She hands over the giant plastic cup with condensation gathering on the sides, and I rest it in a little pocket I make in my covers.
Once it’s freed from the wrapper, I take a bite of the first taco and a long gulp of soda as a chaser. Holy awesome bad food. Yummy, yummy get in my tummy. Only after I’ve fully consumed that first taco do I begin talking.
“So … what happened with Rebel?” I use some root beer to swish the meat grains from between my teeth. It’s some kind of miracle how the old T-Bell is able to provide me with meat the size and consistency of large sand granules like that. Respect, Mr. Bell, respect.
She criss-crosses her legs and puts her bag in the circle they make. “We had a looong talk. I haven’t slept yet, as a matter of fact.” She smiles like the Cheshire Cat as she crunches away on a deep fried piece of what looks suspiciously like Styrofoam covered in cinnamon sugar.
“Do I smell the scent of hot lovin’ on your clothing today, perchance?” I ask, lifting an eyebrow to give extra punch to my taunting.
She kicks me through the covers. “Ew. No. I took a shower.”
“So what was his lame excuse?” I take a giant bite of taco number two that quickly turns into four giant bites when it starts to crumble in my hand. I have a personal goal not to let anything drop to the paper wrapper waiting below. I have this taco-eating down to a science, yo.
She shrugs, fiddling with her straw. “I guess it all boils down to the fact that they had a brief thing going on where they’d have sex after work, but they never actually went out on a date and he never felt any spark with her. But she assumed it was a lot more and basically looked like an ass after it was all over after bragging that she was going to be the one to snag him forever.”
“Wow. She was basing future marriage proposals on after-work sex and no dates?”
“Apparently.” Teagan shrugs again.
“And you believe him?”
She sighs loudly. “I didn’t at first. But then I played back in my head the things Olga said and did and what I know about Rebel, and I decided that if I’m going to distrust anyone in this thing it’s going to be her, not him. He’s done nothing but be good to me from day one, so I have to believe he wouldn’t lie to me.”
“Well … except for stealing your ID at the club that night.”
“He did that to keep me close. He knew I’d come back for it.”
The silly smile on Teagan’s face tells me she considers this romantic somehow. My memory of the event was much more of the annoyed variety, but I keep that comment to myself. I’m not going to be the one to stand in the way of her happiness.
“Okay, fine. So your lovelife is back online. I’m happy for you.”
“Are you really?” She puts her drink on her thigh. “Tell me the truth.”
I scoot back so I can lean on my headboard. “Listen, if I thought he was messing with you and doing bad things, I’d say something. I don’t want you to get hurt, especially with all the other shit you have going on. But every vibe I get from him is good.” I shrug. “I think he really likes you a ton. Shoot, maybe he even loves you.” A spark of jealously flickers in my heart, but I stomp it down in a nanosecond, knowing shit like that has no place in a BFF relationship. “I just want you to be happy, and as long as he’s the guy making that happen, he’s on my good list.”
She nods. “So what’s up with you and Mick?”
I roll my eyes to the ceiling and take a long drink of my soda. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” I burp, and it turns out to be the perfect expression of the whole affair. Blaaaaapity barp! What a mess.
“He gave you a ride home, right?”
“Yes, he did. But only after making me act like a total fool.”
“How’d he do that?” She takes a monster bite of her burrito and bits of refried bean ooze out of the corners of her mouth.
“You have a serious problem, you know that?” I throw a napkin at her.
“Whaaa?” she asks, letting more beans fall.
I have to look away. “Seriously, I’m hung over. You have to stop.”
“Maybe you should skip that empanada if you’re not feeling well,” she says, reaching over.
I slap her hand away. “And maybe you should skip trying to get bitch-slapped into next week. Hands off the empanada, Tea-bag.”
“Stop stalling,” she says, leaning away from me and wiping her mouth. “Tell me about Mick. What did he make you do?”
“Mick is … Mick is …” I sigh. “Mick is too charming for his own good and I cannot deal with his ass right now.”
“Why not?”
“Because. I have to graduate and get a job and a house and adopt Jersey.” I don’t meet her eyes.
Teagan laughs seriously at first and then with a confused tone. “Wait … what?”
My jaw goes off center as I wait for her arguments to come. I’m staring at the ceiling. I don’t want to see her looking at me like I’m crazy.
“Seriously? You want to adopt your own brother? Is that even possible?”
I finally look at her when I realize she’s not mocking me. “Not adopt him, but take him into my custody, yes. That’s my plan.”
“But … that’s your parents’ job.”
“Yeah, while they’re young and able to do it. But soon they won’t be and then it’ll be my job.” A lump develops in my throat as I picture Jersey and me all alone for the rest of our lives. I guess life could be worse, but it sure looks kind of lonely from here. It could be that the taco shrapnel all over my lap isn’t helping. I’ve obviously lost my touch with the taco-inhaling system I developed over about a hundred meal deals.
“But that won’t be for another twenty years.” Teagan’s looking at me like I’m nuts now. And maybe I am, but that’s not going to change anything.
“They shouldn’t be taking care of a kid in their seventies, okay? They got started late as it is. They need to be retired and enjoying grandkids, not chasing after a dumbass who eats chalk as soon as their backs are turned.”
“I thought it was chapstick,” Teagan says.
“Chalk, chapstick, cat turds … whatever. He sees it, he eats it.”
She barks out a laugh. “Cat turds?”
I sigh heavily. “Apparently, someone around the hood told him to lick a cat turd. I haven’t figured out who it is yet, but when I do, that person is going down to ass-kicking town, courtesy of my right foot.”
“Yours and mine both.” She nods, dead serious.
I love it when Teagan gets all badass for my family. It makes my heart sing. “You are the best BFF of all BFFs, you know that?” A real live grin finally lights up my face. Right now, in this moment, the future doesn’t seem quite as dim as it did thirty minutes ago. Maybe it’s because then I was under my covers replaying all the horrible things I did to Mick, but whatever. I love my little Tea-Tea. Rebel better treat her right or I’m going to unload on his ass.
“Yes, I do know that. So are you going with me to the clinic?”
I blink a few times, trying to clear the cobwebs from my brain. “Clinic? Did I miss something?” I sit forward suddenly. “Please tell me you’re not pregnant.”
“No, don’t be stupid. But I do need to keep from getting pregnant, so I need more pills. I don’t have insurance yet, so I have to go to that public health clinic place where I can get them free.”
“Oooooh. Okay.” I tilt my head. “Did we talk about this before?” I’m a little worried I’m losing my mind. This feels like a conversation I should have remembered.
“Maybe. Maybe not. If I didn’t say it out loud, I know I thought it really hard.” She gathers up all her wrappers and shoves them into her empty bag.
I throw off my covers, scattering my junk everywhere. “Oh, well, my bad, then. I should have read your mind.”
“Sha. Damn straight. That’s what BFFs do. When can you be ready?”
“Fifteen minutes.” I rush over to my dresser and start yanking various things out of the drawers.
“Yeah
right.” She leans over and shoves her bag in the trashcan before sliding her body up towards the headboard so she can lie down. “Wake me up in ninety minutes when you’re really ready,” she says as she places her head on a pile of covers and a corner of my pillow.
When I turn around to tell her I won’t take longer than thirty minutes, I see she’s already asleep. I can’t help but shudder at the way the drool is already coming out of her mouth and pooling on my sheets. Ugh. I’m going to have to change them now. But that’s what BFFs do when their friends have make-up sex all night and then come bearing Taco Bell gifts. I will take the full ninety minutes to get ready so she can be all fresh and sparkly for her trip to the birth control center, because I’m that kind of friend.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
WE’RE STROLLING UP THE SIDEWALK that leads into the health clinic to retrieve the no-baby pills when a familiar face comes walking out in the other direction.
“Alissa, hey!” I say, fully expecting her to smile politely like she always does and greet me back. We were never really close friends or anything, but the two of us having the same major and her living in Teagan’s dorm had us crossing paths a lot over the last few years. She’s a lot more serious about life then either Teagan or I am, but that doesn’t stop her from always being polite. She’s a good girl like that.
Alissa looks up at me, her eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed. Her gaze drops to the sidewalk and she makes as if to go right by Teagan and me without a word. It’s then that I notice her belly.
“Alissa?” I grab her by the arm as she’s about to walk past me like I’m a stranger with a bad haircut.
“Don’t,” she says, pulling away slightly as she keeps on going.
I stand there with my mouth hanging open as she walks away.
“What the holy hell was that all about?” Teagan asks quietly, twisting around to watch her go.
“Did you see her belly?” I say, just as softly. I don’t want Alissa to hear us talking about her.
“Yeah. Holy massively preggers.”
“I told you, right?” I look at Teagan. “That she was pregnant? The news was all over campus. But she’s a lot farther along than I realized.”
“Yeah. It’s weird to see it. I mean, she’s so young, right? Talk about a statistic.”
“Listen,” I say, something coming over me, “go in without me. I’ll catch up.”
“Where are you going?” she shouts at my back as I turn and walk in the opposite direction.
“BRB!” I yell. I don’t want to announce to the entire world and the small group of anti-abortionists always hanging around there that I’m going to go tackle a pregnant girl.
About ten seconds later I’m almost caught up to Alissa in the parking lot. “Hey! Alissa! Wait up!” I yell at her rapidly retreating back.
She stops at her car and uses the key to unlock the door. It’s an older model Toyota, too ancient to have an automatic key lock. I’m impressed at the shape the thing is in. It looks like a granny’s been driving it for fifteen years or something. When I reach the side of it, I lean back to see if there are any stuffed animals in the back window. Nope. That’s a surprise.
“I’m in a hurry, Quin. Sorry.” She’s using her ultra polite tone, usually reserved for professors and people in the registrar’s office.
She tries to shut the door after getting in, but I put my hand up to block it. “Where are you going?”
“None of your business,” she says, her voice finally showing some annoyance. I had expected it sooner. I don’t know why, but something is making me harass a pregnant woman. I’m going to blame it on The Bell. I should have gone with the mild sauce, I guess.
“I see you’re pregnant.” Boom. Conversation opener. I’z got skills.
“Brilliant. I guess your contacts are working. Do you mind?” She finally looks up at me at the same time that she grabs the inside handle of her door and starts yanking on it.
But I’m too stubborn to move yet. I have more harassment to dole out. My body sways side to side with the movement of her attempts at shutting the door on me. “So I’m just wondering … if you’re like … I don’t know … seven months pregnant, what are you doing at a birth control clinic?”
Her face turns a shade of pink that would be really cute if it didn’t have the tears along with it. I feel just a tad guilty for making it happen, but not enough to stop. I have a feeling there’s something big going on here and any girl who has to go to a clinic alone needs a friend as far as I’m concerned.
“Bug off, Quin.”
“Bug off? Wow. Them’s serious fightin’ words, Alissa. Are you sure you can back them up in your condition?”
She pulls the keys out of her ignition and throws them onto the dashboard. “What do you want from me, Quin?! Can you just tell me so I can be on my way?!” She looks up at me with the perfect mix of fury and anguish in her expression. She’s like an angry nerd, and if it weren’t so out of character for her it would be amusing.
I step closer, putting my hand on her shoulder and softening my voice, all the harassing tone gone. “I just want to be sure you’re okay, that’s all.” I give her my concerned look. “I’m worried about you.”
I don’t know what I expected in response, but this isn’t it.
She throws herself over her steering wheel and starts bawling like a baby.
“Oh, shit.” I bend down and pat her on the back, a true-blue freak-out coming in a big wave over my head. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you upset. Shit!” I stand up and look around in a panic. Teagan is nowhere in sight.
I scramble to get my phone out of my purse. My fingers fly over the keypad as I text like a mad woman.
Gt ur az out here double time. Fuck!
After about thirty seconds of me patting Alissa’s back and Alissa crying like I’ve just stabbed her in the heart, Teagan is by my side.
“What took you so long?!” I whisper-yell at her.
“What the hell did you do to her?” she asks, ignoring my demand for answers.
“Nothing! I just told her I was worried about her, that’s all.” I keep patting her back, hoping it’ll help.
Alissa starts blubbering and talking at the same time. “She didn’t … do … a-a-anything -ing -ing …. Baaaaaahhhhhh haaaa haaaaa!”
And more crying ensues.
Teagan and I look at each other, panic-stricken, now taking turns patting Alissa’s back. We have a pretty good beat going, but it’s not really helping.
“Alissa, honey,” Tegan says, “you need to stop crying and talk to us. What’s going on? Are you upset about being pregnant?”
Alissa’s cries turn into something not even really human-sounding at that question.
I cross my eyes at Teagan and shake my head. “Nice. Good work, Tea.”
“What? How am I supposed to know that was some kind of trigger word?”
I point to the clinic. “Duh!”
Teagan gives me her guilty dumbass smile. “Oh. Yeah. Boner ding.”
I bend down to get my face closer to Alissa’s. “Alissa! Hey! You need to stop crying, okay? Someone’s going to call the cops on you for … disturbing the peace or whatever.”
She quiets down pretty quick. “I can… I can… I can’t sto…. sto…stop!” She tries to breathe, but hiccups take over and then she starts retching.
Teagan jumps back as I grab Alissa by the shoulders and drag the top half of her body towards the open door. “Okee dokee, no vommy in the Toyota, okay-zees?” I hold her up while her body convulses with dry heaves.
“Why are you talking to her like she’s two?” Teagan whispers.
“Shut up, I don’t know why.”
“Ahhhhhhh, gaaaaaah, mmmuuuuuhhhhh!” Alissa groans out between heaves.
“Oh my god,” Teagan says in a low tone. “Pregnancy suuuuucks.”
Alissa starts crying in the middle of her choking and heaving.
“Okay, Tea-Tea. Time for you to go get us some water, k???
? I lift an eyebrow at her.
Unable to deny my power, she leaves with an eye roll, heading back into the clinic. I’m pretty sure she’s glad for the chance to escape.
“Okay, Alissa,” I say, pushing her back into the car. “Time for you to get a grip.”
She flops back onto her seat, her eyes closed and her face pale.
“Jesus,” I say, squatting down and staring at her. Thank goodness she didn’t actually throw up; I don’t know what I’d do then. There aren’t any sticks around here I could poke her with and I don’t care how sad someone is; I will not ruin a good pair of shoes by standing in puke.
“Alissa … do you need medication or something? Is that why you’re here? Are you diabetic? Do I need to shoot you up with something?”
“No,” she whispers. “Just shoot me, period. With a gun and a bullet.”
“Mmmm … no. Not today. I’m fresh out of murdering thoughts at the current time. Try me tomorrow, though, because you never know when they’ll crop up again.” I think of Mick and how badly I screwed up last night and decide maybe I could work up a good murdering rage without a lot of effort. Alissa’s sad voice brings me back to reality.
“I don’t need any medication. I just need to go.”
“Where are you going?” I ask, thinking this is a safe question. Wrong-o.
She starts crying again.
I don’t know what makes me do it. Maybe it’s panic. Maybe it’s all the meat byproducts I just consumed. It could even be the root beer, although I doubt it. I mean, what could be more innocent than a root beer?
I slap her. Right on her sad little face.
She stops crying immediately and her eyes fly open.
After a few seconds of speechlessness, she opens her mouth. “Did you just slap me?” Her voice is in a really funny high pitch. I’m pretty sure all the dog-ears in a two-mile radius are perked up right now.
“Yep, I sure did.” That’s right. Play it off like it’s no big deal, like you didn’t just assault a pregnant lady.
“I’m pregnant in case you haven’t noticed!” she screeches.
“Yes.” I put my hand on top of hers. “And you’re having some kind of nervous breakdown or something, so I was just trying to get you back on planet Earth. You’re welcome.”