I gave him another curt nod. My fingers twisted and wrung together as I silently stared down at them. I took a deep breath and lifted my head, easing my shoulders back, trying to calm the rage boiling under my skin.
There would never be justice served here. He took the coward's way out of trouble, and Charlie would never get her day in court. She hadn't even known he was dead. All this time, she just went on thinking that the monster that did this was still out there, but her only worry was about how it would affect me if I found out. All this time I'd wanted to be her hero, and she was already mine.
The whole drive back to the squad, I saw red. The inside of my skin was seething and convulsing with rage. How would I ever get her to remember us after this? How would I ever be able to make up for the sins of my father?
It was just past noon when I walked into the precinct. Through the glass windows of his office, Lieutenant Masterson spotted me and came out into the hallway, heavy bags under his eyes. "You didn't sleep at all, did you?"
"When do I ever? Did you even go home?" I asked.
"No way. I have a two-month-old with colic; I’d rather be here right now."
"Hey, Lu, can I talk to you in your office?" I asked in a low voice.
"Yeah, come on in," he said, heading to his desk. "Close the door. Sit. Talk."
"Perp contacted me this morning. Wants me to get rid of her for five grand."
"Great. When? We got a tact plan ready for the cross street on the north corner of his block."
"Yeah. Perfect. I told him I'd contact him tonight. Pick him up. I'll wear the camera and wire," I said with a curt nod.
"You better about all this?" he asked.
"Nah." I tossed my father's case folder on his desk. "I have her with me, and that's where she's staying. That's what I wanted you to know."
There was something dark in his expression that I couldn't read—a hesitance, a trepidation that gave me the feeling that he thought I was losing my mind. Hell. Maybe I was, but I just didn't care anymore.
"Holy shit," he said quietly, scanning the first page of the report.
"Yeah."
"What are you going to do now?" he asked curiously.
"At least get this drug-dealing douchebag out of her life, tonight. Put him away for a long time. Then I'm going to do my damnedest to make her forget anyone who ever hurt her," I snarled.
∞
The street was dark. Flashes of light and shadows danced along the edges of the sidewalk and crawled up the tall sides of the buildings. The car windows were open, and the air outside was still, cool. The trees above me were now bare, and the smell of food carts from somewhere down the block drifted through the air. They gave off a distinct flavor of chestnuts and soft, salted pretzel dough. Not five hundred feet away from me, in the dark shadows of an alleyway, hid a van of my teammates, listening in on surveillance. They had to know how on edge I was; usually, I would be singing off key at them into the mics.
My palms were full of sweat. I couldn't sit still. I rubbed my hands together and bounced the balls of my feet along the floorboards of the car. Damn, if I was standing, I'd be pacing, projecting to everyone the nerves that were coursing through my system. I wasn't worried about the deal about to go down. I was worried about Charlie.
Me and Charlie.
I thought knowing the truth would give me closure, stop me from measuring every girl to her. But her truth didn't set me free. Her truth weighed me down, sunk me deep under water, shackled to wrecked remnants of history on the bottom of the sea. It took time to learn how to brush away the everyday truth of this job. But when it hits home, when someone you love was subjected to the horror of violence, it guts you. It eats at your soul until you get lost in the darkness of it all.
Bren yanked open the passenger side door, snapping me from my thoughts. I needed to focus on him—on his hands, his forever bouncing eyes, his every tick, and everything around us. My firearm wasn't in the best place for me to get to. It was in an ankle holster, and my frame was way too big to maneuver around in the car.
"Whaaaatup, son?" he asked.
"Ima 'bout to make me some money. That's what's up,” I feigned my excitement. “But, bro...You gotta tell me exactly what you need. There ain't no going back after this."
Bren smiled wide and scratched at the back of his neck. "Dude, she's been screwing around with this one guy she texts every day." He shrugged and looked out the window, "She's trash. My mom picked her up off the streets and we grew up together. My mom died and left almost everything to that girl. It's all mine, supposed to be. She's just in the way now. I need her gone."
"Gone how? What’re you thinking?" I asked.
"Gone as in dead. I don't care how you do it," he said.
"You want her to suffer?" I asked coldly.
"No. Man, no. Shit, I didn't know you were that crazy," he laughed.
I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel. "I'm not saying I'm into that racket. But, you're the client. I could do her peacefully, like buy her a drink. Put something in it. Drive her body out to a place I know and dump it. But, bro...hey wait I got it..." I pulled out a small notepad and a pen and tossed it at him. "Write some shit down for me."
"Write what down?" he asked, confused.
"Where she hangs out. Where she works. Her address. What car she drives. I'm going to need to find her, right? Stuff that'll make it easy to kill her."
He wrote two pages full.
Dick. Bag.
"What about suffocation? I could get into her place while she's sleeping—"
"Dude, whatever. I don't need to know. I just need her dead,” Bren explained heartlessly. “Two weeks ago she dumped a shipment of pills into the trash, because she has no clue what I do right under her nose. Cost me a ton of money. She's just in the way."
"And you said five thousand? Yeah?"
He pulled out an envelope and tossed it into my lap. "Count it."
I took out the cash and thumbed through it. "Hey, Bren. I was meaning to ask you. You need a bigger clientele? I got a ton of people looking to score off me. Maybe we could make some serious cash together."
Bren bobbed his head. "Maybe. I'll see how it goes with the shop. With Sage out of the way, I can bring in more merchandise and clean more money."
"Yeah, bro. Get back to me on that," I said.
"All right. When do you think you're going to...do it?" he asked.
"I'll have her out of your hair in the next twenty-four hours. Go celebrate. Make sure you go big. Have people take pictures of you, so everyone sees you. Secure an alibi."
His face paled.
"No worries. You're not going to need it. But it's always good to have in case one of her family members reports her missing."
Bren barked out a laugh. "Ah. That girl doesn't have any family. We don't have to worry about anyone looking for her. Nobody'll even miss her."
∞
It was after midnight when I stumbled into my apartment, body heavy with fatigue. I headed straight for Charlie.
She was asleep, curled into a tight ball in the middle of my bed. Lights chased by shadows crossed the walls and blankets, illuminating her soft skin. I undressed in the shadows of the room and changed into a clean pair of boxers. I walked toward the bed, my heart in my throat, and pulled back the covers, easing myself next to her. The scent of my own soap filled my senses; she must have taken a shower, waiting for me. How in the world did she manage to make that manly smelling soap so damn sexy? Showers for me were never going to be the same again.
Charlie was facing the opposite wall, so I shifted closer to her and slid an arm under the pillow she was using and another around her waist. I buried my face in her hair. Her body stiffened, cringed. I could feel her hands fist the sheets and just knowing she didn't feel safe with me completely crushed me.
"Miss sleeping next to you," I whispered, moving my hand off her waist and into one of her tightly closed fists. Uncurling her fingers, I clasped our hands together, know
ing damn well that the half tattoos we got as kids were now making one whole heart.
"This isn't a good idea," she whispered.
I tightened my arms around her. "Why?"
"Because I could so easily fall back into you."
"Please stay like this. I just want to feel your body next to me. Your warmth. After all these years, Charlie. Please give me this."
"Jase..."
"I can’t get you out of my head. God knows, I’ve tried. But I just can’t forget you. And I don't want to. Ain't going to happen. And I'm going to make you remember, too."
Nothing but silence filled the room.
"We did the controlled meeting tonight."
She still didn't answer, but her body slowly melted back into mine, which was answer enough for me.
"My team arrested him an hour later. Asshole has a ton of charges against him."
I felt her muscles unwind more, loosening up. Slowly, she shifted her body around to face me, eyes full of intensity.
There was only one thing left to ask.
There was more gravel in my voice than I wanted there. "Do you love him?"
"No," she answered without hesitation.
"He's going to go away for a long time. I had him charged with everything. He even wrote down directions to get to your place. That's premeditated evidence, right there."
Her eyes filled with something indescribable, and I leaned in, gently laying my forehead against hers. "How do I make this right?" I asked.
"It'll never be right," she said sadly.
"What can I do? I just..."
"Just let me go," she said, sitting up. Quickly, she climbed out of bed, out of my arms, and stood in the middle of the room, hands on her hips, defiant, brave, and beautiful. She gradually walked around and ran her fingers over the picture frames I'd placed around the room. Things I should have gotten to share with her. A thousand different lives we could have lived together. Then, her eyes landed on the pair of pink lace panties on the top of the laundry basket, and a tight, straight smile slashed across her face.
She walked over to the panties and scooped them up in her hand. Tossing them at me playfully, they landed on my chest, making my head thud back loudly against the headboard.
"Somebody will be mad if she finds out I stayed here tonight with you in your bed," she said.
I didn't even look at them as I tossed them to the floor.
"I don't even know whose they are," I said honestly.
"You don't know who you make love to?" she laughed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I haven't made love to anyone since you. Fucking is a whole other story," I said, climbing out of bed and standing right in front of her.
"Stop. I can't breathe when you're this close to me," she said, swallowing hard.
"I can't leave you like this. I can't leave us like this," I whispered.
"Like what?"
"Unfinished."
"Jase, we've been finished. You gave me the best years of my life so far. You taught me to be strong before I ever knew there were things in this world you needed strength for. You prepared me. You taught me self-perseveration. You taught me to love myself." She stepped back from me, inching closer to the door. "So this is me, Jase, being strong. This is me not letting anyone ever hurt me again."
"You leave, Charlie, and I will chase you. I will chase you until I am old and gray. I want my best friend back. I want the best thing that ever happened to me back. And I promise you I will make you fall in love with me all over again. This time, it'll be the forever kind," I promised.
"Jase. I've messed up so much..."
"I've messed up too, Charlie. This whole time. Without you. I just couldn't feel anything...for anybody," I said quietly.
"I tried to love Bren. I tried to love everybody. Anybody," she said, sitting back down on the bed.
"How'd that work for you?" I chuckled.
"It didn't; none of them were you." Her cheeks darkened with her admission, then her eyes turned concerned. "Jace, sleep, you're exhausted."
"But I'm not finished with you. I need to..."
"Sleep."
"You'll leave," I growled.
"I'll stay," she lied.
"I know what to do to get you to stay!" Exhausted, I stumbled into the living room and came back with my iPad and collapsed next to her on the bed. "My kindle app. I have books."
A lock of cinnamon hair escaped from her ponytail and fell into her eyes as she opened my reading app. I reached out and curled it around my finger, running it over my hand. There was always something about the way she looked with a book in her hand, complete chaos surrounding her, while she just sat, in her own little world...reading.
I slid my hands away, into the covers, and gripped at the sheets, hoping like hell I could keep my hands off of her.
Her head tilted up, green eyes sparkling at me, her face full of excitement. "Have you read all of these?"
I still love you.
I love you.
I love you like we were never apart.
Her eyes blinked, and her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth. "Jase..."
She said my name as more of a plea than a question, and all I could see were her lips. The way her eyes looked into mine was what I'd been missing all this time. Slowly, I reached out and cupped her face in my hand, running the pad of my thumb along her bottom lip. Her pulse raced under my fingers and her breathing quickened.
"Oh, God, Jase," she whispered, as her eyes closed.
"Stay with me," I said, covering her mouth with my lips, leaving a soft kiss.
Her lips immediately parted and she gasped. The sound was soft and sensual, a surprised breath full of promises and want.
I pulled my hand back and pressed my temple to hers. She clutched my iPad to her chest as I slid my hand down her arm. The feel of her skin made me delirious with want, but my body was shutting down from total lack of sleep. "I'm going to remind you how much we loved each other."
She pushed my chest down into the bed and nuzzled into me. "I never forgot, Jase."
Charlie didn't leave.
She couldn't actually. The Lieutenant told her she could either stay with me or in witness protection until Bren's court date.
She chose me
To keep her safe.
She chose
Me.
Chapter 16
Charlie
Soft music played in the background; I loved to listen to music while I read. I loved keeping it low, letting it rumble just below the whispers of words and scenes that formed in my head.
I stood in Jase's kitchen, dressed in one of his button-down shirts, cooking a pot of chili. The smell of burning beans brought me to my senses, and I finally put down the book I was trying to finish and lowered the flame on the stove. I couldn't focus on anything I was doing when the fate of one of my fictional characters hung in the balance. There were only twenty pages or so left, and I was in desperate need of a happily-ever-after.
I deserved one.
"You're so beautiful," Jase's voice rasped from somewhere behind me. I froze in surprise, the spoon in my hand splashing into the pot and splattering sauce across the shirt I wore. The stinging burn of the steaming food made me curse as it landed against my skin where the huge shirt had fallen off my shoulder. A swarm of butterflies tore through my belly. He had come home early. I wasn't dressed, and I just ruined his shirt.
The ankle bracelet, the one he'd given me so long ago, clinked musically against the locket that hung from it as I whirled around to face him. I watched his gaze fall toward the noise.
How long had he been standing there?
He was leaning against the wall with one of those slow, uneven smiles that always made me melt, hands jammed into his pockets, watching me. Crap, I was talking to myself there for a minute, growling about the stupid heroine of the book. Why couldn't she just realize how much the hero wanted her? Why play coy? Because then there’d be no story? Stupid fictional characters.
Jase raked his teeth over his bottom lip and slowly slid his gaze up my legs until he tilted his head and locked his stare on mine.
He hesitated, taking a stuttered step, cautiously. Then, a steel band of determination crossed over his expression, and his strong, heavy strides devoured the distance between us.
My stomach flipped, and my heart did a strange rhythmic dance inside my chest. I closed the open parts of the shirt and tried to hold his stare. It was terrifying. There was so much intensity to it–it was breathtaking.
"Don't, Charlie," he said, his voice low, husky. I fisted the material a little tighter.
We stared at each other for a few quick heartbeats before his gaze fell to my mouth. I pulled the shirt tighter around me, hiding myself. "Don't cover up," he said.
I thought about the heroine in the book I'd just put down and how I was complaining about her actions. I thought about how people should never hide from their feelings and truths—how so much time always gets wasted. If this was the book of my life, I wanted to skim all the way to the good parts.
So, I dropped my hands to my sides.
The huge shirt slowly slipped from my shoulders, leaving me almost bare in front of him.
He stepped closer, eyes never leaving mine. His head tilted as he brushed past me, reaching behind me to shut off the burner on the stove. I wanted to tell him not to. I was making dinner for him. But those blue eyes had me wondering what was in his head, and I was desperate to know if it was the same thoughts that were in mine.
"What song is this?" he asked low, leaning his body closer to me, yet not touching me. The slow, sexy melody floated through the air, surrounding us.
"Take Me To Church," I answered, unsteadily. "By Hozier."
"I like this song," he whispered into my hair, warm breath fanning gently across my neck. His voice drifted softly and slowly, gently taking hold of my heart. And for the second time in my life, I could remember with clarity the moment I realized I was in love with Jase Delaney.
"Yeah...it's good," I said, lifting my face closer to his.
"Being this close to you always made it hard for me to breathe, Charlie."
Tears burned at my eyes; the bridge of my nose stung as I held his steady stare. "Being this close to you, Jase? It makes me feel like I haven't taken a deep breath in seven long years."