My father had little to no use for small employment like saging someone’s house. When he went out it was for a massive production or he stayed home. Why waste his time doing something a two-dollar pamphlet could show someone how to do?
Of course, in the years we’d travelled around in his green van chasing hauntings through the southwest, he’d never had to pay for WiFi.
“And what did you decide?”
“You never wanted anything to do with this. You haven’t actively worked a day in the field since you were eighteen. It’s not the kind of thing you can dabble in and hope to get out whole.”
I tried to interrupt him. I knew what he wanted to say. “Dad…”
He didn’t let me finish. “Then again you’re a grown up with three mouths to feed, and you’ve never been dumb. Even when I didn’t agree with your decisions, I knew why you made them. You wouldn’t be doing this if you’d not exhausted all options.”
He was right. Interview after interview and no employment found. Companies said they wanted to help women return to work, but that meant she had to have done something to begin with, something she could put on paper that counted as actual employment. I’d been with my family, gone to college, and then lived off Levi, taking care of our life together. I was a lousy housekeeper.
I was pretty screwed.
My father finished. “So I spoke to some friends, and the name you need is Malcom Fallon. He’s the best broker in Austin and San Antonio. Has to be amazingly strong if he’s holding both territories as his own. Things are different than when I started out. The brokers aren’t friendly anymore; they’ve become viciously competitive. You be careful with him.”
His voice shook, which just about killed me. I closed my eyes. He worried about me, and if I were him, I’d be concerned about me, too.
“I will. Where can I find him?”
He cleared his throat. “It’s not like the old days. You have to be accepted by the brokers, and Malcolm has a reputation as a brutal bastard. If he feels you screwed him over, he’ll end you.” I shuddered and then put away the thoughts. I had no intention of doing anything with the Malcom fellow except use him to get jobs. Other than that, we wouldn’t be interacting at all. “He spends Friday nights at some place called The Butterfly Bar, which is attached to some place called The Vortex. Do you know those places?”
I didn’t, but I had Google and I’d figure it out. Except for an occasional date night—the likes of which I doubted I’d ever have again—I didn’t go out to places that weren’t kid friendly anymore. Northwest Austin with its tree lined streets and good public schools constituted the only area of town I knew at all. Thank goodness for the invention of GPS…
“Got it, Dad. I love you. I will be careful. Hey, do you think you and Mom might like to come for a visit?”
There were some things I could do better, and having a relationship with my parents who’d turned out to be very, very right about everything they’d once told me was a big step in the right direction. I hoped.
“We’d love that.”
The doorbell sounded inside the house, and I quickly said goodbye to my father and hurried to answer it. Who was ringing my doorbell at nine o’clock at night? I rushed inside and peeked through the blinds see who was there. Levi’s face greeted me, and he gave me a little wave to show he’d seen me looking.
I steeled myself. It was a funny thing, really, dealing with seeing my ex in person. For so many years, seeing Levi unexpectedly—if he came home early or I bumped into him somewhere unexpected—made my day. Simply looking at his face brought me happiness. Even six months after the divorce, I still had the same gut reaction to his presence. If Levi was there, things were better. And then my brain would turn on, and I’d remember….
How he hadn’t supported me when I’d needed him.
How he’d thought I was crazy.
How he’d never seen my side in any of our discussions.
How he’d totally destroyed my faith in him and our love when he’d let me down the first time in the course of our relationship that I’d needed him to understand anything about me he didn’t like.
I remember the pain instantly, and the joy at his arrival puddled into a thick brick of discomfort in my gut.
He was the father of my children and a good one at that. I opened the door, and he stepped inside.
“I thought you might like Amy’s Ice Cream. I was at the Galleria having dinner, and I stopped. A lice filled day called for some Mexican Vanilla.”
Levi raised a brown bag in his hand and extended it to me. I took the offering, not even sure what to make of it when I did. He was still the most handsome man in any room he entered and had always been. Or at least I always thought so. His face appeared long with high cheekbones and a proportioned, long nose which made him look sophisticated. His blue eyes showed every emotion he ever felt, and his job as the smartest guy in the world working for a large tech firm where he invented, of all things, arrays, meant he didn’t have to lie to make a living. Thank goodness he never had to fake a single word in his life since his baby blues showed his every thought.
He hadn’t shaved in a while, and brown stubble covered his jaw and his cheeks. He stood at six feet tall and, since our divorce, had taken to running even more than he did during our relationship. He looked fit, muscular, and sexy as hell.
And, apparently, he came with ice cream.
“Um. Thanks?” I took the offering. “Are you sure you want to be here in my bug filled house?”
He scratched his head. “I’m sure you’ve got the infestation under control. You might want to eat the ice cream before it melts.”
I crossed into the kitchen, and he followed me. When we’d been together, the house had looked immaculate all the time, my calling card to the world about how well we were doing. The inside of the house matched the inside of me. I was sure he could see how things had slowly started to fall apart. I cringed at his judgment.
Nice guy that he was, Levi, I discovered, could be a judgmental prick when he wanted to be.
“What were you doing at the Galleria on a Thursday night?” I pulled out a spoon and opened the ice cream he’d brought me. The slightly spicy edge to the vanilla matched my mood. I could never really be smooth or relaxed anymore. Like the Mexican Vanilla taste, I’d developed an edge.
“I had a date.”
A million guns fired into my heart. My adrenaline surged, and I forced myself to remain blank. He’d had a date? He was doing that now? How long had it been going on?
Oh fuck my calm veneer. I didn’t have it in me. “And you what?” I raised and then lowered my voice. I didn’t need the kids waking. “Thought you’d drop by to let me know how your date went? What the hell, Levi? I have feelings, okay? I get it. You hate me. You think I’m crazy, and you can’t believe me. Fine. We’re divorced. Do you have to be so callous?”
He raised his hands. “No. I came by because I had a miserable time and I wanted to see your face. Okay? You’re still the only woman who ever does it for me. I’m never going to get over you. I came by to bring you ice cream because you had a bad day and it was all I could think about while I should have been paying attention to a nice woman whom I took out. I can’t get over you either. I’m so mad at you I can hardly breathe from it. How could you do this to us?”
Huh, it actually was possible to see red.
Chapter Two
His mouth fused to mine before I knew what happened. What the hell? I was mad at him. I didn’t want to have sex. I didn’t…but then I did. Levi had always known how to touch me, how to make my insides melt with a single grace of his lips on mine. Right then, he wasn’t being gentle. His body pressed into mine, and before I could think straight, we were both naked on the living room floor, our clothes flung everywhere.
This wasn’t the first time we’d fallen into each other since we’d separated, as though our bodies weren’t on board with the decisions our minds had made. He was a magnet, and no matter how angry
I got at him—or hurt as the case often turned out to be—I craved his touch. And, oh yeah, could he touch me.
We didn’t speak, didn’t have to, and by the time we were finished, we both panted on the floor of the living room. The clock above our heads ticked loudly. Had it always been so annoying? I clenched my teeth together.
“Don’t come over here after your dates don’t go well. I’m not a quick fuck to make the evening feel better.”
Levi hissed in his breath. “Nice language.”
The sex left my body languid, but didn’t ease the racing of my mind. “I mean it. I’m not your post-date sex.”
He sat, rubbing his eyes. “I actually didn’t come over here for any reason other than I wanted to bring you the ice cream. I missed you. You’re still the most beautiful woman anywhere. Even if you …”
His voice trailed off, and I contemplated being a smart woman and not asking him to finish his thought. The only problem was I’d never been that kind of smart. I seemed to be addicted to letting Levi hurt me on a regular basis. Or maybe his verbal jabs constituted some kind of penance for having misrepresented myself when we met and lying to him during the course of our entire marriage.
“Even if I what?”
He stared at me for a moment, and a muscle ticked in his jaw. Levi would leave before he lied. He’d always been honest to a fault, and since my own fabrications had come out, he seemed bound and determined to speak his mind at all times, like he could show me what it meant to be honest.
“Even if you are out of your mind. Bat-shit crazy.”
Ouch. Okay, I was done. I stood, grabbing some of my discarded clothes. “You have a lot of nerve to say that to me considering you came between my legs seconds ago.”
My ex got to his feet slowly, not making eye contact with me. I wasn’t surprised he wouldn’t look me in the face. He’d hurt me, and I’d shamed him. We were good at this game. For two people who’d never gone to bed angry with each other in over a decade, we’d quickly taken to digging at each other’s soft underbellies with no qualms about consequences.
“So this week you’re on the Kendall-is-crazy bandwagon?” Levi jumped from “my ex is nuts” to “my ex is a horrible person for hiding the fact that she inherited the ability to deal with the darkness among us” sometimes minute by minute. I never knew what made him angry until he spit venomous hate from his mouth.
The same mouth that had just gone down on me and made me come over and over again. The same lips that had once whispered sweet words of love in my ear when we’d fallen asleep together. And reached down to kiss our children on their heads at night.
He finished dressing, and I resisted the urge to touch his arm. I couldn’t soothe his anger, and he couldn’t undo my hurt.
“If I accept that you’re not crazy, then we live in a world where there are evil beings running around which only you, and possibly our children, can deal with.” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen a demon. They don’t exist. I have, however, seen a stubborn mule of an ex-wife who needs to go see a therapist and won’t.”
“If I’m so crazy, how can you stand to leave your children with me?” I slammed my hand on the table. “Should I be expecting a visit from CPS?”
He let out a loud groan. “No, of course not. You’re the best mother I know.”
“Crazy but the best.”
“Hell in a handbasket, sweetheart. If you’re not lying, then our children are at risk all the time. Bad things simply exist in the universe that they’ll have to deal with. That’s not okay. I can’t protect them—or you—from that. So, yeah, I’ll stick with the rational outlook my part-agnostic, part-Reform Jewish outlook, thanks. And I’m done with this for tonight. I won’t come here after any more dates.”
“Good.” God forbid he showed up smelling of some other woman. I’d have to claw out her eyes. I closed my lids, feeling a headache coming on in a major way. “You should go.”
He touched the side of my face, and I opened my eyes. His were gentle when they met mine. “Take something before the pain gets too bad. I know you like to ignore things until they knock you on your ass.”
He was right. I did ignore pain until I couldn’t anymore. We’d been different that way. Levi would jump for an aspirin at the first sign of the slightest discomfort.
My ex walked to the door, and I let myself admire the sway of his hips. I was doomed when it came to Levi. I’d never get over him, not really. He’d eventually find a woman he could love, and I’d spend the rest of my life watching his ass as he walked from the room.
“I can’t protect you or them if any of what you say is true.”
That was the first really honest thing he’d said in months. “I wish I was crazy. But I can assure you, I am as sane as you are. Safety’s an illusion. One I was happy to buy into for a while. I guess these things have a way of catching up to us.”
“Right. Goodnight, Kendall.”
“Night, Levi.” I almost closed the door and then stopped myself. “Hope I remembered to clean up the rug. Gotta be careful with the lice.”
His eyes widened, and I let the door finish its swing all the way until it shut him outside and me inside the house. He was going to wonder all night about where he might have bugs crawling on him. Of course I’d cleaned the carpets. They’d been the first thing I attacked after our hair and the laundry.
His head would itch all night. That would teach him to call me crazy. Let him itch all night thinking about it.
****
Victoria Reed was the one friend I had before my divorce who stood by me the entire time and never let me down. She let me work part time in her dress shop when she needed someone to fill in. In a perfect world, I could have been employed there permanently, only she didn’t have a full time position or even a permanent part time one, really.
I only had a slot when someone called in sick. Victoria catered to a high end crowd that wanted to believe they could look Austin-weird and also designer at the same time. Her small shop at the Domain was always crowded, and her employees stayed with her for years.
She was funny, childless, and totally different than anyone else I knew. I’d only met her when I’d been ordering coffee and she’d come up behind me and just started talking. It had seemed so odd to me. Who did that? Yet she’d had infectious personality, and I’d decided I had time to listen to her go on about the traffic that morning. She was also gorgeous. Her mother had been born in Tibet and her father in New Zealand. They’d come to the United States for work when she was fourteen. Her husband was an artist who worked in sculpture. Victoria had perfect skin, a slender body, and the highest cheekbones to frame her brown, angular eyes.
In less than ten minutes, she’d told me she was a witch. I hadn’t known one since I’d left my family and thrown myself into pretending and then believing I could be normal. She was the only person I’d told in a decade about my abilities.
To this day I wondered if opening my mouth and speaking the words I’d denied for so long had been why the ghost found me months later in the PTA meeting. Had I weakened my resolve by simply speaking words I should have kept to myself?
I guess it didn’t matter.
I straightened a size ten Muriel dress that hung toward the back of the store. There was nothing about the designer that screamed Austin-weird, but some of her clientele wanted beauty and didn’t care if there was anything Austin-y about it. I breathed in the beauty of the garment. Even before my life changed, I’d have no good reason to ever wear it. That didn’t mean I couldn’t admire the white silk with blue flowers imprinted on it. How could I help but notice the slope of the neckline and the way the sleeveless dress flowed to the gentle breeze of the air conditioner?
“So you’re going? Tonight?” Victoria asked me with a glance over her shoulder. She counted receipts as she sipped her coffee. The store was empty. We had ten minutes before she’d officially close the doors.
“Yes. Malcolm will be the key to me finding work. The brokers
have the jobs that pay under lock and key. I have to be one of his contractors if I want to be able to earn.”
Victoria sighed loudly. “I wish I could employ you. I would, you know? If I could. In a heartbeat. But maybe this broker thing could be really good. A new start, so to speak.”
“I know you would help me if you could. But who are you going to fire?” I shrugged like it didn’t matter. My rapidly depleting bank account negated the blasé attitude I faked. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that, not ever. You’re right. It’ll be a fresh start and not at all a disaster. Right?” I realized I rambled. “Besides, how bad could it go? I’m going to be in public, lots of people around. The worst case scenario would be he says no, he doesn’t want to hire me out. Fine .then I’m back to square one where I sometimes get to work for you, and I go around saging the homes of people who don’t need it.”
Victoria crossed to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “I knew the second we met that we’d be like sisters. I talked to you that day because I couldn’t not. The wind moved through me, and I could feel it. Only you understand what I’m saying because you can see what others do not.” She kissed the top of my head. Victoria couldn’t see the evil in the world, not like I could actually see it. But she kept a small amount of sage burning in the back of her store all day and the same amount in her home because even though she’d never looked a demon in the face—and she was lucky in that regard—she could feel them out there.
Unlike Levi.
“I’ll call you when I get home, tell you I’m safe.” I rubbed at my neck. Her nerves were turning on my own. “Levi and I had sex last night. Angry sex. Then he told me I was crazy.”
Victoria rolled her eyes. “You’ve got to stop doing that to yourself. He was always beneath you. What kind of man turns on his wife because she tells him something about the universe he doesn’t like?”
I loved her loyalty to me, considering how little of it I’d had lately. She was harder on Levi than I was. I leaned forward as what I hoped would be our last customer of the day entered. “Most men. Hold on to Henry. He’s one of a kind.”