“Mommy.” Molly shook my arm. “I found you.”
I blinked, staring at her for a split second before I pulled her into my embrace. I kissed her head, smelling the scent of her strawberry shampoo. She still had a baby look to her face, and she hadn’t thinned out into her little-girl look from the young child she still remained. If she was like her brothers, in a year I would know how she would look as a grown up. She was beautiful, innocent, happy, and accepting of all of us as though we were exactly as we should be.
Tears sprung from my eyes as I held her. I’d only been three years older than her when I’d died and somehow—someway—lived on in a place I couldn’t fathom, surrounded by people who now flooded my day-to-day life in a way which left me no choice but to doubt the intentions of everyone around me. Except for my children. I knew who they were and what I would do for them.
Chase?
I put the thought from my mind. One more person who had lived in the dead zone with me?
Gripping Molly tightly, I picked her up in my arms. “Mommy?”
The poor thing had no idea what had overtaken me, and truthfully, I wasn’t exactly sure either. I had to make things clear to my kids—more so than I had done. I kissed her soft cheek and then did it again because we never do know when the last time we’ll see the people we love will be. There were psychopaths wielding guns and car accidents and the flu and cancer and I couldn’t let my head go any further down the path it travelled.
I set her down. “Go get your brothers—just your brothers,” I didn’t want my mom and dad involved in this conversation. I needed to talk to my kids, and I didn’t want any interference. “And come back up here. Meet me in my room.”
She scampered away, and a few seconds later my boys appeared in the threshold of my room. “Come in. Gray, close the door behind you.”
I scooted back on the bed, and they all crawled on to join me. Molly pressed herself onto my side while Dex lay horizontally over my legs. Gray sat last, staying toward the edge of the bed like he might bolt at any time. I didn’t blame him; I wouldn’t mind running myself.
“Listen, I have to get some things off my chest, and maybe there are things you’d like to say—calmly and respectfully—to me, too.” I took a deep breath. “There are some ways that our family is totally normal, in the sense that we are like other people’s families. We love each other. We eat dinner together as much as we can. We take care of one another. What are some other things we do that are like other people’s families?”
Dex raised his head and grinned at me. “We argue and we make up.”
I pointed at him. “Ding. Ding. Ding. Good answer.”
Molly giggled. “We read stories before bed.”
I wasn’t exactly sure that all families did that. However, I liked Molly’s thinking, and I didn’t disagree. I touched my finger to my nose. “Spot on, Molly-cakes.” Steeling myself for whatever might come out of his mouth, I regarded my oldest son. “Gray?”
“We do activities, take vacations. You let us have extracurricular activities, assuming we don’t hurt anyone, and you and Dad are divorced, which is more common than not.” He rubbed his eyes. “How’s that?”
“Good.” I wasn’t going down the divorce road with him right then. He was unfortunately correct. His ability to articulate his feelings on the subject had improved a whole hell of a lot since the year before when he’d mostly been able to throw things at me and scream at his father. Whether that was from therapy, the group they’d put him in at school with the other kids whose parents were divorced, or just Grayson growing up, I didn’t know.
I had a point to this conversation; time to get there. “There are some things about us that are not going to be like other people’s families. I can see ghosts.” I’d leave out the demons for now. “I can make them go away. My mother can see ghosts, and she can clear them. She has visions sometimes. My father is psychic. Sometimes he knows things before they can happen. Dex can see things like my mother can.”
Gray put his head in his hands. “I hate how we’re different.”
“I know.” I bent forward so I could run my hands through his soft hair. “That’s what we have to talk about. It’s not okay to hate it because when it comes down to it, all we have in the world—and this is another way we’re the same as other people—is each other. The four us and Dad. We’re still a family even though dad and I aren’t together. I grew up in a van so my parents could work and so they could keep me away from the world. I am not going to do that to you unless I have to. From this moment on, we care about this family and not what the rest of the world thinks about it. Am I clear?”
Molly and Dexter nodded with the latter finally speaking. “I like my visions. They’re getting clearer. I can see things now. I’m not so scared because granny helped me. And because I know you’re going to take care of the shadows.” He shrugged. “Not now, of course. When the light stops.”
I touched Dex’s arm. “Can you be more specific?”
He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “No.”
Well, that was that I supposed. Grayson sat up on his knees. “I hate this family.”
“No, you don’t. You wanted to hurt me. Congratulations. Every time you say something like that, you’re successful. It doesn’t matter. You’re going to start supporting us because I’m not taking any more attitude from you.” I leaned over until I held his eye contact, and he couldn’t look away. “You have the right to be mad. You don’t have the right to be rude. End of story.”
Molly slipped off the bed and moved to the window. “I can see ghosts, too. I can’t make them go away. They’re there. Do you see them?”
I hopped off the bed and padded over to her until I could see what she did. There were three ghosts floating down the street. They weren’t in my house or heading here, yet there they were coming down the street.
“How did you know, Molly?”
She touched her arms. “The pricklies.”
Goosebumps and pain. I kissed the top of her head. “I can make them go away if they come here. You might be able to do that, too. We’ll work on it.”
She was super tuned in since I couldn’t feel the ghosts so far away down the street. Had I been the same at her age? I was going to have to ask my mother. Their van caught my attention, and I closed the curtains. Whatever else happened, I wasn’t getting back in there with my kids.
“Can I have a cookie?” Molly’s question caught me be surprise, so I nodded before I could overthink it, which sent Dex and Molly scurrying from the room. How close were we to a meal that they got so excited about the prospect of a cookie?
Gray stood, staring at me. “Could this stuff hurt us? The seeing ghosts and the visions? Could we get hurt?”
I could have lied, only I didn’t. Gray wasn’t asking me to tell him something so he could feel better. He wanted to know the truth, and since he had to live with this as much as I did, I’d give it to him. “Yes it can. That’s why we train you. That’s why Dex is home, and now that I know about Molly, I’ll make decisions for her, too. There is always risk when we use our talents.”
He nodded once. “That’s what I thought.”
Grayson touched my arm before he walked quickly from the room, his shoulders hunched over à la Charlie Brown. I was sorry this proved to be so hard for him. Dr. Bloom thought he held talent, and maybe he did. So much in our life came down to choice. Maybe if he held onto his total dislike of the idea of being different, then he’d not have to face it. I hoped Grayson could choose no.
I picked up my phone to text Malcolm and stopped. The more I invited him in, the harder this had to become for us. I didn’t want him—not the way he did me—at least not yet. I wouldn’t be cruel. Victoria had answers and not any of the please-love-me baggage that came with Malcolm.
I texted her. Chase? Were you going to tell me about Chase?
After a second, she responded. Did you get all your memories back?
Just one. You and me. A ball
in the air. And hide and seek. He broke up our fun.
My phone rang. Victoria had never been much of a texter. “With everything you could remember? You remember the hide and seek game? And Chase being a bugger because he didn’t win that day?”
I had no control over what came back, when, or what chose to remain a mystery in my own head, so I ignored the comment. “Is everyone I’ve met over the last decade dead? Or at least reborn? Or whatever?”
“I highly doubt that. There were a dozen of us. No more.” She yawned. “Yes, Chase and his sister were part of the crew. They were killed, the first time, in a boating accident. Someone was trying to kill their father and blew them up instead. Really brutal, really awful. Chase chose to forget, like you. So did his sister. I don’t even know if she regained her memories before she died the second time. Those of us who can recall were destroyed over it. No one should die before we’re done. We don’t get a second rebirth. There are only ten of us left. Oh, wow. I should not be running my mouth like this.”
At last, I was getting some information. Malcolm putting up with Chase’s attitude made more sense. “I threw Chase out of the house. He creeped me out.”
“Probably smart. Until he realizes the stakes and who he is and what he’s supposed to be doing here, he’s just running in circles. Almost as frustrating as watching you with Levi.” She groaned. “I’m sorry. Okay, I’m going to go. I don’t want to make you mad. Love you.”
She disconnected the phone, and I sat back.
Malcom’s work cell phone binged, and I checked the message. Want to work tonight? I’ll train you in shadows after.
Work, yes. Argue, no. Are we capable of being together without getting into topics that will only make both of us upset?
His response took a minute. Not usually, honestly. Even when you knew things, we bickered. It’s our way. Take the job tonight, and we’ll see what we can do.
The address popped up on my screen.
We always fought? Why would I have ever wanted a life, or afterlife, with someone who I couldn’t get along with? My stomach growled, and I realized it was dinnertime. No wonder the kids had been so happy about the cookie. I had to feed them and then go meet Malcolm. There had to have been more to our training than hide and seek.
I hoped.
****
Fifteen. I counted at least that many in the first room of the house alone. They were strong ghosts, their auras vibrant. I closed my eyes. It was going to be a long night. What was happening in Austin? Were the houses all this bad?
Malcolm was waiting for me outside of the house when I stumbled out after the job. I shivered, gripping my arms from the pain the clearing caused me. He looked in my direction before he hurried over to my side.
“What’s the matter with you?” He pulled me against him, and I let him hug me because I needed it. He was alive. I was too. At least at present.
“Almost too much. I can’t take a Cascade every clearing. I don’t know if this is a test, but you’re going to have to sometimes give me medium-sized jobs.” I hiccupped. “The drunk doesn’t feel good this time.”
Malcolm pushed back to regard me. “This was a nothing clearing. I touched the door when I agreed to the job. Minimal everything. Maybe two ghosts.”
“Not when I got in there. Total Cascade.” The world spun, and I blacked out. So much for learning about the shadows.
When light seeped between my eyes, I was in a strange room. Darkness reigned through the window, and the clock on the wall showed ten p.m.. I hadn’t been passed out all night. A low-lit lamp sat next to the bed.
I sat up slowly. Where had Malcolm brought me after I’d passed out? Consciousness came back slowly, or I would have realized sooner that Malcolm lay on the other side of the bed. He slept on his back, snoring lightly. His arms were crossed, and a book with a picture of the Great Wall of China lay on his chest like he’d fallen asleep reading it.
With his eyes closed, he didn’t look fierce or disturbed. In sleep, he was soft. I reached out to touch the side of his face, and he didn’t stir. He must be exhausted.
I didn’t want to wake him; slipping away to let him rest, at least for a little while, seemed the best course of action, except when I tried to do so, he rolled over, throwing one arm around my waist to settle heavier into sleep.
A thousand excuses didn’t matter—I really wanted to stay where I was. At least for a little while. For once, if something horrible slammed into the room with intent to do harm, I wasn’t alone in being able to handle the onslaught. And he smelled like sandalwood.
Chapter Seventeen
About an hour later, Malcolm said some unintelligible and opened his eyes. I tried not to stare right at him when he woke up because I’d always found that to be really disconcerting when it happened to me. I didn’t like to have to come to consciousness instantly when it was much nicer to ease into being awake.
He squeezed my back, his hand having found its way beneath my shirt while he slept. I’d have pushed him off if he’d gotten too handsy. Or at least I hoped I would have. The longer we lay together, the more comfortable I got being pressed up next to him.
“Hi.” He cleared his throat and licked his lips. “Guess I dozed off and, ah, grabbed you.” He didn’t let go. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Sorry about the fainting. The house was bad.”
He furrowed his brow. “I swear it wasn’t when I signed on. I wanted to train tonight, not knock you out.”
“I’ve never been a fainter. Not twice in two jobs. The demon. This house only had ghosts. What’s the matter with me?”
He sat up but only long enough that he could rest his head on my stomach. I ran my hand through his soft hair as though having his head on me in such a tender manner was perfectly normal for us. Maybe it had been.
“It’s the Cascade, Hayete.” He closed his eyes. “Things are getting bad out there. Every one of my people are reporting harder cases than usual.” He lifted his lids. “It is much worse on you, I think. It’s like they’re hunting you. You passed out. So what? Someone else would probably have died.”
I should stop caressing him. “I was determined not to send you mixed signals, and now I’m petting you like we’ve been lovers for years.”
“I’m not confused. I know where I rank currently in your life. I’m determined to change that. For now, however, it’s nice to lie here with you and pretend for a hot minute that you still remember me and I am your guy. But I live in reality. Always have.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I’m sorry the ghost came and pushed you into this life. I’m even sorrier Levi turned out to be such a dickless asshat.”
Now that, I hadn’t expected. I stopped stroking until he leaned his head back against my hand asking me without words to start again. I’d always taken direction well, and his hair felt soft. I stroked him gently. “How can you say you want to be my man and tell me you’re sorry about Levi and the ghost?”
“I’m in love with you. To me, that means I want your happiness above my own. You won’t remember this, but I have been circling your life for eleven years. Took me that long to find you and when I did … there was Levi.” He shook his head. “You looked right through me at a restaurant. I immediately realized you had no idea who I was. Just about died inside. I went through a million different thoughts and feelings about it. How could you? Why did you? How could I make you remember? And then I saw you, pregnant with your oldest spawn, and I saw how happy you were. I thought maybe you’re not knowing would mean you’d be out of the fight. You could be…content. I wanted it for you.”
Right then I wished I could remember, blink and have them all back. Who was this man who could say exactly the right thing to me and seemingly mean it? Only if wishes were magic I had none inside of me then. I stared at him and he was as much a new acquaintance as he’d been when I woke up in his bed. “The one memory I have of you is in bed. Lying kind of like this in bed. Victoria stumbles and tells me things. You don’t. So I have no
idea if the majority of our relationship was spent horizontal laying side by side.”
He grinned. “Victoria doesn’t mean to oath break. She’s just chatty. I will say that, no, unfortunately, most of our time together was not spent like this. We had twenty-six years together. A huge portion of that time we were kids or teenagers. We weren’t cuddling like this. We slept together every night, it was totally benign. I used to crawl in your bed to stop the bad dreams. We’d sleep better together. I had no inkling of what was coming in terms of us.” He shook his head slightly. “Mostly we trained.”
“Speaking of …” This time I did let go of him. “We’re supposed to be doing shadow training.”
He scrunched up his face. “Really? You’re not done? I can take you home.”
“No. I’m okay. A little loopy, maybe. I can do this. Please.”
He scooted off me and walked toward the other side of the room to grab his shoes. “If you’re up for it, then you’re up for it. Stop being lazy and let’s get our learning on.” I jumped to catch up with him and chased him from the room. He kept speaking over his shoulder, and I had to hurry to keep pace. Malcolm could really change direction fast. One second he’s lying on my stomach, telling me he loves me and making me warm inside, and the next he was giving shadow instruction. “They’re often moving in my back room.”
“Then why don’t you stop them?” I tried to admire his décor while I scurried. He had a minimalist approach to decorating. It wasn’t that there was nothing on the wall; here and there he had swords and knives displayed. Did he collect weaponry? His walls were gray and tan. Someone had to give a little color to this man’s life.
“Why would I waste the time? They’re babies. They’re pushing at boundaries. They can’t actually get through. Even when things go to hell they’ll not be welcomed in unless we lose, and we won’t.”
I came to an abrupt halt. “You’re practically speaking gibberish.”
“Yep.” In the corner of his room, the shadows danced. They swirled on the ground. One second I could see the outline of the chair and the next nothing.