“It wasn’t …” I worried my lip, wondering if my grandfather had gotten to my grandmother with the news before the tabloids. I remembered what he’d said to Caine before I drifted off, and his fierce vow went a little way toward soothing the hurt he’d caused me. Not all. I still didn’t know how to forgive him, but it meant something to me that he was finally looking out for me and not his family name. I’d been waiting on him appearing with my grandmother when Rachel showed up. Did this front-page news mean he wouldn’t show? “That side of my family … There are a lot of bitter feelings there, and the fact is that my dad had an affair with my mother and kept her on the side for years. When my grandfather disinherited him, his wife divorced him and he came crawling to us. I never knew any of that until seven years ago.”
“Wait …” Rachel frowned. “Why did your grandfather disinherit him?”
I sucked in a breath at the question, thinking of its ugly answer. “That’s not my story to tell, Rach.”
Thankfully she let it go. “So … you’re saying that you didn’t tell any of them that you’ve been in Boston this whole time.”
“My grandpa knows,” I admitted sheepishly. “We spend time together in secret.”
“Wow.” She threw me a sympathetic look. “Your life is really complicated.”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I want you to know I’m here for you. I get why you couldn’t talk about any of this, but now you can. No one should have to deal with this shit alone. I love you, Lex. I had a heart attack when Caine called to tell me what had happened to you. You’re my family. Okay?”
My nose stung with tears. This time good tears. “Thanks, Rach. Love you too.”
Rachel stuck around for a little longer, distracting me from the current scary status of my life by gossiping about her neighbors and her neighbors’ kids. Although it was a little unfair of her to complain about anyone else’s terrifying children, considering Maisy, I let her babble on because in her own way Rachel was almost soothing. She brought normality to me in that hospital room, and I needed that so much right then.
My friend was barely out the door when my grandfather showed up. Alone.
I looked beyond him expectantly, but the door to my room closed behind him.
Grandpa strode to my side, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it. “I told Adele last night, sweetheart, but she’s … She needs time. And with the news hitting the papers …”
I tried to pull my hand free. “I get it.”
Grandpa held on. “What you don’t get is that I love you and I will always love you. I made a mistake, Alexa, a terrible mistake that I have regretted ever since that night. I tried in my own way to see it right, but it can never be made right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you and that you feel betrayed. But more than anything I’m sorry this horrible act of mine ever made you question my love for you.”
Tears burned in my eyes. “I just feel really alone.”
“Never think that. It took me too long, but I’m here now. You’re not alone.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It will take time. I can wait.”
And he started waiting right then, as I sat in silence and began the process of trying to forgive him.
A while later, just as Grandpa and I had begun to talk a little, Angela came in looking flustered. She scowled back at Don, one of my security guys, as the door closed behind her. “They really are obnoxious,” she told me. “I’ve got a short, frantic little guy outside claiming to be a friend of yours. Says his name is Benito.”
Holy hell.
I wondered if getting stabbed warranted forgiveness.
“Show him in.”
Angela pushed open my hospital door. “He’s allowed in, jackass,” she snapped at Don as she passed him.
I chuckled and then immediately winced at the pain from my wound. I guessed laughter was out for a while, then.
Benito marched into the room and slammed to a stop at the sight of me. It was like watching him walk into a brick wall. He paled as his big round eyes took in the scene before him. “Oh, dear God.” He hurried to my side and snatched up my hand. “Alexa … I had to come as soon as I heard.”
I gave him a somewhat confused smile. “It’s nice to see you, Benito.” What are you doing here?
He looked at my grandfather, his eyebrows raised. I so did not want to get into that with Benito.
Grandpa cleared his throat and stood up. “I’ll let you have privacy with your friend.” He bent down and pressed a sweet kiss to my temple. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I nodded carefully and watched him leave. I had to admit I felt a certain relief in having decided to try to mend the breach between us.
Benito squeezed my hand. “Edward Holland is your grandfather?”
“We’re not discussing that. At all,” I warned him.
He let go of my hand to pull the chair up beside the bed, the feet screeching across the floor in a way that didn’t even seem to compute with him. I gritted my teeth against the noise and waited for him to explain his presence.
“I feel just awful,” he launched in, gesticulating wildly. “You wouldn’t be in this hospital bed if I hadn’t fired you.”
I snorted. “And you drew this conclusion … how?”
“I was working on a shoot in New York yesterday. You would have been with me, nowhere near International Place.”
Ah. I got it now. He was under the impression that this was not a targeted attack. I, however, was still convinced I might have been assaulted because of Caine’s mysterious secrets. “We don’t know that,” I assured him. “We’re not sure what’s going on here.”
“All I know is that I’m a shit for firing you. I’ve been racked with guilt all morning. I came to apologize.”
The truth was I didn’t regret Benito firing me. What he did actually changed my life. Okay, so right now that wasn’t for the better, but the months before the attack had been the most amazing of my life. And although things were shitty now, at least I was reevaluating my future. If Benito hadn’t fired me I would still be working alongside him, existing on the perimeter of someone else’s career.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Let me,” he snapped impatiently.
“Fine,” I sighed. “Apology accepted.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You could be a little more gracious about it.”
I raised an eyebrow in answer.
“Right.” He winced, his eyes dropping to my stomach. “How is it?” His hands fluttered over the area as if he was afraid any minute now I was about to go all Warrant Officer Ripley on him.
“Gestating.”
“What?” He squinted in confusion.
“Nothing,” I murmured.
“I’ve missed your weird sense of humor, Alexa.” He patted my hand condescendingly.
Frankly I didn’t think I had a weird sense of humor—it was just that Benito didn’t have any kind of sense of humor.
“There was another reason I came to see you.”
“Oh?” Please do not offer me my job back. It would be very difficult to say no, and I knew the best thing for me was to start afresh.
“Antoine Faucheux called me a few days ago.”
Interest piqued, I urged him to go on.
“Apparently his sister, Renée, is looking for a new events planner in her events management company. In Paris. It’s a very successful company—it deals in society weddings, launch parties … Antoine is going to suggest you to his sister, and he called me to ask me to forgive you long enough to write you a glowing reference.”
I stared dumbly at him, processing.
A job. In Paris. In events management?
Was this real?
Benito grimaced. “You’re not saying anything.”
“I’m trying to get my head around it. You just told me someone might offer me my dream job the day after some psycho stuck a knife in me. It’s all a little overwhelming.”
“Of course, dear.” He patted my hand again, this time staring at me as if he were worried I was about to start shouting for Nurse Ratched.
I’d forgotten how trying Benito could be. “Are you going to give me a reference?”
“What kind of monster would I be if I didn’t?”
“That’s a yes, right?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes.”
“Wow.” This changed everything. I could start over in Paris. I wouldn’t have to put up with my grandmother’s more than likely rejection and the rest of the Hollands’ reaction to my presence in their city. I’d be doing something I’d always wanted to do. I’d be living in Paris! I could escape whatever arcane hell was going on with this attacker business.
But the most alluring part of taking a job in Paris?
I wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally bumping into Caine anymore. I could take my broken heart to another continent. Somehow that was reassuring. Maybe in Paris I’d have a chance to actually move on.
Whereas if I was stuck in Boston, everything would remind me of him.
“What about this?” I pointed to my belly. “Doc says recovery time varies from four to six weeks.”
“Well, I’m sure you can work something out with Antoine’s sister.”
I smiled with sincerity. “Benito, thank you.”
He grinned. “I’m forgiven?”
I laughed. “You’re forgiven.”
CHAPTER 28
I was being tortured.
The familiar, delicious scent of Caine’s cologne tickled my nose, and other less innocent places. My arms were wrapped around his neck as he carried me, holding me close to his hard body. I stared glumly at his lips that hovered near my face, and fought the urge to kiss him.
“You know, with all your money you could have installed an elevator inside your apartment so you didn’t have to carry me all the way upstairs,” I grumbled, only half joking, as he laid me down on his guest bed.
His hands rested on the bed at the sides of my shoulders as he braced over me. His eyebrows drew together as he searched my face. “Did I hurt you?”
The whole moving from the hospital to Caine’s apartment hadn’t been the most comfortable process, but no, he hadn’t hurt me. At least not physically.
“No,” I mumbled, and looked away.
Caine sighed. “Are you still mad at me?”
Yes, but now for a different reason. I glared at him. Why hadn’t he moved away? Move away! “Yes.”
“I’m trying to protect you.” He pulled back and I sighed in relief.
“I could have stayed with Rach. She offered.”
“And put up with a crazy four-year-old who would have no consideration for the fact that you’re wounded? There’s a way to guarantee ripping your stitches.”
Since I couldn’t argue with that, I continued glowering.
He smirked at me. “I would never have guessed you’d be an irritable patient.”
“Oh, I’m glad this is amusing you.” I groaned as I lifted myself up into a sitting position and Caine hurried forward to help me. I stopped him by raising a palm to ward him off. I’d had enough of being manhandled by the man I was no longer allowed to handle.
While I was in the hospital, someone had outfitted Caine’s guest room for me. It had always been a nice room, but now there was a television and a DVD player across from the bed, and a bookshelf stacked with books and magazines in the corner. An eReader and a laptop sat on the bedside table along with … knitting needles? I stared at them for a second and then raised an eyebrow at Caine.
Amused, he explained, “Effie says knitting calms the soul.”
“Do I look like I knit?”
“No, but you like you’re in a snit.”
“Oh, great, I get stabbed and you get cute.”
He threw me a look. “Seriously,” he muttered, coming over to fluff my pillows like the perfect nursemaid, “what’s crawled up your ass since leaving the hospital?”
“You.” I batted his hand away from my pillows. “You, you, you.” Could he really not see this was difficult for me? “It’s bad enough I have to be here to recuperate. Maybe you could just help me out a little by backing off.”
He seemed stunned by my outburst … until slowly I watched understanding dawn on his face. He stepped back from the bed. “I have to be here to help you out, Lex. There’s nothing to be done about that.”
I nodded and looked away, feeling utterly vulnerable that he now knew just how much it affected me to be around him. “But Effie will be here mostly?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
“I take it you don’t want to watch a movie with me, then?”
An ache gripped my chest as I remembered our first movie night together.
“Maybe we could stay like this forever …”
I pushed the memory of his words out of my head and reached for the laptop. “Not tonight.”
Taking the hint, Caine moved to leave. He stopped at the doorway. “Can I get you anything before I leave you alone for the night?”
Leave me alone for the night?
The panic must have shown on my face, because he gentled. “I meant alone in this room. I’ll be down the hall.”
The thought of him lying down the hall from me filled me with even more frustration. I cursed my complicated feelings. I wanted him there, but I didn’t want him there. How fun for me. “A glass of water.”
He gave me a nod, seeming pleased to have been given a job. “Coming right up.”
At his departure I exhaled slowly.
I could hear Effie in my head, urging me not to give up on Caine, urging me to keep pushing and pushing at him until he finally gave me his secrets.
Right now I just felt too angry. I knew my anger came from the attack that left me feeling scared. I hated that I’d been made to feel like a victim. That feeling was seeping into every aspect of my life, and somehow it felt like a betrayal of myself—a weakness more than a strength—to fight for Caine when he was so resistant.
“If I don’t get out of this room soon, I’m going to scream.”
Effie gave me a warning look. “Scream and I will not bake you any more cakes.”
“Good. I’m getting fat.”
“Pfft.” She drew her eyes over me. “You’ve been eating like a bird since you got here. The only reason you’re not disappearing before my very eyes is my cakes.”
“Effie,” I whimpered like a child. “I need fresh air. At least let me go out on the balcony.”
To be fair I had been cooped up in Caine’s guest room for the last week. Effie stuck around the apartment while Caine was at work. I appreciated her help more than I could say. She was there to make sure I got in and out of the shower okay. She helped me change my dressing daily and proved herself once again pretty spry and strong for an old lady. Effie was also a great babysitter because she hung out with me, but she also hung out downstairs, giving us both space. Other than Effie I’d had Caine’s cleaner, Donna, for company the two times she arrived for work. It was my first time meeting her and I was more than a little uncomfortable with the circumstances. Along with Effie and Donna, I’d had Rachel and Sofie visit when they dropped by a few times. As did Henry and Nadia. They entertained me without even meaning to. I was fascinated witnessing Henry’s interaction with her. He constantly watched her—tender with her in a way I’d never seen from him before. As for Nadia, she was clearly really into him. I had my fingers crossed for them both, because I genuinely liked Nadia, and I’d come to care for Henry over the last few months. Someone had to get a happily ever after at the end of all this.
As for Grandpa, he called. Obviously it would be unfair to ask Caine if my grandfather could visit me at his apartment, so we just chatted for a little while on the phone. Grandpa was still dealing with the fallout of his family’s discovering I was in Boston and that he’d been seeing me behind their backs all along. Apparently there were a lot of discussions, but non
e of them reached a conclusion.
I think that was his polite way of avoiding telling me that the rest of the family, including my grandmother, didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
That stung. A lot. Along with Caine’s rejection, it pretty much could have threatened to bring on the great depression of the twenty-first century. But I had other things to worry about. For instance, the fact that there were still no leads on my attacker.
“You’re being a terrible patient. You know for your own safety we can’t let you out on the balcony,” Effie grumbled.
I scoffed, “We’re God knows how many stories high. Surely Caine doesn’t think my attacker can get to me on the balcony. I mean he’d have to have a sight gun.”
Effie blanched at the thought.
My heart pounded in my chest. “No. Caine doesn’t believe that’s even a remote possibility. Right? I mean … that’s … th-that’s crazy.”
“Sweetheart, it’s a little far-fetched, and Caine knows that. But right now he’s paranoid about your safety. You didn’t see him when he came home from the hospital that first night. He was wrecked. So you have to give him this.”
“Wrecked?” I whispered, my heart beating fast for a different reason now.
“I told you to keep fighting for a reason, Lexie. You really think a man like Caine lets someone infiltrate his life as thoroughly as you have because he ‘cares about you’?” It was her turn to scoff. “No. The feelings have to be a little more than lukewarm.”
“He let you infiltrate his life,” I argued.
She beamed. “Because he loves me.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“No. He’s wildly and madly crazy about you. There’s a difference.”
“Don’t,” I pleaded. “He told me to my face that he doesn’t love me. I don’t need false hope from you.”
Effie scowled. “No, you need a swift kick up the ass. I told you to push him.”
“And I told you I’m still too pissed off to do anything else but be pissed off.”
“You need to get over that. It’s an ugly way to be.”
I narrowed my eyes in indignation. “You try getting over this kind of anger. Someone put me in this bed, someone who hasn’t been found yet. I’m sitting in this apartment feeling like a hunted animal. And all the while I’m being looked after by a person I love more than I’ve ever loved anyone and he rejected me. Please, tell me how not to be angry and I’ll do it.”