and she didn’t want to cry. When her family got to her like this she’d cry and it would take an hour before she could make herself stop. In, she breathed. Out, she breathed. In...out... Erick was wonderful...she breathed that in. Erick liked her and respected her...she breathed that out. Her business was a success and she had a lot to be proud of...she breathed that in. She didn’t need her family’s approval to feel good about her life...she breathed that out.
Clover heard a sound, a soft tapping on glass. She raised her head and saw Erick standing on her deck, knocking on the back door. When she opened the door she didn’t let him inside. She just stepped forward into his arms.
“Whoa, baby. What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms tight around her.
“I called my mother. Why did I do that?”
“Temporary insanity?” he asked, and she laughed.
“That’s definitely it.”
“What did she say? Tell me all about it so I can tell you how wrong she is.”
“Give me a minute. I just... I need this.” As embarrassing as it was to stand on her deck in the drizzle and cling to Erick like a life preserver, she did it, anyway, because someone in need of a life preserver clung to it no matter how ridiculous she looked or felt doing it.
Erick held her against him. He ran his large strong hands up and down her back, massaged her tight shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
“Tell me all about it,” he said softly. “Get it out.”
“It’s like...” Clover paused and tried to figure out a way to explain it. “It reminds of something that happened right before I had my reduction surgery. I was a little overweight—only about twenty pounds, but it was enough I couldn’t fit into my favorite clothes. The older I got, the harder it was to deal with my breasts. I couldn’t jog or even go for long walks. So I had the surgery and could finally exercise. Between the surgery in July and Christmas when I saw my family again, I’d had the reduction and lost the twenty pounds. I went down two dress sizes. That’s it. Not a huge change, right?”
“Nope.”
“But when my family saw me, they went crazy. They told me over and over and over again how great I looked. Compliments, right? I mean, a normal person would take compliments as compliments. But it didn’t feel like a compliment. It felt like an insult. Was I that hideous before I lost the twenty pounds that they’d make that big a deal out of losing the weight? I thought I looked pretty good before, you know?” She looked up at Erick. “So now it’s happening again. They’re acting like it’s some kind of miracle I’m dating someone. They’re ‘thrilled’ for me. I didn’t win the lottery. I didn’t wake up from a coma. I’m seeing someone and they’re thrilled. My mom says she’s thrilled. My sister is freaking out. Even my brother and his wife texted me trying to get details about you. All thrilled, they say. And I should be thrilled they’re thrilled, right? Am I the worst daughter ever?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
“Well...you may not want to hear this, but I have a theory about your family.”
“I want to hear your theory. What do you think it is?”
“To use a technical term, they’re all a bunch of assholes.”
Clover’s eyes flew wide-open. She took a step back from him.
“What?”
“Your family sounds like they’re assholes. No offense. I’ve got a few assholes in my family, too. Ruthie has more than once accused me of being one of them.”
“My mother loves me, Erick. She wants what’s best for me. She just doesn’t know how to show it without making me feel...”
“What? How does your mother make you feel?”
“She makes me feel terrible about myself.”
“And your father?”
“Kind of terrible.”
“And your siblings?”
“They’re not as bad. They only make me feel really crappy sometimes.”
“Only sometimes? You know what they call someone who makes you feel terrible about yourself? They call that person an asshole. Say it. You’ll feel better.”
“I’m not going to call my family assholes. They love me.”
Erick put his arm around her and steered her to the table. He pulled out her chair and she sat down. He sat down in the chair facing her.
“Your family does love you. And I’m sure they aren’t actual assholes. They probably have no idea they’re making you feel so bad. But that isn’t an excuse. They shouldn’t make you feel bad. They should do what normal healthy families do and ignore you and your personal life until you screw up and they have to bail you out of jail. I’m speaking from experience here.”
“My family does not ignore me. I wish they ignored me. I’d kill for them to ignore me.”
“We’ll make it easy on them.”
“How?”
“We’re going to go away for two days. If you want to. I’m not making you. Ruthie says men shouldn’t dictate what happens on dates. I’m not dictating, only suggesting. I suggest we go away for two days.”
“Away? Where away?”
“We’re going to go all the way...five miles from here.”
“I think they have phones five miles from here. Five miles from here isn’t outer space. Unless we’re going five miles straight up.”
“Not straight up. Straight northwest. And it’ll be like space because you aren’t taking your phone with you. I talked to Chris Steffensen’s girlfriend, Joey, who’s also his property manager. She’s letting us test out one of their new rental cabins for two nights. We’re going to leave your phone here at this house. In case of emergency, we’ll have my phone to call 911 if a bear tries to get in the cabin or something. And while your phone is here, we’ll be there—eating, sleeping and having all the sex. What do you say to that?”
“Two days without answering my phone? My family will freak out.”
“How will you know they’re freaking if they can’t reach you?”
“They’ll freak out ten times as much when they do reach me.”
“You won’t see them until Thanksgiving. They’re not going to freak out on Thanksgiving because I’ll be there. Then they’ll meet me, it’ll calm them down when they see how great I am—”
“You are pretty great.”
“I am and I’m even better at faking being great. I’ll charm their pants off—not literally—and they’ll finally shut up about your personal life because they will finally see with their own judgmental eyes that you are in these two very capable hands.”
He held out his hands in front of her, palms up. They were quite capable-looking hands. They’d stripped her panties off her in a split second last night, massaged her breasts this morning and fixed her deck. Truly talented hands.
She put her hands in his, and he wrapped his fingers around hers, then lifted both her hands to his lips and kissed the backs of them.
“How does that sound?” he asked.
“It sounds pretty good,” she said. “Especially the part about being in your hands.”
“That was my favorite part, too.” His dark eyes twinkled mischievously. “I think you’ll like this place. I’ve already swung by and checked it out. It’s nice.”
“Do I need to bring anything?”
“I stocked the fridge already and brought over towels and stuff. They aren’t quite ready for business but the furniture’s all there, the appliances work and the electricity and water are running. Pack a bag for two nights and relax, because I’ve taken care of everything else.”
She liked the sound of that. Someone else, someone who wasn’t her, taking care of everything? When had that ever happened in her adult life?
“I’ll go pack, then. I promise I’ll leave the schooner sail here.”
“Bring it if you want. It’ll end up on the floor like anything else you put on.”
“That sounds like a challenge.”
“Does it?” he asked as he stood up and leaned back against the tab
le.
“What if I’m wearing something so sexy you don’t want to take it off me?”
“The lingerie has not been invented that is sexier than the naked female body—yours specifically. But if you want to play that game, I’m up for it.”
“We’ll see what I have hidden in my closet...”
She started up the stairs and Erick stopped her by saying her name. She stood on the bottom step and he came to face her.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Don’t ask me why I’m asking this, but please tell me the truth. Are you disappointed with last night?”
She narrowed her eyes at him.
“What? No, of course not. Last night was...” She paused to search for a word. She couldn’t find one good enough so she went with a classic. “Wow.”
“It was wow?”
“Wow-wow,” she said, blushing. “And a little whoa, too.”
“Okay. Glad to hear it. I wouldn’t want to have accidentally, you know, dishonored the gift of your trust in me.”
“You told Ruthie.”
He raised his hands in surrender.
“I didn’t. I swear. She knew, anyway. I said you and I went out and that’s all I said and then it was like she read my mind or something. I think she can do that.”
Clover laughed. “It’s okay. She’s done that to me, too. I’ll say one meaningless harmless thing like ‘I feel like I haven’t had a day off in a year’ and two minutes later she’ll have figured out that I haven’t been on a date in forever and that I’m scared of dating because the last guy I went out with was such a jerk. She’s told me many times I have to honor the gifts Mother Nature gave to me and that’s the only way to overcome my feelings of failure.”
“Do you actually understand any of what she’s saying?”
“About half of it. But that half is pretty profound. She says I’m so contented and happy at work because Mother Nature made me one of Her handmaidens, and that by bringing plants into the world and tending them, I’m caring for Her children like a second mother. I am a midwife to Mother Nature. Sounds pretty impressive, right?”
“It really does. Much more impressive than what I am. She said if Mother Nature was the queen bee, I’m a drone, but I should be pleased with my role, however seemingly meaningless it is, in the cycle of life.”
“That seems to imply your only reason for existing was to mate and have Ruthie.”
“She would probably agree with that.”
“I hope she wasn’t too hard on you about, you know, you and me.”
“She said I probably disappointed you because you’re too nice to ask for what you want.”
“I remember asking for what I wanted last night, and getting it. You remember that part?” she asked.
“I remember that part. My parts remember that part...” He put his hands on her waist. She had on jeans and a T-shirt, not a turtleneck, just a T-shirt, and it was nice to have her neck exposed so Erick could kiss it.
Which he did. Right there on the stairs he kissed her neck and her throat.
“I won’t ever forget that part,” she said, tilting her head to the side so he could kiss her under her ear in case he wanted to. Apparently he wanted to. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to happen naturally without a lot of second-guessing and I didn’t want you to worry about me and I really didn’t want me to worry about you worrying about me. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I got. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but I also didn’t realize how incredibly sexy you were until I got you into bed. So no, you didn’t disappoint me. The opposite, in fact.”
“Good,” he said, pausing to nip her neck with his teeth. “That’s what I needed to hear. But...”
“But?” She pulled back to meet his eyes.
“I do think Ruthie might be right and you may have a little bit of trouble asking for what you want. That you haven’t asked your family to back the hell off and leave you alone is a good sign that maybe, just maybe, the kid is right about that.”
Clover rocked her head from side to side, considered what he said and then nodded.
“She might be right about that.”
“So...from now on, please be open with me. You’re not going to hurt my feelings if you ask me to do something that I’m not doing or you tell me to stop doing something I am doing that you’re not into. We’re going to have a lot more fun together if we’re both honest with each other, in and out of bed. Cool?”
“Cool.”
“Is there anything you want to tell me before we leave? Anything you want us to do the next couple of days? Any other firsts we need to take care of?”
“Well... I’ve never given a blow job to completion. I feel like maybe that’s something I should learn how to do. Do you think you could teach me?”
“No, that’s not something I’m interested in.”
She raised an eyebrow at him in suspicion.
“You’re telling me you aren’t into blow jobs?”
“Not my thing, no. Sorry.”
“You’re lying right now, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Through my teeth.” He nodded. “Now I know how Pinocchio felt.”
“Your nose getting longer?”
“Something’s getting longer. Now please go pack before we end up having staircase sex, which I had once and it was not good for anyone involved. Hurry. Go. Please.”
She kissed him on the mouth because she could, because she wanted to, and she was thoroughly enjoying giving herself permission to do what she wanted to do.
“Going.”
Erick slapped her ass when she turned around and a laugh of pure pleasure burst from her. Being in a relationship, even a fake one, with a man like Erick was seriously fun. She should have done this years ago. Then again, she didn’t know Erick years ago and she couldn’t have picked a better man to be her training boyfriend. He was definitely worth the wait, she decided as she opened up her closet and pulled out her suitcase. Into it she threw a couple pairs of her favorite jeans, warm wool socks, hiking boots, a couple favorite long-sleeved shirts and sweaters. She spied a pink-and-black bag in the corner of her closet, a pink-and-black bag that had been in that corner of her closet for several years. She took out the tissue paper and examined the contents. It should all still fit. And if Erick kept his promise, it wouldn’t matter, anyway. Anything she put on tonight would end up on the floor in minutes.
She finished packing and went back downstairs. Erick had a bag in his hand and she saw he’d filled it with food from her cabinets and fridge.
“I don’t know what you like to eat,” he said. “I put some of your stuff in here so you’ll have it.”
“That’s very thoughtful.”
“You really eat pumpkin spice yogurt?”
“Who doesn’t?”
“I’ll tell you a few names once I’m done throwing up in my mouth.”
“Oh, hush. It’s good. Are you ready?”
“I am. Where’s your phone?”
“In the bathroom upstairs.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. I don’t want that thing around any more than you do.”
“Then let’s go. Our palace awaits.”
She locked the doors and turned off most of the lights and in minutes they were in Erick’s truck heading to the rental, all of five miles from her own house. She did feel a little silly about spending two nights in a cabin that was so close to her own place. Like everyone else, she lived in the woods—sort of. There were trees everywhere, anyway. And she was within walking distance of the river. Could this little Lost Lake cabin be that much different from her own place? No big deal if it wasn’t. She didn’t care about the cabin. All that mattered to her was that Erick wanted to stay there and he wanted to stay there with her, just her, for two entire days. She would have stayed in a creepy motel with him if he’d asked. They could have creepy-motel sex, which was surely on the list of types of sex that could be had. Cabin sex sounded much