Chapter 17
On Friday afternoon, Kelly left the office early so that she could get her run in; it had been a couple of days since she had exercised, and she was a little antsy. Just as she was getting in rhythm with the pavement, her cell phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Andrew.”
“Hey.”
“Umm, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you have some time, I would like you to come over, if you want.”
“Oh, I wish I could, but I have to get the kids after I run. How about tomorrow?”
“I think that would work. Sometime tomorrow afternoon?”
“I think I can free myself up then.”
“Just give me a call whenever. I’ll be around the house all day”
As Kelly resumed her jog, her mind and heart raced. Last Friday, she had just wondered what would happen. It had been possible that all they would do was eat dinner. There was no doubt this time. She knew exactly what would happen. Still, the voices she had worked so hard to hush were silent. Her heart had hardened, and she was determined to find happiness however she needed to. Mike was so distracted with who knows what, there was no danger of consequences. He would never even know.
Mike arrived home at almost the same time as Kelly and the boys. As they exited their cars, Mike said, “Is everybody glad it’s Friday?”
“Yeah, Dad! Tomorrow we can play outside all day!”
“Well, I can’t think of anything more fun that than that,” Mike said, ruffling the boys’ hair. They ducked and ran to their bedroom laughing.
Kelly and Mike settled onto the couch. They chatted for a few minutes, and then Kelly turned to Mike. “Mike, I need to ask a favor,” Kelly said. “I made a hair appointment for tomorrow, and I really need to do some shopping. Do you think you could take care of the boys tomorrow afternoon? They’ll probably be outside all day anyway.”
Mike frowned. “I guess. I was really planning to go into the office. But I guess I can do that in the morning.”
“Thanks,” Kelly replied.
“How long do you think you’ll be gone? Not very long?”
Kelly gave a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know Mike. I guess as long as it takes. Why do I have to feel guilty about going out?”
“I’m not mad. I just wanted to know.”
Kelly left the den and went into the kitchen and began to prepare supper. Mike walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “What have I done? Kelly? Why are you always so angry with me?”
“I’m not angry,” Kelly said. “I just am tired of this peaceful coexistence. That isn’t how marriage should be.”
Mike put his arms around her stomach. “Kelly, I do love you. I know I haven’t always been there for you. But honestly, it’s hard to feel close to you when you are so angry. I just feel like I have to protect myself.”
Kelly felt tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “Why do I have to feel like everything is my fault?”
“It isn’t all your fault. I know I have been distant. That’s because I never know what kind of mood you will be in.”
“See,” Kelly replied irritably. “Even when you take responsibility, you just shift it back to me again.”
Mike dropped his arms. “Maybe we should talk about this later.”
“What’s the point of talking about something that will never change?”
Mike walked back into the den and sighed in frustration. He wanted things to be better too. But Kelly really was out there, so defensive and on guard. He couldn’t talk to her. There was no reasoning with her. It was like she had already given up on them.
They ate in silence that night. Even Mikey and Sam seemed to sense the tension. Kelly and Mike retreated to separate rooms to watch television. The boys stayed in their room, building towers with their Legos. At 9:00, Kelly put the boys to bed. She took a Tylenol PM and went to bed herself. The pill did its work, and she didn’t stir when Mike came to bed several hours later.
Kelly awoke early again on Saturday morning. Three loads of laundry later, she pulled on shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt for her morning run. As her feet pounded the pavement, she vented her anger at Mike in whispered mutterings. He was not the same man she married. Then again, maybe he was. He had never seemed to really want her in the way she had wanted him. He seemed to put himself first even before the new business. Nothing she did seemed to please him, and she wondered why he married her in the first place. She knew she couldn’t leave him. No matter how self-absorbed and neglectful he had become, she knew that if she left; she would be the bad guy. And with all she had suffered, she was not about to be the bad guy. So unless Mike decided to leave, they were stuck. A part of her was appalled that she was so negative, so unforgiving. But again, it was easier to shift the blame to Mike.
At 2:00, Kelly got herself ready and waved bye to the kids as they played in the backyard. She called Andrew’s number as she pulled out of the driveway. “Hey, anybody home?”
“Actually, I’m waiting for this girl to come over,” Andrew chuckled.
Kelly laughed, “She’ll be there soon.”
Kelly was at Andrew’s door a few minutes later. She knocked, and he opened it almost immediately. They smiled at each other. Kelly wasn’t sure what Andrew was feeling, but her body was responding to the sight of him. She walked in and put down her purse. Andrew asked if she wanted to watch a movie. She turned around to answer and Andrew was already standing close to her. Before she could speak, he covered her mouth with his, and they drew close together. Her heart was pounding and she felt dizzy. She could feel Andrew trembling. This time, they moved to Andrew’s bedroom and fell onto the bed. Time seemed to stretch endlessly. Kelly had no thoughts of family, marriage, or the immorality of her choices. Her only thoughts were in this room, wrapped in Andrew’s arms. Words like adultery or fornication seemed foreign now. After what seemed like a lifetime later, they lay in each other’s arms in bed, drinking in the comfortable silence between them. Then they dressed and sat together on the couch.
“Are you okay with all this?” Kelly asked.
“I think so. How about you?”
“Andrew,” Kelly said seriously. “Your friendship is important to me. I want you to know I have no expectations. We are friends, and we’re sharing this incredible thing. But there’s no pressure. You know where to find me, but it’s your call.”
“Thanks, “Andrew said, touching her shoulder. “What time do you have to leave?”
“I have a few minutes.” They watched television for a little while, sitting shoulder to shoulder. Finally, Kelly tore herself away and said goodbye. This time, she gave Andrew a gentle kiss before she walked out the door.
While backing out of Andrew’s driveway, Kelly’s mind was full. First, she was still basking in the feelings of the afternoon. She was remembering Andrew’s face close to hers. She was thinking of how special he had made her feel. One thought, however, troubled her. She had told Andrew there was no pressure, that it was no big deal. But Kelly had lied. Whether she wanted to or not, Kelly was falling for Andrew. As she drove, she convinced herself that it wasn’t important. She knew that Andrew probably didn’t feel the same way, but that was okay. She could live with friendship and physical intimacy. It was still more than she had at home.
When Mike awoke at 3:30 am on Sunday morning, he was surprised to hear the television playing in the den. He rubbed his eyes and walked into the room to find Kelly watching an old movie, exercising on the floor in front of the television.
“What are you doing?” Mike asked groggily, yawning.
“I’m doing some exercises. I woke up and wasn’t tired any more. I didn’t run as much as usual yesterday.”
“Kelly, you went to bed at 10:00. You can’t possibly be rested. Why don’t you come back to bed?”
Kelly sighed and stopped doing her leg lifts. “I’m just not tired
right now. I’ll probably come back to bed in a little while, after I finish and have a glass of milk or something. You go on back to bed. I want to see the end of this movie. I’m serious. I’m fine. I’ll come back to bed and sleep a couple of hours in a little while.”
Mike shook his head and went back to the bedroom. He lay there for a while, listening to the sounds of the movie and Kelly softly counting reps. He was so glad to see her feeling better after being so worried about her heart. Her seemingly boundless energy had certainly made a difference in the state of the house. His clothing barely touched the floor, and Kelly was already putting it in the wash. But exercising at 3:30 in the morning? Mike wished he had that much energy. His business would have probably gone global by now, he thought and chuckled.
Kelly eventually finished her routine, and she sipped a glass of milk as she watched the end of the movie. She still wasn’t really sleepy, but she knew that Mike was waiting for her. Sometimes his questions about her sleeping patterns and energy level drove her crazy. Wasn’t he the same man complaining about her housekeeping and constant moodiness just a couple of months earlier? She put the glass in the dishwasher and went back to the bedroom. Mike was still awake, waiting on her. He smiled as she climbed back into bed and kissed her on the cheek. Kelly lay there for a while with her eyes closed. Finally, she opened them and shifted position. Mike was still watching her.
“What’s wrong?” Kelly whispered.
“Just wondering if you were asleep or faking. I figured you were faking.”
“I’m not faking. I’m just trying to sleep. I always close my eyes when I’m trying to sleep.”
“Okay,” Mike said and raised his eyebrows. Kelly gave him a strange look and rolled over. She waited until his breathing became regular, and then turned over just far enough to see him. His mouth was open and his face was relaxed. He was definitely asleep. Kelly lay there for a few more minutes, just to make sure. Then she climbed out of bed as carefully as possible and went to the computer.
She had four email messages. One was from Andrew. However, Kelly made herself read the other messages first.
“Hey Girl, It’s Meg. Hope you’re having a good weekend. Let’s go get that manicure after work Tuesday. What do you say?”
“Kelly, we need to get together and schedule the different classes for the sales consultant. Think we could do it over lunch on Monday? Suzanne.”
“Mrs. Bowling, I wanted to talk with you about your ideas for our campaign. Please call at your convenience.”
After answering each email, she opened Andrew’s.
“Hey, it’s 2:00 in the morning, and I am sitting here watching mindless television, thinking about today. Very enjoyable. See you Monday. Andrew.”
Kelly thought for a moment. Then she wrote a response:
“Hey. It’s 4:30 in the morning, and come to think of it, I’m thinking about today too. And I’m smiling. Kelly”
Sleep was definitely out of the question now. But Kelly went to bed anyway, just in case Mike woke up again. She snuggled under the covers and let her mind wander. As her mind relaxed, her eyes grew heavy. Finally, as she was dozing off, she thought she heard Mike’s voice say softly, “I love you.”