Chapter 7
DAD? I MAKE NO MOVE to the door. A part of me always doubts that he’ll come back.
I remember in middle school he would walk outside my room late at night under the weak glow of the hallway light. Sometimes smoking, sometimes not. Sometimes he would just stand there, staring into my room. The weight of his worry pushed through my door and into my sleep. I never let him know I was up. It’s one of the few good memories I have, that hasn’t drifted into the land of the forgotten. But in the end, he always left and didn’t return until the next day.
I’m awake now and ready for him. He can’t slip away into the darkness to smoke some crappy cigar and hide behind a wall of menthol. There’s something different now, the outline is the same, but something I can’t quite figure out. I guess I’m not used to having a dad that’s really there. And does right by his son.
“Keeg?” His voice is warm. “Son, I am so sorry.” He pauses. “Keeg? Hey, that’s all right if you don’t want to talk, Kiddo. I guess I deserve it. I messed up. I know I did. Had lots of time to think about how I did you wrong. I … I should have done a lot of things differently. But there’s no taking back what’s happened. We’ve got a second chance and I feel good about it.”
I try to look at him during his surprise apology but it’s too much. I turn away. Definitely not strong enough for that.
“You were at the hospital for a while. Lots of nice people helping out too. Doris Thomas has been … well, she’s been a really good friend. She’s been helping me figure this out.”
She’s been helping him? Weird, why would Dad need help from a nurse? It’s not like he landed on his face.
“I think you should know a few things.” He takes long strides into the kitchen, like he’s using them to consider his next words. “Your mother—”
It triggers a defiant huff from me.
“Now listen, I know you don’t want to talk about her but we have to, Keeg. Your mother was never like that early on. There must be something in your memory about that.”
There is, but I’m not going to help him out.
He continues, “She never would have laid a hand on a child. But she always wanted you to be perfect for some reason. Then, you had your accident. It changed everything. After that, I almost didn’t recognize her. It happened so quickly too. And, well, I always wondered if it was my fault somehow. You could say I went through a change too that day.” His eyes seem heavy. Weighted to the ground.
Does he blame himself for my accident?
“What I’m saying, is that people veer off course. Sometimes all at once and sometimes so slowly you can only see it looking back. What I know is that your mom changed. She looked the same but that was it. And … ”
He’s killing me. Why does he have to make sense?
“ … somehow -- and you must have felt this way too – your mother wasn’t herself.”
Anger punctures my stomach slowly when I realize what he’s doing. He’s defending her! Why? My teeth grind, jaw clenches. After finally getting away, is he really taking her side?
He rubs his temple and closes his eyes, then, “Look, Keegan, what I did was not a good-dad thing. I let it happen. And I’ll have to live with that. I wasn’t there and I hope you can forgive me.” He’s exposed, like a wounded deer in the woods. If only I could finish him off, but instead, I feel pity for him. He’s telling the truth for a change. Why is it so annoying?
I walk to the sliding glass doors off the living room, looking past the pool and hot tub. Maybe Dad was a target too because he couldn’t get out of the way of all her bad shit. He just never got hit with fists.
Dad follows me to the sliding doors. “Keegan, we have a chance for a new life. Here. Just let me explain. There are things that have happened in the last few weeks, you don’t know because you weren’t really here. I’ve been working, and it feels great. I feel like a man again. I wish you could understand. This home—” he chokes up, his voice is so real and honest, “—could be ours. We can make a new start and I can do things like … like … be a dad.”
I try to control the swell of emotion. I want to say something. I want it to be the way it was with Dad before I fell off the bike. We were on the same team then. Not anymore.
“What do you think, son? How does that sound?”
My hand grabs for the latch on the sliding door, but fumbles. It clicks, the door pops open. I can’t seem to move. The first step is tough because if I do take it, I’m forgiving what he let happen in trade for something better.
“Whatever. I guess we can see what happens.” I feel tears rising but catch them in time.
That’s enough for my new dad who seems to have found himself. The guy who is saying the right things and looks like other dads now.
He hurries inside, saying stuff like, “Get you enrolled” and “things will be different”. His voice drifts into the kitchen.
Walking in the backyard, I think about how quickly it’s all changed. I take in the neatly kept back yard and stop to look at our new home. White. Bright as snow on a day off of school. Black wooden shutters surrounding flower box windows. I thought this only existed on TV. It can’t be ours. It can’t be.
The bright sun warms my cheeks. It’s calming. Maybe I could believe …
Maybe I’m ready to accept Dad’s reaching out.
Maybe this is almost as good as California.
Maybe.
END OF EPISODE 1
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TO BE CONTINUED...
In Singularity, episode 2 of THE HIDE SERIES, Keegan tries to adjust to his new life in Sedonia Falls and forget the abuse of his mother. But with the start of school, things progress to a level of bizarre he’s never been accustomed to--he goes from zero to hero with the hottest girl in school and takes his place amongst the social elite. But the reversal of fortune makes Keegan question what’s really happening. And for some reason he’s just become enemy number one for the scariest maniac in school. The secret to his survival might just depend on the girl nobody wants him to be with.
About the Author
JAX SPENSER was born just outside of Gunnison, Colorado in a government research facility called Area 52.5, (truth be told, Mom, a government astrophysicist, was in her last trimester at Area 51 when she was abruptly transferred), Jax Spenser spent his early years wondering if Dad was the meek and mild-mannered man living at home or if he really existed in the distant twinkle of a far off alien’s gaze. After an awakening during his teen years (some would call it puberty packing a lead pipe), Jax spent the rest of his life filled with the absolute belief that not only was the truth out there but that his real father looked proudly down on him in hopes that his baby boy Jax would one day find his way back to whatever distant corner of the Universe Pops beamed in from. Until that day, Jax has dedicated his time to writing possible scenarios in which the two might one day meet again.
You can also visit him at www.jaxspenser.com
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