“Same thing,” Paul said, closing his eyes. “Just picture it.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of Paul’s fingers inside my arm, and the cool lick of the fog on my legs…
A second later, the awful silence was gone, replaced instead by the sounds of loud music. And screaming. And sirens.
I opened my eyes.
The first thing I saw was Jesse’s face, hanging over mine. It looked pale in the flashing red and white lights of the ambulance that had pulled up alongside the deck. Beside Jesse’s face was CeeCee’s, and beside hers, Jake’s.
CeeCee was the first one to go, “She’s awake! Oh, my God, Suze! You’re awake! Are you okay?”
I sat up groggily. I did not feel very good. In fact, I felt a little as if someone had hit me. Hard. I clutched my temples. Headache. Pounding headache. Nausea-inducing headache.
“Susannah.” Jesse’s arm was around me. His voice, in my ear, was urgent. “Susannah, what happened? Are you all right? Where…where did you go? Where’s Craig?”
“Where he belongs,” I said, wincing as red and white lights caused my headache to feel a thousand times worse. “Is Neil…is Neil all right?”
“He’s fine. Susannah.” Jesse looked about as shaky as I felt…which was pretty shaky. I didn’t imagine that the past few minutes had been all that great for him. I mean, what with me being slumped over, unconscious, and for no apparent reason and all. My jeans were wet from where I’d landed in water from the hot tub. I could only imagine what my hair looked like. I feared passing a mirror.
“Susannah.” Jesse’s grasp on me was possessive. Delightfully so. “What happened?”
“Who’s Neil?” CeeCee wanted to know. She glanced worriedly at Adam. “Oh, my God. She’s delusional.”
“I’ll tell you later,” I said, with a glance at CeeCee. A few feet away, I could see that Paul, too, was sitting up. Unlike Neil, over where the sliding glass door used to be, he was doing so without the aid of an EMT. But like Neil, Paul was coughing up plenty of chlorinated water. And not just his jeans were wet. He was soaked from head to toe. And his nose was bleeding profusely.
“What’ve we got here?” An EMT knelt down beside me, and, lifting my wrist, began to take my pulse.
“She passed out cold,” CeeCee said officiously. “And no, she hadn’t had anything to drink.”
“Lotta that going around here,” the EMT said. She checked my pupils. “You hit your head, too?”
“Not that I know of,” I said, narrowing my eyes against the annoying glare of her little penlight.
“She might’ve,” CeeCee said,“when she passed out.”
The EMT looked disapproving. “When are you kids going to learn? Alcohol,” she said severely, “and hot tubs do not mix.”
I didn’t bother to argue that I hadn’t been drinking. Or, for that matter, sitting in the hot tub. I was, after all, fully dressed. It was enough that the EMT let me go after telling me that my vitals checked out and that I was to drink plenty of water and get some sleep. Neil, too, was given a clean bill of health. I saw him a little while later, calling for a cab on his cell phone. I went up to him and told him that it was safe to use his car now. He just looked at me like I was crazy.
Paul wasn’t as lucky as Neil and me. His nose turned out to be broken, so they trundled him off to the ER. I saw him moments before they wheeled him away, and he did not look happy. He peered at me around the splint they’d taped to his face.
“Headache?” Paul asked in a phlegmy voice.
“A killer one,” I said.
“Forgot to warn you,” he said. “It always happens, post shifting.”
Paul grimaced. I realized he was trying to smile. “I’ll be back,” he said in a pretty sad imitation of the Terminator. Then the EMTs returned to cart him away.
After Paul was gone, I looked around for Jesse. I had no idea what I was going to say to him…maybe something along the lines of how he wasn’t going to have to worry about Paul anymore?
Only it ended up not mattering anyway, because I didn’t see him anywhere. Instead, all I saw was Brad, panting heavily, and coming my way.
“Suze,” he cried. “Come on. Some idiot called the cops. We’ve got to hide the keg before they get here.”
I just blinked at him. “No way,” I said.
“Suze.” Brad looked panicky. “Come on! They’ll confiscate it! Or worse, arrest everybody.”
I looked around and found CeeCee standing over by Adam’s car. I called, “Hey, Cee. Can I come over and spend the night at your house?”
CeeCee called back, “Sure. If you’ll tell me everything there is to know about this Jesse guy.”
“Nothing to tell,” I said. Because there really wasn’t. Jesse was gone. And I had a pretty good idea where he’d gone, too.
And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
chapter
eighteen
“Face it, Suze,” CeeCee said as she wolfed down her half of a cannoli we were sharing the next day at the feast of Father Serra. “Men suck.”
“You’re telling me,” I said.
“I mean it. Either you want them and they don’t want you, or they want you and you don’t want them—”
“Welcome to my world,” I said, glumly.
“Aw, come on,” she said, looking taken aback by my tone. “It can’t be that bad.”
I wasn’t in any sort of mood to argue with her. For one thing, I had only just, a little less than twelve hours later, gotten over my postshifting headache. For another, there was the little matter of Jesse. I wasn’t all that keen to discuss the latest developments there.
It wasn’t like I didn’t have enough problems. Like, for instance, my mom and stepdad. They hadn’t been too homicidal when they’d gotten home from San Francisco and discovered the shambles that had once been their home…not to mention the police summons. Brad was only grounded for life, and Jake, for going along with the whole party scheme—not to mention providing the alcohol—had his Camaro fund completely confiscated to pay whatever fines the party ended up costing. Only the fact that David had been safely at Todd’s the whole time kept Andy from actually killing either of his two elder sons. But you could tell he was totally thinking about it anyway…especially after my mom saw what had happened to the china cabinet.
Not that either Andy or my mom was particularly happy with me, either—not because they knew the busted-up china cabinet was my fault, but for not ratting my stepbrothers out in the first place. I would have intimated that blackmail had been employed, but then they would have known that Brad had something on me that was worthy of blackmail.
So I kept my mouth shut, glad that for once, I was more or less guiltless. Well, except where the china cabinet was concerned—though happily, no one but me knew it. Still, I knew I couldn’t shirk my culpability there. I pretty much knew where any future babysitting earnings were going to go.
I am pretty sure they were thinking about grounding me, too. But the feast of Father Serra they could not keep me away from, on account of how, being a member of the student government, I was expected by Sister Ernestine to man a booth there. Which was how I’d ended up at the cannoli stand with CeeCee, who, as editor of the school paper, was also required to put in an appearance. After the preceding evening’s activities—you know, massive brawl, trip to the nether-world, and then all-night gabfest accompanied by copious amounts of popcorn and chocolate—we were neither of us at our best. But the surprising number of attendees who plunked down a buck per cannoli didn’t seem to notice the circles under our eyes…perhaps because we were wearing sunglasses.
“Okay,” CeeCee said. It had been pretty dim of Sister Ernestine to put CeeCee and me in charge of a dessert booth, since most of the pastries we were supposed to be selling were disappearing down our throats. After a night like the one we’d had, we felt like we needed the sugar. “Paul Slater.”
“What about him?”
“He likes you.”
> “I guess,” I said.
“That’s it? You guess?”
“I told you,” I said. “I like someone else.”
“Right,” CeeCee said. “Jesse.”
“Right,” I said. “Jesse.”
“Who doesn’t like you back?”
“Well…yeah.”
CeeCee and I sat in silence for a minute. All around us, mariachi music was playing. Over by the fountain, kids were batting at piñatas. The statue of Junipero Serra had been adorned with flowered leis. There was a sausage and peppers stand right alongside the taco stand. There were as many Italians in the church community as there were Latinos.
Suddenly, CeeCee, gazing at me from behind the dark lenses of her sunglasses, went, “Jesse’s a ghost, isn’t he?”
I choked on the cannoli I was scarfing down.
“Wh-what?” I asked, gagging.
“He’s a ghost,” CeeCee said. “You don’t have to bother denying it. I was there last night, Suze. I saw…well, I saw stuff that can’t be explained any other way. You were talking to him, but there wasn’t anyone there. And yet someone was holding Paul’s head under that water.”
I went, feeling myself turn beet red, “You’re nuts.”
“No,” CeeCee said. “I’m not. I wish I were. You know I hate stuff like that. Stuff that can’t be explained scientifically. And those stupid people on TV, who claim they can speak to the dead. But—” A tourist came up, drunk on the bright sunshine, the fresh sea air, and the extremely weak beer they were serving over at the German booth. He put down a dollar. CeeCee handed him a cannoli. He asked for a napkin. We noticed that the napkin dispenser was empty. CeeCee apologized. The tourist laughed good-naturedly, took his cannoli, and went away.
“But what?” I asked nervously.
“But where you’re concerned, I’m willing to believe. And some day,” she added, picking up the empty napkin dispenser, “you are going to explain it all to me.”
“CeeCee,” I said, feeling my heart start to return to its normal rhythm. “Believe me. You’re better off not knowing.”
“No,” CeeCee said, shaking her head. “I’m not. I hate not knowing things.” Then she shook the empty dispenser. “I’m going to go get a refill. You okay on your own for a minute?”
I nodded, and she went away. I don’t know if she had any idea how badly she’d shaken me. I sat there, wondering what I ought to do. Only one other living person knew my secret—one other person besides Father Dom and Paul, of course— and even she, my best friend, Gina, back in Brooklyn, didn’t know all of it. I had never told anyone else because…well, because who would believe it?
But CeeCee believed it. CeeCee had figured it out for herself, and she believed it. Maybe, I thought. Maybe it wasn’t as crazy as I’d always thought.
I was sitting there, trembling, even though it was seventy-five degrees and sunny out. I was so deeply absorbed in my thoughts, I didn’t hear the voice that was addressing me from the other side of the booth until he’d said my name—or a semblance of it, anyway—three times.
I looked up, and saw a young man in a pale blue uniform grinning at me. “Susan, right?” he said.
I looked from him to the face of the old man whose wheelchair he was pushing. It was Paul Slater’s grandfather and his attendant. I shook myself and stood up.
“Um,” I said. “Hi.” To say I was feeling a bit confused would have been the understatement of the year. “What are you—what are you doing here? I thought…I thought…”
“You thought he was housebound?” the nurse asked with a grin. “Not quite. No, Mr. Slater likes to get out. Don’t you, Mr. Slater? In fact, he insisted on coming down here today. I didn’t think it was appropriate, you know, given what happened to his grandson last night, but Paul’s at home, recuperating nicely, and Mr. S. was adamant. Weren’t you, Mr. S.?”
Paul’s grandfather did something that surprised me then. He looked up at the nurse and said in a voice that was perfectly lucid, “Go and get me a beer.”
The nurse frowned down at him. “Now, Mr. S.,” he said. “You know your doctor says—”
“Just do it,” Mr. Slater said.
The nurse, with an amused glance at me as if to say Well, what are you going to do? went off to the beer booth, leaving Mr. Slater alone with me.
I stared at him. The last time I had seen him, he’d been drooling. He wasn’t drooling now. His blue eyes were rheumy, it was true. But I had a feeling they saw a lot more that was going on around him besides just Family Feud reruns.
In fact, I was sure of it, when he said, “Listen to me. We don’t have much time. I was hoping you’d be here.”
He spoke rapidly and softly. In fact, I had to lean forward, over the cannolis, to hear him. But though his voice was low, his enunciation was crystal clear.
“You’re one of them,” he said. “One of those shifters. Believe me, I know. I’m one, too.”
I blinked at him. “You—you are?”
“Yes,” he said. “And the name’s Slaski, not Slater. Fool son of mine changed it. Didn’t want people to know he was related to an old quack who went around talking about people with the ability to walk among the dead.”
I just stared at him. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? I was more astonished by this than by what CeeCee had revealed.
“I know what my grandson told you,” Mr. Slater—Dr. Slaski—went on. “Don’t listen to him. He’s got it all wrong. Sure, you have the ability. But it’ll kill you. Maybe not right away but eventually.” He stared out at me from a gray, liver- spotted mask of wrinkles. “I know what I’m talking about. Like that fool grandson of mine, I thought I was a god. No, I thought I was God.”
I blinked at him. “But—”
“Don’t make my mistake, Susan. You stay away from it. Stay away from the shadow world.”
“But—”
But Paul’s grandfather had seen his nurse coming back, and he quickly lapsed back into his semicatatonic state, and would say no more.
“Here you go, Mr. Slater,” the nurse said, carefully holding the plastic cup to the old man’s lips. “Nice and cold.”
Dr. Slaski, to my complete disbelief, let the beer dribble down his chin and all over his shirt.
“Oops,” the attendant said. “Sorry about that. Well, we’d better go get cleaned up.” He winked at me. “Nice seeing you again, Susan. See you later.”
Then he wheeled Dr. Slaski away, toward the duck-shooting booth.
And that, as far as I was concerned, was it. I had to get out. I could not take it a minute longer in the cannoli booth. I had no idea where CeeCee had disappeared to, but she was just going to have to deal with the pastry sales on her own for a while. I needed some quiet.
I slipped out from behind the booth and strode blindly through the crowds packing the courtyard, darting through the first open door I came across.
I found myself in the mission’s cemetery. I didn’t turn back. Cemeteries don’t creep me out that much. I mean, though it might come as a surprise to learn, ghosts hardly ever hang out there. Near their graves, I mean. They tend to concentrate much more on the places they hung out while they were living. Cemeteries can actually be very restful, to a mediator.
Or a shifter. Or whatever it is that Paul Slater is convinced I am.
Paul Slater, who, I was beginning to realize, wasn’t just a manipulative eleventh grader who happened to be warm for my form. No, according to his own grandfather, Paul Slater was…well, the devil.
And I had just sold my soul to him.
This was not information I could process lightly. I needed time to think, time to figure out what I was going to do next.
I stepped into the cool, shady graveyard, and turned down a narrow pathway that, by this point, had actually become sort of familiar to me. I went down it a lot. In fact sometimes, when I borrowed the hall pass, pretending I needed to visit the ladies’ room during class, this was where I went instead, to the mission cemetery an
d down this very path. Because at the end of it lay something very important to me. Something I cared about.
But this time, when I got to the end of the little stone path, I found that I was not alone. Jesse stood there, looking down at his own headstone.
I knew the words he was reading by heart, because I was the one who, with Father Dom, had supervised their carving.
HERE LIES HECTOR “JESSE” DE SILVA, 1830–1850, BELOVED BROTHER, SON, AND FRIEND.
Jesse looked up as I came to stand beside him. Wordlessly, he held his hand out over the top of the headstone. I slipped my fingers into his.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze darkly opaque as ever, “about everything.”
I shrugged, keeping my gaze on the earth surrounding his headstone—dark as his eyes. “I understand, I guess.” Even though I didn’t. “I mean, you can’t help it if you…well, don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you.”
I don’t know what made me say it. The minute the words were out of my mouth, I wished the grave beneath us would open up and swallow me, too.
So you can imagine my surprise when Jesse demanded, in a voice I barely recognized as his, it was so filled with pent-up emotion, “Is that what you think? That I wanted to leave?”
“Didn’t you?” I stared at him, completely dumbstruck. I was trying very hard to remain coolly detached from the whole thing, on account of having had my pride stomped on. Still, my heart, which I could have sworn had shriveled up and blown away a day or two ago, suddenly came shuddering back to life, even though I warned it firmly not to.
“How could I stay?” Jesse wanted to know. “After what happened between us, Susannah, how could I stay?”
I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. “What happened between us? What do you mean?”
“That kiss.” He let go of my hand, so suddenly that I stumbled.
But I didn’t care. I didn’t care because I was beginning to think something wonderful was happening. Something glorious. I thought it all the more when I saw Jesse lift a hand to run his fingers through his hair, and I saw that they were shaking. His fingers, I mean. Why would his fingers be shaking like that?