She stepped back, and her leg came into contact with the bed. Though half tempted to fall and proceed directly to the second part of her plan, Meg grabbed the bedpost to steady herself. She forced her mind to focus on the task at hand, reminding herself that it might not need to come to that if he would listen to reason.
“Not much more than I already knew.” Was that her voice squeaking?
“Meg…,” he warned, leaning over her, closer. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her hair. It sent a shiver of sensation down her spine.
She swallowed. Not from intimidation, but from the pure magnetism that radiated from him straight through her, warming her, engulfing her senses with heat. From his tense posture, she could tell he, too, was not unaffected by their closeness. The memory of what had happened in the woods stretched heavily between them.
“I know about your cousins,” Meg said gently. Cautiously, she peeked at him from beneath her long lashes. Alex’s controlled expression slipped, revealing his pain. She rested her hand on his arm. “Don’t blame Isabel, she thought it might help explain some things, and it did. But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I told you.”
“Not all of it.”
He stepped backward and turned away from her. “It was a long time ago.”
“I know it was,” she agreed, “but I also know that it still bothers you. Tell me.”
He turned back to face her, meeting her hopeful gaze with a determined set to his square jaw. She could read it in the thin line of his lips, the shuttered look in his eyes: He still would not share his painful memories with her—and that hurt. But it was too late to turn back. He would learn to trust her.
“Meg…” he began softly.
From the look in his eyes, Meg knew what he was going to say. He was going to reject her. Again.
“I can’t be the man you need for your clan—”
She clutched his arm. Perhaps she hadn’t been clear? “Alex, I don’t care about the past. I trust you completely. I trust your judgment, your leadership, your fighting skills. I trust you with the future of my clan. Is that not enough?”
“I’m honored, lass. More than you will know. If circumstances were different…but there are things you don’t understand.”
“Then tell me, help me understand.”
“I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t.” Bitterness clung to her tongue.
“Very well, I won’t.”
It hadn’t worked.
Words hadn’t worked.
Her heart pounded and her pulse raced as she realized that the point of no return was fast approaching. Could she go through with it? Throwing herself at him like some common strumpet? Playing on their attraction? Seduction went against her normally forthright nature. It seemed almost…manipulative. She grimaced. Alex had left her no choice. She knew he needed a push. He cared for her, but something held him back. And she knew that if she did not try, she would never know. And living with that would be even worse.
There was only one card left to play. He’d thrown down the gauntlet.
To the winner went the spoils.
Alex knew the precise moment that Meg understood. He watched her beautiful green eyes cloud, the soft pink blush fall from her cheeks. He watched the pain of his rejection pinch her delicate features.
He hated being forced to hurt her. But what in Hades was she thinking coming to his room like this in the first place? Didn’t she realize how dangerous this was? If anyone found her here, she would be ruined.
Damn Isabel for telling her about his cousins. He didn’t want Meg’s pity.
Marriage. The very idea taunted like a dream drifting just out of his reach. Marriage was something that he’d always thought would not be for him. But for the first time, he realized it could be. Regret came swift and hard. He was honored by her proposal and more tempted than she would ever know, but it could not be.
It was just like Meg to propose to him. Tenacious and straightforward no matter what. Coming here like this had taken some courage. But it also made everything more complicated. Had his life been anything else since he’d met her?
Conflicted didn’t even begin to cover what Alex was feeling. One moment he was ready to jump on the next horse and race to the coast, eager to confront his future; the next he wanted to pull Meg into his arms and savor every precious moment with her. It had been like this ever since Rory and Isabel had arrived—when it had become impossible to ignore the fact that he must leave. And soon.
He should be proud of what he’d accomplished at court. He’d succeeded in the first part of his mission. He’d done what he came to do. But he took no joy in his success. Not when Meg had innocently become tangled up in his activities. He did take solace in knowing that the damage was not irreparable. Assuming he could stop himself from pushing her back on the bed and ravishing her as he wished.
By this time tomorrow, he would be on his way to Lewis. He was surprised that Rory had asked him to wait a full day. Alex had thought to be gone by now. He didn’t know whether to be sorry or relieved. As his gaze slid back to Meg, he thought, Probably the latter. No matter how wretched he felt right now.
Where Meg was concerned, everything was in turmoil. A woman had never made him feel this way before. One thing was for sure: He would see that she never realized how difficult she’d made it for him to leave. He didn’t want to give her false hope. Lord knew he didn’t want to hurt her, any more than he wanted to say good-bye. But he had to do both.
She moved to the door. She was going to leave. But all he wanted to do was pull her back into his arms and wipe away the bruise left by his refusal with a kiss.
He forced his arms to remain by his side. Her back was to him, but he could see her fiddle with the clasp of her cloak. This was to be good-bye, then. His chest tightened. He forced his mouth closed, preventing the words from tumbling out to call her back.
He wanted her. But even if what she said was true, even if she did think he would make a good chief for her clan, Alex knew that he had to finish what he started. Rory needed him; there was no one else with his experience and skills. He had a duty to his clan and to his slain cousins to atone for their loss. And he would never put Meg in danger, physically from his enemies or from himself. An alliance with a traitor would be the exact opposite of the husband she’d hoped to find. No, it was better this way. Once he was gone, she would accept Jamie’s suit. His stomach buckled with the blow of the thought of Meg with Jamie.
Her cloak had somehow slid off her shoulders and landed on a chair. And instead of opening the door to leave, Meg pulled the simple wooden latch across the door with a dull thud and turned to face him.
There was a strange cast to her face, determined yet vulnerable. She took a tentative step toward him. Slowly, her hands lifted to her hair. His breath caught. One by one, she pulled the pins that bound the thick curls, until the last one was gone and those beautiful chestnut locks tumbled freely down her back. Like a siren song, she shook her head, beckoning him to paradise. Or perdition. Alex was mesmerized by the shimmering waves of soft curls swaying in the candlelight.
He was growing very uneasy. And very aroused. His mind refused to accept what his eyes were telling him. His vulnerable little wood nymph was doing her best to look like a skilled seductress. It was utterly charming. And exceedingly effective.
“What are you doing?” His voice sounded ragged even to his own ears.
Her brow shot up, and a corner of her mouth lifted with amusement. “I must admit I’m new to this, but I’d hoped it would be obvious.”
She continued her slow, swaying saunter toward him, until she stood right before him. So close that he could bend down and kiss the top of her downy head.
Suddenly shy, she peered up at him from beneath her long lashes. She reached up to place her hands on his shoulders. He groaned but forced his body to remain stiff and unyielding under her touch.
God help him, she was seducing him. His entire body c
lenched. He’d never expected this. Not from Meg.
“You need to leave,” he said stiffly, then more adamantly: “Now.” Before it’s too late.
She shook her head and lifted her chin to look him straight in the eye, unflinching. “Tell me you don’t want me.”
Damn her, didn’t she know how hard this was for him? How it had almost killed him to stop himself from taking her last time? How just being next to her filled him with a longing so intense, he didn’t know how much longer he could stand not having her?
“I don’t want you,” he lied, his body pounding with desire.
She ran her hand up the top of his arms to circle around his neck, pressing her delicate body against him. Teasing him. He couldn’t breathe.
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered, pressing a feathery kiss along his clenched jaw.
It hurt physically just to stand there, unmoving.
When he didn’t respond, she pulled back, her expression an adorable mix of befuddled confusion. But Alex held firm under her gentle assault. She leaned closer, placing her hand on his chest for support, and brushed her mouth against his. The taste of her assailed him, drenching him with a slow-moving heat. Arousal swarmed his senses. He felt intoxicated, not with drink but with desire.
It took every ounce of his restraint not to take what she offered. He made a low sound, which was apparently all the encouragement she needed, because this time she kissed him harder, moving her mouth over his as he’d taught her to do. Her mouth was soft and unbearably sweet. He wanted to sink into her. To plunder the delicious cavern of her mouth with his tongue. He could have held out, would have, until she slid her tongue along the deep crevice of his mouth.
Damn her.
He pulled her into his arms with such urgency, he was worried that he might have hurt her. But she just mewled, like a sweet, contented little kitten. His head dipped and caught her quivering lips, lips that betrayed her nervousness. His chest tightened with protectiveness as he realized that she was not quite as confident as she seemed.
Instead of the hard, demanding kiss that his heated body craved, his mouth softened. Moving over hers, kneading her lips with his, persuading, opening. His tongue swept the inside of her mouth. She tasted so sweet, like warm honey. This was what he’d been dreaming of since that day in the forest. He couldn’t get enough. Desire pulsed through him, urging him, taunting him, begging him to sate his desperate need. He was filled with it, his erection stiff and throbbing.
Soon, it would be too late to turn back. Lifting his head, breaking the promise of his kiss, was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
“I can’t do this, Meg,” he said, his breath harsh and uneven.
Her eyes were hazy with passion. Her pink mouth was swollen from his kiss. She’d never looked so beautiful. Lucidity finally broke through the haze. “I don’t understand…don’t you want this? I know what I am doing. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. You are everything that I need. Let me prove it to you.”
Her faith in him pierced the shield encased around his heart. He believed her. A woman like Meg would not give herself lightly. She made him dream of things that he’d never allowed himself to imagine. For a moment, he forgot the shadow that had followed him for the last five years. This smart, beautiful woman believed in him.
His body wavered, but deep in his soul he knew this was wrong. He could not let her sacrifice herself, her future, her soul, for him. He would not be the cause of her failing her father. He knew how hard she’d worked to prove herself. Being here with him was a mistake. He couldn’t give her what she needed. This had to stop. Here. Now.
“It won’t change anything, Meg. I can’t offer you what you want.”
“I’m not asking for promises,” she said quietly. “All I want is you.”
Heart pounding, he unlaced her arms from around his neck, took her by her shoulders, and set her away from him. He tried to steady his voice as he said, “No. I don’t want to do this.”
She looked as though he’d struck her. Her eyes scanned his face, searching for any weakness. He forced his expression to stay hard, unyielding. He could almost see her mind filter through his words, analyzing what he’d said.
His heart wrenched as her face flooded with shame and humiliation.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice trembling. “I thought you wanted…,” The words drifted away. Her cheeks burned scarlet, like two vivid handprints against a pale canvas. She could barely speak through the emotion strangling her voice. “No, it doesn’t matter what I thought.”
She flew to the door, gathering her cloak in one swift motion.
Hell, he’d made a mess of this. Alex grabbed her arm to stop her. “Meg, you misunderstand. It’s not that I don’t want you—”
“Please,” she stopped him, precariously close to tears. “You don’t have to say anything else.” She tried to smile, but her lips trembled. “It’s obvious that I jumped to the wrong conclusion.” Her cheeks burned with humiliation. “Look at you. Look at me. I’m sure things like this happen to you all the time, women throwing themselves at you,” she said with forced brightness.
Her wobbly composure broke him.
He swore, pulling her against him. He wanted to shake her for pushing him. Curse her for forcing this between them. Damn it, how could she doubt his desire? He took her hand and brought it between them, showing her how much he wanted her. “God, don’t you feel what you do to me?”
Eyes startled, she nodded.
“You don’t know what you are asking for, Meg. Go back to your room.”
She shook her head and tentatively molded her fingers around him. Almost stroking him. He groaned as the dark sensations rushed through him. His stomach muscles clenched, and his cock pulsed with need.
“No,” she said, refusing for the final time.
His control snapped. To hell with it. He’d tried to warn her. He was done denying what had been building between them from the first moment he’d seen her across the battlefield. The time for reckoning had come. She was going to learn just how much he wanted her.
He kissed her savagely, wildly. Finally unharnessing the violent passion that she aroused in him. He kissed her harder, punishing her with his mouth for what she was doing to him. For how she made him feel. For being the right woman at the wrong time. But if he’d hoped to scare her, he was wrong. Meg welcomed his fervor, returning it with her own.
There were no secrets left between them—or their bodies, at least.
She’d pushed him too hard. There was only so much torture a man could take. The warmth of her hand around him was it. Alex would not let himself think, even though a part of him knew exactly what this meant. Right now he was beyond thinking. His body craved hers, in a way that he had never before experienced. This was about possession. He moved with one purpose, to make her his.
She belonged to him. Forever. And somehow, nothing had ever seemed more right.
He wanted her.
Meg should be shocked by the intimate placement of her hand, but instead the proof of his desire seemed to shatter the final barrier between them. She wanted to feel him, she wanted to touch his body. To sever all secrets between them.
So she gave herself over to him, holding nothing back. She believed in him, trusted him. If he would not listen to her words, she would show him with her body.
The power, the vehemence of his kiss, told her what he could not. Her heart burst with pleasure. Passion that she did not know she possessed broke free.
The stubble of his beard burned her cheeks as his mouth slanted over hers. His hands pushed through her hair, forcing her head back to deepen the kiss. There was nothing gentle about his movements. But despite the raw energy of his passion, there was still something deeply tender in the primitive nature of his need. She, Meg Mackinnon, had shattered the mask of indifference. Her heart swelled with love for this amazing man.
She lifted her hand to rest on his sprawling chest, savoring th
e excited pounding of his heart under his thin shirt. She was driving him crazy, and it emboldened her like nothing else. Her hands roamed brazenly across his chest and back, tracing the hard edges of his body, pressing him closer, molding their bodies together as one.
His mouth moved across her jaw and down the curve of her neck as his fingers quickly worked the laces of her gown and stays. The beautiful emerald brocade gown that she’d chosen with such care to entice was soon lying in a puddle around her feet, until all that remained covering her nakedness was a thin sark.
His mouth lowered, moving down to the sensitive skin above her bodice. Deftly, he loosened the tie to bare her breasts.
“God, you are beautiful.” He admired her with his hands, cupping her and then skimming down the curve of her stomach and hips like a sculptor. His mouth was achingly warm as he found her nipple. He sucked, and a needle of sensation shot through her body. She loved the brush of his rough chin against her skin as his tongue swirled and nipped, until each tip hardened into a tight bud. Molten heat flooded her body; her senses were drowning in desire. The area between her legs shivered and hungered, craving—no, demanding—fulfillment.
In her eagerness, her hand unknowingly grazed his waist, over the swollen round tip of his erection.
Alex flinched, sucking in his breath. Beneath his shirt, the muscles of his stomach rippled into taut parallel bands.
“Careful, sweet,” he said tenderly, if unevenly, “or this will be over before it has begun.”
Meg flushed. “I’m sorry.”
His fingers lifted her chin, so he could look in her eyes. “For what? For making me want you too badly?” He smiled. “If you touch me, I will lose control. It is sometimes painful the first time for a woman. I want to concentrate on giving you pleasure.” He paused, looking at her intently. “Do you understand?”
She nodded.
He kissed her again, and the brief poignant moment dissolved in the building storm of passion brewing between them. Deftly, he lifted her sark over her head. But before she had time to become embarrassed, he gathered her in his arms and carried her to his bed, laying her down almost reverently. The look in his eyes made her chest squeeze. Meg knew that she would never forget this moment. In his eyes, she saw the fulfillment of her dreams.