Can You Imagine…?
by Bobbi G
The Best Collection of Holiday Happenings, Part I
Volume III
Copyright 2012
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Bobbi G columns are also available for your reading pleasure at:
https://www.focusnewspaper.com/bobbig.php
Table of Contents
Cupid
Love Sickness
If Love Were a Song
Happy Mother’s Day
The Signal
Happy Birthday America!
Ghouls Gone Wild
And Then…
The Nightmare Before Halloween
You’ll See…
The Littlest Goblin
T. G. I. F.
How Weird is Turkey Day?
Food-Ball
Being Thankful
Cupid
Column #32 2-15-07
Cu-pid draw back your bow-o and let your arrow go-o, straight to my lov-ers heart for me-eee…
Look oooout! IN COMING!!! Whoa, that was close. Those pint-sized, blue-eyed, fair-haired, winged, chubby cheek cherubs are everywhere. They don’t just come out on Valentine’s Day you know. Cupids can and will strike without any prior knowledge or consent on your part.
Besides, everyone knows Cupid wrote the book on love. So you might as well stop dodging arrows. Speaking of arrows, did you know Cupid carries two different kinds in his nifty little Ralph Lauren quiver? Yep, the solid gold tipped arrows inspire Love, while the lead tipped arrows inspire well…extreme dislike.
Personally, I have a theory about the arrow ‘tips’ he’s using these days. Given the fact that the price of gold has steadily increased over the centuries since Cupid has been employed, it’s my opinion Cupid is using lead arrows dipped in gold. Explaining the steady stream of spontaneous outbursts of, “I’ll love you forever.” (With forever defined as a timeframe somewhere between two weeks and two decades.)
Adding weight to my speculation that the gold dipped arrow’s ‘love connection’ wears off rather swiftly in a number of cases, hence the astronomical divorce rate if you’ve made it to the alter. As for the rest of you who’ve been jilted before you got that far, there’s always counseling (could take years), adopting a pet (unconditional love), abstinence (rarely seen today) or the old stand by…rushing right back into another relationship. AKA: the rebound and never a good idea.
Now, let me indulge myself for a minute…imagine if…a person’s personal body chemistry adversely affected the chemical compound in the gold overlay dipped arrow, as a result causing the thin layer of precious metal to be absorbed by the body at a rate consistent with the complete digestion of one standard double cheeseburger with extra cheese, thus reaching the lead, or ‘extreme dislike’ level more rapidly, unleashing a total collapse of the relationship! Plausible, wouldn’t you agree?
Well, I’m confident my elucidation is the underlying principle as to why some people don’t stay in love. Imagine the divorce papers, “Cupid’s arrow, being of substandard quality and utilizing metal alloy insufficient to sustain a lasting impact…”
Goodness, before there’s another divorce, let’s talk about love again. Remember that nerdy classmate of yours from grade school? Ahhh…so you recall the unfortunate soul who was the target of endless playground teasing. You knew that runny nose kid with the lopsided metallic grin had the biggest crush on you, but…you kept dodging Cupid’s arrows at recess. Why? Because you thought Cupid was being…well, stupid. For your information, that kid is the CEO of one of the largest Fortune 500 companies today. Questioning Cupid’s rationale now?
You know, you really shouldn’t mess around on Cupid’s turf. He was here long before you arrived, and he’ll be around long after your dust has settled. Sure…we’ve all come to accept some people fall in and out of love as often as they change their underwear. But let Cupid handle affairs of the heart, it’s his job.
Can you imagine…if love really did last forever?
Love Sickness
Column #84 2-14-08
Did you ever have one of those feelings in the pit of your stomach like butterflies on steroids? Or, does the mere thought of someone special send warm and fuzzy sensations cascading through your body? Could be love sickness, or you ate bad cheese. Either way, who would complain about feeling warm and fuzzy?
By the way, you’re aware there is no known medical cure for love sickness, right?
Valentine’s Day is here again and we’d all like to know what you got honey-bunny. We’ll hear about it anyway, so you might as well fess up. Oh yes, your honey-bunny will start parading around work in that cute little red and white silk…well, let’s save the visual for later.
At any rate, it’s a known fact males of the species tend to give the sweet stuff...sweet smelling roses…sweet tasting chocolate…or for the really generous…sweet, sparkling diamonds. (Work with me here.)
Females on the other hand, are slightly more practical (not that diamonds aren’t practical), and give stuffed gorillas with t-shirts announcing ‘jungle king’ or ‘prisoner in the jungle of love’ Nothing says love like a big fuzzy gorilla. Ladies sure know how to stroke a man’s ego.
That being said, let’s take a moment to reflect on the first time you knew you were in love. Remember the tingling sensation running down your spine that settled in your lower back. It felt so good you wanted it to last forever. Or, how about the warm flush on your cheeks (Not those cheeks! Geesh, tough crowd!) when you thought about the love of your life and wanted to share your Oreos with them forever? Of course, you were only eight.
Later, as a teenager, when your hormones were raging, you thought anyone of the opposite sex, your age and breathing was loveable. Then, on your first date, when your parents dropped the two of you off at the movies, your palms were sweaty and passing out seemed inevitable. Managing to find your seats, suddenly, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth and panicking you blurted out something about needing a piece of gum and cramped four pieces in your mouth. Only to chomp away through the rest of the movie, like a jackhammer pounding on pavement.
Unexpectedly, your date moves closer to you. You freak! You know it’s THE UNIVERSAL SIGN, but you can’t think of FOR WHAT! So, you move a little too…in the opposite direction… Okay, so the teen years were a little awkward.
Let’s fast forward to college. By then, you figured out if you preferred blondes, brunettes, or redheads. By the way, this isn’t gender specific because women know what they prefer also.
Besides, there were only two dating options in college. (1) Partying. (2) Pizza and a movie…then partying. Remember college? Remember dating? Remember partying? I see…let’s move along, shall we?
Now that you’re older and hopefully wiser, what’s your favorite type of date? A nice quite dinner by candlelight with wine, soft music and one rose in a vase on the table. Then slow dancing in front of a warm fire crackling in…mmm Oops, sorry, my mind wandered. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic. Of course, a warm day, fishing would be an awesome date too!
Whatever your plans are for Valentine’s Day, I sure hope it’s wonderful. Everyone deserves to be in love at least once in a life time. And when you find that special someone who gives you butterfly feelings, make sure you treat them with love
, kindness and buy them lots of teddy bears (oops, that’s me). And if you’re currently between ‘someone specials’ just enjoy the day and consider the endless possibilities. Next year, it might be your turn to wear the red and white, silk…well, never mind.
Can you imagine…feeling warm and fuzzy?
If Love Were a Song
Column #240 2-10-11
Ever wonder what LOVE would sound like if it were a song? Well, in case your emotions have left you a babbling idiot (and I mean that kindly) I’ve done the leg work and composed “sweet nothings” for your Valentine this year using titles from the top most popular love songs. Feel free to use any part of the following when you express your undying affection to the object of your heart’s desire. And a one…and a two…
Ohhhh, I was leaving on a jet plane riding the winds of change in the November rain because I felt so alone again. Sadly, I said goodbye to romance thinking I was all out of love. Then the first time I saw your face it was more than words could express. My heart skipped a beat as I drifted out of my comfort zone. Because of you I can’t fight this feeling. Baby, every time I look at you… I’ll see you in my dreams dancing cheek to cheek to an eternal flame…on the wings of love.
Amazed…a moment like this could even exist I’ll sing the angel song for you because you are an angel of mine. And until the day I die…I’ll be there for you because this crazy love of mine tells me there’s no one like you. This must be how forever feels because my heart is caught in a ring of fire and I have to remind myself breathe. Was Garth Brooks right, are there really unanswered prayers?
Sweetheart, ‘til there was you love eluded me. It was something I could never have. The promise I thought I’d never know again. Then I met you and I can’t help falling in love…truly, madly, deeply in love. You know you are so unforgettable and the closer I get to you I realize you are the love of a lifetime. For once in my life I knew I loved you as soon as our eyes met. Some say love is blind but you are my sunshine and I just want to hold your hand forever.
Oh, fly me to the moon…I just want to be your everything. Is that wrong? Because baby, it feels so right just like when you say nothing at all that’s when you are so beautiful yet you had me at hello.
Sweetheart, have you ever needed someone so bad you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone? Well, to prove my love I wrote a song for you because you are always on my mind and somebody like you should be in a love song. I call it the kiss because I will always love you…forever and always. Give me your heart and love me tender in return and till the end of time I want to wake up every morning and say, Hello darlin’…because today I started loving you again.
Wowzer… too much… not enough? Dickens, I think I choked up a little on the dance. But hey, we all want to hear those three little words… No, not “pass the jelly.” Be serious, Valentine’s Day is around the corner and unless you’ve planned ahead you’re probably scrambling to find your schnookums a token of your love.
A word caution, talk is cheap. Never take “I love you” for granted…show someone you love them. Men, women actually prefer practical gifts like pedicures, a spa package and anything consider ‘bling.’ Ladies, men like practical gifts too like beer…beer and…well, more beer! Oh wait, make that last beer a recliner-side cooler. Ladies, this will keep you from making numerous trips to the fridge while you’re admiring your bling. (Yeah, I laughed when I wrote it too. Who cares…you’ll be at the spa.)
Seriously though, if you truly love someone…and who doesn’t want a love like Johnny and June…be good and kind to each other and enjoy a Happy Valentine’s Day!
Can you imagine…if Love were a song?