Chapter 4
“Kids, time to get up,” Kelly called as she walked down the hall toward their bedroom. “No sleepyheads. It’s time to get ready for school.”
She shook the mound of covers under which eight-year-old Mikey slept. “Come on buddy, let’s move it. Your clothes are at the foot of the bed.” The mound didn’t move. Kelly reached under the bed and found a rib to tickle.
“Yikes, mom! I’m awake,” a muffled voice protested. He poked his head out from under the covers, his red hair sticking straight up, and grinned at her.
“You too Sam.” Kelly moved toward his bed. “Get up sweetie.”
Sam whimpered and curled up more tightly.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“My ear hurts, Mommy,” Sam replied, beginning to cry in earnest. Kelly felt his forehead. It was hot to the touch; he definitely had a fever. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t a good time for her to miss school; she and the drama teacher had a meeting with the principal.
“Mike, could you come into the boys’ room for a minute?”
“What’s up?” Mike appeared at the door still in his pajamas.
“Sam has a fever, and he says his ear hurts. Could you stay home with him? I’ll give you the pediatrician’s number so you can call as soon as they open.”
Mike felt Sam’s forehead and frowned. “This really is a bad day for me. It’s near the end of the month, and that means invoices.”
“Please, Mike,” Kelly pleaded. “Bob has asked me to come in for a meeting today. They really bent over backward to let me work at home, and I need to be there when they need me if at all possible. Besides, don’t mark and Jim do most of the invoice work anyway?”
Mike sighed in frustration. “But ultimately I’m the boss. I like to be there at invoice time.”
Kelly gave him a harsh look. “Well of course, since my job isn’t important –“
Mike help up his hands in mock surrender. “Fine, I’ll stay home. Where exactly is the pediatrician’s office?”
Kelly smiled derisively. “It’s on Woodward, in the medical building complex, building four.” She left the room and finished getting ready for work. Mike didn’t even know where the pediatrician’s office was. It seemed to Kelly a symbol of how uninvolved he was in their lives. She knew it was unfair, but she didn’t care. It was easier to nurse her resentment. As Kelly applied her makeup, her stomach continued to churn with anger. Why did Mike try to make her feel guilty for asking him to stay home with his own children? He was, after all, their father. She almost always stayed home when they were sick, resulting in the loss of quite a few sick days over the years.
Kelly grabbed a light frozen dinner out of the fridge, wrote down the doctor’s number, and headed for the door. “Here’s the number,” she said, passing Mike the post-it. “If Sam needs medicine, I usually go to CVS.”
“Thanks,” he said. “Have a good day.”
As Kelly pulled out of the driveway, she tried to clear her mind. What was happening to her? She felt overwhelmed, alone, and invisible. Did Mike love her anymore, want her anymore? She shook her head. Music. That would distract her and cheer her up a little. She placed the CD of one of her new favorites in the player and turned up the volume:
“I lie away and dream about your body next to mine.
I want to get inside your skin, and baby it’s way past time.”
Kelly tapped the steering wheel while she sang along, relating to the lyrics. She remembered what a couple of her colleagues had said, that when women hit their late thirties, their need for physical intimacy seemed to increase. It had something to do with hormone levels. Maybe that explained part of Kelly’s growing frustration. She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. Most men would be thrilled to have a wife who was so interested in being with him. Why wasn’t Mike? Maybe he just didn’t feel anything for her anymore.
As Kelly turned in to the parking deck beside the agency, she shook her head. Her mind needed to clear for this meeting. Bob rarely asked her to come in for an entire day, and she didn’t want anything to distract her.
Kelly greeted the receptionist and walked down the hall to Bob’s office. On her way, Andrew waved from his office and called, “Well, Mrs. Bowling, long time no see. What are you doing here?”
She and Andrew had worked on several projects while Kelly was working full time. Since she had been consulting, she dealt with Andrew a lot. He was often the one to whom she emailed reports or ideas. They had developed a good rapport and a friendship over the years.
“Bob called me in to discuss a project. I’m not sure what it is.” Kelly replied.
“Well, it’s good to see you again. By the way, Kelly, nice dress,” Andrew said. Then he held up a hand in mock panic. “Oops! Hope that doesn’t qualify as harassment.”
Kelly laughed. “I think it qualifies as a compliment. Thanks.”
Stepping back in her old office felt like coming home. Bob had told her she could keep it for when she came in, “And for when you finally give me a break and decide to come back full time!” He would joke. She had a good working relationship with her boss, and he appreciated what she brought to the agency
Bob’s secretary stuck her head in the door of Kelly’s office. “Bob wanted to check and see if you were here yet. He says he’s ready whenever you are.”
Kelly grabbed a legal pad and pen and headed down the hall. Bob’s office was, of course, the biggest in the building with a stunning view of the square. He had a huge desk, a mahogany bookcase, and extravagantly comfortable chairs. Kelly sat down and greeted him. “So, what is it that you brought me in here for today? You know, I could have been working in my pajamas today,” she joked.
“Yes, well, sorry to get you out of your jammies, but I need a big favor.” Bob said.
“What kind of favor?”
“Well, one of the businesses we worked with a couple of years ago is completely revamping their advertising and PR. You did their campaign then. You remember the Once Upon a Time chain?”
Kelly nodded. It had been her favorite project, a chain of bookstores dedicated exclusively to children’s books. She had worked closely with the owner, and they had come up with a brilliant plan. “So what’s up with them?” she asked.
“Well, the owner wants to branch out and create a publishing company. They are also expanding and going on the web. They want to, in a sense, reinvent themselves, and they asked for you specifically. Janice all but said that if I wanted their business I had better get you on the project.”
Kelly was flattered and very excited about the offer. “Of course, I would love to do it. I loved working with Janice, and you know how I feel about children’s books.”
“Before you say yes, you should know that it would involve coming to the office a lot more. You’ll have to work with a couple of our other agents, and we’ll need you here for meetings. Do you think you could do that?”
Kelly thought for a moment. Going into the office would most likely mean after school care for the boys. However, working on such a big project would bring in a bigger paycheck than she had had in years. That would certainly help with their finances. She wondered if she should discuss it with Mike first. But she really wanted to do it. So she said emphatically, “I don’t have to think about it. I want it.”
“Great!” Bob stood up and came around his desk. “I’m glad you’ll be around more. And my wife will be thrilled.” Kelly and Trish, bob’s wife, had always gotten along very well, often going to lunch and out shopping together. Since she had begun working at home and taking care of the boys, however, Kelly hadn’t had much time for friendships.
As Kelly headed back to her office, she met Andrew in the hall. “So, “he said, “Did Bob convince you?”
“Why is it nothing ever stays quiet around this office?” Kelly joked.
“This office is worse
than a small town. You know that,” Andrew laughed. “So, are you coming back?”
“At least for a while,” Kelly replied. “I have to admit, the thought of getting back here and working more is kind of exciting. Sometimes being at home drives me crazy.”
“Well, “Andrew said. “Glad you’re back. We’ve all missed having you around.”
Kelly spent the day chatting with the colleagues that came by her office to say hello, and in between chats, she talked with Janice and set up a meeting for the following Monday. She also looked over the old campaign plans to see if there was anything they could build on for the new one. Before she knew it, it was nearly 5:00. She was amazed at how quickly the day had passed and at how energized she felt from the day’s work. She climbed into her car and turned the CD player back on.
“You don’t know I want you so,
I don’t wanna take it slow.
Baby what you do to me
Why can’t you set me free?
I want your love…”
She turned off the engine and jumped out of the car. Bounding up the front steps, she was still smiling. She couldn’t wait to tell Mike about the project.
“How are my guys?” She called as she closed the door behind her.
“Sam’s asleep, and Mikey is finishing his homework,” Mike replied.
“Great. Thanks for staying home today with Sam. What did the pediatrician say about him?”
“Ear infection. They gave him a shot and some antibiotics.”
Kelly plopped onto the couch, kicked off her shoes, and sighed a happy sigh.
“You sure are in a good mood,” Mike commented. “I guess that means your meeting with the Bob was okay.”
“Better than okay. The bookstore chain I worked with a few years ago, Once Upon a Time, is adding a publishing arm to their company and going online. Janice wants me for their new advertising and PR.”
“Wow,” Mike said. “No wonder you are in such a good mood. That’s great, Kelly.”
“The only thing is…I will have to spend more time at the office to do it. That means we might have to put out some money for child care after school.”
Mike paused and furrowed his brow. “I can see you really want to do this, but childcare is going to be tough. Your consulting doesn’t bring in all that much, and my business is still technically getting off the ground.”
Kelly knew he would say that, so she had left the salary she would receive until afterward. “Did I mention how much I am going to get paid for working on this account?” She told him the amount, and his eyebrows rose as he took a deep breath and blew it out in a whistle.
“In that case, don’t worry about paying for child care. Go for it.”
Kelly was so excited; she squealed and threw her arms around Mike, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Oh, and Kelly, I’m sorry about last night. I just have had so much on me lately.”
Kelly’s smile faded just a little, but then she rallied. “Don’t worry about it. I guess I need to start cooking supper.”
That night, Kelly went into the guest room to work. Mike had the television on in their room and was working on the laptop. Kelly didn’t want to be distracted. Besides, her ego was still slightly bruised from the evening before. An hour and a page full of ideas later, Kelly turned off the light and settled into bed. As she was drifting into sleep, she heard a soft knock at the door.
“I thought you were coming to our bed,” Mike whispered as he entered the room and closed the door.
“You were watching television, and I needed some quiet to think.”
“Well, I’m done working now.” He climbed into bed behind her and began stroking her hair.
“Are the kids asleep?” Kelly whispered, her heart beginning to flutter.
“Yes, sound asleep. I checked.” He began to move his hands up and down along her body. Then, he propped himself up on one elbow so that his face was above hers. He touched his lips to hers, lightly at first, and then more deeply. At first, Kelly had mixed emotions, but as his lips parted and his hand ran along her shoulder, she felt her body respond. She wrapped her arms around him and tugged at him, wanting his body to cover hers.
When it was over, they lay entangled in each other’s arms for a few minutes. Mike kissed her on the cheek and whispered, “Sleep well.” Then he went into the den, and Kelly could hear the television. She turned onto her left side, hugged the extra pillow, and fell asleep.
On Monday morning, Kelly showered early and pressed one of her suits to wear to her meeting with Janice. Kelly had already begun a loose framework for their meeting with fresh ideas. She had also decided to call in a friend she had, Caroline, who was an agent for several writers. She hoped that Caroline could give them some perspective on the publishing aspect of the business’ expansion. After dropping the boys off at school, she drove to the office, enthusiastic about seeing Janice and getting to work. She arrived, walked to her office, and began clearing the conference table and setting up the ideas she had. She heard a knock and looked up.
“There’s my partner in crime,” Janice exclaimed. She hugged Kelly and said, “You don’t know how much I appreciate this. Of course, I practically threaten Bob with the loss of business if he didn’t get you here,” Janice laughed.
Kelly laughed and asked Janice to sit. They looked over Kelly’s notes, sipping coffee and going over each idea with a fine-toothed comb. Janice finally sat back and said, “And that’s why I threatened Bob.”
Kelly was flattered, and she had to admit she felt better than she had in a while, doing something productive and doing it well. Coming back for a few weeks was going to be good for her. After a few more minutes of small talk, Janice told her goodbye, and Kelly went to her computer to make notes and check email.
“Hey Kelly. Come by when you get a chance. Glad you’re back. Andrew.”
Before Kelly left to go to lunch, she knocked on Andrew’s door and stepped into his office. “Hey, Andrew.”
Andrew held up a finger and smiled; he was on the phone. After a moment he hung up and turned his chair toward Kelly. “I hear you’re back full time.”
“Well, for a few weeks, anyway. I’m pretty excited about it.”
“Aw, this stuff is in your blood Kelly,” Andrew teased. “I predict that you’ll stay after the bookstore account is done. You’ve missed being here.”
“That I have, but I’ll have to decide about something permanent later. It will depend on the kids and Mike. Of course, full time pay is a lot better than consulting pay!” Kelly said.
“Well, let’s hope everyone can persuade you.”
“Thanks, by the way, Megan mentioned that you had a new “lady” in your life?”
“Oh, yeah. Her name’s Regina. She a sweet Christian girl and she's totally gorgeous. We’ve been going out about a month.”
“Gorgeous, huh,” Kelly rolled her eyes. “You know, this fixation you men have on gorgeous doesn’t leave much room for us middle-agers,” Kelly teased.
“Kelly Bowling, you don’t have to worry about that,” Andrew said. Then he stood up. “Well, I’ve got a lunch meeting. I should get going. See you later.” And with that, they went their separate ways.
Chapter 5
Friday was a banner day for Kelly. She had come up with an idea for the new advertising that was child-centered but still emphasized Once Upon a Time’s expansion and publishing company. She was scheduled to give her presentation the following Wednesday, and she knew it would be a success. Janice had been please so far with everything Kelly had proposed, and Trish had been an invaluable recourse for the publishing end of things. The satisfaction of doing something well filled Kelly with pride, and for the first time in a while, she felt confident about what she did.
At lunch, Kelly, Andrew, Megan, and Kent gathered at the firm’s cafeteria. They joked about the business and compared notes on projects. Kelly gave them
family updates, saying she couldn’t believe that both her boys were in school now. They broke up their lunch with promises of getting together for a drink after work.
Kelly called Mike when she got back to her office. “Hey, Mike, how are you?”
“It’s busy here, but we’re doing fine. I’m about to eat lunch. What’s up?”
“Well, several of the agents are going out for a little while after work. Do you think you could pick up the kids?”
“I don’t know. Do you have anything planned for supper?”
“I have a casserole that’s ready to put in the oven. Or maybe you all could pick something up? The phone numbers for some take-out and delivery places are on the refrigerator.”
“How long do you think you’ll be out? Will you be here before the kids go to bed?”
“I should be, “Kelly replied, growing a little irritated. “If not, the boys know how to shower and get ready for bed.”
“Well, I guess that would be fine. Just try not to be late,” Mike said reluctantly.
Kelly narrowed her eyes and shook her head. It wasn’t an unreasonable request, wanting to spend some time with coworkers. After all, when Mike had to work late or had dinners, it was a given that she would be at home with the kids. She shook off her frustration, however, and concentrated on getting to a stopping place in her work in time to go out with her colleagues.
At 5:00, Kelly locked her office and headed down to the lobby. Megan, Andrew, and Kent were already there. “Hey, guys,” Kelly said. “Where are we going?”
“Lambert’s of course,” Megan said. “Not much has changed since you were here.”
“Yeah,” Kelly laughed, “I guess Lambert’s will always be the official blowing-off-some-steam place for us.”
For a several hours, they traded stories and laughed. Kelly was relaxed, happy to be back in the real world. Megan kept them laughing out loud with the latest Grant story. Grant was her boyfriend of three years. They had no real plans to get married, but they were together constantly. Grant was always the life of the party when he joined them, and he and Megan were a perfect match. When questioned about when they were going to tie the knot, Megan would wave a dismissive hand and say, “We’re too young to get married!”
Kelly lost track of time, and when she looked at her watch and saw that it was 9:30, she quickly stood up and said, “Oh my goodness, I had no idea I had been here this long. I have got to go home and make sure the boys are in bed. Thanks, guys, see you on Monday.”
When Kelly got home, Mike was sitting on the couch reading the paper. He looked up and said hello, but Kelly could tell he was irritated. “Have a good time?” he asked.
“Yeah, sorry I’m so late. We just got so into talking I didn’t even look at my watch.”
“Mikey and Sam are in bed, but I couldn’t get either of them to take a shower. I hope one day won’t matter much?”
“Did they play outside a lot?” Kelly asked.
“Pretty much all afternoon. Then we went to McDonald’s and the ice cream place. They’ve been in bed about an hour.”
Kelly was slightly annoyed. When the boys spent the afternoon outside, they always needed a shower. But she didn’t bring it up. Mike hated it when she asked him to do something and then criticized the way he did it. One day without a bath wouldn’t kill them. They were boys.
That night, Kelly’s dreams came back with a vengeance. They looped and repeated, and Kelly woke up in a cold sweat. She got up, went to the bathroom, and splashed water on her face. Her pajamas were clinging to her, so she removed them and threw them in the hamper. She studied herself in the mirror. She felt so much better looking in a mirror than she had a year ago. She ran her hands along her arms. Memories of the dream she had just had made goose bumps pop out along her arms. Then she heard a noise behind her.
“Are you okay?” Mike asked. “I heard you get up.”
“I’m okay. Just had a weird dream”
“What about?”
“I can’t really remember,” Kelly lied. “I just knew it was strange.”
“Why are you undressed?”
“I was sweating, and my pajamas were wet.” They stood in silence for a moment. “Mike, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Mike leaned against the sink.
“I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past year. I’ve been running. I know I look different. Have you noticed?”
“Of course I’ve noticed.”
“Then why haven’t you said anything?”
Mike looked off to the side, and then at the floor. “Kelly, you’ve always been pretty. And now, you look so good. I don’t think I’ve exactly aged as well as you. It makes me a little insecure.”
Kelly reached out and touched his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you’ve aged.”
Mike sighed. “I appreciate that, Kelly. But it really isn’t about what you feel about me; it’s about what I feel about myself.” He smiled sadly and kissed her forehead. “I’m going back to bed.”
Kelly fished some clean pajamas out of the dryer. She sat on the couch and considered what Mike had said. On one hand, she felt for Mike. She didn’t want him to feel insecure. But she also got angry. Mike was busy worrying about himself; he was too selfish to give her encouragement. Again, Kelly felt that things just weren’t the way they should be. Part of that was her fault. But as she got more and more frustrated, she found it easier to shift most of the blame to Mike. She didn’t know what was wrong, and she didn’t know how to fix it.
“Focus, Kelly,” she told herself. “You need to sleep so you can work tomorrow.” As Kelly drifted off to sleep, she thought once more about her marriage. “God, please help us. I really don’t know what to do,” she breathed a sleepy prayer.