I found a part-time job at a restaurant not too far from our apartment and it’s okay. I was the hostess for all of a week but then one of the waitresses quit unexpectedly on a busy Friday night and they needed someone to cover so I stepped in. My manager, Elaine, said I was a natural and the next week I’m working as many hours as I can, bringing home an average of one hundred dollars a night just in tips, sometimes more on the weekends.
Evan’s thrilled. I give him my entire paycheck and half the tips and I still have plenty of spending money. Money I usually use toward food that we need. It’s sort of amazing how well Evan and I are surviving on our own. We’ve gone from spoiled rich kids who never had to lift a finger to hardworking, responsible almost-adults who had to grow up way too soon.
Whatever. I’m fine with it and so is Evan. Right now he’s my hero and all I want to do is make him happy so he doesn’t worry. I’m picking up my grades thanks to Vanessa and Valerie’s help. My grades aren’t at the level they were before all this stupid crap happened with my parents but they’re good enough. Like I’m going to get into a great college anyway.
I can’t afford the tuition.
“Keep up those grades and you can get a scholarship,” Evan told me a few nights ago. “I’m not going to let your dream of getting into a good college fall apart just because of what happened.”
I appreciate his opinion but college was never necessarily my dream. I just expected to make that next step naturally. Plus, Dad and Mom pushed it so hard. I needed to get into a good college. A proper education and a bachelor’s degree would help me in life. I heard that time and again, especially the last few years.
Would going to college help me in life though? Would it really?
So I brought home a stack of financial aid applications the day after my conversation with Evan, becoming overwhelmed at the mere thought of filling all of those forms out, but I know he’s right. I do have a chance and I can’t let it slip by me.
I just have so little time to do anything beyond go to school, eat, work, and sleep. It’s so much easier falling into bed every night, so exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open for long. I prefer keeping busy, then I’m not thinking about the bad stuff.
Like what my parents did. Now they’re facing all sorts of lawsuits and possible criminal charges. They haven’t reached out to Evan and I since the news broke which blows my mind. It’s like they forgot all about us and despite how angry we both are at them their neglect still hurts us.
And then there’s Nick. Why I bother worrying about him I don’t know. It’s so dumb to think I had something real with him. How real could it have been since I haven’t heard from him since we were separated so abruptly? That hurts too…it’s like he walked away without another thought. As if I was some sort of simple summer romance and nothing more. I really didn’t matter to him after all, did I?
I’m on my way to work now, my heels clicking loudly as I walk/run down the sidewalk toward the restaurant. Luckily enough I can take the city bus and the stop is only a few blocks from Seville’s.
I’m also lucky because Seville’s is one of the most expensive restaurants in the area. My manager Elaine knew immediately who I was when she glanced over my application and gave me one of those sympathetic looks that people are so good at lately. But other than that, she’s never really referred to my family or their troubles. She’s just encouraged me, pushed me and ultimately rewarded me with the quick promotion from hostess to waitress.
“It’s probably not going to be busy tonight, Rev,” she says the moment I walk through the door. She’s at the hostess stand, going over the list of reservations for the night like she usually does. “I’m guessing it’ll be an early night.” She glances up at me, offering a sweet smile. I like Elaine a lot. She’s got a motherly personality, always watching out for me and making sure I’m all right.
She’s nothing like my mom whatsoever.
“Good. I’m glad for the break.” It was a rough day at school since I worked so late last night and then went over to Vanessa’s to study for a test in our government class. I didn’t get home until midnight and had to wake up at six to finish an English paper. Plus with the holidays coming closer, it seems to bring more people out to dinner for some reason. I guess everyone’s in a celebratory mood.
Except for Evan. And me. He already warned me he didn’t want a Christmas tree this year, which I’m fine with. Why pretend to have holiday cheer when the both of us are the farthest from spirited?
The night went as expected, steady but not crazy. The customers are easygoing, with a few repeats that aren’t particularly demanding. Seville’s attracts a bunch of people from the neighborhood and many of them come into the restaurant at least once a week.
I like the regulars, they make me feel like I’m a part of them, how I used to feel when things were still small with The Flock of the Lambs and Dad hadn’t expanded into the television show yet. The congregation felt like my family and I loved it. More than anything, I loved standing in front of the people crowding the pews as I lead them in singing hymns, wearing my pretty dresses with the matching bows in my hair.
Mom made sure I wore a new dress every Sunday once we were on TV. After awhile, it wasn’t any fun anymore. Dad had to beg me to sing solos after Evan started refusing to get up on stage any longer. But I didn’t want to do it without Evan. He was my lifeline when I was little, the big brother who watched out for me, who protected me. He always made sure I wasn’t being forced into doing something I didn’t want.
He’s come back into that protective role he abandoned when he was in his early teens and I’m so thankful for him. He probably has no idea just how appreciative I am.
“Rev.” One of the other waiters, Frank, sets his hand on my shoulder, startling me from my melancholy thoughts. “Can you take care of table two for me? They just need a water refill.”
“Sure.” I nod, ignoring my racing heart as I grab hold of a pitcher of ice water and head toward table two, which is right in front of the windows that face out toward the street. It’s dark outside, even more with the ominous clouds that blew in earlier this afternoon. As I glance out the window I can see the wind blow through the trees that are lit by the street lamps, their branches swaying, the leaves long gone.
“More water?” I ask the couple at table two with a faint smile, starting to fill their glasses when they nod and say yes. I look up when the wind gusts hard against the windows, rattling them, and I see someone standing across the street. A boy. A man. His hands are in the front pockets of his jeans, his head and neck hunched into his jacket as if he’s trying to fight off the horrible wind. A car drives by, the headlights cutting across his face for a brief moment and I suck in a harsh breath when I see him.
He looks just like Nicholas.
A gasp escapes me and I jerk my arm, the water and a few ice cubes spilling all over the table. The female customer shrieks and backs away, knocking me from my shock, and I set the pitcher on the table, grabbing the leftover napkins as I start to sop up the mess.
“I’m so sorry,” I say again and again as I clean up the mess I made, feeling everyone’s eyes on me as I try my best to clean up fast. Elaine arrives at my side, a rag in her hand and she murmurs for me to gather up the napkins and go to the kitchen.
With shaky hands and an equally shaky smile I do as she says, thankful to escape the front of the restaurant for a while. I push through the double doors and toss the soaked napkins into the trash, setting the pitcher on a nearby table. I lean against the edge of the counter, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand, and I close my eyes, irritated. Embarrassed. I’ve never done something like that before. I don’t know what got into me.
You know what got into you. You thought you saw a ghost.
Right. That’s all it was. A ghost. No way could that have been Nick. I saw him for all of about two seconds. There’s no way he could’ve found me.
“What happened to you?” Elaine asks as soon as she enters t
he kitchen, her expression full of concern as she approaches me. “Are you all right?”
I nod, feeling incredibly foolish. I can’t tell her what really happened. She doesn’t know about Nick and even if I did tell her she’d probably think I’m crazy. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea why I spilled the water. My hands were a little shaky I guess.” I hold them out in front of me, noticing that they’re still trembling, and I close my fingers into fists, irritated that I’m still reacting to what—or who—I thought I saw. “I’ll be fine. Maybe I should take a quick break.”
“Maybe you should go on home for the night. You’ve been working so hard and with school too…” Elaine’s voice trails off and she smiles, reaching out to pat my arm. “I think it’s best if you clock out. Frank can cover your tables. It’s not that busy anyway.”
There went about two hours of wages and tips. I don’t want to go home early. I need the money. “I can stay, Elaine. I swear. Just give me a few minutes to recuperate.”
“No, I don’t think so, kiddo. Time to go home. Go straight to bed when you get there, all right?” She grabs hold of both of my shoulders and looks me straight in the eye. “Get a good night’s rest and come back tomorrow night ready to rock it. It’s a Friday and we have a few decent sized private parties. We’ll be busy.”
She’s not going to give in so I guess I have to instead. “Okay. Sounds good.” I nod and offer a weak smile when she releases her hold on me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I clock out and grab my coat and purse, then head outside toward the bus stop. The wind has picked up more and it blows against me, almost as if it’s trying to hold me back. I struggle against it, my gaze going to the spot where I thought I saw Nick.
But no one’s there.
There’s really no one out tonight, which doesn’t surprise me considering the awful weather. I wrap my thin coat tight around me, my head bent as I walk against the wind. It howls with a startling intensity, making me wish I had a scarf or a hat for my protection. My cheeks are ice cold and when the first drops of water fall with a splat on my face, I shake my head, withholding the groan that wants to escape. Of course, the night I wear a coat without a hood is the night that it decides to rain.
I make a run for it, ducking for cover at the bus stop, shivering as I perch on the edge of the narrow bench. Checking my phone, I see I have about ten minutes or so to wait for the bus to arrive. I tuck my phone back into my pocket before I jerk up the collar on my coat, covering my cold face as best as I can.
I’m shivering and wet, the wind blowing the rain against my back and saturating my coat. Pushing my damp hair away from my forehead, I wipe at my wet-with-rain face, grimacing at how wet my fingers really are.
Right now, I wish for the giant house we used to live in. The car Dad would be picking me up in or maybe even Evan’s car, though in the past he wouldn’t have bothered to pick me up. Of course, in the past I also wouldn’t have had a job. I wouldn’t have needed one. I had everything I ever desired, even things I didn’t know I wanted.
I’m a different person from last summer. Heck, since a month ago. I’ve changed, even Evan has said so. But I had to. I had to grow up.
There was no choice.
A light flickers in the distance, the glow of a tiny flickering orange flame coming from a lighter, and I sit up straight, squinting into the darkness as I watch someone approach. I don’t like being at the bus stop alone at night but I’ve gotten used to it for the most part. Someone from the restaurant usually comes with me and I like the company. Makes me feel safe.
But not tonight. Tonight I’m alone and it’s freaky, especially when I know I’m not alone. I have no idea who this person is but I wait for it, bracing myself.
My heart starts to race as the flame disappears and I see the red cherry glow of a cigarette as the stranger inhales. I wait, breathless as the person approaches. I can tell he’s male. Tall, with broad shoulders and an easy going stride. The horrible, fluorescent glow from the dim lights overhead shines directly on me, making it hard to see beyond the feeble light. The man comes closer, discarding the cigarette he just lit which strikes me as odd. Why waste one of those when they cost so much money? Such a filthy habit anyway but still…
And then he slowly comes into view, the light shining directly on him as he comes into the shelter, illuminating his every handsome feature. My throat goes dry as he stops just in front of me, a giant grin on his face when he kneels down so we’re eye level.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he says, his deep, familiar voice shimmering through me, making my heart trip over itself.
Making me clench my hands into fists at my sides. Fury rises within me, threatening to overwhelm, and I can barely keep it together. I can’t believe after everything he did to me, those are the first words he says to me. “What took you so long?” I ask sweetly through clenched teeth.
Just before I draw back my arm and hit him square in the jaw, knocking him right on his butt.
***
November 12th, later that night
I’m lying flat on my back on the wet sidewalk, clutching my stinging jaw as I stare up at Reverie in wonder. She looks surprised too, staring first at me, then her fist as if she can’t believe she just hit me.
I can’t believe she hit me either.
Pressing my hands against the ground, I brace myself and sit up, my face close to her knees encased in black pants and I briefly wonder if she’ll lash out and kick me. She looks amazing, though I know she’s pissed—not quite sure why—and cold and in shock. I didn’t mean to scare her. Hell, I didn’t mean to make her so mad.
“What in the world are you doing here?” she hisses, her eyes narrowed, her long blond hair wild from the wind and the dampness in the air. “And since when do you smoke?”
“I told you I’ve been looking for you.” I stand up and settle on the bench beside her but she scoots away, taking her warmth and scent and everything that I crave about her from me. “And I only smoke occasionally.” Like when I’m nervous, not that I’m going to admit that.
“It’s been over three months, Nick,” she says with a little grimace, my name coming from her voice the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Too bad she’s looking at me as if she wants to slug me in the gut. I’ve never seen her so upset. “Where have you been?”
“Let me drive you home and I’ll explain everything,” I suggest, my fingers itching to touch her. Her hair, her face, her arm, anywhere I can grasp hold of her, I want to. I need to. Having her this close after not seeing her for so long is driving me absolutely crazy.
The bus chooses this precise moment to pull in front of the stop, the hiss of the brakes loud in the otherwise quiet of the night. The doors swing open and the driver peers through the opening, his expression full of concern. He’s an old guy with bushy white eyebrows that are so low over his eyes I almost can’t see them. “Hey Rev, you’re early tonight.”
The freaking bus driver knows who she is. Unbelievable.
“Finished work early, Ed,” she says with a little wave as she stands. I stand too, confused. What is she doing? Is she actually going to get on that bus? No way. She wouldn’t leave me. She couldn’t.
Ed frowns as I follow her to the open doors. “This guy giving you trouble?” He flicks his chin in my direction.
She glances back at me, offering a little closed-lipped smile before she turns and—yep—jumps onto the bus. “He’s no trouble, Ed. None at all.” My mouth drops open as she pays her bus fare with a wave of a plastic card and she walks into the bus, settling in a seat.
The doors close, locking her inside, and I watch in disbelief as the bus pulls away from the curb and onto the street. She doesn’t even look in my direction. Just stares straight ahead as if I don’t even exist.
What the ever-loving fuck?
Spurring into action, I run across the street toward the parking lot where I left my truck. I can only hope that traffic isn’t too bad at this hour so I can keep u
p with that damn bus. And I freaking hope it doesn’t have too many damn stops. It’s a miracle I even figured out where she works, though I haven’t a clue where she lives.
I’m going to find out tonight though, I swear. She’s going to listen to me. She has to. It wasn’t easy for me to find her after everything that happened to her family. Both she and Evan seemed to go into hiding when the scandal broke out. She got rid of her cell phone so I sure as hell couldn’t call or text her. Never had her email address and couldn’t reach out to her that way. Tried sending her a message on Facebook but that didn’t work either since she never replied.
So what the hell was I supposed to do? Not like I have a lot of money to make the trek to Southern California. Not sure if my truck is the most dependable mode of transportation but I finally had to say fuck it and leave. Took a few days off from work, however painful that was, and hit the freeway, headed to Los Angeles. Positive she would greet me with open arms.
That did not happen.
If she’s going to reject me as outright as I’m afraid she is, then I’ll be stuck getting a motel room and I sure as hell don’t have the extra cash to afford that. I’ll have to find the most rundown joint I can stand and stay the night there. Or crash out in my truck.
Neither option is a good one.
Hopping into my truck, I crank the engine and pull out of the lot, driving like a stupid ass in search of the bus, my balding tires screeching on the newly slick with rain roads. I tap the brake, telling myself to get my shit together and calm down. Wouldn’t do me any good to get into a car accident without finding the bus, right?
And if I lose her tonight, that’s fine. I can hang out around her work again tomorrow night. I’ll hang out there every night until I can get her to talk to me, if that’s what it takes.