I smiled, pulling him close, "Don't. Don't ever let me go."
"Charlie, I want to feel this forever."
"Forever, Jase."
Epilogue
Today
Charlie
These old bones of mine feel tired I think as I sway myself softly on our old porch swing. It's just touching down on dusk, the fireflies have come to visit, and a cool, salty breeze blows through my hair.
"I broked my lightening bug, Great-gramma," my youngest grandchild cries softly. It's Cassie; she's the most sensitive of the whole lot of them. She collapses onto the swing, causing me to hold on tightly to its rickety old sides.
"Let me take a look, sweets."
She hands me over her mason jar and plops it into my lap.
My stiff fingers twist open the top and free the poor little scared bug onto my palm.
"I love my bug. I don't want it to be broked." Her three-year-old body shakes with sobs.
The bug's wings lift and flitter.
"Blow a kiss on her, Cassie. Let her know how much you love her. She'll fly again when you do," I say.
Cassie's eyes go wide and she blows the biggest kiss over the palm of my hand. The firefly takes flight in its soft innocent breeze and rises up with a great swirl into the darkening sky.
"Yay! You saved her." She twirls around and jumps off the porch, dancing through the grass. The rest of the children join her in her joy.
I watch them run back through the yard and climb up the short ladder of the old tree house my husband and I built when we first got married.
God, I miss him.
I lost my beloved Jase shortly after our fiftieth wedding anniversary. It's been hard to wake up every day since then. But I know it won't be for much longer. My moments without my two boys won't be much more.
Jase made good on all of his promises to me. All of our moments were together from that day on. Every single one of them. And oh, my, were those moments glorious.
We shared a long, beautiful life, until the day my Jase finally left to meet up with Joey again.
I know it's just a matter of time, now.
I won’t be long until I'm back with my boys, the three of us hanging our legs off the edge of a tree house, swinging in the summer sun, waiting for the sunset and fireflies. Won’t be long until we’re licking our fingers clean of cheesy Doritos and chewing on blueberry bubblegum, watching out over Heaven, down through the wispy clouds, watching over all those we love below.
Until then, boys.
I'll miss you.
Years of dirt under our nails
After we've said goodbye to all those we love
We cling to the smell of earth and rain
Not me
I've waited
To evaporate with the rain and pour down again
In memories and dreams
Save a place for me
Next to you
I've waited
You know all my secrets
My body's tired
I can't wait to see you both again
Until then
I miss you every moment.
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Here’s To Falling Playlist
Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self by Pink
Just Give Me a Reason by Pink
Life After You by Daughtry
Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
When I’m Gone by 3 Doors Down
Take Me To Church by Hozier
Dancing in the Sky by Dani and Lizzy
Acknowledgements
Thank you to all my readers. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for sharing in my imagination and falling head first into my many different worlds.
A special thank you to Carol-Angelisa-Deena: Thanks for pushing me to finish this story. Thank you for straightening out my tenses, yelling and cursing at me, driving me around South Carolina to hang with stoners, hanging out in biker bars with me, and being my friend. There’s a lot more you’ve done, but we’d be here all day, so thanks for everything.
Thank you to Dan, Hailey, and Emily: I love you more than anything in this world.
Finally, thanks J. It should be our turn to sit around eating donuts while our kids play under the table. You were the only one who knew my secret, thank you for taking it to the grave. I miss the shit out of you.
Christine Zolendz, Here's to Falling
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