Read Hope(less) Page 29


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  The last Saturday in October, I found myself getting ready for a party instead of studying.

  Clay grumbled, making it pretty clear what he thought of me going. I’d borrowed some of his clothes, the stuff that would fit without falling off, and slicked back my hair under a ball cap. Then, I used some funky hair gel from Rachel to comb a portion of my hair to look like pork chop sideburns. While that dried, I began the process of penciling in some thick, manly eyebrows. Clay stood on the bed behind me so he could watch my progress in the mirror.

  “What do you think?” I asked, turning to Clay.

  He grumped again then jumped off the bed to leave. Obviously not a fan.

  “Rach?” I called to let her know I’d finished. She’d started as my costume consultant until she presented me with a skimpy dress from her closest and suggested that I go as a call girl. I’d kicked her out then. Clay had looked ready to rip apart the dress.

  The door flew open, and only Clay’s agile reflexes saved him from a concussion.

  “What the hell did you do?” she said after she took one look at me. Her shocked expression was priceless.

  “I’m going for dude. It’s safe, right? What guy is going to want to hit on a guy even if he knows that underneath, it’s a girl? Guys get weird about that stuff.” I thought I looked pretty authentic. My layered clothes safely hid any curves I had.

  “You know what’s going to happen?” She sat in the middle of my bed. “All the guys are still going to be attracted to you. Only they’re going to freak out because you’re going to make them think they’re gay, and you’re going to get your ass kicked tonight.”

  Clay let out a yowl that sounded like “that’s it” and ran from the room.

  Rachel stared after him. “I love that dog, but he creeps me out sometimes.”

  “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be trying to teach him to say ‘No way’. I thought it’d be cool to train him to say it to guys, but I guess it’s encouraging him to make other sounds, too.” I hated lying, but Clay had just acted much too human.

  “Oh, I didn’t know you were doing that. Still...weird.” She smiled and got up from the bed.

  She’d told me earlier that she planned to stay in. I had a feeling Peter would arrive soon. Like magic, someone knocked on the back door.

  “I got it,” Rachel said as she bounded out of the room.

  Shaking my head, I checked myself one last time. I didn’t think I’d get my butt kicked...I hoped not anyway. I looked at the clock, expecting Nicole shortly. Nicole wasn’t as close to me as Rachel but she still seemed to genuinely like me despite the attention I usually received.

  We’d decided I would drive in case fate smiled upon her, and she managed to hook up with the guy she liked. To make it easier to keep an eye on her, I’d suggested she drive here. That way I could see when she came home like a nosey friend should do.

  “It’s for you, Gabby!” Rachel called from the kitchen. A hint of laughter laced her voice.

  I moved toward the kitchen, wondering why Nicole had gone to the back door. When I saw who stood just outside, I stopped abruptly.

  He stood motionless in the yellow glow of the porch light. The blue coveralls he wore had the name Clay sewn on the right pocket. Spattered patterns of grease stained the material, and one arm had a tear, making the getup look far from new. I’d never seen the coveralls before but didn’t give it much thought as I stared at his face. I could actually see it. Well, sort of.

  Our eyes met, and I couldn’t look away. He’d pulled his hair back into a ponytail, fully exposing a broad forehead, nicely shaped eyebrows, and thickly lashed brown eyes, for the first time. His beard covered most of his cheekbones, but everything above his upper lip, he had trimmed shorter.

  Stunned, I said nothing in greeting. I could feel Rachel’s curious gaze flicking between the two of us. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and I knew he smiled at my reaction. It warmed my stomach and set my heart fluttering.

  Thankfully, Nicole chose that moment to knock on the front door.

  “I got it,” Rachel said, breaking the spell Clay’s sudden appearance had cast. She rushed from the room.

  Breaking eye contact, I looked at his uniform. “You have some explaining to do, I think.” My heart still fluttered as I turned away from him.

  “I love your costume,” Rachel gushed from the other room.

  I turned the corner then smiled in awe of Nicole who was dressed as a mermaid in all its shimmering beauty. The modified silky green body-hugging evening gown included a tail-like train. I anticipated people would repeatedly step on the end of her dress the whole night. A heart-shaped neckline adorned the sleeveless top. She’d altered it to make it appear as if she wore a bikini top. When she turned to give Rachel the requested full view, I also saw a cute fin strategically placed on the back just above her butt. A tasteful dusting of glitter decorated her sleek, straight hair.

  “You’re gorgeous Nicole,” I said. “Are you going to be warm enough?” Both she and Rachel laughed at me. “Hey, it’s a valid question. It’s the end of October for Pete’s sake.”

  “I’ll be fine.” She looked at Clay and smiled warmly. “Hi, I’m Nicole.”

  Clay nodded and stuck out a hand. She clasped it.

  “Uh, this is Clay,” I said for him. “He doesn’t talk much. And this is Rachel, my roommate. Are we ready?” I didn’t want to give Nicole or Rachel a chance to comment on Clay’s quiet presence.

  “Sure. I parked on the street.”

  “Great. Let me grab my keys.” I turned in time to see Clay already walking into the kitchen.

  Because of his head start and longer stride, the storm door was just closing behind him when I reached the kitchen. The car keys I’d wanted to grab no longer rested on the counter. Outside, an engine started. I peeked out the window and saw him sitting behind the wheel of my idling car.

  He stunned me with his sudden appearance, distracted me from a vital question—how did he have coveralls with his name on them?—with the first real look at his face, and now sat in my car ready to play chauffeur.

  Slowly retracing my steps, I listened to Nicole explain how she’d made the costume herself.

  “Nicole, if it’s all right with you, I think Clay wants to come with. The way he’s acting, I don’t think he’s ever been to a Halloween party and is curious.”

  “It’s fine with me,” she said with a smile as she moved to follow me to the kitchen. “Are you two dating?”

  “Don’t you dare say you are,” Rachel said from behind her. “He’s almost never here and when he is, he doesn’t talk and he leaves early. That’s not dating.”

  Since I hadn’t told Rachel Clay appeared most Tuesday nights, I kept quiet. Better to just leave her with the impression she had than to try to explain our odd relationship.

  “So, he’s available then?” Nicole said.

  “If you’re asking my permission to make a move, go for it. Just don’t be disappointed. I don’t think it will go far,” I said as I walked out the door. Giving her permission to hit on Clay didn’t sit well, yet how could I not give it when I wasn’t interested in making a move...right?

  We hurried to the car. I sat up front with Clay, and Nicole shimmied into the back seat alone. I turned in my seat to look at her as Clay put the car in reverse.

  “I don’t know where we’re going. Just tell Clay where to turn and be sure to give plenty of warning. This is the only car I have for the winter.” I was nervous about Clay’s driving experience. He had never answered how he’d gotten his license.

  Clay expertly backed out of the driveway. Listening to Nicole’s directions, he got us to the party in less than fifteen minutes. We couldn’t park within a block of the address, therefore Nicole shivered as we walked. Within two blocks, I spotted the obvious party house. Music blared, ghosts hung from every tree in the yard, and I thou
ght I saw a keg on the porch. So this was a college party? It looked interesting. People crowded the front lawn in groups that overflowed into the neighbor’s yard.

  As we neared, predictably, men turned to stare. Their eyes drifted to me, their expressions turned to confusion, then they looked at Nicole.

  I wasn’t the only one to notice.

  “I knew you would make this fun,” Nicole said with a laugh. “Oh, I see him on the porch. Do you think I should say hi?” Her teeth chattered though she maintained a brilliant smile.

  “Let’s push our way through the crowd and get inside. We can warm up for a minute. It’ll be more attractive if you’re not stuttering with cold.”

  Clay didn’t wait, but took my hand and guided me through the crowd. Nicole followed in our wake. People moved for Clay, and it didn’t take us long to reach the door where a man stood selling cups for three dollars. We declined and went to find a place inside.

  The bass of the music echoed in my ribcage. Good thing Clay wasn’t a talker. I would never hear him, even though he could probably hear me. I wondered how his sensitive ears handled the volume.

  He kept hold of my hand and pulled us through the crowded entry into an equally crowded living room. He forced his way between people to reach the small couch then paused in front of it to glare at the two male occupants. They uneasily stood and left, making room for us to sit. Nicole and I sat while Clay perched on the arm right next to me.

  Nicole warmed as I looked around. From the decimated state of the snack table, the party had started a while ago. That also meant the majority of partygoers were drunk. One guy caught me looking around and made his way over.

  The man stopped right in front of me and swayed slightly on his feet. I didn’t look at him, but watched Nicole’s face as her eyes darted to the man.

  The music decreased in volume as a ballad came on.

  “Hey...wash shore name?” he asked, his articulation long gone.

  “Go away.” I spoke clearly and rudely, knowing he wouldn’t even remember in the morning. It didn’t seem to faze him in the least.

  “Wanna go up shtairs? They have a pool table,” he said drawing out the L’s in pool table just a tad too long.

  Nicole coughed discreetly next to me to cover her giggle at the drunk’s poor attempts at a pickup.

  “No. Go away.” This time, I added a glare to go with the words.

  He looked beyond me with a startled expression, which quickly relaxed into a smile.

  “Oh, god it man. Sheesh yours.”

  He ambled away, and Nicole and I turned to look at Clay.

  “What did you do?” I said. Maybe some secret man-sign for “not interested.” Whatever he’d done had worked well. I hoped I could learn it.

  Clay flashed his teeth, showing elongated canines.

  I heard Nicole’s whispered “whoa” and glared at him. If he kept flashing his teeth, people would start panicking.

  “If you keep those in all night, you’re going to have sore gums tomorrow,” I said thinking fast.

  “Those are so real looking. You have to tell me where you got those.” Nicole looked at him in fascination.

  “He won’t say,” I said then changed the subject. “Warm enough? Are you going solo or do you want backup?”

  She hesitated. She looked uncomfortable and nervous. Honestly, I felt nervous, too.

  A group of guys across the room had started watching us once the drunk walked away. Their gazes pivoted between Nicole and me. Most of them just looked confused. One focused on me with a frown. Maybe, this was a bad idea after all. Rachel’s prediction of a butt whooping appeared likely. Since Clay had already flashed his teeth once with minor provocation, I didn’t want to think what he’d do if the frowny man approached me.

  Nicole’s bright gaze flitted around the room oblivious to the tension I created. Normally an introvert, she seemed to bask in the attention we received, and I understood why she wanted me to come with. Without me, she would have been a wallflower. With me, she shared some of the notice I pulled in. I didn’t feel used but did feel a little sorry for her. I wished I could help her get the man she so obviously wanted.

  Deciding to speed things up, I reached out to pat Nicole’s shoulder. She needed confidence.

  When my hand touched her shoulder, a shock ran from my hand to her skin, the sting of it strong enough that we both yelped. I saw an actual spark.

  “I’m so sorry, Nicole. I was just going to tell you that we should say hi now, and I go and scare you, instead.” That’s what I got for getting all touchy-feely.

  “No, I know what that was. It was a jump start.” She smiled at me, and I noticed the group of guys across the room completely shift their focus to her. The face of the man who’d frowned at me cleared as he watched Nicole.

  “I’m going to go out there, now. If I can’t get his attention, we can go.” She got up and made her way to the door.

  The group started to follow her while others in the room viewed her appreciatively as she passed. Girls who had previously smiled a greeting now frowned or outright glared at Nicole.

  Too busy observing, I let Nicole’s lead grow. Something was wrong. This was what typically happened to me. Granted, dressed as a man, the attention I normally drew had flagged a bit when we’d arrived, but if I’d worn something like Nicole wore...they would be eyeing me as they were her. Their behavior was so odd for me to see as a bystander and not a participant.

  Automatically, I got up to follow at a distance. A sudden, dizzy spell sapped the strength from my legs, and I wilted a bit.

  Clay had his arm around me, instantly. I didn’t look up at him, but instead tried to keep my eyes on Nicole as I waited for the spell to pass. Maybe I’d gotten up too fast or skipped lunch a few too many days this week. Whatever its cause, it passed, and I did my best to follow Nicole despite the crush of bodies.

  Clay had to physically shove a few people out of the way since they were too busy staring after Nicole to pay attention to my attempts to squeeze past. When they did see me, they barely spared me a glance. They just moved out of the way while trying to crane their necks to see Nicole. I didn’t like their reactions to Nicole. Not out of jealously, but out of concern. If all these guys didn’t snap out of it soon, Nicole would be in trouble. She was too introverted to deal with all of this attention.

  I made it to the porch in time to see Nicole say hi. She shimmered beautifully in the light. Randy, the guy from our class who she spoke to, appeared captivated. He’d dressed as the man from the Old Spice commercial, with a towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else. I figured it a frat house thing because I’d spotted several others dressed similarly. As the only spice-guy willing to brave the temperature outside, I guessed keeping the keg company also kept him warm.

  He laughed at something Nicole said and offered her a beer. His own. He didn’t seem willing to look away from her long enough to fill a new cup. I couldn’t believe this was the same Randy. Since school started, he hadn’t noticed Nicole once. What was going on here?

  As unobtrusively as possible, I moved so Clay and I stood close to a railing. Better line of sight from there. The crowd continued to shift around us as people moved from group to group to talk.

  After ten minutes of watching, I didn’t know how she could stand the cold. Shivers shook me so badly my head ached. Naturally, I leaned back against Clay and wrapped my arms around myself. The heat of him penetrated through the back of my borrowed flannel and warmed me fractionally, but not enough to stop the shaking.

  Giving up on the attempt to warm myself, I reached back, grabbed both of his arms, and pulled them around me. He willingly wrapped me in his arms and tried to warm me. His chin rested on the top of my head. I could feel his heat, but the tremors continued.

  “I don’t feel good,” I said with chattering teeth.

  When he placed a hand briefly against my foreh
ead a few minutes later, I knew he’d heard my complaint.

  “Do I feel warm?” I turned my head to look at him.

  He met my eyes and shook his head. I lost my train of thought for a moment. I’d forgotten he’d pulled his hair back so I could see more of his face, and I smiled absently. He had nice eyes. Expressive. My brain began to feel foggy, and I knew he could tell when his brows drew down in concern. I didn’t like his frown. It detracted from his lovely brown eyes. Chocolate. That’d taste good.

  I realized my mind had wondered and reined it in.

  “I think I’m ready to go, but I don’t want to leave Nicole here. What are my chances of getting her away from him, you think?”

  He shifted his regard to the couple on the other side of the porch. I followed his gaze.

  A few of Randy’s towel-wearing friends had joined them, and their quiet talk had grown into an animated conversation. Nicole still smiled, but I could read a new tension in her stance. I’d been right. She wasn’t ready for all the male attention she was receiving.

  “I think now’s a good time to s-see.” The chatter at the end slipped out despite my Herculean effort to keep it in.

  Clay loosened his hold on me and let me lead the way while he kept a hand on the small of my back. Whenever someone moved in my way, an arm snaked out from behind me and jostled them aside. There would be a few hung-over people tomorrow wondering how they bruised their shoulders. But I wasn’t going to complain. It felt like a plague had struck me, and I really wanted to get to Nicole so we could leave.

  The men in the group saw our approach and bristled. I tried on a rare smile but knew it lacked wattage because I felt like crap.

  “Hi, guys. Sorry to interrupt, but we need to pull Nicole away for just a minute.”

  “I’ll be back in just a bit,” Nicole said to them. “Can someone get me a soda?”

  She took me by the arm and turned me around so fast that Clay had to step aside for us. We didn’t look back but walked right off the porch and cut across the yard in the general direction of my car. Her arm linked through mine propelled me along more than she realized.

  “Thank you for that. It was really weird the way they were acting tonight. I guess mermaid sends off the wrong vibes. I hope he remembers talking to me, though. I liked it until his friends showed up.”

  Her astute observations brought a trembling smile to my lips.

  “Yeah,” I agreed, “He s-seemed okay. D-don’t trust his friends.”

  “Are you okay?” Concern laced her voice.

  Behind us, I could hear Clay’s soft footfalls.

  “I think I’m getting sick or s-s-something.” I felt colder without Clay’s borrowed warmth. “Clay felt my head, but s-said I didn’t feel warm.”

  “Is Rachel going to be home tonight? You said she’s going to school for nursing, right? She’ll probably know if there’s something going around on campus. The nursing students doing clinicals always seem to know.” Nicole switched position so her arm wrapped around me, chafing me in an attempt to warm me. I thought it funny since I wore flannel and she had a strapless dress on.

  “Good idea.” The sounds of the party slowly faded to a normal decibel. I tried using my sight to make sure none of the men followed us and felt a sharp pain in my head, instead. I flinched and immediately stopped. Nothing had appeared in my brief peek. No lights at all. That had never happened before.

  When I spotted the car down the block, I sighed in relief. All I could think about was getting home, taking a hot shower, and going to bed. Clay surprised me by jogging ahead to the car. I heard the engine start a moment before he was back on the sidewalk, opening the door for me. He looked worried as Nicole helped me into the front.

  “Do I look as b-bad as I f-feel?” I tried to joke.

  Nicole looked at Clay but he kept his eyes on me so she answered.

  “Well, you do look like you’re coming down with something. I’m so sorry I begged you to come out tonight.”

  “Don’t w-worry about it. It w-was r-really interesting,” I said, forcing the words through my tensed jaw.

  Very interesting. The sudden interest of the men...the animosity of the woman...I was certain I’d somehow passed my pull onto Nicole. And broke my mental fish finder in the process, too.

  Clay drove fast, dividing his attention between the road and me. I continued to shiver despite the heat pouring from the vents. Minutes later, Clay smoothly pulled into the driveway. The house was dark.

  “I hope you feel better,” Nicole said. “I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

  I nodded, unable to speak. My clenched jaw ached from shivering so much.

  Clay was out as soon as he parked by the porch. He stalked around the hood. His eyes never wavered from me as Nicole slid from the back seat and left. I blinked tiredly and wondered how I’d get into the house.

  He opened the door, and his eyes traced my face a moment before he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to help me out. Between the shaking, the headache, and the stiffness I felt from shaking, I had all the symptoms of the common flu. And I wanted it to go away.

  With his arm supporting me, we made it around the car and to the porch. My shivers increased to spasmodic and he still easily managed to unlock the door without dropping me. I figured unlocking the door as a dog made this kind of move child's play.

  The quiet house told me Peter and Rachel must have gone out after all, and I was glad. I would rather not have an audience to whatever had decided to plague me. I slipped from Clay’s helpful embrace and started to tug off the flannel on my way to the shower.

  “Clay c-can you get my towel?” I asked, dropping the shirt on the carpet outside the bathroom.

  Had I felt better, I might have worried about how that sounded. But, really, I just wanted to stop shivering.

  He moved past me and strode to the bedroom. His coveralls caught my eye again. I had to remember to ask him about those later.

  I closed the door, struggled out of my t-shirt, and lost my balance as it cleared my head. I bumped into the sink. The chilly porcelain along with the cool air prickled my skin and caused more gooseflesh. Curling the fingers of one hand on the sink for support, I lowered myself to sit on the toilet seat.

  Tired and cold, I weakly kicked off my shoes then began to remove my socks. Without meaning too, I started whimpering like a little kid. I needed to warm up. Shivering sucked. The more clothes I took off, the worse it grew. It messed with my finger coordination.

  I stood and tried to manipulate the button on my jeans but couldn’t get it. I’d just begun to debate if a hot shower was worth the effort when Clay tapped on the door.

  “J-just a s-sec,” I said in a panic. “I’m not ready, y-yet.” I desperately yanked at the button and it sprang free a moment before Clay opened the door.

  “Hey!” I crossed my arms over my chest even though I still wore my bra. Sick and outraged, I glared at him for a moment. It cost too much energy to maintain.

  He tossed the towel on the toilet lid and moved past me without a glance. Nudging the shower curtain back slightly, he turned on the water. I wanted to groan and smack my forehead. I hadn’t thought to turn it on so it would warm up.

  He turned from the shower, bent, and had my pants unzipped and around my feet before I could move. I stared down at him in complete shock.

  “Clay, g-get out!” Had I not stuttered, it would have been an impressive shriek. Instead, it came across weak, and he ignored it. Embarrassment flooded me. “Really, I c-can do the rest.”

  He stayed crouched, kept his eyes averted, and indicated I should step out of the pants. Of course, he wouldn’t listen to me when I sounded ready to have a seizure. I looked down at his turned head so close to my belly, and wanted to push him over. But my legs quivered, and I knew I’d just end up falling over, too. Obstinate man.

  Sacrificing my pride and my coverage, I placed a hand on his
shoulder to steady myself and stepped out of the pants.

  “N-now out, Clay,” I said, crossing my arms again.

  He picked up my pants and stood. Then, still turned away, he shook his head.

  “The h-hell you s-say!” Oh, if my grandma had heard that, I would have gotten an earful; and then she would have laughed because I’d learned it from her at a tender age.

  Clay reached around me and set the pants on the towel. His sleeve brushed my waist, and his hair tickled my arm. When he straightened, he pulled back the curtain and held out a hand for me. Steam started to fill the air as I stared at him belligerently. Did he really think I’d undress all the way in front of him?

  He continued to look at the wall, patiently waiting for me. The shivers grew worse, and I debated my stubbornness. With his hair pulled back, I could clearly see his eyes and knew he wasn’t peeking. Yet, I didn’t understand why he continued with his own pigheadedness and wouldn’t just leave to let me do the rest.

  As if he’d read my mind, he nodded his head toward the shower and tapped the tub with his booted foot.

  I looked down at the high ledge. The shivers prevented any coordinated movement. If not for Clay’s support, I would have fallen when stepping out of my pants. Suddenly, he made sense.

  “You’re s-staying until I’m in? So I don’t fall?” I guessed.

  He shrugged, and I knew I’d guessed right.

  With a defeated sigh, I uncrossed my arms and clasped his hand. The showerhead angled toward the front of the tub so I could step in without getting my remaining clothes wet. He closed the curtain behind me, and I waited to hear the click of the door.

  Once I knew left, I finished undressing. I tossed my things on the bathroom floor and stepped into the hot spray.

  It felt so good that I stayed there, just standing under the spray for several long minutes. My only movement was a slight side-to-side rocking motion to keep all of me as warm as possible. The shivers lessened but didn’t disappear. I began to worry they weren’t really due to the cold. My energy continued to drain , and my headache progressed to a steady thump. When I heard the click of the door again, I knew I’d pushed it.

  “Clay?”

  I heard a grunt, but peeked around the curtain to be sure. He held out a towel with his eyes closed. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel.

  It took a moment to wrap the towel securely around me. Covered, I peeked out again. Clay faced the door but had a hand extended to help me. Clasping it again, I stepped from the shower. I was warmer but more exhausted than when I’d gotten in.

  I hustled as best I could to my room. Clay remained outside the door as I threw on the warmest pajamas I owned and did my best to blot the water that dripped from my hair. My arms quickly grew too tired, and all the heat I’d gained from the shower left me. Giving up, I tossed the towel to the floor, crawled between the covers, and curled into a ball. I couldn’t even rub my feet together to try to generate more heat.

  Clay walked in and turned off the lights. I listened to the familiar rustle of clothes. Instead of the usual bounce of him jumping up on the end of the bed, he peeled back the covers, and the bed dipped as he slid in next to me.

  I didn’t bother to pretend I wasn’t interested in what he offered. Heat radiated from him, chasing the chill from the sheets.

  “I really hope you’re wearing shorts or something,” I said with a slight slur. I stuck my cold feet right on his legs and shimmied over to his side to huddle against his warmth. Boy, was he warm. It didn’t matter, though. The shaking didn’t stop, but I was too exhausted to worry about it.

  Sighing, I immediately fell asleep.