“Are you going to act on it?” Heidi pressed her lips against J.T.’s neck.
They fell back onto the bed. J.T. rolled on top of Heidi. She groaned while she fumbled for the buckle on his belt and he nibbled on her ear.
“Please, not now,” J.T. mumbled.
“What?” Heidi asked.
“This can’t be happening now,” J.T. pulled away from Heidi and sat up. “We can’t do this.”
“I need this, J.T. I need to know that we mean something.”
“Heidi, I can’t. I really want to, but my heart and my brain are having a battle. I love you and I want to finish what we just started, but my heart is telling me to hold off.” He stood up and turned his back while he fixed his belt.
“You’re not making sense, J.T. Why won’t you touch me?”
J.T. turned back around to look at Heidi. She had the look that he had seen hours before. The look where she was on the verge of tears. He hated that look on her.
“God knows, I want to touch you. I want to touch you so much, but if I do, it will cause so many problems. I don’t want you to look like that, Heidi. Please, don’t cry.”
Heidi crossed her arms and looked at her boyfriend. “I’m beginning to feel like Ashleigh,” she said.
“Huh?”
“Every time we say something to get closer, you pull away. Every time. I’m afraid to tell you what I really want because I don’t want to lose you.”
“Heidi, you don’t want to finish what we just started. You’re too smart to do something like that and I don’t want to hurt you. I just want us to stop trying to analyze everything we do and just be a couple. Can we just do that?”
“Why would you say you love me and not act on it?” Heidi wiped away some tears that had trailed down her cheeks.
J.T. closed his eyes for a second. He wasn’t getting through to her. “Don’t you get it, Heidi? I am acting on it. If we did do something, do you know how clumsy and awkward it would be? Just let me love you my way, okay. I want to be able to look you in the eyes. Heidi, look at me.”
Heidi sniffled. “I can’t.”
J.T. went over to her on the bed and tipped her chin up to look at him. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Heidi, I’m holding back because I love you. Do you understand?”
Heidi pushed J.T. hand away from hers. “Yeah, I understand. I understand that I’m not good enough for you to sleep with. Why are you wasting your time with me, anyway?”
J.T. inhaled deeply. “I don’t want to hurt you, Heidi. I just want to wait for the right time.” He looked at her eyes that were staring at the floor. “I’ve found the right person, we just haven’t found the right time.” He kissed the top of her head. “I gotta go. I’ve got an early rehearsal tomorrow.” He got up and walked toward the door.
“I love you,” Heidi said.
J.T. smiled. He winked. “I love you, too. Good night.” He walked out the door.
***
“Do we need to say it?” Ashleigh asked Kelso. They were sitting at a coffee shop sipping cappuccinos.
“Do you think we need to say it?” Kelso asked. “I know what you think about me. You wouldn’t have said all those things in front of everyone if you didn’t.”
“I think we need to say it,” Ashleigh remarked.
“I love you,” Kelso said. “I love your eyes, your skin, your laugh, pretty much everything about you. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry you if I didn’t believe any of that.”
“Why didn’t you say that before?” Ashleigh asked. “Why did you have to wait until Parker prodded it out of us to say it?”
“I honestly thought I had said it before. A lot of stuff goes through my mind when I’m on medication. I get things jumbled up and I don’t remember some things.”
“That was something that’s pretty important to me,” Ashleigh said.
“I know. I’m sorry I waited until now, but asking you to marry me was pretty much a given.”
“Yeah, I guess it was.” Kelso put his hands on top of hers sitting on the table. “So, do you have something to say to me?”
“I’ve said it all ready. You just never returned the favor,” Ashleigh remarked.
“When?”
“Every night after I talk to you. Every time you leave the room and I’m still there. Every time we hung up on the phone. You just never heard me.”
“Well, I’m here now and I’m not leaving until your mouth says those words to me.”
“Oh, well, in that case. I’m not going to say it for a very long time.”
“I hope its soon. I do have to go to rehearsal tomorrow morning.”
“Um, you have something else tomorrow, too, you know. Something we should probably finish planning.”
Kelso grinned. “Oh, yeah, that.” He coughed. “Man, I hate this. There has got to be a better way to go than this,” he sighed.
Ashleigh grinned. “There is. So, let’s finish our plans.”
Kelso and Ashleigh talked about what was going to happen tomorrow. He was going to go to rehearsal in the morning. Everyone was going to meet at the theater afterwards to get married on the beach. They finished talking about their plans and finally left the coffee shop.
Kelso walked Ashleigh to her dorm. Ashleigh put one foot inside and then turned around.
“I love you, Kelso,” Ashleigh said.
“I know.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked away.
CHAPTER 25
Kelso’s body slumped in the seat in the front row of the theater. He made it to rehearsal, but he was having a hard time actually rehearsing.
“Greg, I can’t do this anymore, man,” Kelso said giving up.
“You have to,” Greg remarked. “We’re all counting on you.”
“Court has to do it. I’m fading fast. If I get back up on that stage, I’m going to screw everything up. You’ll be better off without me.”
“You feeling all right, Kelso?” J.T. asked sincerely.
“No, not really. Let’s just get this rehearsal over with. I’ve got something to do later.”
“Yeah, we know,” Court remarked.
“Okay, then, let’s get this show on the road. We have opening night two weeks away. Court, I trust you can do as well as Kelso has playing Roger.”
“Might not be my life story, but I’m sure you won’t be disappointed,” Court said.
The rehearsal went on without Kelso. He sat in the front row and waited for Ashleigh to show up. Near the end of it, she finally showed up with the rest of her friends.
Ashleigh went behind him in the second row and covered his eyes. “You’re not supposed to see me. What are you doing down here?”
“Not having a good day,” Kelso answered. “Hopefully, it’ll get better now that you’re here.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I walked home last night because I didn’t want to wait for a cab. Apparently, a guy with a debilitating disease shouldn’t do that. I’ve been hacking and coughing all morning. I’ve even blacked out a few times.”
“You sure you want to do this today?” Ashleigh asked concerned.
“There’s nothing I want to do more. So, uh, go hide behind that motley crew of yours so I don’t see you.”
“Okay, I will, but close your eyes first.” Ashleigh took her hands away from his face and jumped into the front row so she was sitting next to him. She made sure Kelso’s eyes were closed and planted a kiss on his lips. Their tongues danced in each other’s mouths. Then, Ashleigh pulled away.
“This rehearsal better end soon,” Kelso said with his eyes close.
“Trust me, it will end soon enough,” Ashleigh replied. She walked over to her friends so Kelso couldn’t see her.
Kelso cleared his throat and turned his head around to the friends. He was trying to sneak a peek at Ashleigh, but Heidi caught him trying to steal a glance. She shook he
r head.
“So, exactly, how are we supposed to get to the beach together if I can’t even look at her?” Kelso asked.
“Simple. You ride in one cab with the guys and Ashleigh rides with us.” Heidi smiled. “You can handle being in the cab with these goofballs.”
“Hey, I’ve been putting up with two of them everyday.”
“Welcome to our world,” Heidi teased. “How much longer is this rehearsal?”
Kelso covered his mouth and coughed. “I don’t know. Greg wants to work out all the kinks today. It could take hours.”
“Sounds like J.T. has finally met his match with perfectionism,” Heidi remarked.
“Well, if you want it to go faster, we could stage a riot,” Brady suggested.
“That could be arranged . . .if you don’t let me see, Ashleigh,” Kelso said.
“Nice try, Kelso,” Dashelle remarked. “Everyone knows you’re not supposed to see your bride on the day of your wedding.”
Kelso went into a coughing fit again. Ashleigh cringed. This couldn’t be happening today. They had made big plans for the wedding. Kelso could not go into the hospital today.
“Stop,” Ashleigh ordered. “Stop it, right now, Kelso Stark. You can’t do this to me today.”
Kelso continued coughing. He held up one finger to signal for Ashleigh to wait a minute. “Baby doll, I can’t help it. It’s my own fault. I chose to share the needle. This is what I get. I’m a bad person. If you don’t want to marry me, I will understand.”
Ashleigh jumped over her friends so Kelso could see her. Kelso stood up and turned away. “Don’t look at me, now,” Kelso said.
“You look at me, Kelso. I’m so scared. I need you here with me. Don’t die on me today. Not this day. Not any day. You stay here and you look at me, because if you don’t, I will go crazy. Kelso, look at me.” Ashleigh whirled Kelso around so their eyes met.
Kelso’s eyes were like shallow pools. The tears brimmed his eyelids. “You don’t want to see me like this, Ashleigh. I’m weak and I’m fading. How many times do I have to subject you to my tears? I’m sorry.”
Ashleigh knew what she was getting into for the first time. Kelso was embarrassed. He couldn’t be the strong, caregiver for Ashleigh. He had to leave that to her. She was the one that was going to have to handle everything, and he didn’t want to leave that burden to her. She had to think of the words that would let him know that she could handle what was being put on her plate.
“Kelso, I’m not leaving. I want this as much-even more than you do.”
“I can’t make you do this. I love you too much for you to have to go through this with me. I don’t have much time left.”
“I’m going to marry you, Kelso Stark and you cannot stop me. I don’t care what I have to go through with you as long as I am with you.”
“Ash, you don’t understand what my life is anymore. I wake up each day thinking it is my last. If we get married, you are going to wake up wondering if each day is my last, also. I don’t want to see that hurt in your eyes everyday.” Kelso sat down in the front row. Ashleigh knelt down in front of him.
“Do you see the hurt in my eyes now? Look at me!” Ashleigh wailed. “Kelso, please, look at me. Don’t turn away from me. Marry me right now. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m scared and I need you. Hold me and look at me, and tell me those things you say to make me feel needed. Just look at me, please, that’s all I want. Look at me.”
“For Pete’s sake, Kelso, look at her,” Heidi pleaded.
Ashleigh had tears streaking down her face. She wanted to shake Kelso, but she knew that may cause more problems. She didn’t want to wait for the beach. She wanted to say her vows to him right now because she was afraid she was going to lose him if she waited any longer.
Kelso took his thumb and wiped away some of Ashleigh’s tears. “Don’t cry. You are so beautiful until you cry. I don’t want that face. I want the happy, brave, Ash that I know. Please, don’t cry for me.”
“I’m not crying for you. I’m crying tears of anger and fear. I don’t want to wait to go to the beach. I’m scared what that may entail. Are any of your co-stars ordained ministers?”
“No, we have to get married at the beach. I have a surprise waiting for you.”
“Oh, just tell me.”
“I can’t. We have to wait.”
“I’m impatient. Let’s get married here, on the stage. The place where I first saw you. Please, Kelso, I can’t wait any longer.”
“Uh, sweetie, Greg may object to us taking over his time in the theater.”
“J.T. and Court can talk to him,” Ashleigh suggested. “I don’t want to lose you.”
J.T. and Court walked over to the almost newlyweds. “What’s going on here? Why all the crying and yelling?” J.T . asked.
“Just nerves, J.T., that’s all,” Ashleigh said while she got up and wiped her face with the back of her hand.
“Well, Greg heard what was going on and he has decided to cut rehearsal short. We are ready to get to the ocean.”
“I don’t want to go to the ocean,” Ashleigh remarked.
“What?” Court asked. “Do you have other plans that we don’t know about.”
“I want to get married here.”
J.T. and Court looked at Kelso. He shrugged.
“I can’t help it if the girl changed her mind. I told her I had a surprise for her at the ocean, but she won’t believe me. So, she thinks for some reason, there is an ordained minister in the company and wants to get married here.”
Greg walked over. “That was some nice acting on your part, Kelso. Almost like you actually were dying today. You really didn’t have to make the lady cry, though.”
“Doesn’t take much with her,” J.T. quipped. “It’s a bizarre trait of all these girls.” J.T. said waving his hand at the rest of his girl friends.
“Well, if you want to get married here, I have the book.” Greg displayed a small Bible in his hand. “I’ve been ordained for a while. And, there are plenty of wedding dresses in the back for Ashleigh to choose from.”
Ashleigh punched Kelso in the shoulder. “That was a mean little trick you played.”
“I know, but I really didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“It was inevitable.”
“So, do you want to get married here or not?”
“I would love to get married here, but we don’t have the dresses for the bridesmaids, the tuxes, a photographer, the cake-“
Kelso put his finger on Ashleigh’s lips. “Don’t worry about it. It’s taken care of courtesy of your friends.”
“But, how did-, what did-“
“Go find a dress. The girls will go with you.”
“Okay.” Ashleigh walked backstage and the girls followed behind. Kelso looked over at J.T. and Court and motioned for them to come over to him.
“I may have been acting, but guys, I think I may have acted too much.”
“What?” Court asked confused.
“I’m not feeling too good.”
“Kelso, you can’t do this today. Ashleigh will have a heart attack. You have to pull it together, man,” J.T. ordered.
“I don’t know if its nerves or if it’s the illness, but I can’t get it under control,” Kelso remarked.
“Yes, you can, Kelso. Take deep breaths. You are not going to break Ashleigh’s heart today,” Court said.
“Just, go get ready and think about what this day is going to mean to the woman you love. You can be weak afterwards.”
“Thanks for your support,” Kelso mumbled.
“No problem. Now, go,” J.T. ordered as he shoved Kelso to the opposite side of the backstage where Ashleigh was.
***
The pit orchestra began playing “Amazed.” Freedom, Dashelle, and Heidi walked down the aisle in two-piece aqua chiffon dresses. Their hair was pulled back and each one had a whi
te hibiscus over their ear. They walked up onto the stage which had been made into a makeshift ocean scene. J.T., Parker, Court, and Brady stood beside Kelso in anticipation of Ashleigh coming down the aisle. The orchestra finished “Amazed” and paused. Then, they played the Bridal March. The company of Rent stood up and looked behind them as Ashleigh entered the theater. Her blond hair was a pile of curls on top of her head that were enclosed with a wreath of hibiscus to match her bridesmaids. Her dress was pure white chiffon that flowed with her dancer legs. She floated up to the stage and took Kelso’s hand. Kelso smiled.
“Should we skip who gives this woman?” Greg asked.
“No. There’s someone here that will give her away.”
Ashleigh’s eyes darted from side to side. She was confused. “Do I have to pick someone to give me away?”
“You’ll see. Just be patient.” Kelso turned his attention to the audience. Ashleigh’s dad was hobbling up the isle on his crutches.
“Daddy? How did you know?”
“Someone called me.”
“What happened?”
“Motorcycle accident. Don’t worry about me, this is your day.” Ashleigh’s dad made his way up the steps. “Okay, we’re ready now.”
Greg proceeded with the particulars of the wedding. Ashleigh and Kelso had written their own vows. Kelso reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sheet of paper. His hands were shaking. Ashleigh reached over and put her hand on top of his.
“Are you all right?” Ashleigh asked.
“I’m fine. I just think this might be better if you sit down. I’m going to blow you away.” Kelso winked.
Ashleigh kneeled.
“Would someone please get the lady a chair?” Kelso asked.
Court ran backstage and found a white wooden chair for Ashleigh to sit in. Ashleigh sat in the chair and Kelso kneeled in front of her.
“When I first met you, I knew there was something in your heart that would show me compassion and understanding. I wanted to be with you and I didn’t want anything to come between us. I know it has only been a few weeks, but I have fallen deeply in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you-whether it only be for a few days or twenty years. Ashleigh, you have the biggest heart and the greatest strength of anyone I know. You’re honest and you let me know when I’m doing something that doesn’t fly with you. So, Ashleigh, I am going to give to you my undying love and heart. You hold my heart in your hands. I love you.”