Looking back to see Forward
After many years of travel, and many trials and tribulations, and the aging of my body, I began to spend much more time alone, and when I say alone, I mean with just the Lord beside me. Spending weeks in the wilderness with the few birds and the many crawling creatures, I would look back in depth at the preparation God has made for me and those that would listen to His Word. The things taught by Jesus, remembered but not absorbed, began now to take root, especially the past hand full of years. I would go sometimes more than a month and not hear a human voice, it was just me and the flavors and sounds that God would lay at my feet, that was riveting me to His Truth.
Times were good in those days, and I guess it was the mellowing of my soul, and the marriage between the soul and spirit, that put me in tune with His Presence. Some days I would hear nothing, but on occasion, His revelations would come at me with an explosion of Truth, that at times thought I could not contain them and their beauty. I could remember, in detail, all that happened during those three years of walking with Jesus, the tone of His voice, the waving of His hand, and every syllable that proceeded from his mouth. And gradually as my mind and body slowed down, I was positioned to hear again for the first time. People have tendencies to organize, and institutionalize any and everything that they perceive as a foundation, and what was spoken by me, had nothing to do with religion, it was a way of Life, and founded on Truth. So He kept me traveling. And to break these barriers of religion in the folks met, were sometimes impossible, but on more than a hand full of times, they’d listen with their hearts. People’s lives were changing, especially mine, and the warmth from seeing those changes was more fuel for the spirit than I’d ever imagined.
Once, I’d heard that Paul was imprisoned, and twice I was; but this is what comes with the territory of forwarding Gods’ Kingdom; and I accepted it. If one bucks the system of their many gods, then the tendency is to attack those that they perceive to be a threat, and more than a couple of times, I escaped with only my life. But God was there with me through it all.
Through all the decades of my life, and the times that I managed to make enemies, and at times, that was often, I now look back to see that the only enemy that was ever begotten, was me. For of a truth, seeing now what I had done then, my antics of the flesh, and my reactions to others, were the only adversary that was truly beheld, it was all me. No, I’m not ashamed of these years of foolery, my past, just happy that they were caught now, rather than never, for growing up, to some, is not an everyday occurrence. And without this walk, I tremble to see the man that I could have made of myself, ‘oh wretched man that I am,’ but God through His mercy saw to put an end to that, or should I say me. For my flesh is dying.
Those three years were wonderful in every way, the people met and the challenges of the different cultures were all accepted, as for this time, I was prepared for all that lied ahead. Most of my flesh had been burned off, and the real Peter, the one that God created from the beginning, was now being revealed, and I liked it.
I’d missed my wife and the life that I’d left behind, but not to the point that regrets were apprehended. I loved, and still love my family back in Galilee, but the genuine folks met, and the Hope that is now raised in them, and me, was worth every day that was spent away, and by the message received from her, she felt the same. …These were now my family.
My wife was not the kind to sit idle, for God spoke to her also, and with great might. Not only was she too learning, but was one to pass it on, and many others received the Grace and Mercy of God through her. We were on the same page. So in these ‘old age’ years, I am content to know that what is happening was engineered to happen, and neither of us would change a thing.
Many a mass of people were met in these three years of my nomadic travels, and the migration of God’s word was carried by and thru me, and several others that I know did the same. I would, at times, hear an exhortation about John or Andrew, and this too would ignite me to glorify God, for it was only for the purpose of His Kingdom that we were sent. Lowly and common men and women were used in this forwarding, and none had any particular talent to do so, but then looking quietly about this matter, God always seemed to use the simply things of life to confound the so-called wise. And it always amazed me to see how great of an effect God could raise through unrefined folks, that, in no obvious way, could be set apart from any other, but still stir such unusual miracles.
Many people tried to mimic those that were anointed to spread this Gospel, and often would attempt to make money from it, but only those of a pure heart were used, and there were no gimmicks attached. How and why He uses me is still something I’ve yet discerned, but this I know; my heart yearns to know all I can know of this beautiful God that we serve. The things I’ve seen, the folks healed, the ones delivered from all diverse conditions, and just simply those that grow in the Truth of His Love, never ceases to astound me, and never was a step taken by these feet with regret.
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It was mid-summer, I was either sixty-two or sixty three, my beard now matched the hair on my head, completely grey with the exception of my eye-brows, that now had a touch of the youthful black still remaining, and I sat under a Carob tree pondering. A scorpion played, or fought, whichever the case may be, with another of the same species, but twice his size, as I sat in the shade with no one for miles around me. I was in the area of Bithynia, some two day journey south of the Black Sea, where the climate was a little more tolerable, and grass was much more abundant from the plentiful rainfall of this region. It was obvious the smaller of the two fighting creatures, began this battle with his desire to keep what territory he possessed from being overtaken by the larger, and somewhat superior but clumsy other one, with his right claw missing. I watched this war between the two for a half hour, before my mind began to wander in the direction of the time that the twelve of us walked with Jesus.
None of us knew much of the scriptures, except of the stories told by our elders, and I think some of them were embellished a little, just for the factor of entertainment. We weren’t very smart, but made up for it with our zeal, at least I, and I’m sure the others, wanted to know all that could be known about living this abundant Life that Jesus spoke about.
He’d teach and we would listen. The words were coming from our Christ, there meanings deep and solid, but my apprehension, and my comprehension of them were very limited, but all that was said was stored in the marrow of my spirit for later retrieval. So I sit here in this battle zone contemplating some of the goings-on of those days, and of their meanings that have slipped by me through the years.
If the Sabbath was to be kept Holy, why were so many of the deeds done, and places gone, so often done on that day? I studied this for years until seeing that of a truth, the Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath, and the Son of man is Lord, even of the Sabbath, and then it came to me; Jesus is the Sabbath. Anyway, I sat those days under the shade of that Carob tree thinking of the things said and deeds done and gleaning what I could from those days of remarkable wonder. Maybe I sat a week, but then again, maybe it was two or three, the Spirit was flowing thru me, and all I did was relax in His presence, as He gave values to that which wasn’t gained in those earlier years.
He’d talk of the scribes and Pharisees, and more than once called them vipers or hypocrites, and for years I had somewhat of a hate for them, but then realized that the Pharisee is inside of each of us, that desires to be seen, in which we all have. Those that want the attention of others, (look close inside and see we all do,) and to be recognized for our good works, the scribe wants to keep record of all of what we call, ‘our own good deeds.’ I came to realize that it’s not the people we hate; it’s usually the things they do that remind us of those same things in our own lives that we ha
te. Not always, but often, it’s our own faults seen in someone else that is despised, and rather than to admit this, we only see the splinter in their eye, while having a log in our own.
The way I see it; Jesus never met a person He didn’t love, whether they be a prostitute, a thug liken to Matthew, a thief liken unto Judas, someone sick or unclean in spirit, or maybe someone like Andrew and I that smelled of fish, He counted them all the same. The things these afore mentioned people did, was not even remotely close to that which was done by my actions and words, for only one of us did as I; deny Him, but I did it three times, which is completely inexcusable; but he still so dearly loved me. I’m not sure if there is any deed worse than denying Christ, not murder or theft, nor any such deed, but I did it, I did it completely, but I never loss favor in my Lords’ heart. He loves us, because He Loves, not for who we are, or what we do, but because of creation. Nothing can separate any from the love of God.
Jesus can see past the flesh of man, and placed no emphasis on the carnal things of the flesh, save those that reflected the inner man of each. Did he hate the Pharisee? God forbid; it was that outward symbol of the inward work, that which desires the notoriety and praises of men, and wants to be seen, that His words came against. And not one of us are guiltless in this behavior.
It was not then, nor now, that Jesus spoke of the pharisee as other folks, and that of vipers, and the hypocrite that lives in those that still live in the flesh. For to walk in the Spirit is to put off that old man, letting him die, as those in the wilderness were forced to do, and then, and only then, can we cross that river Jordan, allowing Joshua, (meaning Jesus), to lead those children of God, and entered into the land of ‘milk and honey’, the Kingdom of God. This Kingdom, given to us by God, is not somewhere beyond the blue of our sky, but is, and now, available to all, all that will lay down his carnal life and follow the only Son worthy of praise.
The Words of our Lord, wrongly divided, will in most cases, speak to the unwise about the other guy, replacing the truer and deeper value that the parable represents, which is the inner being of ourselves. The flesh of man is rotten, inferior in its weakness, and has but greed and selfishness as its existence and will decipher meanings from the ‘old man’ in which it’s made of. And for years, I too, thought in this manner of evaluations, as Simeon (myself), kept getting in the way of Peter, but as I began to get quiet, I then could hear as the Spirit gave me His utterance, and only then, did I begin to rightly divide His Word of Truth.
Therefore, let us look back and remember those Words spoken by our Lord, when talking about the scribes and pharisees. “The scribes and pharisees want to sit in Moses’ seat, (Judging by the law). Therefore whatever they tell you to do, observe and do, but do not do in accordance to their works, (the flesh), for they say but do not do. For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on other men’s shoulder, (It is our flesh speaking), but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. They love the best places of the feast, and the best seats in their assemblies, greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by a title. But you; do not be called by a title, nor any label of nobility; for One is the teacher, the Christ…”
“But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whosoever exalts himself, (again, speaking of the flesh of man), will be humbled, and he that humbles himself, (puts away the flesh), shall be exalted.”
The flesh, or carnal state of man, can never bring glory to God, for that is something that I’d thought, and the world also, for the world gives to her own, and that being a facade of glory, but when the rains came, washed it away. But when the Spirit speaks or acts, it is to bring glory to the One that is worthy, Christ Jesus. Therefore, let us now continue in what the lord said, remembering His words about the pharisees, and that it is really speaking of the carnal, earthly, ways of man.
“But woe unto you scribes and pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the Kingdom of God against men, for you neither go in, nor do you allow those that are entering, to go in…And for a pretense, you make long prayer. Therefore you will,(your flesh) receive greater condemnation…You travel land and sea to win one conversion, and when he is won, you make him twice as much the son of flesh, as yourselves…For you pay tithe of mint…and have neglected the weightier.” The weightier is that which is asked for, or given by the Holy Spirit. The flesh, above all things, is wretched and seeks its own, and can in no way be trusted with the oracles of God.
Now, as we continue a little farther, let us endure to consider who the pharisee of each man is.
“Blind guides, who strain out the gnats and swallow a camel! Woe to you pharisee, hypocrite, for you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortions and self-indulgences…For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead bones and all uncleanness.” Now look inside of yourself to see where this pertains.
Much time was given by our Lord as he expounded on this subject, and I believe it’s because the tree of most of our troubles are rooted there. Again, if we think He’s developing aught against the scribes and pharisees, and not see that it’s the way men think as truth, then, it is a life lost to that reasoning. For He Himself is the Way, Truth, and Life, and no other door shall we enter, only by Him, and His Word. As we continue.
“Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. Therefore, indeed, I send you prophets, wise men; some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will scourge in your assemblies and persecute from city to city.”
Anyway, as I still sit under the shade of this Carob tree, still watching as the two scorpion’s battle to obtain what they think is their right to be there, hoping the intruder is laid to rest by that which is right. For this small scene is what’s got me to thinking about the war that goes on between the flesh and the Spirit. The pharisee in every man, wars against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the pharisee, the flesh, and as long as man thinks himself right and honorable in his own ways, he fails; then failure is all that can occur. The flesh will render all that it owns, but nothing in the flesh is more than filthy rags, except that of which the Spirit does thru it.
These last days of mine are not as eventful as in the days of old, but far more enlightening, and of greater pleasure; for the slower I go, the faster I get there.