CHAPTER SIX
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
“Those two will be alright,” said Nat, as she put out her hand to help Anna up the last step. “Dylan is made of sterner stuff than he thinks, he just hasn’t realised it yet. How is Jacs?”
“She’s fine!” barked Anna.
Nat smiled wanly as they made their way down the long hall. An unnatural rush of energy threw off their heavy blanket of exhaustion as they attempted to pass the green room door. Anna’s heart fizzed and sparked. Natalie beat her chest with the palm of her hand as if she intended to dislodge some irritation, like a cough drop swallowed whole.
“It feels like he is leaning on the other side of the door listening to us,” whispered Anna.
“He probably is,” whispered back Natalie, “but he can’t go too far, Mary Ellen hobbled him.”
“Of course she did,” answered Anna matter of factly. The night was starting to feel fantastical in a crazy way. Anna ticked off the rapidly multiplying list of madness in her brain.
1. Raised an unknown ghost.
2. Mum knows unknown ghost.
3. Unknown ghost won’t piss off.
4. Thankfully to the Black Hat, unknown ghost is stuck in the green room.
5. Black Hat could be a witch, hopefully a flower essence one and not a bag of bones one.
“We should deal with him now but I need a bit of time. I asked him to leave. Maybe he will just disappear?” said Anna.
“Fat chance,” snorted Natalie.
A mournful voice penetrated the heavy old door, “Please Natalie, don’t get Mary Ellen again.”
“Behave yourself then!”
“Mum, what do we do?”
Anna was used to plucking the perfect answer from her bountiful tree of knowledge. Her intuition was fading and all she knew was that Leo had to go back from wherever it was she had released him. It was her fault.
“Where is Dad?”
“He is in the back shed with the dogs. You know that coffee table he started to make when you were eleven years old? He has the sudden urge to finish it off tonight! He is in a state. You know, I could actually see the capillaries popping across his cheeks in a Mexican wave. That is, I could once I washed the crap off and swabbed him with disinfectant. Let’s have a cuppa, I need a little caffeine sugar boost and then I might go and put on some lippy and brush my hair. Maybe find my push up bra.” She mouthed and mimed the last part. Natalie ran her hand over her grey roots to settle them back down and attempted to tighten her dressing gown belt—to discover her waist from twenty-five years ago.
Anna could not have been more surprised if her mother had declared the need for the blood of three young virgins and an ox to perform an ancient yet highly effective ritual. We are down a virgin she thought grimly, seeing the tattoo reptile slither away.
“Milo, I need Milo,” was all she could say in response.
“I raise you to Tim Tams,” laughed Natalie.
They sat down at the large wooden table and suddenly became very coy and self-conscious with each other. Anna inspected a mole on the back of her hand. Natalie kept tucking strands of hair behind her ears. One had raised a dead soldier and the other was already on a first name basis with him. They were not just connected by blood. They were bonded in a rare and mystical gift.
“How?” blurted out Anna.
“How do I know him?”
“Yes, yes we will get to that but first how can we sense him, how did we hear him … OMG—have you ever seen him?”
“Yes … and if you’ve just heard him then you will be able to see him too.”
“How do we see him … what is special about us?” Anna knew she was smart, well organized and of impeccable idealogy but this kind of special was not what she had in mind.
“I don't know love. No idea.”
Natalie didn’t care how the gift worked, she spent her life regretting the why not the how. Why did she have the ability to see the dead? Why me? And now the gift ensnared her daughter. Sensible Anna was on the verge of having her orderly little world smashed into a thousand pieces. The veil had been lifted.
“Who else has this—” Anna struggled to find the right word.
Curse, thought Natalie.
“Power,” finished Anna.
“Aunty Agnes … you may know her as blurry girl from the wall.”
“Agnes? Sister of Daisy?” I knew I liked her!
Nat sniffed, drained the last of her sugary drink, found the brandy and poured until the last spec of sugar in her empty cup was swimming in alcohol. She didn’t like going back, back to that night — the night the weirdo button was switched on but there was no escaping it.
“And now I suppose you are wondering how I know Leo,” Nat slurped down her sugary brandy like a desiccated vampire.
“Well, it was 1978 and I was ten,” she fell silent but her memory ran forward.
Disgusted, she sniffs the ashy nicotine curls rising in the air and tries to move away from the raucous noise coming from the patio. Uncle has just finished singing ‘When Irish eyes are Smiling,’ and her mother and Aunt are about to launch into ‘Danny Boy,’ in rounds. She starts cleaning up the beer and shandy glasses and pulls the toothpicks out of the cocktail onions, popping them back into the still green ocean of the pickle jar. Aunt Agnes has already beaten her to the sink and is washing dishes like an irritated robot. She sees Auntie’s neat reflection in the tinted window, her face captured between the café curtains. Agnes grimaces, as her youngest sister Nanna Charlotte warbles out the Elvis tune, ‘Are you Lonesome Tonight?’ in her erratic mezzo soprano voice. It sounds terrible.
The family is in the death throws of a wake for their Uncle Les who has died. Their returned veteran soldier has died of old age and a weary heart. His medals and his slouch hat are laid out in amongst flowers and condolence cards on the mantelpiece. The Rising Sun twinkles by the light of the lava lamp. His crutches are propped to the side of the fireplace—no one is sure what to do with the things.
Suddenly, she sees two faces in the window—Agnes’ white tight hair bun and toothless smile grinning at … Uncle Les. The very dead Uncle Les. Her heart burns as she shakes her head in disbelief. She knows she has eaten all the red sausages but could that combined with an outrageous amount of Fanta bring on a hallucination? She looks again. She sees a dark green shadow step back. The reflection vanishes in an instant. She turns quickly and there is nothing behind her. But for the smell … the smell …
Uncle Les looks up, sees her open mouth and winks at her. Agnes turns around and places her finger on her lip, “Top lip buttoned up,” she smiles. She looks past her, inhales and frowns.
Uncle Les says, “Good bye Miss Natsy,” and bows deeply as he takes off his old hat and disappears into the hot summer night.
Agnes continues washing up so Nat picks up a tea towel and falls into a soothing motion of drying up the dishes. After a few minutes, Agnes says, “We are special dear, we can see the dead. Don’t be afraid darlin.”
But she is afraid. Make it go away. Why me she thinks?
Agnes wipes down the lime green bench, pulls a chocolate bar out of her pocket for her, calls a taxi and is gone. She is grateful it is not a banana, Agnes’ second favourite handy snack.
The party is dissolving slowly and sleeping kids are gathered up in armfuls by tired parents.
She walks home with her family through the hot heavy night air. Top lip is buttoned! Her father stops for a spew as her mother continues to hum happily, ‘Cockles and Mussels … alive … alive oh’.
At home, she climbs into bed with her sister. Her sister’s sweaty fat arm wraps itself around her neck and they snuggle down. The dark green shadow pushes itself back into her mind’s eye. Blurry lumps of colour … flesh, straw, green and a bolt of sky blue settle to form a face. Did she see a third face in the reflection of the window? She sits up in bed
and there by the door is the very face. It has acquired the body of a young soldier.
“Les?” she whispers hopefully as she strains to see a clearer image.
“It’s not Les,” is the low reply.
“Then GO AWAY!” she shouts.
But the soldier only moves closer. His hands reach out toward her. To do what? Smother her? Strangle her? “Go away!” she screams again. Her sister is rolling over and waking up now. “I need help,” says the soldier. “I’m stuck. I need Les, please get Les for me. Agnes doesn’t like me. She won’t help me. Les will set me straight. Please.” He picks up her sister’s small teddy from the bed and jiggles it around, hoping to make her smile, hoping to reassure her. But it just makes her scream louder. Her sister sits bolt upright as her mother turns on the light and enters the room. She walks straight through the soldier as he implores, “Tell Les it’s Leo, Leo from across the way … make sure you ask for Les … Les McNamara.”
Then he is gone.
“MUM— NATSY HAS PIDDLED IN MY BED!” shouts her sister.
“Mother are you in there? Can you hear me? I know you are having some sort of psychedelic flashback from the look on your face but may I remind you, time is of the essence and although I can sense a spirit … I can’t read your mind. I've tried for years. Just start at the beginning!”
Where to start? Natalie thought wildly, shaking herself out of her reverie as she snapped down on a biscuit and chewed feverishly staring into Anna’s big brown impatient eyes … The facts, the facts are all that are required at this stage.
“I met him after Les’ funeral … Les showed up and Leo made a cameo. He followed me home and asked me to get Les for him. Gave me a bit of a fright.” Anna found herself reaching out to hold her mother’s hand.
“It was my Great Aunt Agnes who got me through. I told her all about Leo. She told me Leo was a harmless young boy and not to worry about it. I was to leave it to her. So I did. He never bothered me again … until she died.”
“And then what happened?” Anna pressed her, “I think more sugar and less spirit is required mother.” She put the kettle back on. Natalie remained silent.
“Leo was certainly wound up tonight,” she prompted. “The room looks like a bad tempered toddler has had a tantrum.” Anna felt her inner bulldog woofing. How dare that boy frighten my mother?
“He’s only a young lad. He has been trapped in a teenage hormonal funk for ninety-six years. Can you imagine that? He is an impulsive little larrikin … flinging poo and tickling Jacqui pass for a sense of humour to him. Aunty Aggie was never frightened of him. I think he bothered her like a mosquito bothers an elephant. But she sure was as mad as hell at him … why, I don’t know, I really don’t.” She shook her head forlornly, “I wonder if Leo had known Les before the war. How else would he have known Aunty Aggie, I just don’t know? Or if he had been waiting for Les or following him, he must have felt his way to Les’ spiritist sister. You know, drawn to her. All I know is that he has tailgated our family for decade upon decade.” Natalie shook her head at the enormity of that concept, “I think he is lonely. No. I know he is lonely.”
Natalie’s mobile phone blasted into action. The noise bounced off the kitchen ceiling and around the room. The two looked at each other in terror. She grabbed her bag and turned it upside down. The phone clattered onto the table and she finally answered it.
It was Nina, Dylan’s Mum. Jacqui and Dylan had walked home in the rain. They were gibbering and soaking wet —Dylan’s hair was flat. FLAT. Jacqui was singing and humming ‘Lest we Forget’ with a very vacant look in her eye. Were they drunk or been using the mary joo wana leaves? Dylan had snot on his sweater for the love of Vishnu, SNOT on his Ralph Lauren! What was wrong with the pair of them? Something about Leo, wasn’t he a lion or a star sign? What was wrong with them? Dylan was hugging Deepak and telling him he loved him like a brother. Arun would wake up with all this commotion and then Vishnu himself would not be able to help them.
Natalie took a deep breath and swig of brandy.
“Oh Nina, I’m so sorry, the three of them watched a really scary movie and it really upset them. You know how highly strung and impressionable they are. I’m sitting here with Anna and she still can’t believe the things she saw. They got it out of Liam’s suitcase under his bed. It’s set in World War One ... it’s quite graphic. I think it’s called —” she took another slug of brandy and mouthed to Anna, Find me more Tim Tams! “I think it was called ‘Loopy Leo goes AWOL with a Lewis Gun’, yes, it’s not very nice ……… yes they are very silly …………… I think a very cold and calming cup of your yoghurty ghol is in order too. I’m sorry I didn’t see them before they left, I was checking on Beth …… no, she is fine … Yes only six more weeks to go ……… I know, it is very exciting …….. She really enjoyed watching your Yoga Pregnancy DVD’s but she can’t do them, doctor’s orders ……. Thank you so much …… No no … Blake still visits everyday but she still won’t see him ………… Thank you so much ………… What’s that? … Dylan just fell asleep! ……. Anna and I will pop round in the morning and we can all have a catch
up then. Bye Nina, love, bye.”
She clicked off and looked at an impressed Anna. “Mum, you’re an excellent liar, you make Jacqui look like a saint.” She shook her head in disbelief.
“Thank you darling, that means a lot to me,” she reached for the Tim Tams.
“I think that will hold them until tomorrow. We will tell Nina the truth of course. She is a very spiritual lady. It just seemed a little too much tonight over the phone.”
“Now tell me the rest of your story,” said Anna. Natalie sighed and poured more brandy into her mug.
“Agnes lived with my grandmother, her youngest sister, Nanna Charlotte. Ag had a room at the top of the house. It was painted dark green. She had heavy curtains that were always shut. It was dark and spooky but Aggie herself was as sweet and kind as a banana and chocolate addict could be. Bizarre. When she died, I was so upset. I had lost my mentor, my protector. I would occasionally, you know, see a dead person or hear one and I would go to Aggie for help, you know, she would offer advice, tell me it’s all right, tell me I’m all right. Not Crazy.”
Natalie started to blub, “Aggie knew she was dying, she called me to come and visit. She was in bed, she untied her hair and long white strands came down to the eiderdown. Her chin just about touched her nose and the fine downy hair on it had bristled right up. She was so beautiful to me. I loved her so much.” Natalie cried and cried. Anna patted her hand and felt slightly panicky—she had never seen her mother so emotional. Natalie stood up and moved to the sink, she filled it with hot soapy water and began to wash the dishes with military precision as she fought to regain her composure.
Aggie handed me an old packet of photographs, ‘For you’ she whispered. Her hand shook like a vague earthquake. It fell back to the bed. Her rosary beads were in the other hand. Her last words were, ‘Leo is not a bad lad. He would have been a good man, given the chance. I made a mistake. I was jealous and I made a mistake. God forgive me.’ Then Aunt Agnes’ breathing got shallower and shallower. I called for Mum and Nanna to come. But Aggie had gone. Gone to where she was supposed to go. I really thought she would step out of her body and become the beautiful young girl in the photos. But she didn’t. She was dead and no longer tied to Earth. Things don’t always turn out they way they do in movies. She was an old lady and Mum and Nanna had been expecting it so they got on with you know … tenderly fussing with the bed sheets and smoothing down the eiderdown, brushing her hair … you know … that sort of thing … to get ready for the doctor’s pronouncement. I turned to freshen the flowers in a vase by her bedside and saw Leo standing at the base of the bed with his hat in his hand. He was going to miss her too or the link she represented. I didn’t scream or piddle my pants, you will be tha
nkful to know. I put my finger on my lips and acknowledged him. He broke into a big grin, I think he would have danced me around the bed with Aggie’s body still warm, if Mum and Nanna hadn’t have been there. He was euphoric. I motioned for him to vamoose now and come back later. He gave me a salute and happily marched off into the dark green nothingness.”
Natalie smiled into space at that memory.
“I returned the next day and Leo was waiting for me. He was sitting on Aggie’s stripped bed. The curtains were flung apart and the windows were propped open. I felt overwhelmingly sad, despite the big misty military hunk waiting on the bed for me and me alone. He asked me could I get a message to Les. That is Leo, straight to the point! No supernatural love affair for me. I said I hadn’t seen Les since the night of the wake. Now I know you aren’t religious Anna, but I felt, feel Uncle Les is in heaven. He never bothered me and his visits to Aggie were very infrequent and possibly they were for Aggie’s sake and not Les’. I had never summoned a ghost. I spent my whole life avoiding them. But I said I would try my best to get in contact with him. Leo looked very chipper by the time we said goodbye. My heart was about to explode out of my chest the meeting was so intense.” Natalie put her ear to the thick glass door to make sure Kevin was still drilling and hammering in the shed.
She turned back to Anna, “I tried, I really tried but part of me … part of me always resisted our ‘special gift’.” She looked down at her dressing gown and picked at bits of dog hair reminding Anna of a magpie on speed.
“I couldn’t reach Les or Aggie or anyone. Meanwhile, Leo was popping up everywhere like an attention seeking puppy. I really was starting to lose my mind. I’d wake up and he would be next to me. I was frightened.” Natalie wiped down the bench and started sweeping, “I was annoyed. He is so annoying. I hate sweeping. Did you see the state of my green room? I painted it that colour for Agnes. And he has ruined it in two minutes flat. He is not ruining your life too.” Natalie was almost shouting. Her cheeks were flushed. “I REALLY HATE SWEEPING.” Anna sat quietly, taking in every heartfelt word.
“People started to notice I was acting strangely. I would catch the bus and he would sit next to me, conspicuously trying to read an upside down newspaper in mid air. All the while grinning at me. He said he was just having a lark and I was one sooky sheila. He was just having a lark while I needed a restraining order from the sixth dimension, or a lobotomy. This went on for weeks. One day I cracked up in a University lecture hall with oooh you know, two hundred people watching. Leo was playing with the projector machine by turning it on and off and changing the angle of the long arm, so the Wilfred Owen poem SPRING OFFENSIVE was projected onto the ample body of a very confused lecturer. I will never forget the lines wrapped around his fat academic paunch.
Of them who running on that last high place
Breasted even the rapture of bullets, or went up
On the hot blast and fury of hell’s upsurge,
And there was Leo grinning at me madly like a cat that had cleverly brought a dead bird to the backdoor and was waiting for praise and a tidbit. He didn’t see or get the lines or care about the poem or even get the irony. The idiot!! And I just snapped. I stood up and shouted at him. He looked crestfallen. Two hundred students looked surprised. Then I made my way from the back of the lecture hall to the front and attempted to punch him back to the underworld, whilst screaming for Aggie. Quite a spectacle.”
Natalie turned around. There was nothing left in the kitchen to clean. It sparkled manically. She opened the fridge door and begun checking the use by dates on chutneys and curry pastes possibly from another century.
“Mum came and I don’t remember much more than waking up in the psychiatric ward feeling embarrassed and crazy. Mostly crazy,” Natalie stopped and studied a half full curry jar. “I don’t remember ever making a vindaloo.”
Then Aggie came. At first I was angry, ‘I’m sorry I said, ‘Do I know you?’ She took my hand and was silent for a few minutes. I have a feeling she was watching the backdated episodes of ‘Larks with Leo’ in the very white fuzzy reception of my mind.
“Rightio,” she said. “I see Leo has driven you potty. Leave it to me. And within a heartbeat she was back with her MOTHER, Mary Ellen, minus the black hat, revealing an identical dark grey Aggie style hair bun. Mary died when she was fifty-four years old and Agnes was ninety-three so they made an odd mother daughter combination. Not to mention their crazy fashion stakes. I reached over and pressed the nurse’s bell. I was convinced I was heading for a straight jacket and a padded cell. Then Leo appeared. I have never seen anyone so angry as Mary Ellen. She was one pink-faced tiny lady phantom. Her pointer finger was jabbing the air and Leo put his hands up to pacify her. He looked so sad and young but weary. Agnes looked curiously remorseful. The nurse entered and I asked in my sanest voice, trying to block out the ‘Survivor, Psycho Island Elimination Finale’ that was going on by my bedside. I asked for some Valium and watched the final scenes in mute with my eyes drooping and my mouth dribbling. The nurse went to look at my chart and got saturated by a vase of flowers that Mary Ellen had accidentally knocked in her Irish fury—it startled the nurse. She took a long hard look at me and asked if I was all right. I nodded. I opened one eye and could see Leo looking miserably at me, hat in hand.
“I’m so sorry Miss Natalie; I never meant any harm by my skylarking about. I can’t follow Aggie and Mary Ellen. I really want to. I’m so lonely. When I’m not here with you I’m back there and it’s cold and I don’t know the lingo. There are others like me but they are disappearing too. Only Aggie and you can see me— and she doesn’t like me. I know why Ag. It’s all right. I like you … now. I was so glad you could see me and hear me, Miss. I thought I would pass the time with you until you managed to muster up Les somehow. I thought I might as well enjoy myself, you know have a bit of a lark around … but I can see I did it again. I hurt another one of youse. I need to tell them I’m sorry too. Sorry for everything. I am sorry Miss.” His voice cracked and I thought my heart would break. I could feel his pain spearing me through my fuzzy head. He vanished and I never heard from him again. Until now.” Natalie hung her head down and stared sadly into her empty mug.
“I drifted off and awoke a second time. Mary Ellen and Aggie were leaning or floating over me now. Mary Ellen told me she had bound Leo. She couldn’t control it if he appeared but she could control where he moved. He could appear from time to time but he would be grounded to a few metres from his ‘original landing portal.’ I thanked them and pressed the emergency button and started screaming. Nurses came running from every direction. No more stalker for Natsy and that was part two of the Leo and Nat show.” Natalie burped.