on the reception desk.
I blink. “Me?”
“Yes, you’re Delaney, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but…”
Who the hell would send me flowers? I didn’t tell Mitch or Jed about what happened. Maybe it’s Nak saying good job? Though he really doesn’t seem like the flowers kind of man. Maybe Kyle is sucking up? I snort, yeah right. He wouldn’t know how to charm a woman if he tried.
“Thanks,” I say when she doesn’t answer me, taking the flowers.
I walk back to Jax, whose eyes flick to the flowers. His jaw hardens and I pretend not to notice as we go up to his apartment. I do check over them as we go, making sure nothing looks suspicious, and I see a little card poking out. I gently run my fingers over it and it’s only paper, so I wait until we get to the apartment before I open it. We get in and I do my usual checks and then close the door, setting the alarm. We’ve got about two hours to get ready for the night out, so I take the flowers to my room and place them on the coffee table. Curious, I pluck the card out and sit on the sofa, just as Jax reaches my door and stares in.
I open the note and flip it over, reading the words. My blood runs cold and my hands start to shake as I read the note.
Do yourself a favor. Back off Shields. If you don’t, the next bullet will be aimed at you.
I flinch and immediately turn, grabbing the flowers and tearing them out of the base. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I need to make sure nothing is planted in them. Jax enters the room as I’m tearing them out and tossing them on his floor, and he lifts the card. I hear a hiss, and then he’s closing his big hands around mine, tugging me away from the flowers.
“Delaney,” he says. “Stop.”
“There could be something in here,” I say frantically.
“Delaney.”
“I just need to—”
“Kitten!” he barks and I freeze.
Then my knees start shaking. Jax wraps an arm around me and pulls me against him.
“The flowers are fine. It was a smart way of getting a message in without being suspicious.”
“They’re … they…”
“They won’t get near you. It’s a threat, Delaney.”
I lose it then. “It’s not a threat, I saw what they did. God dammit. This is bad, this is so fucking bad. I need to call Nak and—”
Jax spins me and slams my body into his chest. “If you call Nak, he will call you off. Is that what you want?”
“No,” I cry.
“If this bothers you, I’m right there with you. I’ll make the call myself, but you’ve been fighting for a chance at this from the start. Think long and hard about what you want to do, calm down from the shock. They’re ruffling feathers, Delaney. They’re trying to get you to back down. If you go, it’ll be the next guard that gets threats.”
He’s right, I know he is. I’m not the first bodyguard to receive threats. All the others have at some point. I know because I’ve heard the discussions. I can go off the case, if I want to, but that’s not what I want. I need to see Jax through to the end—I just need to take a few breaths. That note … it freaked me out.
“How do you think they knew my name?”
He shrugs. “It wouldn’t be hard to find out.”
I nod and he studies my face. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay, I just…”
“It fucking scared you,” he says, his thumbs rubbing over my hips. “I know the feeling.”
I swallow, suddenly feeling a small percentage of how he might have been living these last few months.
“God, Jax, I’m sorry,” I say, stepping back. “I didn’t realize how bad things must be for you.”
He shrugs. “Come on, we’ve got two hours before we go out. Come and sit, process what just happened.”
I nod and he leads me out into the lounge, and we sit on opposite sofas, staring at each other.
“Tell me how you grew up,” he asks.
I’m grateful for him, right now. He’s taking my mind off it, and I appreciate that.
“I grew up here. I lost my parents when I was little, around five, and my aunty and uncle adopted me.”
His eyes flash. “You lost your parents?”
“Car accident.”
Jax had lost his parents too. I remember reading it in his file, though it didn’t say how.
“I know how much that hurts. Good that you had someone you trusted to take you in.”
I nod. “I’m grateful for Aunt Bett and Uncle George, they gave me the best life they could and it was full of love. I don’t really remember a great deal about my parents.”
“So no siblings then?”
I shake my head. “No, they never got around to having another, but Aunt Bett and Uncle George have a son, Jed. He’s been my best friend since I was younger. He has a friend called Mitch, who I adore also. Those two have gotten me through a lot.”
Jax meets my eyes and his have something I haven’t seen in them before—compassion. “They matter to you, that’s good.”
“Mitch is slightly infatuated with me,” I blurt without thinking. “But he knows we’re just friends. I adore him.”
Jax tenses. “He wants you?”
“Well, there was this night a few years ago where things nearly got, ah
, out of control. I guess it’s kind of like you and Tori.”
He studies my face. “You care about him?”
“No, well, he’s my best friend but it’s never been more than that. It could have been, but like you, we both care about Jed too much.”
“Red, Jed, think we were made to meet each other, kitten. Our stories are scarily alike.”
I smile. “Yeah, we’ll pretend that’s not creepy.”
He gives me a gorgeous half smile. When he’s like this—he’s beautiful. “Listen, about last night…”
“Jax,” I whisper. “Please don’t. You and I both know that shouldn’t have happened. I need … I just need to do my job, now more than ever. I can’t afford to be distracted.”
He studies my face. “I get that.”
“Then please let me move on and do that.”
“I’m hearing you, baby,” he murmurs, standing.
My heart flutters to a stop and my lips part as I watch him walk to his bedroom.
He called me baby.
That isn’t supposed to feel amazing.
* * *
“Yes, Kyle.” I sigh into the phone as Jax and I travel to the casino. “It’s fine.”
“Nak asked me to check on you, Delaney. I’m doing that.”
“And I said everything is fine, we’ve had no problems since yesterday.”
“Do you need backup tonight? It’s a big event, easy target.”
I grind my teeth. “I think I’ve proven that I can do my job, Kyle. Let me do that, yeah?”
“Fine, but you need to call if it gets too much. You need to make sure you check…”
“Later Kyle,” I say, hanging up on him.
“That man needs a good, swift kick to the nuts,” Jax mutters.
I laugh softly. “You’re right about that, handsome.”
He looks out the window, he seems nervous. I don’t blame him, he’s here, risking his life again in public, so soon after the last encounter. I don’t push speaking as we drive, and when we arrive at the casino, I instruct the driver to pull around to the secure entrance that Nak called in. I get out first, my long red gown flowing around my feet as I straighten, fingering the gun in my purse.
It’s quiet, so I usher for Jax to get out. He climbs out, looking amazing in his suit, and we both enter the casino. I do all my usual scans as we head to the huge ballroom that’s been booked for the occasion. It’s a big charity/fundraising event in the theme of eighties’ gangsta. As we step inside, people are dressed in suits, the girls with big hair and tight dresses. There are card and slot tables lined up, and the entire theme has been set perfectly.