Read Here Be Sexist Vampires Page 5


  In the space of two seconds there was a tiny knock on the office door, a female voice calling out ‘It’s only me, sweetie!’ and then a girl had barged into the office. Immediately I didn’t like her because she was obviously Jared’s girlfriend. With her shoulder-length pitch-black hair, her penetrating Keja-amber irises, chunky scarlet lips, and coal-black dress, she made me think of a witch. She was beautiful, yeah, but she was also so skinny to the extent that she was all bony. Her skimpy dress perfectly illuminated this fact.

  I sent a thought to Jared. Oh come on, there’s no meat whatsoever on those bones. And she doesn’t even make up for it in the boob department – they’re like bee stings. I really thought you’d have better taste than that.

  He looked amused. Jealous?

  Of a stick insect? Yeah, right.

  He didn’t look convinced, and well he shouldn’t. I was jealous, which surprised me.

  Her eyes narrowed slightly as she saw Jared leaning across my bureau, but she quickly pasted a wide smile on her face and paced over to him. She held my gaze as she planted a kiss on his cheek. Possessiveness twinkled in those eyes. I really didn’t like that. I was pretty sure that I’d later question why on earth it had bothered me so much.

  I smiled pleasantly at her. “Hi, you must be Nancy.” Damn if I knew any Nancy. I just wanted to enjoy seeing the possessive twinkle become paranoia.

  Her own smile faded. “I’m Joy,” she said emphatically before turning to Jared. “Who’s Nancy?” Although she had clearly tried to sound aloof, she hadn’t at all pulled it off.

  Jared gave me a knowing smile. “One of the human girls.” No idea why he was playing along. “Joy, this is Commander Parker.”

  She sniggered. “Since when does a woman – or a Sventé, for that matter – work here?”

  “Since she kicked my ass.”

  “So she’s the one who did that. But she looks so, well, ordinary.”

  Before I could snap her head off her twig-like body Jared said, “Joy, it’s really not smart to irritate someone who could kill you easier than she can breathe.”

  The phone on my bureau rang, snapping me out of my planning what would be the most rewarding way to watch her die. I answered quickly, “Hello?”

  “Sam, luv, Sebastian’s here to see you,” Fletcher informed me.

  “Send him in, Fletch. Thanks.” No sooner had I hung up the phone than Sebastian was stood before my bureau. Jared backed away with Joy nibbling on his ear. He was more interested in what Sebastian had to say, though, by the look on his face. I already had a pretty good idea what this was about.

  “One of my assistants managed to reach Victor and inform him of your new circumstances.” I guessed right. Sebastian puffed. “He more or less indicated that...”

  “I should get back there or he’ll hunt me down and drag me back himself?” I supplied. That was the kind of stupid thing Victor would say, considering he had always viewed me as a possession. Losing me also meant losing his consort and his main weapon.

  “Something like that.”

  Is Victor your Sire? Jared asked.

  “The threat is pointless, of course,” continued Sebastian. “There is no way that Antonio will hand you over to Victor unless you wish to go of your own free will. However, Victor insisted on you being personally given the message and for you to respond imminently as to whether you will be going back to him.”

  With all seriousness, I replied, “I’d rather lick my own arsehole.” Sebastian, apparently now accustomed to my occasional harsh language, only smiled. “You be sure he gets that message, word-for-word.”

  Sebastian nodded his head obligingly. “I shall do so, Commander. With extreme pleasure. Oh, I almost forgot to inform you that your apartment is ready for you.”

  “My a-what?”

  “You didn’t think Antonio was going to ask you to stay in shabby accommodations, did you?” He threw me a key card. “I’m sure Fletcher will take you when you’re ready.”

  “Thanks.” And I sincerely meant it.

  Before leaving, Sebastian shot Jared a look of distaste, just as nauseated as me by how Joy was now moaning while dabbing Jared’s neck with noisy kisses. I decided to take a leaf out of Sebastian’s book and get out of there. Hearing Victor’s name had made my skin crawl, I just wasn’t in the mood to listen to some twig drool all over my colleague who I inconveniently found so gorgeous.

  Tidying the documents on my bureau I spoke to Jared as one professional to another. “Fletcher said he’ll have the personal files on the recruits done by dusk, so could you leave them on my desk once you’re finished with them? I’ll need them before lunch break.”

  “Where’re you going?”

  He had asked that as though he actually thought he had a right to know. “Why? Do you need me for something?”

  His brow arched suggestively as a devious smirk surfaced on his devastatingly gorgeous face.

  I corrected, Do you need me for something that doesn’t involve tasting my blood?

  Five nights and I’ll be tasting you whether you like it or not.

  I snorted. You keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep in the day.

  Chapter Three

  (Sam)

  Fletcher, the gem, insisted on accompanying me to the Residence Hall that he had earlier pointed out as the place where the commanders all reside. In front of the hall was a spacey garden with a pebbly path that wound toward the entrance. The main doors were black and bulky yet easy to open thanks to my vampire strength.

  It was even quieter inside than it was outside. Quieter than I thought anything could be. You know that feeling when everything’s so quiet that you can actually hear a weird little buzzing sound in your ear?

  Fletcher’s voice was like a boom in the silence, “All of the personal assistants of the commanders, me included, live on the ground floor and basement. Our apartments aren’t as big as yours but they’re nice and cosy, that’s all I ask of life.”

  “Have you always been a personal assistant here?”

  “Oh yeah. When my Sire got the position of one of the security guards about forty years ago he brought some of his vampires with him – one being me. I’ve only been Jared’s assistant a few years. Before that he had a dozen different women. I think Antonio appointed me for Jared because he just wanted Jared to have an assistant he couldn’t shag.”

  I giggled. “Something tells me you would shag him given half the chance.”

  “Am I that easy to read?”

  Together we ventured up the soft regal-blue carpeted staircase until we came to the eighth level. We walked along a beige-painted corridor, passing two or three black doors until we finally stopped at a door that sported the sign ‘Commander Samantha Parker’.

  Earlier I’d pictured myself dashing inside that apartment content as a pig in shit. Call me odd, I know I would, but I now found myself procrastinating. I’d spent the past three years sharing a flat with Victor and having him and his guards spying on my every move. Now I would not only have privacy, I’d have things that were mine and just mine. That title on the door was mine. This apartment was mine. The new job I had and the wages that would come from it would all be mine. What’s more, I didn’t belong to anyone now except myself. There was a lot that my slow brain needed to absorb, so many changes so quickly.

  “You’re gonna love this, I just know it,” said Fletcher excitedly as I finally unlocked the door with my key card. “The walls are even vampire sound-proof. How great’s that!”

  Noiselessly the door swung open and presented me with my new home. Wow. It was much more stylish than what I’d been expecting. I walked along the soft luxury beige carpet of my living area. The walls were brilliant white, as were the window frames, the curtains, and the balcony doors.

  “Oh yes I have a balcony,” I drawled, passing a crescent-mooned shaped three-seated sofa in the centre of the living area that was angled toward a wide screen T.V. – at least thirty-two inches – that was hanging
on the wall. Ooh nice. In between the two was an oval pine coffee table that was positioned comfortably on a white fur (fake fur, I could tell) mat. In one corner was a large dish lamp while in the other was a C.D. player and a collection of C.D.s. As I swerved back to flash a delighted smile at Fletcher I noticed that my duffel bag had been placed near the sofa.

  “Come see your kitchen,” urged Fletcher.

  The carpet ended at a small glossy-cream kitchenette which was tiled the same glossy-cream. Although it was miniature it was all there: cupboards, oven, hob, sink, refrigerator, microwave, kettle, washing machine, and tumble dryer. Fletcher did a Vogue-worthy pose against the fridge before opening it and doing a viola sound. “In here they’ve stocked you a load of NSTs -”

  “NSTs?”

  “Sounds like a sexually transmitted disease, doesn’t it? No, luv, I mean Nutritive Supplemental Tonics. They’ve got blood in them and a load of other funky vitamins. Antonio has them made so we don’t have to move thousands of humans into The Hollow to feed on.” He took one of the glass bottles out and sniffed. “They’re not bad, actually. And they get to your thirst quick enough and they give you a good boost. This one’s supposed to have a vanilla flavour to it but I wouldn’t know if it does, I’ve never tried it. I think these ones are the best.” He pulled out another of the glass bottles. “Honey flavoured. Go on, have a sip.”

  Mainly because I knew Fletcher wouldn’t shut up until I tried some, I took the Honey flavoured NST and removed the cap. The aroma that escaped the bottle was alluring and hypnotic, drawing you to the liquid. It was the kind of smell that would make you feel hungry even if you originally weren’t. But I was hungry – well, thirsty – so I aggressively chugged it down. I probably looked like an animal but I couldn’t have cared even if you paid me to. “That’s alright that.”

  “Good Lord, you must’ve been parched. Why didn’t you say something?”

  The feeling that came from devouring the drink was strange. I felt relaxed the way I did after a mug of Hot Chocolate, but I also felt giddy and hypo the way I did after a can of Red Bull. There was such a silky feel to the liquid that it soothed my throat and made me feel refreshed rather than groggy. But although it got to work on the thirst pretty quick like Fletcher had said, it at the same time had left me wanting more. Nothing quenches the thirst other than pure blood itself.

  Fletcher tugged on my arm. “Come on, come see the bedroom suite.”

  The beige fluffy carpet began again after the kitchenette, leading into a gorgeous bedroom where there was a Queen-sized bed adorned with rosy-pink satin bed sheets. Fletcher and I exchanged a knowing look and then simultaneously we both dived on the bed.

  “My word, this is comfy,” he purred. “I think you’ll struggle to get out of this bed in the evenings. I know I’d never leave it if it was mine.”

  “And it’s all mine!”

  “You’re not getting yourself a consort?”

  The word always gave me a chill. I’d been Vince’s consort against my will for the past three years. Having sex with someone you despised had a way of making you feel ill inside. I had to question whether sex itself had ever really been that thrilling. “Not a chance in hell. Do you have one?”

  “Better. I have a boyf. Norm. We’ve been together ’bout a year now. But maybe you should think about getting a consort just for a little. Pardon my saying this but it looks to me like you could do with a good shag. I mean it might help with the aggressiveness and then maybe you wouldn’t get so hot around Jared all the time.”

  Completely taken aback by the comment and the way Fletcher had said it so casually, I guffawed. “What?”

  “Oh don’t muck about, it’s obvious you want him, and him you. You might have decked him at the tryout but those red irises tell me he’s gotten over it quick enough. I’ve heard he’s well hung if that helps.”

  “I do not get hot around him.”

  “That’s a little thing called denial.” He waved a hand. “Anyway, if you’re not going to get a consort at least get yourself a vessel, luv.” A vessel being a human readily available to only you for biting anytime. “There’re plenty of NSTs but nothing compares to the act of biting and drinking blood, does it? Maybe you could have a little nibble on Jared’s -”

  “Right, that’s it.” I reluctantly rose from the bed. “If you persist on mentioning that sod I’m continuing my look of the apartment without you.”

  Fletcher gasped. “You can’t do that, I’m your tour guide.”

  On either side of the bed were fitted, white triple wardrobes that had long mirrors on the doors. I was now looking forward to going shopping just so I could fill them. God it would feel good to go shopping and pick my own things as opposed to having Victor picking everything for me.

  Hanging above the top of the bed, adjoined to the wardrobes, was a row of six white cupboards. I fully intended to fill them with books. I’d always liked reading, mostly Stephen King or James Patterson books. You couldn’t go wrong with those authors.

  On the opposite side of the bedroom was a white chest of six-drawers on which stood an elegantly framed oval mirror. Last but not least, in the corner of the room were a black leather desk chair and a smaller version of the bureau in my office and on it sat a laptop computer and printer.

  I guessed that my astonishment must have been clear on my face because Fletcher elbowed me and said, “Overwhelmed?”

  I nodded. “But in a good way.”

  “Well you’re about to get even more overwhelmed because in that en-suite bathroom you’ll find a large corner bath that doubles as a Jacuzzi.”

  “What? You’re joking.”

  “See for yourself, woman.”

  No, it hadn’t been a joke. The bathroom was immaculately clean. The walls were painted spearmint green till halfway down and then had large white tiles decorating the bottom half. A turbo shower was hung on the wall over the Jacuzzi bath.

  “Well...what d’ya think of your new home?”

  “I’m in love.” In theory the predominantly white decor should have been quite plain and boring considering that this colour scheme ran throughout the apartment, but it was actually very beautiful. It made the place feel pure and heavenly, even. But even if it had had a dull, gloomy appearance I would still adore it because it was mine.

  (Jared)

  It was getting so easy to sense her. I can’t explain how I do it. It’s like there’s a part of me that’s dormant until her husky voice or intoxicating scent is near and then that part of me wakes up and completely takes over. At that point all I can think about, all I want to think about, is her.

  I didn’t even suspect that she was aware of me hanging over my balcony watching her hanging over her own, two levels down from me, until she sent a thought to me.

  What? Her gaze didn’t move from her balcony view. I can feel you staring so don’t say ‘nothing’.

  So she was intensely aware of me too. I couldn’t resist teasing her: If you really want to know, I was getting a good look at your ass.

  That made her swerve on the spot, her mouth gaping open as she glared hard at me. I could’ve sworn she looked a little self-conscious.

  The truth is I was thinking about what that blood of yours tastes like.

  She scowled. You should know that you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

  You know you’ve wondered what it would feel like to have me sink my teeth into your skin.

  Oh yes. Sarcasm. I want you Jared, I need you. Eye roll. Haven’t you got a twig to go snuggle in to?

  Joy doesn’t sleep in my apartment. Come see for yourself if you want.

  Another eye roll. Good night. Looking a little flushed, she retreated into her apartment.

  As much as I teased her about our little bet, the truth was that I didn’t really want to win it. Did I want to taste her? Oh yes. But I wanted to taste her because she wanted me to, not because of some bet. I’d make sure she wanted that. I knew it wouldn’t happen if I started giv
ing her leeway or showing signs of weakness. Sam was spirited, and it was letting her exercise that spiritedness that got her going. Whether she realised it yet or not, this betting stuff and the constant conflict between us was foreplay.

  (Sam)

  I should have sliced off his salami. I should have. Then I wouldn’t feel all flushed right now, imagining him biting and tasting me. God this was ridiculous. How could you be attracted to someone who made you so pissed off that you’d considered burning their balls with a lighter? I wanted to twat myself over the head for being so relieved that he didn’t share his apartment with the twig. I didn’t want to want him or think about him or be jealous about the twig. Maybe it was nothing to do with Jared, maybe Fletcher was right and I needed a good shag to set me straight. Maybe getting a once-over by a stranger would help me burn off these stupid feelings. With horniness out of the equation, I wouldn’t want Jared anymore. Right?

  I’d think on that a little more at dusk. For now, as much as I was curious to know if I also had internet access and satellite channels, I was way too tired for that or anything else. Without undressing I plonked myself on the bed and immediately entered dreamland and slept like, well, the dead...until about fifteen minutes after dusk had settled.

  I dug out the last of my clothes from the duffel bag – a pair of black denim, slim-fitting jeans and a white long sleeved top that hung loosely over one shoulder – and dressed with vampire speed. Then I enjoyed three NSTs (greedy, I know, but I’d burnt off a lot of calories yesterday and I’d have a busy evening tonight) before heading out my door.

  As I descended the final set of stairs I saw a blonde bloke coming my way that I’d never met, but who at the same time found familiar. It wasn’t his tallness that was familiar, or his athletic yet slim build, or his cocky strut which I really liked. I’d remember someone that appealing. But there was something about his smile and his eyes...hazel eyes.

  “You must be Commander Parker,” he said in a friendly, chirpy tone.