“Fuck, get those babies out for me, sugar,” Cade orders, his voice hoarse.
I grip my shirt, and pull it up to reveal my small, but perky breasts. He hisses, and his thrusts become quicker. He leans over, sucking one of my hard nipples into his mouth while his other hand slips underneath me. For a moment, I don’t know what he’s doing until the bike roars to life. The vibrations that rip through my body does crazy things to me. I scream and jerk, as the combination of his thrusting and the vibrations coming off the bike, send me over the edge. I clamp around him, coming with such force I don’t recognize my own cries. All I can feel is the deep, blinding, pulsating jerks of pleasure taking over my body.
“Mother fucker,” Cade grunts. “So fuckin’ tight.”
I know the moment he comes; I can feel his cock pulsing, I’m wrapped that tightly around him. He doesn’t make a sound. He just buries his head into my chest and thrusts until he’s got nothing left. Then, he just lays there for the longest moment, catching his breath. I do the same, running my fingertips through his thick, dark hair as I come down from what is easily the best sex I’ve ever had.
“Fuck, girl, you were so fuckin’ tight, that was so fuckin’ mind blowing. I never thought…just…wow.”
Okay! That’s a random thing to say. You were so tight? Who says that?
“What did you expect,” I joke lightly. “A big, loose fuck?”
He doesn’t say anything, and I realize what he meant. It hits me so hard, I jerk violently under him. Cade thinks the rumors are true. He thinks I was a whore. Feeling my vision blur, I struggle to push him off me. He seems confused as he pulls back, but when he sees my face, it doesn’t take him long to click.
“I didn’t…”
I pull my hand back, and I punch him so hard I hear his jaw crack. He roars in pain, and stumbles backwards, only just managing to steady the bike. I scramble off, gripping my jeans and pulling them back on. Cade is still snarling as he kicks the stand on his bike and storms towards me. I throw my hands up, and they tremble as I try to hold them out in front of me.
“Come near me again, you mother fucker, and I’ll put you on your ass. Don’t think I can’t,” I snarl.
“What the fuck?” he snaps, rubbing his jaw.
“How dare you!” I scream. “You thought I was a fucking whore! You fucked me because you thought I was easy?”
He stares at me, his green eyes intense as he scans my face. “I didn’t fuckin’ say that…”
“My mother was a fucking whore, so you assumed I was the same. You heard I have been fucking since I was thirteen so you assumed that I had been paid for it. You fucking asshole, you piece of shit! I actually liked you!”
I spin and begin storming down the drive. Cade runs after me.
“Addison, stop!”
“Fuck you, Cade. How could you? I know you’re a biker. I know you get around, but how could you treat me like that?”
My voice is hoarse and I hate it. I hate he’s dragged this kind of emotion from me. My entire body is shaking. My palms are sweating and everything inside me aches. I’m hurt. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt such intense hurt. How could I let him affect me like this? After a few short days, I let myself become attracted to him; I let myself think he was different. He isn’t. None of them are. I should know that by now.
“Addison, I didn’t…fuck…just listen.”
I spin around. “Do you want to know how many men I’ve fucked, Cade?”
“No, fuck, I just…”
“I’ve fucked three, and been raped by one.”
His eyes widen, and I continue before he can speak.
“You’re one of those three, Cade. The other was a regular fuck and he was good to me, the last was my boyfriend Billy. The man who raped me, also took my virginity at thirteen, and continued to assault me until Billy came along and stopped him. I’m a sexual person, I won’t lie about that. I like to fuck. I like to explore, but I don’t do it with just anyone. I’ve only trusted two people enough, and both times I enjoyed it, but it was nothing like what I felt just then. You came along, and you seemed to want me, you seemed genuine, and I felt the attraction, so I thought why not? Why not pick someone who I actually feel a deep sexual attraction to? I wanted to see what it was like, to feel you around me and maybe, just maybe, feel like I wasn’t being used, but really it was just a cheap, quick fuck,” I spit the words at him, they fly from my mouth like venom.
He stares at me, completely shocked. “Fuck, sugar, I wasn’t…”
“Take me home, Cade,” I demand, clenching my fists.
His eyes scan my face, and for a moment, he looks like he’s going to back down, but he doesn’t. Instead, his face hardens and he walks over, stopping in front of me.
“No,” he says simply.
“Don’t fuck with me, Cade. I want to go.”
“I said, no,” he says, his voice firm.
“You don’t get a say so in this, you insult me and then…”
“Shut up.”
I feel my eyes widen. “Excuse me?”
He steps forward, leaning in so close I can almost taste him. “I said, shut up.”
“How fucking dare you-”
He covers my mouth with his hand. I squirm and attempt to open my mouth enough to get my teeth around his skin. My attempts fail, and I squirm and grunt behind Cade’s hand.
“Listen to me, and listen good,” he says, a flicker of compassion crosses his features before he replaces it with anger. “Don’t pretend to know what I’m thinkin’. I didn’t say one fuckin’ word about you bein’ a whore. You asked a question that question shocked me. I don’t have to explain myself to you, because I didn’t think what you assumed I was thinkin’. I don’t judge, no matter what shit goes down in someone’s life. We all got a past, girl, and we all have skeletons. Ain’t my place to judge another’s history. I wanted and enjoyed every fuckin’ second of having my cock buried inside you, so it’s about time you shut up, and stop blowin’ off the handle at people before they get a chance to explain. We ain’t here to be your enemies, sugar. We’re here to protect you. It’s about time you learned some trust.”
He lets my mouth go. I take a few steps back and pant with rage and hurt.
“I don’t trust,” I say angrily.
He steps closer, burning me with his gaze, his fists are clenched. I can just about hear him panting. “You do now, ‘coz I am the kinda man who don’t fuck someone over. I can hate a fucker, but I don’t fuck him over. I got somethin’ to say, I say it. I don’t dance around. I don’t lie and I don’t play games.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he puts a hand up and stops me. His expression is thunderous and wild.
“And one other thing,” he growls, “ever fuckin’ lay a hand on me again, I’ll drop you on your ass. I don’t hit women, fuck, I’d kill any fucker that did, but my theory is, if you got the nuts to fuckin’ hit a man, you are askin’ for trouble. Don’t do it again. Now get on the fuckin’ bike.”
I stare at him, shocked. His words hit me at my very core. They cut me deep because they’re so incredibly real. I can brush off abuse, I can brush off fake, but real words that hit my soul, they hurt. Fuck, they burn. My legs wobble as I walk towards the bike, completely unable to focus on the road in front of me. My eyes burn like fire, the tears threaten to escape over my eyelids and slip down my cheeks, showing my weakness. Cade gets onto the bike, starts it up and pulls the throttle, flicking rocks across the lawn. He turns his face to me, his eyes are wild and I can see he’s beyond angry.
“Get on the bike, now,” he growls.
I pull the helmet over my head, and with trembling legs, I get on the bike. As soon as my feet are off the ground, Cade takes off. Rocks fling about, hitting us as he tears down the road. When he skids out onto the highway, I have to grip his jacket to stop myself from falling. I can feel him panting beneath my fingertips, he’s angry and I know I deserve his anger. I assumed he thought something he didn’t, but
right now he’s scaring me. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and focus on the wind whipping my face and the sound of the bike roaring as Cade picks up speed. We’ll be there soon; it’ll all be fine.
Finally, we pull into the compound. I skitter off the bike so quickly I end up on my ass in the dirt. I get to my feet swiftly, shove my helmet at Cade, turn and storm out of the gates toward my father’s house. I don’t look back, and Cade doesn’t follow. It’s for the best; we both know it too. I don’t need anything holding me back, and Cade clearly doesn’t want it. We made a mistake, having sex on the back of his bike earlier. We took that step from flirting to taking action, and taking action fucks things up. It confuses things. It makes things difficult and awkward. I should have ignored my lust, did what I had to do, and moved on.
But I didn’t, and that’s on me.
~*CHAPTER 7*~
PAST
I can smell his sweat as he moves over me; his body plunges inside of mine. Bile rises and falls over and over in my throat. I’ve learned to hold it down. There’s no point in letting it out; it’ll only make him angrier and the prick gets horny when he’s angry. I just hold my breath and let the drugs in my system take me to another world. It’s the only way to survive this. The only way to survive the suffocating feeling of having him all over me, having his body thrusting into mine, hearing his grunts. God, I wish it would end. I just want it to be over. Things would be so much easier if I were dead.
“What the fuck!”
I hear the sound, and I feel the mass of relief flood through my body. Billy. He came for me like he promised he would. Before I have the chance to open my eyes, Jasper is launched into a nearby wall. Billy has hold of his now limp cock and he twists it. The sound Jasper makes is that of pure agony, and yet it brings me complete comfort. Watching Jasper being lowered to his knees, is a sight I will never forget and will be forever grateful for. Billy leans down and drives his fist into Jasper’s nose over and over until thick red blood spurts out and coats the walls. I don’t even flinch. I have no feelings towards this, none at all.
“You ever fucking touch her again, I will come to you in the night and slice your cock off and fuck you with it until you’re bleeding, you rotten piece of shit. Do you understand me?”
Jasper grunts. His face is red and he’s sweating. “Fuck you!”
Billy twists Jasper’s cock so hard, the roar that comes from his mouth is ear splitting.
“Okay,” Jasper rasps, his voice broken. “I won’t touch her.”
“If it wasn’t for her Momma, you would be dead right now, you piece of shit. If you take this out on them though, mark my words, I’ll gut you.”
Jasper nods, his face bloated, red and now dripping. He’s panting, his mouth is twisted in a way that’s gone beyond pain. Billy lets him go, puts his foot to Jasper’s chest and sends him backwards into the wall. Jasper scrambles to his knees, and scurries out the door. When he’s gone, Billy turns to me. He’s literally shaking with rage and his brown eyes are flaring open and closed with emotion.
“How long?” he says in a voice so icy, I flinch.
“Since I was thirteen.”
“You never told me?” he roars and paces the room, fists clenched with rage.
“I didn’t want to risk my mother.”
“Your mother?” he bellows, spinning around. “That woman put you in this mess.”
I stand, pulling a sheet around myself. “And she is all I have. Without her, I won’t survive.”
“You’ll survive with me!”
“And what if that goes wrong?”
His eyes narrow and he runs a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. “Is that all you think of this? Of us?”
“I’ve seen what happens to love. I’ve seen married men come in and have their dicks sucked because their wives are tired or looking after children. I’ve seen women coming in looking for company, because their husbands work too much. I know where love goes, and I won’t risk it. So yes, that is what I think of this.”
He shakes his head sadly. “Addison, you’re letting this ruin you. One day, a man is going to come along and sweep you away. He’s going to give you that feeling you can’t go back on, that feeling that will change your world. You won’t think like this then.”
“It won’t happen,” I say, feeling my eyelids become heavy as I begin to come down from my high.
“Not even with me?”
I stare at him through hooded lashes. “You’re as close as I’ve ever come to love, Billy. It’s not enough though. I am what I am. You’re better off moving on and finding something worth fighting for.”
“You’re worth fighting for, Addison.”
“In your eyes, perhaps.”
He looks pained now. “Why don’t you stop him?”
I shrug, light up a cigarette and sit down. “What’s the point? He’s going to do it, even if I fight. He knows he’ll get what he wants, because without him, my mother and I are on the streets. He needs her, and with her comes me. He knows I won’t fight. It’s just quicker if I block it out.”
“He’s raping you,” he whispers, disgusted.
“Yeah, well, there are worse things in the world.”
“Addison, will there ever come a time you’ll let someone save you?”
I stand, walk past him and head toward my bedroom. At the door, I turn back to him. “Saving someone only works if that person wants or deserves to be saved.”
“Have you looked at yourself lately?” he yells. “Have you?”
“Yes!”
“No, you haven’t! Addison, you’re sinking. You need to take a good hard look at yourself, this isn’t how you want to be, God dammit, wake up.”
Before I know what he’s doing, he’s got me and drags me into the bathroom. He flicks on the light and shoves me in front of the broken glass. “Look!”
I stare at the girl in the mirror, the girl with hollow cheeks, dark rings under her eyes, and ratty hair that holds no color. She’s broken; she’s damaged. When did I let myself become so…so horrible? I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat. Who is that girl in front of me?
She’s not me.
I know what she is.
She’s a nothing.
~*PRESENT*~
“Have you seen Cade?” I ask Jackson one afternoon, about two weeks into my stay.
Cade hasn’t spoken a lot to me since I over reacted at him, and while I understand it, it’s kind of pissing me off.
Jackson nods, and points towards a small shed up the back of the lot.
“He’s workin’ on his bike.”
“Thanks.”
“What you need him for?” he asks, wiping some grease onto his jeans.
I avoid his gaze. “Just to chat.”
“No woman just chats with Cade. Be careful, Addison. He’s not the kind of man that will change your life.”
I stare up at him, and then I narrow my eyes. “Someone probably said that about you once, Jackson. It doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“Look where love got me.”
I turn and walk towards the small shed. “Who said love had anything to do with this?”
Jackson doesn’t get to answer, and that’s fine by me. I don’t want to hear his answer. Not right now. I know it’ll only be something that makes my heart hurt. I reach the small shed, and can hear the sounds of tools tinkering. I grip the handle, open the door and step inside. It’s only a small space, and in the middle, Cade’s bike is hoisted up and he’s standing underneath it, completely shirtless. I stop walking, and I let my eyes travel over his body. Hot damn, what a body it is. Cade is ripped in a way a girl can only dream about. Broad shoulders, tight chest, washboard abs and that sexy-as-sin man ‘V’. He’s covered from head to toe in streaks of grease.
“Jackson told me I would find you here,” I say, and he stops what he’s doing to turn and stare at me.
“If I wanted to be found,” he says, turning his spanner, “I wouldn’t be down here with the do
or closed.”
Well excuse me. I walk over and stop next to his bike. I run my fingers over the shiny paint. Cade stares at me, his head slightly tilted to the side. He drops his tools, and wipes his hands on his jeans before stepping in front of me.
“What do you want, sugar?”
Well, at least he’s calling me sugar, that’s a start.
“To apologize.”
He raises his brows. “Didn’t think you were the type to apologize.”
This just makes me angry. I’ve come in here to admit I’m wrong, yet he’s mocking me and playing games.
“You know what, if you’re going to be a jerk-off, I won’t apologize. Go fuck yourself, Cade.”
I turn, but he grips my arm and spins me back around. He presses my body to his, and I can feel his hot skin against what little of mine is exposed.
“You always run off when things don’t go your way?” he murmurs.
“I’m not a typical female, biker. I’m not going to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness. I’m not going to follow you around hoping you will talk to me again. If you’re pissed at me, then I’m not going to fight to change it.”
“So fuckin’ stubborn,” he says, and wraps an arm around my lower back. He presses me even closer.
“Do you mind? Let me go.”
“I don’t mind at all, and no.”
“Cade…”
“Sugar…”
“You’re so fucking frustrating,” I protest, squirming.
“And you’re so fuckin’ gorgeous, tryin’ to fight me all the time.”
I stare up at him, and he looks down at me with a heated expression. I can see his lust, heck, I can feel his lust. It’s pressing against my belly, hard and pulsing.
“Let me go,” I say, though my voice has lost its spark.
“You don’t really want that, sugar.”
“Yes, I do. Don’t flatter yourself into thinking I want you, Cade. You’re attractive. I liked being with you, but that’s where it ends. I was only coming to apologize for being a bitch the other day, end of story.”