I nodded.
Then I asked, “Will your badass bodyguard battalion be joining us in North Carolina?”
“Undecided,” Sam answered. “This could be done and at my house we don’t need them at night. My security system is tight, impenetrable, put in by the best in the business. Man lives not too far from here actually, name’s Callahan. But I want you safe and I want extra eyes on you during the day so, yeah, a smaller crew but this business isn’t sorted before we go to North Carolina, we’ll be bringing a few of them with us.”
“It’s nice of them to do this,” I remarked and Sam’s brows drew slightly together.
“Nice?”
“Yeah, to do you a favor like this.”
“Kia, honey, one the boys who’s huntin’ this guy, he’s a buddy. I pulled in a marker with him. The boys who’re watchin’ you and the other hunter, I’m payin’.”
I blinked and my lips parted.
Then I whispered, “What?”
“Private detective, lives in the same town as Callahan, name’s Tanner Layne. Callahan suggested him. He’s on payroll. He’s workin’ with a buddy of mine I met in the Army, Lee Nightingale. Lee’s doin’ me a favor. Lee and Tanner suggested locals they know to look out for you. They’re all on payroll.”
“You’re paying them?”
“Yeah.”
“Paying?”
“Uh… yeah,” Sam replied. “This shit is time consuming, has no end date and could get dangerous. Lee owes me for something big. But with an open-ended situation like this, the skills I needed, the peace of mind I expect them to give, they gotta issue invoices. Why the surprise?”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Is it expensive?”
His face went guarded and he answered carefully, “The best is never cheap.”
“I’ll pay you back,” I said instantly and his fingers flexed in my neck.
“No, sweetheart, you won’t.”
Uh-oh.
He was calling me sweetheart.
“Sam –” I started.
“This isn’t a discussion.”
“Sam!”
His fingers dug deeper, his face suddenly dipped close and Memphis yapped but we both ignored her.
“Right, you need to get this, it’s important, so I’ll lay it out as best I can but you don’t cross this line, Kia. Ever.”
Now I was confused.
“What line?”
“I’m a man.”
Well, I knew that.
“That isn’t news, Sam.”
“And you’re my woman.”
I sucked in breath.
Oh God.
I was thinking this was big.
No, this was huge.
“She gets me,” he muttered.
“Sam,” I whispered.
“I gotta do this and you gotta let me.”
“But, it’s expensive.”
“I got money.”
“So do I, Sam.”
“Kia,” he said warningly, his face getting closer. “Don’t cross this line. I protect myself. I protect my home. I protect my family. And I protect my woman. I do it how I need to do it. No discussion. Are you with me?”
“Are you saying you’re with me?” I asked cautiously.
“I’m saying I want you breathing for long enough to figure that out.”
I wanted that too so that was a good answer… kind of.
“So you’re not with me?” I whispered.
“Kia –”
“Sam.”
He held my eyes.
Then his other hand came up to my neck and he stated, “I feel somethin’ for you, it already runs deep. We may as well get this straight, I don’t know where this is goin’ but I like where it is, I like how it feels and while we figure it out, it’s exclusive. That means you’re mine. I protect what’s mine. That’s where I am, that’s where you are. Now are you with me?”
I wanted to be. Boy did I want to be.
But I wasn’t.
So that was why I said, “If this doesn’t work, it ends and we’re over, I don’t want you to find another woman you like being with and me being on the list of how women have screwed you over. This isn’t your problem, it’s mine. I have the money and I want to pay.”
His fingers gave me a squeeze and his face got even closer when he whispered, “That, baby, that right there says you will never be on that list. I can tell you not a single woman I’ve been with even offered to pay for a drink. You are not them, I knew it before but I know it even more now.”
I lifted one of my hands to rest on his chest and whispered back, “Okay, I appreciate that, but I still want to pay.”
“You’re crossing that line, Kia,” he stated, his voice getting an edge.
“Sam, I have to,” I pushed.
“No,” he returned, his voice now hard, so hard I blinked. “Right now, this is what we are. Right now, this is working. Right now, there’s no chance this is gonna end and we’re gonna be over. So right now and for the foreseeable future, you… are… mine.”
His hands swayed me (and Memphis) gently with each of the last three words and my eyes were riveted to the intensity in his. He could be intense but this was something different, deeper, starker, profound.
He kept talking.
“And you’re under threat. I lived from the minute I could make a memory to the minute I tossed that asshole outta my mother’s house not able to eliminate the threat that was livin’ in my own goddamned home, my mother in danger, my brother in danger, my family, including me, ruled by an iron fist, a fist that lashed out randomly and brutally. That is not happening again, sweetheart. Danger darkens my door and threatens what’s mine, I’ll handle it. This is me and you gotta know this about me. If you can’t see it my way, you gotta beat it back, keep your mouth shut and let me do this because we’re not having this conversation again, not after this shit is over for you and, if we go the distance, not in our future. I protect what’s mine how I gotta do it and with no discussion. Now, Kia, whether you’re with me or you’re not, right now, you say you’re with me.”
I stared up at him thinking, sometimes, what Sam said went too.
Therefore I did the only thing I could do, I whispered, “I’m with you.”
Sam held my eyes, body unmoving, the intensity didn’t shift from his gaze and I knew something had a hold on him and I suspected it didn’t all have to do with me.
Then he sucked breath into his nose, muttered, “Right,” pulled me up to him as his head tipped to me and he kissed my nose. His hands left my neck, he rubbed Memphis’s head and continued on another mutter, “Shower then I get this shit done.”
Then he turned and started down the hall.
“I’m not your mother.”
Yes. That was me.
I didn’t know where it came from but it came from somewhere and then it came right out.
Sam’s body locked for a half a second then, stiffly, he turned and looked at me.
“Come again?” he asked quietly.
I held his eyes then I pulled in a breath, bent slightly, dropped Memphis to her feet, straightened and looked at him again.
And when I did, I knew where it came from.
So I told Sam.
“What just happened there,” I said carefully, “was not about me. You don’t talk about you very much but I think you’re reliving what happened to you when you were a kid. I’m not your mother. I don’t know what happened with that but what happened to me is my responsibility, not my Dad’s, my Mom’s, Ozzie’s or anybody’s. And now I’m in this mess and that’s my responsibility too.” He opened his mouth but I lifted a hand quickly and whispered, “I said I was with you, I’m with you, I promise, honey. I’m not crossing that line. It means something to you so I won’t.”
He closed his mouth.
I kept going.
“But this is still my responsibility. I was young and stupid but I made the decision I made and it happened. Now it’s clean up
time and this is different. This isn’t your Mom and your brother. I’m not alone. I never have been. If you’re sorting through past demons while going through this with me, you need to face that and I think we both need to know that isn’t clouding how you feel about what’s happening here.”
“Clouding how I feel about what’s happening here?” Sam repeated, his brows drawing together a little scarily.
That was when I gave it all to him.
“I’m not your mother, Sam, and if you’re attracted to me because you had to live under that threat without having any power to do anything about it and you want to relive that and make it come out a different way then… then…” I faltered and finished, “then we have more to talk about.”
I shut up and when I did I realized my heart was beating hard.
Sam stared at me.
Memphis yapped.
We both ignored her.
“I…” I began when he said not a word then ended simply with a prompt of, “Sam?”
“Remember Luci’s party?” he asked.
Like I’d ever forget.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Remember when I told you he took something precious from you?”
I nodded.
“I know, Kia, and I’ve known since the beginning, even before I knew he took his hands to you, that he’d broken something in you that, if I took the shot, I’d have to fix. And, baby, you sittin’ across from me, shy and cute and open and funny, I did not give one shit that he’d broken you. I knew the minute I saw you laugh, no…” he shook his head once, “before, that I wanted in there and I’d do anything to get what I wanted.”
I felt my lips part but just like Sam, he was not done but this time he was far from done.
“That didn’t have fuck all to do with my mother, my father and what happened to me as a kid. And you might not like hearin’ this but what it had to do with was watchin’ you walk across that dining room in those sexy as hell shoes and that hot, little dress with your long legs and your great tits and all that fantastic fuckin’ hair and mostly a face I knew I wanted to see starin’ up at me when my cock was buried inside you. Straight up, you are one fine piece of tail but now you’re my piece of tail. When you sat across from me and ignored me and I saw that shit you carry in your eyes even when your mind is consumed with something else then you sat with me and I watched you laugh, I knew that shit would not deter me, no matter how deep it ran. And I can promise you that has not one thing to do with my mother. The precious thing he took from you is that you have no fuckin’ clue that it wasn’t only me in that room who watched you walk across it wishin’ he was a man who could be buried inside you. And that precious thing also includes the fact that you think for one second this bullshit is your responsibility. He saddled you with that too, Kia. This mess is his making, not yours. I don’t know how to get that outta your head. The only thing I know is it’s gonna be me who cleans up that mess and, like it or not, it partly has to do with you turning out in reality to be one seriously fine piece of ass. But also it has to do with you not likin’ euro-trash cars, not rappin’ with your posse about what I do for you in bed, you demonstrating you have my back and you bein’ able to make me laugh when I’m mildly pissed at you.”
He stopped speaking and I stared at him.
He had noticed me walk across that dining room.
He wanted me when I walked across that dining room.
Ohmigod!
Sam interrupted my mental freak out with, “Now, we past this?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He studied me.
Then he stated, “Look of you, honey, you’re gonna search for some other fucked up reason I’m with you and I gotta say now, I don’t know how much more straight I can be about that.”
I didn’t either.
“Uh… yeah. You were pretty straight,” I agreed quietly.
“Did what I say penetrate?”
“I might, uh… need coffee and to get over jetlag and then, um… maybe it’ll sink in,” I told him honestly.
His lips twitched.
Then he muttered, “I’ll be here when it does.”
Then he turned around and disappeared in my bedroom.
Memphis yapped then bounced down the hall and disappeared after him.
Sam was going to have company in the bathroom while he showered. This was Memphis’s way.
I kept still and staring.
I’ll be here when it does.
Okay. All right.
Wow.
Wow.
I forced myself to turn and lurch to the coffee discovering Mom or Paula had made sure we had fresh milk for which I decided to buy them both a yacht that was how grateful I was.
I was leaning with my hips to the counter when Sam came in wearing another long-sleeves rolled up near to his elbow, button up the front shirt (this one chambray), jeans and boots. He was followed by Memphis who I was getting thought Sam was the shit even more than she thought everyone was the shit. She didn’t even follow Cooter around with that kind of devotion. Then again, Cooter didn’t do pull ups and pushups that she could misconstrue as playing with her.
He came right to me, touched his mouth to mine and I smelled his aftershave. Then I decided that he smelled so good, the second Vanessa smelled him she’d spill all of her secrets. Then he told me he’d be back as soon as he could and he left.
The second the door closed behind him, his words repeated in my brain.
I’ll be here when it does.
He watched me walk through that dining room and he wanted me.
Thomas had said, I’ll remind you of this moment, when the beautiful Kia doubted her power over a powerful man…
That intensity Sam had was partly about his history but it was mostly about me.
Me.
Sam watched me walk through that dining room and he wanted me.
Thus began my multifaceted freak out because firstly, I didn’t know what to do with that intensity directed at me, my problems and Sam’s clear dedication to eradicating them which included Sam throwing serious money at accomplishing this feat. I also didn’t know what to think about the fact that Sam still wasn’t sharing. He seemed to, talking about his childhood not only to me but mentioning it to my Dad. But he didn’t share much, just nuances then he moved on. It was also dawning on me that I might be a little bit of all right which was something I hadn’t considered until Thomas said what he said and now definitely after Sam said what he said.
And lastly I was freaking out because I was falling in love with him. I knew it. And I knew from his words and deeds that he was committed to exploring what we had so maybe he was getting there with me too. But I also knew from his lack of words that he was holding back and holding back didn’t exactly say exploring what we had or falling in love because to start falling, you had to trust the person you were falling for to catch you.
I mean, I didn’t know, I was new to this, but I suspected I was right that everyone needed to trust the person they loved to catch them, even ex-commandos.
So, as I went about my morning, showering, doing the getting ready gig, unpacking, starting laundry and dealing with putting an ad in the Boothe County Gazette for my yard sale. Then I sat down and made a list of things to do. Then I unearthed some of the boxes I’d collected prior to going on vacation from the garage. Then I commenced in going through my kitchen and stuffing boxes full of all my crap, marking the box with bargain basement prices as well as tacking a piece of masking tape on furniture and repeat with the marking it gig.
And all the while I did this, my mind was consumed with all of this as well as Sam being with Vanessa which, I didn’t lie, I really did not like. Not because Sam might get creative with (and in trouble for) extracting information from her. Just because Vanessa was a bitch. She was a bitch in high school, she was a bitch after high school and she was a bitch after she got married to Milo, who was a good guy but who, even after they tied the knot, she made no bones about letti
ng it be known to anyone who wasn’t Milo that she’d settled for him and was not pleased with the track her life had taken.
And, of course, there was the fact she put a hit on me.
It was two seconds after I realized I was seriously hungry in a hunger pains gnawing at the lining of your stomach kind of way when the front door opened and Sam walked through.
I was standing at the kitchen table now covered in filled boxes, so when my head turned that way I had a direct line and the instant I saw him, I went still.
Sam didn’t.
He stalked through my living room and into the kitchen, Memphis, who greeted him noisily at the door, yapping at his heels.
He ignored her, stopped and his enraged eyes scorched right through me.
“That bitch is a fuckin’ bitch,” he growled and I pressed my lips together.
Well, clearly Sam’s yummy aftershave didn’t work.
I forced myself out of my freeze and turned fully to him.
“What happened?” I asked carefully.
“She called the cops before I got up to her door.”
This wasn’t surprising.
“Did you get in?”
“Oh yeah,” his tone was scary, “I got in.”
Eek!
I pressed my lips together and waited.
Sam continued scowling at me.
Finally, I prompted, “Well?”
“Oswald is right now takin’ her to the Department. I wasn’t wrong. She’s got more. She’s coverin’ her ass. I know this because she was belligerent and not in wronged woman way, in a hidin’ somethin’ way. Ten minutes after I got in, the cops came. Five minutes after that, her attorney showed. He’s shut her down.”
“So you didn’t get anything?” I asked.
“Nothin’ but the fact that bitch sees, lives and breathes green. She hates you, baby, so jealous, it consumes her and me showin’ at her door only intensified that.”
I bet.
It sucked for Sam he had to share her air but I had to admit, I got more than a little kick that my protective, hot guy, awesome boyfriend showed at her door and rubbed her nose in the fact that I had a protective, hot guy, awesome boyfriend.
I did not share this.