Page 47
Author: Jill Shalvis
So he pulled a chair as close as he could get next to her bed and watched her struggle. Even with the nebulizer and the corticosteroids and the Beta-2 agonists, she still wasn’t out of the woods. But at least her lips weren’t blue, and she was starting to get some color in her cheeks.
Christ, it’d been close, too fucking close, and he’d never been so scared in his life.
The nurse finally left and in her wake were the beeping monitors, hissing oxygen, and the steady patter of people moving up and down the hallways on the other side of the curtain. Chloe opened her eyes, and Sawyer took his first real breath in the past hour of hell. He had no idea what to say. He was still struggling to think of something when she pulled the mouthpiece of the nebulizer from her mouth and spoke first.
“Did I miss the Jell-O? I really like it when they give me Jell-O. ”
His throat constricted. “I’ll get you an entire tray. ”
She reached out and took his hand, running her icy fingers over his knuckles, which were raw and red and a little swollen from where he’d punched the outside wall of the hospital. His form of stress relief.
“Chloe,” he said, but her eyes were closed again.
She’d replaced the nebulizer and fallen back to sleep.
Two minutes later, Tara and Maddie arrived. Tara sat in the chair that Sawyer vacated for her. Maddie moved to Chloe’s other side, the two of them staring down into her face.
“She’s so damn much a part of me that I feel like I can’t breathe either,” Maddie whispered, hand to her own heart.
“Luckily, she’s stubborn enough to breathe for the both of you,” Tara said.
Sawyer nearly smiled at the truth of that statement and looked down at his vibrating phone. Morris was here and needed to talk to him. Code for yell at him. Sawyer rose and met him in a hallway, where he spent the next ten minutes explaining exactly why he’d broken protocol and hadn’t waited for backup. Morris listened, both pissed off and acknowledging that Sawyer had nailed Todd.
Of course, it hadn’t been Sawyer at all, but Chloe and a well-placed knee, leaving Todd in possession of one dislocated nut and relieved of possession of his entire stash.
The DEA had their case and the drugs, and there were a lot of drugs. Raybo had been even bigger than they’d thought, and he was already singing. Todd had been making some side deals, storing most of his own shit in his duplex attic, but when Mitch ratted him out, he’d had to change his plans and quick.
Todd had rigged up some duck blinds in the woods, the way they’d done with their booze when they’d been kids, covering it with the military camouflage netting.
Stupid. But Sawyer was done wasting a single second of his time thinking and worrying about Todd.
Life was too short.
Chloe woke up with a little start. “I got him in the nuts!”
Tara and Maddie, seated at her side, smiled. “You sure did,” Tara said. “Proud of you, sugar. ”
Chloe smiled, relieved it was over.
“So is it that you don’t have enough work at the B&B and the spa that you had to add crime fighting to your résumé?” Tara asked.
Chloe choked out a low laugh. She sat up a little, testing her lungs, and was relieved to find herself in relatively good working order. “I, um, thought of something when I was out there. ”
“Before or after you spoon-fed Todd his left family jewel?”
Chloe smiled. “Before. Actually, way before. I thought of it a while back, but…well, to be honest, I can’t explain the why or how of what took me so long. ” That’s how love worked, she thought. It was confusing and messy and wonderful and real. God, so real. And she’d meant it. It had been growing in her for a while. But right here, right now, looking at her hodgepodge family crowded around her, she felt it expanding inside of her even more, like her chest was going to explode. In a good way for once. “In the mud springs last night, Tara teased me for having an epiphany. She was right, I was having one. ”
“You ’bout done with it yet?” Tara asked.
“Yeah, I believe I am. But I want you to know, once I tell you, it’s not an all-access pass to any group hugs. Those need to be put on the schedule in advance. ” She drew a deep breath, or as deep as she could anyway. “I love you. I love you both. ”
“Well, would you listen to that. ” Tara’s tone was dry, in direct contrast to her suspiciously wet eyes. “You just emotionally compromised yourself and lived to tell the tale. ”
There was a knock on the open door, and they all looked up at Sawyer standing there, eyes locked on Chloe. Yes, she’d just emotionally compromised herself.
And she was about to do it again.
“The nurse says you’ll be out of here in less than an hour,” Sawyer said. “Need a ride?”
Chloe looked at her sisters. Maddie jumped up, grabbing Tara by the hand. “Oh, that would be great. We’re expecting a few scheduled guests, and…”
“Just say good-bye, sugar,” Tara said, shaking her head. “And remind me to teach you how to lie better than that. ”
And then they were both gone.
An hour later, Chloe was dropped down on Sawyer’s couch and gruffly told to “hang on. ” She sat on the couch, shivering. “I’m n-not c-cold. It’s just what happens sometimes after a bad asthma attack and all the meds. ” Her heart raced, too, like it was trying to get outside of her chest, and it pissed her off.
Sawyer wrapped her in a blanket, then carefully lifted her into his arms. She cuddled in, absorbing his body heat as her eyes locked in on the nebulizer on the coffee table. “What’s that?”
“A nebulizer. ”
“I know that. I mean, what’s it doing here?”
“I bought one. ”
Her heart squeezed. “When?”
“What does it matter?”
“When, Sawyer?”
“A few days ago. ”
She stared into his eyes. “Why did you buy a nebulizer if you were going to dump me?”
“I believe you dumped me,” he said lightly.
She stared at him. “Okay, we’re going to circle back to that in a minute. Sawyer…” She looked around at the living room. Painted walls. Furniture. “Up until a week ago, you didn’t have anything in here, and now you have a nebulizer. Do you know what that means? It means,” she went on without waiting for an answer, “that you like me. ” She smiled, feeling the warmth of the knowledge chase away the chill. “You really, really like me. ”
“Don’t get excited. I like all my house painters. ” He settled her head against his chest. She knew he was giving her time to settle. And also, she realized as he stroked a big hand up and down her back, he was giving her his heat, strength, and reassurance—the last of which wasn’t exactly second nature to him. She knew his job didn’t allow for much softness, or a lot of emotion for that matter. Obviously he’d let that spill over into his life, but she knew he was trying his damnedest to offer her what he thought she needed.
Damn. Damn, she was a goner, and she curled into him, tracing little patterns on his stomach with her fingers, enjoying the hard ridges of his abs. Wriggling to get comfortable, she pressed her face into his throat and inhaled him, then rested her head on his chest. Unlike her, he wasn’t trembling or shaking at all. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I can’t stop shaking. ”
“Adrenaline letdown. ”
“What about you?” she asked. “You ever get adrenaline letdown? Because I just can’t imagine anything getting to you. ”
Sawyer tugged her hair until she met his gaze, his own clear and unguarded. “You,” he said, shockingly gently. “You get to me. You scared the hell out of me today. ”
“Makes two of us. ”
His grip tightened on her. “If anything had happened to you…” He shook his head and cut the words off.
“I’m okay. ” She touched his scruffy jaw. “You make a comfy chair, Sheriff. Sure you’re a little hard in spots, but—”
“Chloe. ” He laughed and pressed his forehead to hers. “You get to me,” he said again quietly. “I want you to know that. You get to me, just the way you are. ” He leaned in close. “No changing. ”
She absorbed the words as she’d absorbed his heat and felt a weight lift from her shoulders. “What if being myself isn’t always pretty or polite?” she whispered.
“Well, Christ, I hope not,” he said. “Polite is fucking exhausting. Chloe, listen to me. You being you is who I fell for. Now, as for who you fell for…” He drew in a deep breath. “What Todd said today, about when we were teenagers. ”
“I don’t care. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. ”
“Be sure. Because most of it was true. ” He ran his thumb over her fingers. She stared down at his large, tanned, callused hand against her much smaller, pale one, which looked almost frail in his. “It’s not easy to talk about. ”
“It’s me, Sawyer. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“I do now. But until recently, my life was all about work. Only work. I figured I owed it to everyone here for the second chance the town gave me. ”
“Sawyer, you do realize that the reason no one talks about your past. And that the reason it’s not plastered on that damn Facebook page isn’t because they’re asking for penance. It’s because they’re protective of you. They care about you and respect you. ” She hugged him. “So stop punishing yourself. It’s over and done. ”
He was quiet a moment. “Is everything over and done?”
Her breath caught, and she pulled back to look into his eyes. “I don’t want it to be. ”
“What do you want?”
“To know you,” she said without hesitation. “All of you. I want to know what makes you feel good. ”