I stared at him, unable to take my eyes off him. He wouldn’t look at me, and I realized he felt just as useless and inadequate as I always had.
An urge pulled at me to make him feel good.
“Hey.” I brought up my hand, nudging his chin.
He raised his eyes.
I gave him a small smile. “Sometimes when everything and everyone around me is hard to face, I look up.”
He pinched his eyebrows together, looking like he didn’t understand, and I tilted my head back, looking up at the ceiling.
Slowly, he did the same, following my gaze.
The steam billowed in the air above us, parting here and there to show the white granite ceiling of the shower. Particles of crystal in the rock glittered in the dim light, and for a moment, my brain was floating among the mist. Light as a feather, soaring on the clouds.
“Changing your view…” I trailed off. “It helps. Right?”
He smiled, his shoulders relaxing. “We’ll have to try that outside at night sometime.”
We?
Suddenly, he cleared his throat and straightened up, releasing me. “I’m going to get you some clothes, okay?” he told me. “Why don’t you sit down? Warm up some more under the water.”
I nodded, reluctantly backing away as he stepped aside. Was he embarrassed? I didn’t want him to leave, but he looked like he was in a hurry to get out of here. Maybe he regretted telling me all that, but I was glad he did.
He pointed at the shower floor. “Stay here, okay?”
He walked to the door, opening it, and stepped out. “Alex,” I heard him call, but before I had a chance to look, he’d closed the shower door again.
I remained there, all the chill now gone. Legs growing weary, I fell softly into the wall to help support my weight.
He didn’t touch me. He’d just put his arms around me and held me, not getting greedy or trying to get more out of me or anything. Even Damon had never been as patient and comforting with me.
On the rare occasion my brother felt compelled to show any affection, no embrace ever lasted more than a few seconds. My mother was probably the last person to hold me like that.
I slid down the wall, my ass planted on the tiles and my knees drawn up. I closed my eyes, feeling my blood flowing warm under my skin, my breathing slow and steady.
My mind tilted sideways, and every limb was a ten-ton weight. I didn’t know how long I drifted off for.
“Banks?” I heard a soft voice say.
Could’ve been an hour later or a minute. I wasn’t sure.
I shifted, letting out a little moan.
“Banks?” the voice said, closer this time, and I slowly peeled my eyes open.
Alex, the girl from the party, was crouching down next to me, dressed in some hot pink workout shorts and a white sports bra. She stayed back from the spray of the shower.
“Kai wanted me to get you some clothes,” she explained. “I’ve been waiting outside. I just want to let you know I have something for you to wear. You can stay in here however long you want, though.”
I sniffled, opening my eyes and sitting all the way up. “I’m fine.”
I got to my feet and stood up, Alex rising with me.
“Okay,” she said, backing up and pointing to the hook on the wall. “Towels are here, and there’s a bag for your wet clothes, too. I’ve got some dry ones sitting on the bench right outside.”
I nodded, reluctantly appreciating how she’d thought of everything. I hadn’t called any of the guys, so I didn’t have clothes, and I’d need to wear something while my own dried. I knew they had washers and dryers available for the gym towel service.
She quickly left, and I reached over, shutting off the water. Taking one of the towels off the hook, I patted my still-braided hair dry and hung it back up, hurriedly taking off my clothes. I peeled off my soaked jacket and dropped it to the floor, following quickly with my flannel shirt, shoes, socks, jeans, and underthings. Every unraveling of the bindings around my chest felt more glorious than the last, until finally my breasts were freed, hitting the air.
I closed my eyes, letting out a small moan. I wrapped myself in the same towel and quickly stuffed the wet clothes in one of the white tote bags Sensou sold at the front desk that Alex had apparently brought me. Undoing the braids in my hair, I shook the locks free, massaging my scalp with the other towel.
Reaching outside the door, I grabbed the small stack of clothes, hearing several other women in the locker room talking. The gym must be open for business by now.
Closing the door, I peeked through the stack, looking for the rest of the clothes.
“What?” I blurted out.
Black stretch pants that looked like a second skin and a gray sports bra with a Nike symbol in the middle. I groaned. Where was the fucking rest of it? I couldn’t wear this shit.
“Ugh,” I growled, holding onto the bra and slipping the pants on. She had to have something else out there. Or at least a sweatshirt.
I pulled up the pants, the soft fabric wrapping around my thighs and behind, and I groaned at the discomfort. It was weird to have something matted to my skin like this. But when I pulled the towel off and reached over to hang it up, I paused, noticing how good the form-fitting pants felt to move in. A ton lighter.
Slipping my arms through the openings in the bra, I squeezed my head through the middle and pulled the bra down, quickly adjusting my breasts to fit inside.
I blinked long and hard. Oh, God. I felt naked. I pulled my hair over one shoulder, trying to cover my breasts that were damn near popping out of her top, and folded my hands over my bare stomach.
I opened the door a crack, peeking out. I didn’t want to walk out there like this.
Oh, who was I kidding? Every woman here was practically dressed like this. I wouldn’t stand out. Damon had made me so self-conscious, like if I showed an ankle, men would pounce like wolves.
Patting my feet dry again, I stepped out, picking up the bag of clothes and tossing the towels in the basket right outside the shower.
I walked into the locker room, seeing a few women scurrying about to get to their workouts.
“You look good,” a voice said.
I looked up, seeing Alex standing with her hands on her hips and nodding at me as her eyes scaled me up and down.
I tensed.
“We’re about the same size,” she mused, coming over and taking my hand. “Wouldn’t know it by the way you drown in your usual clothes.”
She grabbed the bag from me, and I watched as she tossed it to an attendant—a young woman in a black Sensou polo—who carried it off somewhere, hopefully to the dryers.
“My clothes aren’t that big,” I mumbled.
She led me over to the vanities and pushed my shoulders down, my tired legs giving out under me and my ass slamming into the seat. She immediately started brushing my hair.
“I can do it,” I snapped, reaching for the brush.
But she pulled away. “You can’t,” she told me, plucking a foil-wrapped object off the counter and dropping it in my lap. “You have to eat.”
I picked up the soft, warm roll. “What’s this?”
“Kai had some breakfast burritos delivered.”
I dropped it back to my lap. “I’m fine.”
“He said you’d say that.” She held a fistful of my hair, working intently on brushing the ends. “He also said you’re smart enough to pick your battles, and someone as practical as you wouldn’t split hairs over a stupid burrito.”
A smile escaped me. Okay. Point.
The floury scent of the tortilla hit my nose, and my stomach suddenly rumbled. I hadn’t eaten this morning.
She finished brushing out my tangles as I unwrapped the burrito and bit into it. Soft egg, spicy sausage, some onions, peppers, and jalapenos with a little cheese, and I couldn’t help myself. I bit into it again, not waiting to swallow the first bite first.
“Good girl.” Alex winked at me and turned on
the hair dryer.
My hair blew around me, the whirring noise drowning out everything but me and this fucking burrito. Most of the time, I rarely stopped moving long enough to notice if I was hungry or not, so I’d often go all day on an egg and a piece of toast. Marina always had something cooking, too, so I might grab a few pieces of leftovers or a bowl of soup from the pot she kept on the stove, but usually, it was grab-and-go or eat nothing.
Alex smoothed the brush through my hair as she dried it, the long strands tickling the bare skin of my arms and back. I felt chills spread across my skin and found myself dropping my head back to give her better access with the brush. I breathed out, closing my eyes as I ate. The prongs of her brush dragged over my scalp.
Soon I’d finished the burrito and sat, savoring the feel of the brush combing through my hair when I realized the hair dryer was no longer running. I opened my eyes, seeing Alex staring at me in the mirror, her cute ponytail sitting high with hair around her face.
My own hair, all foot and a half of it, cascaded down my back, and she’d put a part in the side. I hadn’t had it down, clean, and blown out all at the same time in ages.
“When’s the last time you’ve been touched?” she asked, studying me. “Like really touched?”
I dropped my head forward again, avoiding her eyes. I suppose I’d enjoyed getting my hair combed a little too much?
She sat down next to me, straddling the bench and facing me.
“We all need it, you know?” she said quietly. “We need contact. It’s only human. But if you’re not getting it from someone else, there’s nothing wrong with a little self-love, either. Just pointing that out. You strike me as uptight, and it’ll help. I self-love at least twice a day.”
I shot her a scowl. I didn’t like people who overshared.
She laughed, and I noticed her bright, wide smile that gave her a child-like, girl-next-door sweetness. Very much in contrast to her un-child-like body that I knew half the men at that party the other night had probably taken to bed. Had Kai slept with her?
“I’m serious, though.” She nudged me, bringing me back. “Being touched is a need. Close your eyes for me.”
Huh?
“It’s an experiment,” she explained, probably seeing my confused look. “I won’t touch you anywhere personal.”
No. I inched away.
But she just followed me. “Close your eyes, and imagine I’m him.”
“Him?”
“Your fantasy.”
My fantasy? Wha—
“Indulge me for two minutes,” she leaned in, whispering, “and I’ll give you my sweatshirt.”
I let out a scoff.
But still…I’d like a sweatshirt.
Fine. Fuck it. I closed my eyes.
Without my sight balancing me, my brain seemed to start floating, but I still felt her shift next to me, and then a hand touched my stomach, making me jump.
“Do you see him in your head,” she whispered, her breath falling across my jaw. “Your fantasy. Picture him—or her—what they’re wearing, the room, how they’re coming for you.”
My eyelids fluttered, the images popping into my head on instinct.
“No,” I muttered, the word accidentally slipping out.
Her fingertips grazed my abdomen, sending delightful chills up my arms. “Yes,” she breathed in my ear. “You see him, don’t you? He’s touching you right now. This is his hand on your stomach. His body next to you. His voice in your ear. Do you see him?”
I shivered, my breathing turning shallow. I was suddenly back in the grave.
Kai’s bare chest was in front of me, and I wanted to sink my fingers into his waist and bury my nose in his neck. The faint scent of his soap and the wet earth under our shoes surrounded me, and another scent that was just Kai. It was in his hair, his mouth, his skin…
“I want you,” he gasped out, his hot breath in my ear. “I want you in my mouth.”
His hand slid up the back of my neck, threading into my hair and gripping it lightly. I whimpered, feeling my nipples harden.
He sank his mouth into my neck, and I sucked in a breath through my teeth, his lips kissing and sucking my skin. Oh, God. I leaned my head to the side, letting him in.
“I’m going to eat you so fucking deep,” he said, his possessive hand on my stomach trailing down the inside of my thigh.
I could see us on a bed, his head buried between my legs, and even though I felt the heat of a blush on my face, I wanted him there.
“You feel me?” he asked. “You feel how much I want you? I’m going to stick my tongue up inside you and lick until you’re screaming for me to let you come. You’re mine.”
My chest shook, and I moaned, feeling him nibble my ear, his hands growing more demanding, making me sweat.
“Take my hands, baby,” he whispered. “Put my hands on you.”
I licked my dry lips, not even hesitating. I grabbed his hand on my thigh, but stopped, feeling a soft, slender hand that didn’t feel like a man’s.
I popped my eyes open, seeing Alex at my side.
“Oh, my God.” I put my hand over my mouth, embarrassment wracking through me. That was all her. Holy shit. I released her hand, watching her reluctantly pull away and let out a sigh.
“He’s a lucky guy. Whoever he is.”
I shook my head, baffled at what just happened. And the somersaults still going on in my stomach.
She leaned in. “Tonight, you should remember that fantasy and finish it, even if it’s just you, by yourself, in your bed.”
No wonder Will kept her on payroll.
“Or if you want,” she said, teasing with a smirk in her voice, “call me, and I’ll finish you off.”
The pulse between my legs throbbed harder.
Fucking amazing, I thought to myself. I could take on a two-hundred-fifty-pound guy, but a twenty-year-old escort got me shy.
I was about to stand up when a shout rang out through the locker room. “Is Banks done in there yet?!”
It was Kai.
Alex hopped off the bench, grabbing her brush and pushing my hair behind my shoulders. “Yeah, she’s dry and dressed!”
“Get her out here then.”
I quickly stood up and scurried over to Alex’s locker, snatching the gray zip-up on the bench in front of it. It was long, hopefully long enough to cover the curvy parts.
I walked for the door, seeing it partly open and Kai’s form through the frosted glass. I slipped into the sweatshirt.
“I’m here,” I said, opening the door. “What do you need?”
He immediately turned and started walking, without looking at me, clearly expecting me to follow him.
“I need you to handle the front desk for an hour. The first shifter is caught in traffic.”
I made to zip up the jacket, but all of a sudden it was ripped off me from behind, and I jerked around, seeing a smiling Alex snatching it back and shoving me in the chest, out the door.
What the fuck?
She slammed the locker room door closed, and I rushed back, jiggling the knob, but she was planted against it, not letting me in.
I opened my mouth to yell but just fisted my hands, growling low.
Damn her.
“Everything slows to a goddamn halt, like people have never seen rain before,” Kai went on, still walking down the hallway. “Just scan cards, hand out towels if they ask, and answer the phones. It shouldn’t be too long.”
I tucked one side of my hair behind my ear and followed him reluctantly, fidgeting my hands and trying to cover my stomach with my arms and then my cleavage.
“I’ll show you how to use the intercom to page me if you need me,” he instructed.
I stopped at the desk as he reached over it, grabbing a set of keys and a walkie talkie.
But then something dropped in the middle of the lobby, and Kai and I both looked over, seeing Michael standing frozen with his fucking eyebrows up at his hairline. He was staring at me.
I shifted my eyes around, grinding my teeth together. Yeah, laugh it up, asshole.
Kai held out his hands, annoyed as he looked at Michael and Rika standing still in the middle of the lobby with a Gatorade spilling out on the floor.
“What’s the matter with you?” he burst out.
And then he followed their gaze, finally turning around and looking at me.
His eyebrows nose-dived, his back straightened, and he looked at me like I just kicked a puppy.
His gaze dropped to my bare feet, slowly scaling up Alex’s tight workout pants, my bare stomach, the sports bra, and my hair hanging long and free.
My fists clenched at my side.
Kai’s eyes finally met mine, and my stomach dropped. I knew that look. It was the same one he had in his eyes on that Devil’s Night, right before he chased me.
He cocked any eyebrow and turned his head toward his friends. “What are you looking at?” he growled to Michael. “Locker room’s that way.”
Michael had a grin he was trying to hold back, and Rika scowled at him.
“Breathe, asshole,” she said, and then she stomped off down the hallway.
He followed her, a choked laugh in his voice. “Babe, I was just a little shocked. It’s a huge change!”
“Shut up.”
“Rika, come on…”
And their argument disappeared down the hall.
I stood there, my head level but my gaze on the floor as I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I’ll change as soon as my clothes are dry,” I told him, looking up. “Where can I get one of those polos the other desk clerks wear?”
He didn’t answer for a moment, his gaze hesitantly glancing down and back up again.
Hooding his eyes, he walked around me, toward the hallway. “We’re all out.”
Banks
Devil’s Night
Six Years Ago
Tossing my keys on the desk, I closed the door and walked across the room, pulling the curtains closed. I peeled off my sweatshirt, kicked off my shoes, and dug in the top drawer of Damon’s chest of drawers, pulling out some boxers and a T-shirt. Yawning, I walked into the bathroom, the white marble floors feeling cool and smooth under my feet.